1: Causing troubles upon my arrival?

I am Yoichiro Nazumaki, 27 years old virgin and living in Japan. I usually wake up between 4pm- 5pm and yes, this is usually the time I got up everyday. The particular reason for this habitual late wake up routine had always been revolved around anime, games and ero games; yes you name it, all kinds of online entertainment, and so with all these, I stayed wake up all night indulging in these self-pleasures. Anyways, I woke up early in the morning since I saw on a webpage I was on the night before, which had said that Infinite Kick Man volume 17 is to be released out in the shopping mall the next day. The next day have come, and the time I woke up was around 3am in the morning, still fatigued due to the sudden change, I crawled out to the exit door, put my shoes on and left whilst still in my pajamas so that I could be the first to arrive at the shopping mall to buy the novel. Fortunately, I was the first to arrive at the mall, but unfortunately, it wasn't open. How was I so stupid, of course, it wouldn't open so early in the morning!!! It was 5 am, and I just want to get the hell out of here, but I couldn't considering the distance I've traveled to get here. I became conscious of the time that passed by- 10 minutes became an hour, and that hour became 2 hours.

Quite the predicament I was in, more people started waiting outside and some were even staring at me for wearing such a ridiculous outfit. More importantly, I still have to wait 30min before the door opens. I started to stare at the skies fantasizing about an imaginary world where I was the main character. A place where all knew me as the hero and a place where I had all the money in the world to buy all kind of luxuries I want.

Suddenly, as though I was dreaming, I found my conscience in an unfamiliar environment. Normally in dreams, for physocological reasons, one wouldn't know they were dreaming until they actually wake up from it. However, I knew I was dreaming, and knew what had happened before. I still even recalled what eroge games I played when I was 14 years of age just so that I could know I wasn't dreaming. The place I had transported to was in a forest. Out of curiosity, I ventured deeper into the forest in hope that I would find some lumberjacks or other dwellers I could make contact with. I soon noticed that the 5 senses were returning back to me and that the place I was in started to feel a bit hot. Before that, for unknown reasons, I had not noticed that the sensations of moving my muscles were missing. 

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

An hour later, after a grueling walk in the forest ( My unfit physique left me disadvantageous) I found a small cottage. I found myself mesmerized as to how the cottage blended with the vicinity of the forest so perfectly, yet here I am panting heavily for breath. 

The protruding chimney had vines growing on it; the windows which were left untouched and maintained; the walls which also had vines growing on it and the grassy garden which wasn't overgrown with grass. 

"Haaa-aaa----....." I let out a long sigh 

From the large mound, I was on, I carefully slid down to where the surface was flat. So to say. the cottage is a hollow space between the huge mounds which surrounds it. 

As I was covering the distance between the cottage and myself, I became aware of the sensation of running away, so I stood there still, putting my guard up.

" Hey, you over there with that weird clothing!!! Who are you and what are you doing trespassing my property!?"

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I turned around and saw an old "hag".... Oh shit! I let that taboo word slip out of my mouth.  I suddenly felt a chill run beside me.

She stared at me with cold eyes. I do not want what horrors I have in mind currently to happen next. At worst I would die. And so, I said

" Hag? Oh no, what I mean is a beautiful old lady. I mean look at those stained brown teeth that make you look like a coconut tree. I mean even your height is comparable to it; so tall. And also, you are flat, but it is beautiful like a polished wooden plank. And not to mention that appearance of yours. Surely you could scare even the toughest of foes. Noone would oppose you" - trembling

" Brown teeth... Flat... Ugly?"

Suddenly out of nowhere, I saw a small fly heading in the direction of my eyes. I shooed it off as it was pestering me

" Stop approaching me you pest!!! All you do is annoy people"

Incidentally, the woman who heard this was shock beyond belief. A few moments later I saw a faint red light surrounding her body as if it was a bloodlust aura that you see in anime. Wait... 

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Oh shit! she really is going to kill me