“Alright,” I grunted as I stood up, handing Cable his scavenging bag. “The bag is in good condition and so is all the stuff inside now let’s go scavenge and return. Heh. I say that like it's easy but hey it makes no sense crying over the small details. Now come on, we don't want to head out any later or we will be easily spotted.”

“Do you normally scavenge early in the morning?”

“Every scavenge day. It's just easier to fight the rising sun, compared to fighting the setting sun. Flashlights tend to bring unwanted attention and it is easier to miss the more important details that could be life or death when all you’re paying attention to is the beam ahead of you.”

“You're so smart. I normally just scavenged during the night cause it was easier to hide or stay out of sight, but I do remember running into my fair share of unseen trouble.” I smiled to myself, it felt nice being praised for my attention to detail.

Cable took the bag and slung it on his back before cupping my cheek which set my face on fire. His gray eyes warmly met my flustered gaze before he folded me into a hug. I frowned when my hand gripped my holstered knife. I know Cable felt that reaction but he ignored it, continuing to hold me tight. I relaxed and wrapped my arms around him in return, cursing at myself mentally for my reaction.

“This… this is nice. Having someone to talk to. To hold. For the first time in years, I feel normal.” I spoke into his chest, melting into his embrace.

“I’m glad. Now come on, we can talk and learn more about each other while we scavenge.”

I nodded in agreement before making a short detour to get my crossbow and pull quiver, then started leading the way to the other roof, I could feel Cable’s eyes scanning me as well as his surroundings. As we started to make our way down the fire escape I decided to break the silence probing his mind for curiosities.

“Is there anything you want to know in particular?” he hummed thoughtfully in response to my question.

“Do you mind me asking more about you? Like your family, or your interests? I mean admittedly I want to ask more intimate questions but… I feel like that would be a tad forward of me. You’re beautiful, distracting even, but it might do us some good to a normal question for now you know?” His words sent shivers down my spine.

I mean I knew it was natural to feel that way about others you are attracted to but this feeling in my chest felt foreign, it was almost addicting. The pure intoxication I felt while under Cable’s gaze was fueling a dark part in my mind and hiding it was slowly becoming more of a burden. I shook the depraved thought out of the forefront of my mind and refocused on getting us to the supercenter safely.

“I don’t mind answering any question you ask, I think it’s fun honestly, but I’ll answer your first two in order.” Cable paused beside me, staring at me with a hungry look that felt like he was heavily restraining himself before helping me push through the sliding door.

We pushed the sliding door closed just enough to slide through if things went wrong. Then we cautiously snuck to the canned food aisle.

“My family was rather small. In fact, around the time I was ten years old, my mom was pregnant with my baby brother. Around that time my dad was home every day. We were a happy little family. Always laughing, always playing, there was never a dull moment…” I paused, obviously lost in the happy memories. It was very rare to be able to look back on life and smile. Memories with my mom were the happiest and I would always look back on them fondly.

“What happened?” I stuffed a few cans into my bag when Cable urged me on, I could feel his eyes on me through his mask’s fabric-covered eye holes.

“The same thing that always happens, life came and railed us hard and my father transitioned to the life of a workaholic.” I nodded to myself as I pushed on, my heart and brain reliving the memories.

“My dad buried himself in his work. I have been fending for myself since twelve. grocery shopping, studying, cleaning, everything we all used to do together… I was now doing it alone. No one was home ever and when Dad did come home he stayed away from me. Then one day sometime around my eighteenth birthday I confronted him for it.” My eyes scanned my surroundings as we casually but cautiously made our way toward the hunting and hobby department Cable silently listening to me as we moved.

“I said ‘Why aren’t you ever home?’ I was so angry, so bitter but his reply broke my heart. He said ‘Because you remind me of what I lost… You remind me of her, her eyes, her smile, her attitude. It hurts to look at you.’ After that day he came home less and less until it became more of a miracle to see a text in the morning.”

“That sounds lonely. I’m sorry.”

I chuckled through my nose.

“Don’t worry about it, I'm a better person for it.” Cable’s eyes felt like they were burning through the nonchalant demeanor I was trying to use to shield my hurt feelings from him.

“Better person or not pain is pain, and loneliness is lonely you don’t have to pretend otherwise. But it’s okay, let's move on. What are your interests? What did you like to do?” I packed my bag with my arrows from the hunting section silently letting his words sink in. Once we were done we made our slow and cautious exit.

“I was enamored with archery… every method, every style, even the traditional form. I went to the shooting range daily and taught myself the discipline needed to stick with my random obsession. I later joined teams, won tournaments, and moved on to higher levels in the tournaments ending up in first place and being asked if I wanted to attempt competing in the Olympics to which I politely declined and continued to train with all forms of bows even going so far to make myself a bow from scratch.”

“Wow.” Cable and I smiled at each other but the moment died when we noticed a roaming horde…

The two of us ducked behind the nearest car weighing our options.

“Well, I have two ideas. One we attempt to open this car door and hold up inside until they pass or Two we possibly trigger the alarm and we run like hell…”

“To be fair I don't like either but I don't feel like risking the supercenter by going back inside.”

“What’s it gonna be, I'm not a fan of sitting front row to the undead parade.” I could hear the anxiety in his voice as he attempted to stay calm and let me decide.

“How are you so sure it will open?”

“Cause I can see the keys still in the engine but no dead body in the car. Besides, look at the little lock nub thing, it's up.”

“Fine on the count of three we open the door if it goes off we book it if it doesn't we sneak in the back seat and let ‘em pass If we make it in we can use a blanket to block the window but we’ll still need to keep to a dull roar.”

“Dull roar?” I could see the sheer amusement in his eyes as he continued.

“What do you think we’re gonna be doing in the back seat?”

“Oh hush you I meant the conversation? You know what gets in the damn car before I shove my foot up your ass.” I whispered.

“Ooo kinky! My safe word is pineapple.'' His cocky comment made my face burn a brighter shade of red as he opened the door and let me enter first. I quickly moved to cover the window and once inside he did the same for his side locking the doors. I punched the locks down for the doors on my side and sighed my heart beating a million miles a minute.

This intimate proximity made me antsy as I shifted and fidgeted under Cable’s observant gaze. He smirked and shook his head.

“Do you not take care of yourself often enough?” His question confused me, so I shot him a quizzical look and waited for further explanation.

“You know, single-player sex? Self-pleasure? Mast-”

“Okay. I get it!.” I was so flustered I just wanted him to shut up.

“... and no why?”

“Why not? I could almost feel you get flustered, every time im close to you. I can feel how pent up you are… if I breathe on you wrong you might burst.”

“First off, it's not that bad. And second off medical supplies are still fairly hard to come by.”

“Meaning?”

“Guys have it easy. You can wash your hands and stroke away with everything staying external, If I wanted to have at it I would need to work more internally and even the slightest bit of germs can run me the risk of an infection which brings me back to the scarce medical supplies. And before you ask toys and toy cleaners are oddly hard to find.” Cable hummed. I could tell he was deep in thought smiling as he came to his conclusion.

“Damn, that sounds like it sucks. How does it feel so pent up all the time?” His devilish smile grew as I thought of my answer carefully.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

“Originally when this hell started I ignored my desires as a punishment for myself. Then when I encountered the group who used to live with me at the safe house I gave in we had a pharmacy full of birth control and condoms so I took full advantage of them while they were still good and plentiful. But then when everyone died I was alone again. Truthfully at that point, it was easy to ignore desires when you were depressed. And if I ever had that urge I would busy myself with literally anything else. But now you're here, teasing me all the time, It’s a bit hard to ignore, but not impossible.”

“How bold of you to assume that I would let you just ignore such fun urges, but I have to ask why did you punish yourself in the beginning?”

“Is it fair to take a rain check on that question? Or at least a minute before I answer?”

I could feel Cable tense next to me and sit up properly, his eyes scanning me. I could tell that he already knew I was about to get serious and he was preparing himself for it.

“Take as long as you like Valkyrie… I'll be here.”

“So no free pass?” I looked at Cable pleading silently with my eyes.

“Look you can answer when we get home okay? But I do want to know at some point please?”

“Deal.” I peeked through the window and noticed the horde had passed and it was now safe to head home. But I was curious and reached up for his mask.

My hand just barely gripped the edge before my wrist was painfully gripped. I let out a small yelp. Cable sat silently contesting my desire to explore his treasure. I respected his unspoken wish for me to let go, placing my hand gently on his wrist, and nodded. He let me go and I rubbed my injury feeling like I invaded his privacy somehow. I didn't get angry because I reacted the same way when he touched me unexpectedly. We sat quietly for a while before we packed up the blankets and got out of the car.

"Look, I'm sorry..."

"No need to apologize, I should have asked."

"Did I hurt you?"

"No. It's okay... let's move on."

It was frustrating to know that I ended up killing the intimate mood between us. But I tried to not let it bother me too much, I knew nothing would be able to continue beyond a conversation and I didn't expect it to but something in me really wished the conversation remained cheery and perverse.

“So you said… that you indulged yourself when you first came to the safe house? What excited you enough to stop punishing yourself?” Almost as if to answer my previous thought Cable continued our perverse conversation.

I was happy to answer his question. We were slowly coming closer to the fire escape we used to leave the safe house.

“It’s a tad awkward really. I was sneaking to take a cold shower alone at night but it seemed like someone was already inside running the water. I had boldly assumed that it was Leeah and accidentally walked in on her brother rubbing one out. I didn't know what to do so I tried to play it cool and tried to pretend like I walked in on purpose and commanded him to move over so I could shower. But sooner or later I got curious and my cold shower turned into a steamy love-making session… This happened time and time again. It’s embarrassing to think how much I craved it.”

“Was he your first?” The mood plummeted to somber depths once again but I refused to let the conversation die again, I was enjoying its curiosity.

“No. but he was the second, my libido was insatiable. I had my reasons to do what I did. You may or may not understand when we get home. Do you have more dirty little questions?” We had finally made it to the fire escape and climbed to the roof.

“Yeah, but nothing too nosy… what are you into?”

“Are you asking about turn-ons or kinks?” Cable shrugged laughing as we made it halfway up the stairs.

“Both.”

“Hmm. kinks are a tad weird considering the world we live in now. I want to say I’m into biting and marking but that would be a bit distasteful so I’ll say I love nibbling and being marked, and to keep the list short I like being roughly handled. As for my turn-ons, I find it strange to just go telling you outright.”

“You just told me about one of your sexscapades and you're too shy to tell me even one turn on really? Let me guess. You like getting called princess and good girl, which means you have a heavy praise kink as well, you probably love being treated like a plaything only to be told how good you are and how good you feel. You're a miserable pervert begging for attention aren't you?” my face flushed bright red as he mercilessly called me out as the seconds ticked on.

“From the look of it, you like to be degraded too… Don’t act all shy now.” I rolled my eyes.

“I don't want to hear about my bashfulness from a guy who stripped in front of me upon first meeting, and the kicker was that you were hard! And you only got harder while I… searched for bites.” My flustered mind ceased to function as I was forced to face Cable, his hands holding my body firmly against his by my hips.

“Searched? You mean stare at my boner thinking who knows what about me, while I let you check for bites. You’re just a hopeless pervert who’s been pent up for entirely too long.”

“I- I am not a pervert.” My breath hitched as he leaned in and basically growled his next few words into my ear, his voice teetering on the edge of desperation and hunger.

“I kinda wished I knew what was going on inside your head. I bet you were doing all types of dirty things with me inside of there.” I shivered at his words as his breath brushed against my neck and shoulder.

“By the look of it, I was right. But I want to see it. I want to feel it for myself. I don't need you to tell me your turn-ons. I will find them out for myself. But for right now I want nothing more than to see you a moaning horny mess underneath me, begging me for more, round after round.” my body shivered in response to his bold declarations, basically screaming for him to act on his words. He pulled away from my ears and met my eyes and smiled.

“I-I uh…” my mind was utterly blank. I wanted nothing more than to say something more… worthwhile. I could feel the burn in my red cheeks.

“Soon love. For now, we have a schedule to keep remember?” he then let my hips go leaving cold voids where his hands were as he made his way across the makeshift bridge chuckling to himself.

He’s such a cheeky bastard! He knows what he did! Such a fucking perv! Why was he teasing me? Was it revenge for staring? That’s really mean… I really wanted to know what was on his mind. Fuck. What was he thinking?

My body was now fighting the sprouts of cravings that Cable had planted so effortlessly in my head. Filthy bouts of desire clawed hungrily at my restraint as we organized our findings and returned our gear. I came to a conclusion that taking a cold shower would help get my mind off of things so once things were done I scurried away to do just that.

The shower served as a temporary respite from the ravenous thoughts that threatened to crack my restraint. The thoughts that hung in my mind begging to be fulfilled. So after I washed my body I stood debating my next actions carefully… I hated touching myself because it never felt like enough, it would always leave me desiring more. I let my hands wander while I attempted to make my decision. But with those lingering desires came the dark memories that encouraged me to stop indulging in simple pleasures like this.

At first, I tried shaking the negative memories from my head, but then my breath quickened and the scene started to play on a loop in my head.

No! No! Please, I was fine for so long! I was okay. I was okay!

I folded into a fetal position on the tub floor and drastically struggled to collect myself tears started to mingle with the cold shower water. I felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't escape the dark memories in my head and they seemed adamant on forcing me to relive every second over and over.

“Hey, Valkyrie? You okay? I'm coming in.”

“No. Please leave me alone, I’m fine… I… I’ll be out soon.” Cable walked in against my protest and stopped cold seeing my tear-stained face and hyperventilating form.

Without a word, he threw a towel over me and gently pulled me out of the shower holding my body close to his while we took a seat on the tub wall with me between his legs. At first my body refused to relax fighting against his hold but he stood firm.

“I won’t ask, I won’t pry… I won't do anything you don't ask for but please let me be here for you, don’t make me leave. Let me hold you until you’re alright," I relaxed,

"... I just want to ground you in whatever way I can, whatever you are going through is important.”

“...” I wanted to beg him to hold me tighter, I wanted to just cry in the arms of someone who cared. His promise to ground me was working albeit a very slow and tedious process.

His arms instinctively tightened around me and I tried to calm myself despite being absolutely hysterical on the outside. I focused on his tight hug, I focused on his rapid heartbeat on my back, the feeling of his sending cold chills across my damp neck.

It took an almost uncomfortable amount of time to be calm enough to have a conversation. By now my body was dry and the water was turned off, the silence in the tiled room almost deafening.

“Are you, okay?” His voice was apprehensive and cautious. I let a shaky breath out and tried to think carefully about how to explain myself.

“It happened on the day that the world went to shit.”

“Huh? What did? What are you talking about?”

“Remember our rain check?”

“Um yeah, I think so. The reason you punish yourself right?”

“Yeah. It happened on the fourth of July, or hell day however you want to address it. I was home drunk and alone with my two best friends Sergeant Damien ‘Delta’ Reaver and Sergeant Lex, Dad broke his promise of coming home for the night and they were keeping me company. At some point in the night, Delta went out for some more drinks. I can't quite remember what they were but he left me with Lex.” Cable’s ears seemed to perk up at the names but I brushed it off as pure curiosity.

“Was… everyone drunk?”

“No. Only me.”

“Was that the plan?” He was asking an honest question but I couldn't help but feel shame. It personally felt like he was asking… are you sure that was smart? Or… and you wonder why you're traumatized?

His words were gentle and accusation-free but my brain made me feel like I was being blamed for all of the wrongs that I faced, my brain nagged at me over and over.

“The plan was for my dad to come home and to watch fireworks together. But he never came home which made me mad and I decided to drink, that's when Delta and Lex came by. It was unplanned.”

“Fuck, please don’t tell me…” A mix of anger and protectiveness appeared to wash over Cable as he absorbed the weight of my words.

“Yep, you probably already got it.”

“Lex a friend someone who I hung out with time and time again took full advantage of me while I was drunk he was so proud of himself and everything, I should have seen it coming, or stopped drinking, or fought harder instead of freezing… or-”

“Enough! Even you should know none of that stuff was your fault, you can't control the actions of others, and you can't help the way your body responds to immense fear or trauma.” My words had struck a chord within him, annoying him that I could be spouting such apparent nonsense.

“But-”

“But nothing! None of that was your fault. You can't change anything and you never were supposed to be put in such a shitty-ass position. He should have never crossed that line. Thomas just seems to piss me off the more and more I hear about him."He seemed to wrestle with himself as he attempted to find the right words. He felt uncertain of how to respond or comfort me, frustrated that he even had to calm my swirling mind from the dark thoughts that plagued my mind.

I knew saying these things wouldn't change anything but it still hurt to think that I was taken advantage of. But realization hit me…

“... I never mentioned his first name…”

“...” I could almost see him mentally curse at himself and watched as his jaw twitched

“How do you know Lex?”

“I know both. I know Thomas from work, and I know Damien from basic training and AIT…”

“I didn't know you were from the same base as me. You were a black hawk mechanic?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. My dad had worked on them too, I don't even know if he still did that when the world went to shit, but the stories he told me when I was young were always awesome to listen to.”

“Lieutenant Harbor right?”

“You know my dad too!? Have you heard about me? Did you know who I was?” I was growing more and more uncomfortable going so far as to stand from his lap and turn to fully face him. My ass was going numb anyway.

“Yes but it's nothing weird! he would just mention you, a lot, we'll never by name, I just took a wild guess after seeing your ID.”

“When did you have time to look at my ID?” I was too flustered to think properly when I confronted him…

He didn't even respond. He just looked at me with an expression that said ‘Are you sure you want me to say it out loud?’ I instantly understood and later dropped the matter.

“Speaking of Ids, why do you have Damien’s? Were you two dating or something?” I giggled slightly when I noticed the hint of jealousy in his voice and on his face.

“No, but when I returned to base in hopes of finding him, or anyone for that matter there was nothing. My house was empty and the living room TV was on which is how I found his wallet. He was at my house when shit hit the fan so it made sense that I found it when I looked at the ground being naive I took it with me in hopes of returning it. It was kind of calming having a reminder of a friend with me. But I won't lie and say I don't miss him, ya know?”

“Yeah I get it, but it's nice to know I'm not stepping on any toes, us being married and all.”

“Yeah… don't worry, you're stuck with me now. You went through all that trouble to get me this ring, I intend to wear this shit until I'm old and gray… or dead whichever comes first.” I ended the statement with a gentle smile.