‘I don’t… I don’t feel anything! We’re not dead, right? We better not be dead! It’d be really bad if this was being dead!’

The panicked voice stirred the creature just the slightest. It was quiet, almost imperceptible, yet it was the only sound that reached him, making it impossible to ignore.

He tried to anyway.

‘Not dead! Not dead! Let’s be more not dead!’

A groan would have escaped the creature if he was conscious. He was not, so only the faintest hint of annoyance ran through him.

‘Was that… A feeling?’

The voice grew louder, battering at the creature’s walls of oblivion. He tried to hold the line, but the more effort devoted to remaining comatose, the less unconscious he felt! Piece by piece, his grasp on the glorious not being awake came undone. There had to be a way to stop this! He had to--

‘It’s time to get up!’

“Nooooooooo”

The creature moaned and then realized he had awoken.

This proved to be a terrible thing.

His mind started thumping itself against his skull. His brain felt more broken than... a broken thing. He didn’t think this was normal or good.

That didn’t mean he thought it was bad, though. It was just that he was rather incapable of thought at the moment.

‘I… regret… everything!’ The voice rasped out.

“Much ouchies.” The creature agreed, still slumped on the ground unmoving.

‘Should we… get up?’

The creature groaned, not really inclined to do so. The last time the voice got its way, the pain started.

‘It’s not like it can get much worse, right?’

Reluctantly agreeing, he opened his eyes and found a haze he could barely see through. The smell of smoke was suffocating. His surroundings confused him.

Everything confused him.

‘I… we need to ask questions! Solve this.’

“What questions!?!”

‘I don’t know, look around! We’ll figure it out.’

He gazed to the left. “Alright, uh… there is a building. It’s on fire.” He turned to the right. “Some more fire over there.” Finally, he looked in front of him. “It appears I….” He let out a happy noise. “I have the first question! Who am I?”

The creature looked around his body, attempting to find a clue. His torso was primarily grey and white, with a tiny bit of blue on his left side. He ducked his head further down and found legs, his eyes honed in on a speck of gold among the grey and black. A ring wrapped around his right leg. Engraved on it were words written in cursive.

‘To Greg, a loving husband.’

Greg! He found an answer! Greg kept talking, excited by his early success and driven on by a new question that entered into his mind.

“What am I?” He asked, already searching for the clues.

His body was covered in feathers. That was the grey and white he saw! His neck was long, able to twist around to his back. He raised his… wings! Greg had wings!

He solved it!

“A goose! I’m a goose!” He honked, sure of his answer. He flapped his wings, the motion feeling completely alien. As if his muscle memory was incomplete.

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

‘Strange… Have we always been a-’

“Obviously!” Greg honked again, stamping down on the voice’s doubts with ruthless efficiency. “What else could I have been?”

Nothing, of course. Animals don’t change species spontaneously. A completely illogical question and Greg would have none of that.

He was a goose of science! Deduction! That was Greg!

“Where am I!” He queried, ecstatic to be on such a roll

The goose inspected the fires.

“Someplace... warm?” He stated the obvious answer.

To be fair, there wasn’t much else to go off of. In front of Greg, there was a massive crater. It was on fire. To his sides were crumbled buildings, the structures they used to be unrecognizable due to the destruction. They were also on fire.

Ash snowed from the sky, blanketing his surroundings. A shiver ran through the bird despite the heat.

He could not see the sky.

Around the buildings were fenced off fields, most of which were engaged in the environment’s current pastime. Behind him, a large metal cylinder had been tipped over, spilling out what looked to be…

Grain!

Greg madly waddled to the pile with complete dignity and grace.

“GRAIN! GRAIN! GRAIN! GRAIN!” He honked uncontrollably.

Perhaps dignity and grace may have been a stretch, but come on! What kind of goose could pass up on such a cornucopia of temptation!

Oh my god... how much is that? It’s beauti-

Greg, so close to experiencing food induced nirvana, tripped over a soft object on the ground. He slammed his head. Hard. Thoughts of food left his brain for a split second and panic overtook him.

He had forgotten to ask the last question! He couldn’t let it slip! Both the voice and his instincts screamed that he had so little time.

“A goose’s mind does not have as much space so-”

“Shut up!” He yelled, only knowing he hated the authoritative tone that flashed through his memories.

Greg searched his mind. He knew there was another question. Something he needed to ask. He slammed his feathered head on the ground. Think. THINK!

“What… do... I-”

GOOSE!

He spotted a grey and white feathered bird lying in the grass. In fact, he had tripped on it! Cool!

Greg liked meeting other geese!

He took a few steps, then smelt the air. His heart lit up. It was a female! Double cool!

Greg loved females!

“HEY GIRL, WHAT’S UP!” He honked, his demeanor calm and mysterious.

Silence answered.

Greg was bothered. Unsure. He was confident in his amazing charm and seduction abilities. Hell, the ring had already confirmed he was a loving husband! Yet the goose here didn’t respond? Something was up. He sniffed again and what came back caused him to tremble.

Blood, lots of blood.

No! No! No! No!

He waddled forward frantically, placing his head against her chest. He listened for a pulse that refused to come. He raised his head and observed her form. Her chest was slick with blood. A few strands of orange fur were in her feathers.

“NOOOOOO!” A mournful cry. “She’s dead… I can’t believe she’s dead.”

Tears came to Greg’s eyes. It felt like he had lost a loved one, a soulmate of all eternity. He had known her for- never really. But she was sooooo beautiful. Just look at her!

He sat there for a time doing precisely that. Eventually, he stood with a shake of his head.

‘Do... do you want to figure out what happened? Greg desired too with all his heart, so he did.

“It was a fox!” Greg honked aloud the only logical conclusion. He came up with it using his vast deductive...

It all came together in a flash. And he flapped his wings in excitement. This is why he was here! Greg is a detective. A goose detective! How silly of him to forget.

This must be why he always asked so many questions!

Another mystery solved by detective Greg, truly a prodigy. He looked around at the ruined and burned buildings, the Canada goose with the gloriously glossy and salaciously soft feathers that he just wanted to lay his head upon and…

Greg realized he was already stroking the body with his head. Crap! He was ruining the evidence!

He gave the body one last stroke. So soft. Greg wished she was still alive. He was a lonely goose. Geese mate for life and Greg… well. He looked at the gold band on his leg. He must’ve lost his partner already.

He had nothing but a gaping hole in his heart. An absence.

Just as he was about to fall into what was undoubtedly a bout of loneliness induced existentialism. A metallic bird flew down from the sky! Wait. Not a bird, a car! A hovercar!

Suspects or onlookers, it didn’t matter. There were people to question, evidence to find. Greg took a feather from the goose’s body and secured it with his wedding ring. A reminder, a memory, and a promise.

I won’t forget you, no matter what happens.

A challenge for Greg’s goose brain but one he knew he would keep. He would never break a promise.

He spread his wings and took his first hesitant steps towards the flying vehicle. No doubt thrusting himself into a grand mystery, into danger.

Into… ADVENTURE!

But as he resolutely marched towards what must be destiny, a sight appeared in the corner of his vision.

“GRAIN!”