Leon shifted in his bedsheets, unable to sleep for the nightmares that had been haunting him of late. He raised a hand in the dim half-light, his skin pale and almost grey in coloration. The effects of the strange star’s radiation still showing its malignance on his skin even a couple days later.

They had started calling it Wash Radiation, or just W-rays for short. Oliver and Aden had been working on helping Dr. Kimathi come up with a suitable treatment for the lingering radiation in his and Samuel’s systems. But it was a slow process not at all helped by the fact they had no radiation sources to use in tests except the residual rads that were leaking out of the observation deck and a few other rooms that had been exposed to the star through unshuttered windows.

Leon had talked briefly with Joice, putting together new regulations for the ship. All widows were now to be covered before a warp translation, just to prevent such an occurrence from happening again. It was unlikely to happen twice, but stranger things had befallen Leon since the beginning of this voyage.

He recalled their close encounter with death and the collapsed reality that was a black hole. Henry had almost plunged them into that crushing black oblivion, but they had pulled together as a crew just in time. As a family even. He glanced over at Samuel, the young man asleep in his bed. His pale grey skin looked much the same as it had the previous few days.

It seemed as though the anti-rad as well as time was slowly helping to clear the strange radiation from their bodies, but Leon still worried about the sluggishness of their recovery. What would the long-term effects of the strange radiation be? They had no way to test that he knew of, only time would tell. And time seemed to be mute.

He hoped it wasn’t cancer, while the march of progress had seen the advent of new treatment technologies, cancer was still the silent bane of humanity. Their most deadly ailment, and one of the most insidious. The flu could kill and a common cold would forever remain incurable, but only cancer could truly twist a person’s own body against them in such a slowly insidious manner.

He put the dark thoughts to the side. Not wanting to dwell on them, he debated waking his quarantine companion. After a moment’s deliberation he gave up the idea. Samuel had been having a hard time of the isolation, his need to be constantly busy eroding his sanity as they were trapped in the small room with nothing but themselves for entertainment.

Dr. Kimathi had placed a treadmill in one of the corners so they could still exercise of course, but it was a far cry from walking the length of their two-hundred-and-ten-meter domain. Ranging the halls and rings as they went about their daily tasks.

He sat up a little straighter at the thought. His tasks were piling up, many of them being taken on in turn by Joice, but many more sitting unattended as he recovered from the consequences of his own pigheadedness.

He slapped his hand into the sheets next to him in frustration while simultaneously muttering a terse curse under his breath. He hated being locked up like this even if he knew explicitly why it was necessary.

“Screw it..” he muttered annoyedly.

Leon shuffled out from under the covers before tossing his bare legs over the edge of the bed. He was wearing a light grey hospital gown and boxers, it had originally been a light blue but the residual radiation had faded it in a matter of hours. He didn’t really mind, the color in the room was as muted as it had been even before they had been interred within.

His mind once more shifted to grim thoughts, what would Natalia do if he was to die? He wondered the horrid question silently, not daring to utter a sound for fear it would cause it to become a reality. Leon didn’t consider himself a particularly religious or superstitious man. But he had seen things on the course of their journey that he could not explain in any other way than as otherworldly.

The darkness that had so gripped Aden in the early days of the trip seemed to have left the other man. But it haunted Leon still, piercing his dreams with nightmares and eroding his sanity like water carving a canyon. Slowly to be sure, but inevitable as the rain and as terrible as a hurricane.

For the first time in many years he felt the urge to pray, his long-forgotten faith clambering to the surface in the face of such an abysmal outcome. He bowed his head, preparing a silent plea to the Father but was interrupted by a tapping sound on the glass behind him.

Leon turned as his eyes shot open and then let out a wide smile. It was Natalia, this was the first time she had come down to talk to him since he had been interred. He rushed to one of the chairs next to the window’s speaker. Lowering the volume so as to not disturb Samuel he pressed the intercom button.

He nodded to her, her face a bit red still as if she had been crying recently. “Oh Nat, it’s so good to see you. I’ve been getting close to crazy stuck in here all day alone.”

She gave him a small smile, her face still dominated by some manner of alternate emotion. She seemed a bit sad, or perhaps upset? He wasn’t sure and didn’t really want to test his luck. So instead he just waited to see what she would say in response.

She remained silent for a long time, much longer than was comfortable. As the silence became too unbearable he opened his mouth to speak, but that was precisely when she started talking as well. “What were you thinking Leon?!” She demanded, her face turning to look at him again, the redness in her eyes apparent as new tears began forming in those expressive hazel orbs.

He shook his head as she gazed at him. “I.. it’s not that simple Nat. I was on the bridge and Joice said that the observation deck was experiencing a strange phenomenon.” He paused, waiting to see if her expression had changed, it had not.

He leaned against the glass, his reflection looking back at him. His own normally blue eyes were now a stormy shade of grey, his skin a pallid like a corpse. He looked through the terrible visage and at Natalia. Her own features were rosy and flushed, the heat in her cheeks likely caused by her distress.

She placed a hand on the glass. “I was afraid for you again Leon, how many times must you put yourself in danger. Unnecessary danger.”

He shook his head and glanced back at Samuel, the other man was still asleep. His chest rising and falling slowly accompanied by soft snores. “I didn’t fail just you Nat. I failed the whole crew, and for that I am sorry. But I cannot condemn my actions, there was no reason for alarm until all at once there was. I closed the doors as soon as I realised…” he stopped, she was giving him a very unamused look. “What? What do you want me to say?” he demanded to know, tired of her dancing around the subject.

She stood angrily and swung her arms by her sides as she paced for a moment. He felt like apologizing but decided to be stern. He couldn't let her bottle her emotions up all the time for his sake, he loved her enough to hear what she didn’t want to say.

She walked to the stark white wall on the opposite side of the hallway outside the quarantine room. He watched as she turned and leaded heavily onto it. She crossed her arms under her breasts as she observed him before gesturing to his sorry state. “Look at you!” she said heatedly. “Look at Samuel. All of this because you are too stubborn to ask for help, to look at things from an alternate point of view.” He opened his mouth to rebuke the claim but she shushed him, the intercom fizzing at the noise. “No, you listen here Leon Muikman. You are a selfish, vain man and obviously care more about personal appearances than you care about me…”

She turned and stormed off leaving him feeling confused and more than a little angry. What did she mean, where did she get off talking to him like that? He did everything for her and the crew. He was the least selfish person on board the ship.

The instant he thought it he regretted it, that had been a lie. There were others on the ship far more altruistic than he, Myung and Chad came to mind. The two were always helping about the ship, making sure it was running and everyone was fit and fed. He slumped again. Here he was, once more subjected to his own abject failures and now he had lost the respect of the one person he cared most about.

He put his head in his hands and tried not to sob, he was close to a breaking point.

Leon didn’t know how long he sat like that, but it must have been a while as by the time he heard a small tapping on the glass his legs had gone numb from his elbows being pressed into them. He looked up, his face a crestfallen mask of anguish that didn’t change when he saw who it was.

Leon nodded to his new visitor, the intercom still active as he had not turned it off. “Hello Chris. What do you want?” It came out a bit rougher than he had meant, but he didn’t bother apologising.

Chris said nothing but seemed genuinely unaffected by his gruff nature. Though Leon supposed that made sense, the man was not easily manipulated or swayed by others. Leon looked back up into the man’s face and saw a hint of anger there. Not much, but enough to smolder like a dying fire in the back of the man’s eyes.

Chris took a step back from the glass and sat in one of the nearby visitor seats. The folding chair creaked ominously as the man sat slowly. Leon watched Chris fold his hands neatly across his lap before he spoke, his voice calm and measured, but no less dangerous.

“They died, all of them.” Leon cocked his head, what died? What was he on about… As soon as he thought about it then it clicked, his experiment. He must be talking about his experiment. Chris continued unabated. “They were just starting to grow their protective shells when we entered that damned place, the radiation levels in the room spiked and I realised I had left one of the observation portholes open.”

Leon asked him suddenly, “Well, surely it’s failsafe must have worked as you are standing out there and not in here with us?”

Chris shook his head sadly, “All my work, the care. All gone.” He stood and walked up to the glass before leaning on it. “I thought that I could make a groundbreaking discovery, something that would outlive my death on this mission.”

Leon shook his own head now. The man seemed to be suffering from a bout of depression, he didn’t know the best way to help. ‘God damn it, if only Nat was here.’ He thought silently as he tried to come up with a positive response. “Hey, it’s not all over. Surely you could start again, and with what you know now I'm sure you could do it even better than before?”

Chris seemed to think it over. “I just, yea. But it’s not like I can just wave my arms and make the little guys grow again. Who knows if their remains are even still viable?” He seemed to pause. Did his hair seem a little greyer than normal?

Leon asked him as he stood there, making sure to word it carefully. “Well Chris, it seems to me that you have a goal to work towards. I personally have all the faith that you can pull this off as well as make a permanent discovery you can be proud to be associated with.” It seemed to help somewhat as the man perked up a bit. His normally quite sour expression softened slightly as the first vestiges of hope manifested themselves.

Chris nodded to himself and muttered something that the intercom didn’t quite pick up. “What was that?” Leon had to ask.

Chris slapped the window frame and stood straight. “I know what to do to fix this problem.” Leon watched, a bit concerned as the man rushed away.

“I sure hope he doesn't figure out anything dangerous.” It was a simple hope, not one borne out of need but from an understanding of wanting things too much.

Leon sat back in the chair. He was once more alone with his thoughts. The thoughts that churned in his mind like thick black smoke, their touch choking. They stained all the corners of his mind that they entered, his thoughts turning foul within as he sat there wallowing in his misery.

He shook his head, it was just the depression that he had been warned about. He stood on shaking legs. Leon took two steps towards his bed before the crushing feelings of loneliness knocked him from his feet once more.

He felt tears well in his eyes. Natalia, she had left him here alone. She never wanted to see him again.

He tried to push down the bleakness, but it was hard. It was like trying to uproot an oak tree with his bare hands, the effort of just dragging his shivering form into bed and tunneling under the covers nearly exhausted him completely. The bouts had been getting worse, but Blessing had actually noted that it was likely a good sign.

She had told him that as the radiation ran its course his mind would be reeling from the shock and this would likely make the mood swings feel more intense, he had some medicine for it sitting next to his bedside. He started to reach for it when a sob escaped his lips and he curled into a tight ball under the covers once more. The anguish hit him like a sledgehammer of self-hatred right in the guts.

As Leon cried quietly, curled up tight with his body under the covers, part of his mind remained largely unaffected by his wildly swinging humours. He took a moment to reflect on what Natalia had told him, and the manner in which she had spoken it.

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

Leon closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think about it.

He uncurled and laid on his back, his muscles untensing very slowly as he tried to force himself to relax. It was largely a futile effort, his mind was far too busy thinking of new and ever more fantastical situations that all collectively led to his downfall.

Leon shook his head and rolled over, after a moment he forced himself to reach for the bottle of medicine next to the bed. He would not allow himself to be beaten by such a simple thing as negativity, no matter how much he was hurting. Popping several of the bitter pills into his mouth and swallowing, he took three deep breaths and then closed his eyes again. This time he focused on his own breathing, the beat of his heart, the sound of the ship as it creaked quietly from thermal expansion.

Before he knew it he had fallen asleep once more. The echoes of his past days of torment flitting like bomb fragments in his mind. His sleep was fitful and full of nightmares, the aftereffects of the awful radiation were still affecting his mind.

Leon awoke, groggy and feeling not much refreshed. He checked the time and frowned as he saw he had slept for barely four hours. It had only been four days since their accident.

He turned as he heard a noise from the other side of the room, it was Samuel. The man looked as haggard as Leon felt. His dark hair was disheveled and his normally carmel skin was still a pallid grey in color. Leon squinted, there might be just the first traces of color coming back to him though, but it was hard to tell in the dim light of the room. It must be the ship’s night cycle automatically keeping the ambient lighting low to promote sleep.

He scratched his neck and then decided to speak. “Hello Samuel.”

The younger man jerked and turned around quickly, a slightly guilty look on his face that cleared quickly as he hid his emotions with expert skill.

“Oh, you startled me, I guess I should have noticed you were awake. You stopped snoring..” Samuel said, a bit of a laugh in his voice.

Leon frowned. “I wasn’t snoring.. was I?”

Samuel just shook his head and ran his fingers through his messy hair. “Not too much.” He sighed heavily before slumping his shoulders. “When are they going to free us?” he muttered something else under his breath that Leon didn't catch.

Leon opened his mouth to answer but Samuel waved a hand, not even having to look to understand his intentions. “No, I know that they will let us out when the two-week quarantine has cleared. But how long will they keep us under observation. I mean, look at this shit.” He turned and pointed to a slowly oozing cut on his upper arm. Leon frowned, the wound looked to be self-inflicted. But what captured the most of his attention was the blood that seeped in a slow trickle-down Samuel’s arm.

The blood was a sepia brown in coloration, not the grey he would have expected. Did that mean they were getting better? He wondered quietly to himself before looking down at his own hands once more. Was it his imagination or were there the barest hints of color on the tips of his fingers?

He glanced back at Samuel and pointed to the cut. “How did that happen Samuel.” he wasn’t accusing the man, but he couldn't help the touch of suspicion that leaked through his voice.

Samuel narrowed his eyes and stood, turning away from him and gazing out the large, sealed window into the empty observation chamber without. After a moment of tense silence he shook his head slowly, shaggy black hair swaying slightly in the stagnant air of the room. “No. You wouldn't understand. You couldn't. You are one of them.”

Now Leon was actually concerned. That wasn’t the kind of thing a person would say without some pretty hefty internal dialogue proceeding it. He tensed as Samuel turned back around to face him, the look on the young man’s face one of sublime concentration. It was then that he also realised that the young man was holding something shiny in his hand. Something that glinted as it caught the light on a razor edge.

“Samuel? What are you doing?” Leon asked the man as he walked slowly towards him.

Samuel smacked his free hand into the side of his head several times as Leon tried to think of something to say. Samuel shook his head in a jerky birdlike fashion, seeming mouthing words silently to himself before yelling suddenly and making Leon jump. “The blood! It’s the blood!”

Leon moved backwards another two steps before he felt the backs of his legs press into something, he spared a single glance over his shoulder and realised he was next to one of the beds. As he focused once more on Samuel the man stopped. About three paces separated them, and Leon swallowed heavily as the younger man fingered the blade in his hand. It looked like a piece of one of the bed’s supports that had then been meticulously filed against a rough abrasive surface. Possibly the wall or floor. He wasn’t sure it was in his best interests right now to ask either.

Samuel made a small gesture towards the window. “They don’t care about us, Leon. To them we are just pieces of mold to culture. Bits of fluff stuck beneath their fingernails, not even worth the effort of stomping out. It's the blood that separates us, Leon. Don’t you see? Look, it’s polluted.. rotten.. Vile!” He finished with an angry shout that scared Leon.

Leon put his arms up and tried to calm the other man who was clearly having some form of psychotic breakdown. Leon could well understand why, days of being trapped in this tiny room, no outward progress that they had yet seen on a cure. He himself had felt the deep crushing pain of hopelessness pin him to his bed at night, that deep yawning pit that was always waiting to drag him to despair. But they had been given medication to counteract the worse effects of their incarceration. A thought entered his mind, he had been taking the meds. But had Samuel?

It was then that Samuel made a move, he smiled and then rushed towards Leon with a shout. Leon was nearly taken by complete surprise, his thoughts having been totally focused on the mystery and blinded to his own imminent danger.

He managed to throw himself backwards over the bed, Samuel’s wild thrust missing his shoulder by mere millimeters. Leon grunted as he flew all the way over the white covers to the other side and landed on the floor in a slightly tangled heap. He scrambled to his feet quickly though, ready to run should Samuel decide to pursue him further. But Samuel didn’t seem interested in chasing him. Instead the other man was just standing on the other side of the mattress, his face a mask of contempt and his dark eyes horribly dead. His face looked like that of a man who understood they had no path left to turn to and had accepted the inevitable.

Leon heard a faint noise from outside the room but saw nothing through the window. Standing and raising his arms he tried to reason with his friend. “Hey, it’s okay Samuel, I understand what you are feeling.”

Samuel shook his head, “No. You can’t. Your own blood is telling you lies. The truth is inside Leon. Deep inside with the darkness… Here, I will show you.”

Leon watched in horror as his companion raised the self-made weapon to his own throat. He tried to react, to leap across the bed to stop him, but he was just too slow.

Samuel drew the improvised blade sharply across his neck, the movement so fast that Leon barely had the chance to move before it was done. He scrambled across the mattress with a scream of shock as Samuel slumped onto the bed.

“No! No No No nononono…” He cried as he flipped Samuel over, the younger man’s throat was deeply cut and sickly greyish brown pulses of blood pumped from the wound every second. The slow beat of his own heart exsanguinating him as Leon tried desperately to staunch the flow of blood with his hands.

He looked around and snatched the cover from a nearby pillow before pressing it into Samuel’s neck. Samuel’s eyes were wide, his mouth working open and closed silently as his dilated pupils flicked all around the room without seeming to see anything.

Leon shouted as loud as he could, the panic in his voice resulting in the sound becoming a horrible shriek. “Help! Somebody help me! Please!”

The dark fluid soaked through the pillow cover and Leon removed it, the deep slash was opened wide like a smile on the man’s throat, seeming to mock his efforts. He thought for a second and then swallowed his revolution and promptly plunged two fingers into the deep wound.

Samuel bucked in pain, a terrible bubbling gurgle escaping his open mouth as a bit of bloody foam escaped his lips as he jerked, but Leon ignored him and instead straddled him. He pinned his arms to keep him from struggling as he fought to find the severed artery that was slowly forcing his friend’s life essence out onto the clean white floor.

After a bit of struggle he found it and clamped down on the slippery tube with his fingers. He could feel the fluttering pulse of Samuel’s heart through the cloven artery.

Leon was in shock, frozen now with his hand in and around Samuel’s throat. Samuel’s eyes now locked onto his own, the flat look that had transfixed him before was gone now, replaced with fear. Samuel couldn't speak, but his eyes spoke louder than any voice could have in that moment. Leon saw the pain and terror written in the man’s eyes, a panic that spoke of more than the trauma that Samuel was experiencing. But also of the horror of what he had done, of what he had tried to do to Leon.

Leon would have stayed that way forever, desperately holding death itself at bay till his own life ceased. But it wasn’t necessary. From behind him he heard the unmistakable sound of the airlock opening and then a moment later he was surrounded by several figures in hazmat gear. He couldn't tell who from their appearance though, his mind was completely overstimulated.

He felt hands on his shoulders trying to pull him away and he fought them, screaming that he couldn't let go or Samuel would die. Finally a second pair of hands grabbed his shirt and he was wrenched unceremoniously off Samuel, his hands slipping from the wound in a splash of dark blood.

Leon screamed as he was pulled backwards onto the ground, someone underneath him grunting as his weight bore them into the floor. Leon was in full fight or flight mode, he struggled, his widely flailing arms making contact with something solid. Something that responded with a hard slap to his face, slamming him to the side and short circuiting his brain for a few moments.

In those moments he registered a voice. The voice was telling him to calm down, telling him that Samuel was going to be okay. He couldn't believe it, but that voice, it sheared through the blind panic that clouded his conscious mind. The verbal balm soothing the terror that threatened to break him and dragging him out of the darkness with the power of its allure.

Leon stopped struggling and blinked. The room was awash in loud verbal communications, but they didn’t sound distraught. Instead he heard the unmistakable sound of Dr. Kimathi issuing commands in her calm and severe tone. He thought for a second and then realised with a yelp that he was still on top of somebody much smaller than himself.

He rolled over onto his blood-soaked hands and looked up, it was Natalia.

She coughed a few times, her hazmat suit crinkling as she allowed him to help her to her feet. She seemed a little the worse for wear, her hair was falling in front of her face under her hood and her suit was creased from where she had been pinned under him. When she turned to look at him she was frowning slightly, her face painted with a mixture of negative and worried emotions.

“Leon..” was all she started to say before he hugged her fiercely. All his pain, all his fear was poured into that movement and he held onto her as a drowning man would a piece of flotsam in a wild sea. She seemed to stiffen for a moment before she relaxed. He felt a sob escape his lips despite trying to hold his emotions in check. But it was futile, like a torrent freed from a dam the burning hot tears scoured his cheeks as he clung to her, he felt her murmur soothing coos to him as she patted his back. This only served to make him cry harder for a few moments, or was it minutes. After a time he felt her push him away and he sniffed loudly before wiping his blurry eyes.

He looked into her hazel eyes and saw love there, his heart tried to crush tears from his savaged mind again but he managed to resist this time. He hiccuped slightly and she smiled. Leon looked over to where Samuel had been but realised in shock that he and Natalia were alone.

She grabbed his arm as he jerked in alarm and took a step towards the bloody sheets. “No Leon, they are gone. It’s fine, Samuel is going to be okay, thanks to you.”

He looked back at Natalia. “He.. He is okay?” he asked in a shivering voice, the horror of watching the young man slice his own throat still terribly vivid in his mind. The sound of the knife as it cut through his flesh, the dark rotten color of the man’s blood as it had surged through his fingers…

He jerked again as Natalia smacked his shoulder gently. “Hey! Hey? Leon, are you alright? Who am I kidding, of course you aren't. Here, come here.” She motioned for him to follow as she walked around the bed and to the pair of chairs that sat by the quarantine window.

They sat, Natialia moving the other chair to face him as she sat and leaned forwards. The crinkling of her hazmat suit the only other sound in the deathly silence of the room.

She reached out and grasped his hands in her own, he didn’t make a move to stop her. He felt drained, just like Samuel. Except instead of blood it felt as if his very soul had haemorrhaged from him in the last twenty minutes. He was deflated, emotionally and mentally.

“Leon, you saved his life. You know that right? You didn’t do anything wrong, it isn’t your fault.” Her placating tone seemed at odds with the lies she told.

‘No.’ he told himself. Not lies, just not the truth. He could have stopped Samuel, if only he had been paying more attention. If only he had spent more time looking after the younger man instead of wallowing in his misery. Maybe he could have…

His thoughts were cut off as she spoke much louder this time, her tone a little angry. “Hey, don’t you dare!”

He recoiled slightly. “Dare what?” He asked her in genuine confusion.

She shook her head and stood, letting go of his hands as she paced away and then turned quickly to look at him. “You are blaming yourself again.. Ah!” she waved a hand at him as he opened his mouth to disagree. “Don’t even try to deny it. I know you Leon, maybe even better than you know yourself. It’s my job to get into people’s heads, remember? Ship’s psychiatrist?”

He just nodded. She was right. “I.. know, but it’s not easy to look at this rationally. My mind is spinning like a top, all these conflicting thoughts that just keep telling me if only I had done something more.”

He put his head in his hands, the crushing feeling threatening to swallow him whole once more. Rapid footsteps approached him and soon he was enveloped in another hug, this time it was Natalia’s who initiated the contact. Something about the nearness of her, the feeling of her arms, it immediately calmed him and pushed the darkness back.

He tried to think of something to say, something to cut through the bullshit and just lay his thoughts out bare. But nothing came to him.

“Can we just stay like this for a while?” he asked her and she chuckled.

He felt her stand and disappointment crept through him for a moment before she pushed him back into the chair before plopping down on his lap and snuggling up to him. “No, but we can stay like this if that's alright.” she said sweetly.

Leon smiled despite the pain that wrecked his mind. “Yes. I think I would like that.”

They sat in companionable silence like that. Leon put the worry out of his mind, let go of the pain and misery. Instead he focused on the sound of her breathing, the weight of her body and the feel of her arms. He could lose himself in her embrace for an eternity, the one place on the ship where he felt truly at peace. He felt a tear form in his eye once more, but this wasn’t a tear of sadness, but instead one of joy. He would never truly understand what he had done to deserve somebody as remarkable as Natalia. He closed his eyes, the pain of the last few weeks draining from him as they sat alone in each other's company. Neither wanted to break the silence as they simply enjoyed the one thing that made them truly happy. Each other.