Today was turning out to be shittier than normal. The portal ended with me falling toward the ground. Concrete and I met and I lost brain function, consciousness, and time. That sounds redundant. It is—but it hurt and I was out like a light. I know because there was moonlight when my face hit ground, and sunlight when my eyes opened.

“This place looked a lot different last time,” I mumbled into the ground.

I was sure the gruff travel agent had ported me to the wrong location. This wasn’t a quiet back alley where one could pick up stray dollar bills. It looked more like a poolside. There were high walls, well-trimmed hedges and three lounge chairs. A beach in the distance. How pointlessly confusing. Why would anyone have a pool within walking distance of the beach?

Wait, I had an answer. Crab people. Not fun.

Oh, and someone was screaming. Not that the noise was new; it had woken me. Still, I had reached a point in my life where high pitched shrieks were secondary. It wasn’t Alice, or Malice Alice—a name I liked better than The Alice. No, on second thought, both were terrible names.

“Make the yelling stop,” I groaned.

“Oh god, it’s you! You! You’re—” the woman started yelling again. She sounded vaguely like a southern bell. She had had a twang to her high-pitched stuttering accusations.

Getting myself off the floor hurt. Shoulders strained then buckled, sending me flopping onto my back and blinking at the sun. I could see the female now. She wore a yellow bikini revealing an older but toned body. My forehead wrinkled.

A sandal hit my face. I flinched but lay there wondering where life had gone wrong. Was it when I turned fourteen and tried to sneak into the girl's locker room, convinced I had invisibility powers? The screams were about the same.

A second sandal hit me in the balls. I groaned, covered myself, and curled to the side. This part felt familiar too. This was high school all over again. Vivian would be proud.

“Fuck you, Adam! Get out of here! Get away! Go kill someone else’s child!” the female said.

There was a scrape of noise. My eyes crossed while staring at the ocean and pool. Watering vision from the groin shot made it look like one beautifully confusing expanse.

I turned over in time to see her lift a lounge chair with startling ease. “Wh—” I mumbled.

Crazy lady swung the chair. There was a flash of movement. The results were bikini nut job stumbling to one side, the chair splashing into the pool, and a fountain of water drenching me. A bronze-skinned and bare chested man wrapped glistening arms around the angry woman.

“You can’t,” he whispered.

I recognized my latest savoir. It was Golden Sun, a mostly retired hero who only came out for big events requiring experience and serious muscle. He had muscle. The man was all oiled with pectorals that would put General to shame.

I must’ve landed at one of his beachside homes. With Ted’s ex-wife, mother to the dead girl Kylee Rose, maybe. Ted apparently had a few ex’s but my understanding was he only had children with one woman. Emily had said Ted “stuck his dick in blonde crazy.”

I fell back and contemplated the latest situation. It seemed typical, you know? My first impulse had to been to find an alley, get a certain demented fae prince to notice me—then steal his throne or something. Then I could show Ted what a real dramatic turn was. The fae prince would probably find it amusing and infuriating all at once.

No, I hadn’t figured out how to make that work. It was just a goal.

My other idea had been to find the little Crystalline  thing that went ‘pew pew’ and see if it was possible to borrow their spaceship or some other connection to a powered team. That vague idea was plan B. Saving her from mole people had to earn me a favor right? Except my whole ‘no-go’ status would probably nix that.

I felt conflicted. I needed help. I was willing to ask for help. Heroes couldn’t help me.

“You know who that is!” the blonde yelled. Her arm struggled to get free from the man’s grasp. He was apparently stronger than her.

“We can’t interfere with him,” Golden Sun said.

“I don’t care! You know! He…”

If they refused to help me, then that brought me to plan M—and there weren’t other plans between B and M; which was shitty. I’d use the mirror to find mole people and declare victory possible if they just attacked the right volcanic lair. Mole people loved volcanic lairs. I’d tell them failure was impossible. They had statues of me, dammit the least they could do is launch a small war.

“It’s not his fault. We’ve talked about this,” Golden Sun said. “You know what Christina said. No matter how strong we are, some problems are beyond our ability to solve. We have to be the ones to take the higher path.”

“He killed her then has the nerve to show up here!”

“It was part of his powers, years ago, and has already been ruled as not his fault,” he said.

I felt shitty Golden Sun was on my side. Especially considering the convoluted relationship Ted and I had formed. “Yeah. I’m just around when stuff happens. Even Ted say’s it’s not my fault.”

My face bunched. Maybe Kylee Rose had been savable. Maybe I could steal a time traveling power then fix it. So here’s a question, do you think my powers make me immune to paradox? I’ll give you a hint; the answer is yes and no. That’s another story.

“Ted? What the fuck does Ted know? He was unconscious the whole time! At least I tried, but no, no your stupid power brought in a fucking armada of alien ships. Then you watched her and a dozen other people die in that cell!” The woman’s teeth were even shinier than Golden Sun’s bronze skin.

I stood and rung water out of my shirt. “Yeah. Yeah, I was there. Thanks for reminding me. Like I didn’t know. But hey, in this latest episode of ‘No One Likes Adam’, your ex-husband, Ted the brilliant sociopath, hatched a revenge plan to make me suffer, to humiliate your well-endowed husband, and is holding someone I care about”—and I swear she’s perfectly sane and lovable—“hostage until we all show up for a stupid fight!”

“Are you being sarcastic?” she yelled. “Cus I’ll beat that shit right out of you!”

That set me off. First, she’d blamed me for someone’s death. Sure, I had a lot to do with them. But it was like blaming the earth for hurricanes. Or blaming trees for dropping acorns. Or meteors for falling into orbit. Yeah—I know, now I’m just making crap up. Whatever. I was the cause of bad stuff everywhere. Just me. No one else making stupid decisions. Nope.

She stepped closer and pushed against Golden Sun. Ted’s ex didn’t care about the obstruction. Her hand waved at me and the raving continued. “Are you? You little smug bastard? You came here to rub my daughter’s death in my face. Then have the nerve to make it a damn joke?”

Calling her husband well-endowed was a joke.

“What is wrong with you people?” I yelled back.

“Honey,” Golden Sun’s face tightened and eyes closed. He looked tired of the argument already.

“He is… Look at him, standing there like his shit doesn’t stink! I bet he came here on purpose.”

“Technically, I was going for a dark, secluded alley,” I said. “But since I’m here, I thought maybe you could help. If anyone would want Ted to come back from the ledge of villain insanity, it’d be the mother of his children. Clearly I was right.”

“He’s a fucking liar and a sarcastic prick!”

“What? I…” Words failed me. My arms waved. Flux recorded it all. My head hurt. “Sarcastic? I haven’t begun to unleash my other superpower!” That was a lie. I’d called Golden Sun well-endowed and Ted brilliant. “You’re worse than Ted!” I shouted.

“Oh no you didn’t. You did not compare me to that asshole. I’ll do the world a favor and remove you right now. It’ll be worth it!”

My head shook. “No, it won’t. You’ll just kill another dozen people trying. I’m unkillable! Joy!”

“Shut up!” She stumbled back as Golden Sun pushed her.

Now, you probably aren’t asking why a woman I’d never interacted with until today showed such hostility. We’ll review it anyway in case somehow you glazed over. I’d been there for the death of her daughter. I was a magnet for that disaster. And let’s not forget, I am and always have been a convenient scapegoat. Plus, tact is really hard.

“I think it’s time you leave, Adam,” Golden Sun said. See, he was tactful and surprisingly courteous. Which, I hated him for.

He moved too fast for me to follow. I tightened my stomach. My eardrums popped. The world tilted as my wobbly stance shifted to somewhere new. The blue, water filled horizon swallowed even more of my view.

Ted’s ex and Golden Sun were nowhere in sight. He’d done exactly what every single sane licensed hero should do upon meeting me; put me someplace away from people then bail.

“Fucking speedsters.” I stomped and cursed. Golden Sun, super strong, super-fast, super tough, had put me on a goddamn sandbar god knows how many miles away from his raging wife. I’d barely had time to blink. He had too much power for me to stand against. Blaze Blue’s Blue Balls wouldn’t have worked.

Being so overwhelmingly defeated put my life in perspective. Despite Flux I couldn’t be strong enough to win against such insane odds. I couldn’t grab Golden Sun then force a teleport. He’d be gone before the movement took effect. Getting Ted’s ex would be dangerous. She could throw me farther than I could toss a rock. All my talk amounted to false confidence.

Ocean waves lapped peacefully. The edge of a reef could be seen blocking the bigger surges of water from knocking me over. A tiny island sat in one direction and the mainland in another. None of it mattered. My solutions to this mess were few.

And Flux, floating happily along, showed up two minutes later. I watched the camera’s approach for the first time in forever. He moved in odd zigzag lines and paused frequently to scan his surroundings.

Eventually he arrived within arm’s reach and whirred his lens.

“You know, Flux,” I remarked to the floating eyeball. It spun around searching for anything more interesting than me. “I’m starting to think women just hate me. You know? Like I’m cursed. Or maybe they just want to kill me. Is it my face? Do you think I should get a haircut?”

I sniffed under an arm. “Maybe some deodorant would help.”

Flux simply stared at me and offered no assistance. The shuttering around its camera tightened and widened. Then it bobbed once.

“So you’re saying I smell?” I asked.

He bobbed again.

“Great. I’m unlucky, women hate me, I need a haircut, and I smell. I don’t think toasters will like me either. More for you I guess.”

Flux dipped a third time then kept on tilting itself up and down. This—I’ll tell you now—was strange to watch. Flux was a weird creation anyway. I had no understanding of what he really did besides mystically stay with me and copy items. He also apparently tattled on me by shipping footage to the others.

“And I’ve got no idea how to get to Alice if Golden Sun won’t go fight Ted.”

Flux spun in a circle then dipped, almost all the way down to the sandbar I stood on. He was responding to commentary without ignoring me for other stimulating footage.

“This is you talking, isn’t it?”

The machine tilted up and down again.

“At least I’m not talking to myself,” I said.

Flux shook his head, then nodded, then shook it again.

“Thanks. That’s helpful.”

The whole scenario hurt my head, you know? I puffed out my cheeks with a deep sigh. My shoulders were drawn tight. The muscles in my chest ached with each breath. There’d been too many recent events. Even my legs felt stiff and cracked from where scabs had formed. Most of the damage had been healed by the hostess but not enough.

And I had absolutely no clue what to do.

Flux responded to commands but we had never had time to sit down for tea and discuss the weather. Even if I had tea, and Alice to serve it since apparently that was her thing, I couldn’t think of a grand plan that wouldn’t go haywire.

Then it hit me, or re-hit me since I’m certain the idea had occurred to me before. Flux really was key to everything. According to the foul-mouthed artifact maker, Flux was from the future. Flux sent footage to Emily and Iggy. TeleGraph didn’t have the power to tell the future. He had footage from Flux.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

“Fuck. Me. Sideways,” I muttered as the realization hit home.

I cupped my hands over my face and pondered a way to use this knowledge. Future events were weird, relying on them to change the present often resulted in incorrect knowledge. That had to be why Golden Sun didn’t show up during the second kidnapping and we got General instead. Maybe even the first kidnapping.

“Flux”—he perked at my tone— “can you… play me a video of future events?”

Maybe I could see this plan which Ted expected me to perform like a dancing monkey. Maybe there were ways to alter the agenda toward my own ends.

Flux shook its head back and forth.

“Why?”

Flux lit with laser lights and copied me a fresh copy of the instruction manual. I picked it out of a small wave and found the guide to still be written in gibberish.

“Great. I’m sure this will answer all my questions. Once I learn to read gobbledygook,” I said then threw the manual down. Flux followed it and his single whirring eye twisted tightly. He spun around then refused to turn back.

I guessed he was mad. His anger didn’t bother me much as much as the silence. Ted, who’d had Flux before me for some reason, must have had a hand in putting limitations upon the device.

“Flux?”

He turned a little, then faced away quickly and showed an exaggerated interest in filming the horizon. Ocean swells pounded against a distant reef then died before they reached shore.

“Who actually owns you? Anyone? Or are you free roaming?”

Flux turned to the drowning pamphlet of paper. My answer was in the gibberish writing. It was probably on the first page along with a warning section. ‘Warning; talking to this machine may turn you into a bowl of cereal.’

“I can’t read that writing. It does me no good. It would be like you trying to probe a supercomputer.”

The camera lifted a few inches and one antenna straightened. Your guess is as good as mine to what that meant, but I hoped it signaled deep thought and not machine arousal.

I tried a different tactic, flattery. “I like the pictures. They were very funny.”

They weren’t. Especially the ones that implied I was a moron and Flux was the real hero of this story. He qualified better than I did, but without my disaster attracting ability he’d be bored.

“Can you draw me a picture of what to do next? Maybe something Ted and the others haven’t thought of? Something you didn’t give them through time travel nonsense or where ever you came from?”

Flux shook his head, his lens still directed anywhere but at me. I violently rubbed my face then sneezed. My clothes weren’t up for standing in the ocean. Being drenched by sea spray and the pool water earlier didn’t help. We were in Florida and sunlight threatened to roast me into a lobster.

And at the time, none of environmental conditions mattered. Because, none of it got me closer to freeing Alice or kicking Ted in the balls. They were simple goals.

“Flux. You’ve got to help me. You’re my only hope,” I said the words slowly in hopes that it would sound pleading instead of annoyed or bitter. “Without you, I’ll be completely lost. Who else can help record all these interesting events? You’re the real hero here, Flux. You’re doing the world a great service by keeping track of me, and helping me make even a small difference.”

Against my will, I sounded sincere by the end. Flux really was the key to me fighting back even if it wouldn't be perfect always. Attitude was one thing. Stealing occasional tools of power might get me a little further. Though against Golden Sun it meant shit-all. But Flux, the dimension hopping stalker machine that could copy me objects—he really would be the key to me being more than kidnap victim A—at least some of the time.

And, he bought it. The floating eyeball spun around then copied a new paper for me. One single piece that I snatched out of the air. It depicted a well-drawn judge, gavel, and two benches. One bench had an ugly version of Ted behind it. The other had Jade, in perfectly replicated hotness down to the spilling display of cleavage, and me. I was a crudely drawn crayon man with an ‘L’ on my forehead.

Flux was there too. In his picture, he had a bright halo, at least six toasters in bikinis fawning over him, and piles of money under his body. He sat in the audience watching.

I swallowed, ignored all the slights present in the picture, and said, “You’re telling me the answer to all of this… is a lawsuit?”

Flux nodded.

I’ll tell you now so there’s no confusion. My life has always been a rollercoaster of events. Includes kidnappings, heroes fighting, people being shot, and god know how many other issues. Every other day was filled with what normal people would call hair-raising excitement.

The idea of solving my current crisis through legal matters felt mundane and a bit like cheating. It also filled me with relief because—despite my personal resolve to be more proactive during all these nonsense events—I didn’t want to leap right into another battle. Fighting Ted would have been cathartic, kicking him in the balls would have provided stress relief and a flush of endorphins.

But suing him for his share of the business and ruining his life financially? Assuming I could sue for his work. What better way to get even than to rip away part of the very company he’d worked so hard to build?

That had a real appeal. For once, I wouldn’t be the target of others’ cries for restitutions over an ill-timed death ray. You know; the ones insurance doesn’t cover. I wouldn’t need to go all super villain or vigilante to get justice. I could avoid the tights and union dues.

But I could still get justice. Or whatever legal charges my lawyer could figure out. Jade would probably orgasm in happiness once I told her. Or she’d project it across the line along with some other sordid imagery. I wasn’t sure but telling Jade—a stationary woman who wouldn’t be whisked away to some crazy adventure—and letting her handle Ted was an amazingly good answer.

Better yet, I could go to her. I held up the original teleportation mirror that had been under my shirt, ordered a ride to New York, and once again charged the Hero Watch account. In my haste, I forgot to copy it, leaving the disk somewhere on a sandy outcropping near an ocean.

As far as my second teleportation of the hour, I landed in the right spot. The lobby of Jade’s law firm. I hoped that my recent attempted bashing with a chair might buy me at least ten minutes to talk to her in person. Being touched by Golden Sun himself had to count. Flux being in half a snit might.

Either way, a phone call wouldn’t cut it.

“Excuse me? Can I help you, sir?”

A woman behind the fanciest wooden desk I’d ever seen in one piece sat there calmly. Her hair was pinned and attire immaculate.

My eyebrows tightened in confusion. This place had decor on the walls, well-watered plants, smooth countertops, and a dozen other signs of being richer than the last time I’d stood in this lobby.

I checked the name on the door just to make sure. Sure enough, it said Mireland—Jade’s last name. She had no business partners despite the high-end look of this place. Honestly, I didn’t know if Jade had a regular staff, associates, or even a coffee fetcher.

“Sir?” the receptionist questioned again. “Can I help you?”

“Is Jade here?”

“Do you have an appointment?”

Right, because in my world making an appointment was easy. I could make those every single time.

“Can you tell her Adam’s in the lobby?”

“Adam?” She paused. Her eyebrows and face did that thing, going all wide and o mouthed, as she realized which Adam would be here. “One moment, Mister Millard, I’ll page her now. Can you please go across the street until she meets you?” the woman asked.

Translation, please don’t bring your disaster ridden self into our new office.  It might have also been the smell or my clothes. I wore an outfit about two thousand dollars too cheap for this location.

I nodded then walked out a swanky rotating door. The outside was as impressive as the inside; fancy designer paneling lined the walls along the front office. They’d redone the building, but the address was the same or my teleport from Mirror Mirror would have ended somewhere random.

The park was small and boring. It had benches but no playgrounds. A few people walked their dogs by and others jogged. I huddled by myself to fight off the chill of New York’s evenings. My clothes were still a mess and let in a breeze.

Jade approached rapidly. Her body swayed in places no sane man could ignore but I felt too tired for a proper ogling. You’ve heard me wax on about Jade’s looks. Asian, stacked, wore suits that dressed to impress. At her neck was the ruby red pendant that flashed twice on her short trip across the street.

“Adam?” she said with half a smile.

My body heaved in a silent sigh then my eyes closed. “Hi, Jade,” I said after a moment.

“Are you okay?”

If Jade, who knew the standard shitstorm of my life, felt the need to ask how I was doing—then the answer was ‘not good.’ My body felt like it had barely been holding together. I wanted to focus, I wanted to keep on moving forward with plans. But sitting on the beach or on this bench gave me time to realize how futile all my attempts would be. There were no ways for me to solve the problem of Ted and Alice on my own. None. I wasn’t smart enough, fast enough, or strong enough.

I straightened my hair and pulled the shirt into place. One hand covered the hole in my pants. I closed my eyes again and told myself to stand but failed. The bench had claimed me.

“I need to sue Ted,” I said slowly.

Jade sat down and studied me. I focused on my shoes. They were a wreck.

She asked, “Your business partner? You’ve been working together for a few weeks and already want to file charges?”

“He knocked me out, used me as a hostage again, to get back at Golden Sun somehow.” I still wasn’t sure how exactly Ted planned to beat Golden Sun. With this solution of Flux’s, Ted’s grand plan wouldn’t matter either. “And when that went sideways—”

Jade snickered then smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. I ignored the various suggestive ideas flashing through from her powers. They did nothing to brighten my day. Normally they’d at least put a positive spin on everything but my heart and groin weren’t feeling it.

I kept talking. “When that failed as another hero team rescued me then hold me hostage demanding answers-”

“What?” Jade’s body tensed and she tightened her lips.

“After”—I was wrong in my order of operations—“no, before the hero team. Some international group with a magic caster and… Boy Wonder. Show Stopper. They’re family I think. We fought another flying ship. Before that Ted locked Alice in some sort of ghost trap as leverage against me to make sure I’d come back. And at first I wanted to. I tried to…”

There I was, babbling. Jade, bless her, had the sense to make me slow down. She took a deep breath then pulled out a pad of paper. I petered out then stared into space. These last two months had been hell.

“We’ll start over okay, Adam? Just go slow, and let me write this down. It sounds like there’s a lot you’re skipping over. You know how I am, take your time. Explain everything you can think of.”

But I couldn’t think of anything else. Words poured out. “He has Alice. He has part of her from here. The blonde one. And the other part in Wonderland is holding on because of another lady. I don’t know for how long, and I don’t know if I can get the blonde version free in time for the other. I don’t know what will happen. And I can’t lose…”

I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t lose the one person who still needed me for me. Not for revenge or ratings, but for me. Because my existence somehow made hers feel sane. I needed to be wanted somewhere.

So here’s where I started blubbering. My inner thoughts flubbed out like a girl who’d broken up with the love of her life after finding out he was sleeping with her best friend. Or guy, or whatever. By the end of it my face was a wreck and that stupid list of names kept trying to pop up in the back of my mind.

Jade spent an hour prying details out of me. I managed to tell her everything between sniffles. Not once did she mention the psychic emanations she must be picking up off me. Jade’s powers let her project thoughts, but she also could read surface ones.

Mine were a mess.

Jade’s bottom lip quivered and her eyes were red. My desperation must be affecting her. She pulled out a phone then dialed a number quickly. I worked to compose myself after the unleashed torrent of uncertainty. It bugged me, even with the desire to actively make a difference, I had no knowledge of how to solve problems on my own. So what if I teleported to Ted’s base with a gauntlet of ultimate power? They would gas me. I’d be knocked out, and Ted would have the gauntlet.

There were so many ways and reasons I couldn’t stand up to Ted’s assortment. I hadn’t attended the masterclass in negotiation despite Jade trying to find time for me to be trained. My first attempt at teleportation ended in the wrong place.

She clicked a button and suddenly I heard Ted’s ex on speaker phone.

“Did you see Adam Millard recently?”

“Is that what this is about Jade? I haven’t heard from you in years and suddenly you care about Adam?”

“Just answer the question so I can move on with my day.” Jade smiled at me but managed to sound annoyed.

“Yes, that walking fiasco appeared right where I—”

“Great. Next question. Were you aware of Adam Millard’s status as a ‘no-go’ prior to the attempted smashing with a lawn chair?”

She ground her teeth loud enough to be heard on the phone. “Yes.”

“Then you’ll be part of the suit as well, Mrs. Albright. You and your former husband.”

Jade clicked off the line before any response beyond sputtering could be heard. She squealed happily then clapped. It made her features bounce but now I was more confused than anything.

“What was that?” I asked.

“Oh, Adam, you have no idea how happy this makes me. I’ve got pending cases against four capes for interference with you after the ‘no-go’ listing, starting with General. I’ll be adding your partners to the mix. Now I can add this bitch too. God I’ve wanted to get back at her since college.”

They clearly had a history together that I was unaware of. What Ted’s ex and a sex fiend like Jade had to do with each other was beyond me.

“You’re going after all those people?” I asked.

“Trust me, honey, I’m going to get the whole lot of them. Two years we’ve taken a beating. This is my fight now.”

Jade had clearly built a whole host of future legal plots based off my ‘no-go’ status. She’d mentioned it briefly but I’d been too busy recovering from—something. Mole people I think. My entire life revolved around going through messes then having brief recovery periods. This latest stretch had been one of the worst to date. Not the worst, not the bad one—but it didn’t end quickly.

I went back to the right topic. “What about Alice? He’s got her trapped? I-” I fumbled around to find an explination that didn’t sound like a mental breakdown. “Time. I don’t have enough time. That’s. I tried to teleport to a solution. I had so many plans. But none of them are quick enough. Unless I can get

“Adam. No. Let me do this for you.” Jade checked her notes and tapped the paper with a pen. She underlined a few keywords then circled. They were all in upside down scribble and illegible. “I’m certain we can do something. But if we want to act fast enough for Alice, I’ll have to call in The Judge.”

“Him?”

“Yes. You know he’ll get results, today. As soon as I invoke him. And no one, Ted, General, or even Golden Sun and his wife will be able to ignore what The Judge says.”

I nodded absently. The Judge was a name no powered person wanted to hear. The Judge made golden Sun look like a limp-wristed kindergarten student. His sole role was to act as judge and jury in high level disputes.

“Can you do that?” I asked. I’d met him once. The Judge refused to see me in his court ever again. It made sense because his court was in an interdimensional pocket where he ruled reality—and I’d sort of accidently screwed the place up last time someone unsuccessfully brought charges against me.

“You can’t be there because of what happened last time. But legally I can represent you. With the recent ‘no-go’ statute issued and what you’ve described. I think we can get a fast ruling.”

I nodded.

Jade pecked my cheek, hugged me, and ran toward her building. I sat on the park bench, with only her oddly certain promise everything would be all right. I spent the next four hours biting my nails waiting for disaster and eying everyone who approached for possible super powered plots. My super power must’ve deemed frayed nerves as punishment enough.

My last few days had been hell, but at some point, I fell asleep.

Character Dossier

Name:  The Judge

Gender:  Varied

Age:  Varied

Generalized Ratings as follows

Strength:  2 (Desk Jockey) Intelligence:  7 (Legal Orientation)

Agility:  2 (Super Desk Jockey)

Luck:  0 (Does not matter)

Attitude:  Cares only for the law. Regional law does not matter.

Other items of note

There are multiple figures whom serve as The Judge. No one is sure how this happens or why. The Judge has appeared as every gender, race, nationality, and age known to man. Can only be called upon to arbitrary cases involving powered people. Detests being used as an object of vengeance.

Powers

The Judge rules over a micro dimension. It is big enough to house a courtroom and a jury. The few times there are juries used, the jury box is filled with versions of The Judge.

The Judge’s rulings are considered absolute anywhere within five hundred light years of Earth.

The Judge has proven to be an expert on local law in all worlds, countries, and even cities contained within the five hundred light year range. This includes alternate timelines and civilizations that don’t really exist.

The Judge can teleport people to its location from anywhere within its range.

The Judge has a jail planet. It is reported to be a bad place that no one likes to go. Ever.

Fun Fact

Once, someone declared The Judge to be a fascist instrument of a corrupt government. The Judge put this person into an alternate dimension and made him responsible for all the lives therein and measured his worth by the number of deaths caused by his actions.

The man corrected his misunderstanding after forty-five days and accidentally starting a war that ended with the death of over five hundred thousand people.

As a result of this punishment and a hundred others, The Judge is classified as a ‘no-go.'