I sit alone in the back of the trailer while Janus and the others smooth things over, or that’s what I assume is going on. I haven’t exactly spoken to anyone, nor do I have any ambition to. This is probably the first time I’m happy to be with the reserved Kai and the reticent Navigator. Kai is working with his little bugs in the corner while toying with his little pad while Nav is spinning in his chair with his feet in the air.
There are a few things that could go wrong right now. I could be mistaken for being a member of the team that was attacking the mall, I could be lumped in with the demons that attacked a few days ago or I could just be forgotten about. I desperately hope that I’m just forgotten about, that they accept Janus’ version of events and that my appearance hides within the depths of their mind behind more important memories, but I seriously doubt that.
Walter and Gabbie walk in, climbing the ramp then approaching me. Gabbie sits down beside me while Walter takes a seat opposite me on the other chair. “How are you feeling?” She asks me. I shake my head, not saying a word. “Come on, it’s fine. Janus will clear everything up.” She places a hand on my shoulder and I brush it off.
I rise to my feet and take a few steps toward the far wall, where I lean against it. “That’s not the point,” I say. “I tried to do something for everyone. I tried to help and in the end, it feels like everyone has turned against me. What, so next time I try to help, they’ll turn against me because I have horns? Because I have golden eyes?”
“You helped, and they can appreciate it at a later time. You don’t need an immediate reward. It can come in the future,” Gabbie responds. She’s being quiet, and careful as if I’m going to be set off by the smallest thing, and I am.
“I’m not like you!” I yell. She shifts back, her eyes widening.
She swallows. “I didn’t-”
“You did. You meant that I was supposed to be a hero for the feeling of saving people. Because saving people is a reward in itself. So my reward is saving people who hate me? My reward is being treated like filth because of what I look like? Why should I help them then?”
“Because you’re the better person,” Walter says.
“You’re goddamned right I am!” I yell. “But that doesn’t mean I should be taken advantage of! There’s a limit to how good a person can be. But I’ve got a question, why are you defending them? Is it because you look the same?”
“We’re not racist!” Gabbie counters almost too fast. “We’ve never thought of you any different. Sure you have horns and whatever, but we’re trying to console you. That eventually they will thank you for what you did.”
“If anything, we’re thankful,” Walter mutters.
“But that doesn’t change a damn thing. It doesn’t change what their thinking. For a few moments, I felt good, I felt that everything was going to work out and that I wouldn’t be treated like the demons that came here a few days ago. Instead, I’m looked at with suspicion. Essentially, you’re telling me to protect the same people who would more than willingly point a gun at me because they think of me as a threat.”
“What makes you say that?” Gabbie gasps.
“Because that’s what happens!” I roar. “That’s exactly what happens! Where you’re afraid you fight back and everyone is scared of me. I got here and a Human attacked me after he hit me with his car! So you’re saying they won’t? No. You just don’t understand and you’re projecting yourself onto me.”
“No, they’ll come around.”
“Clearly not fast enough-” Janus comes in, interrupting my tirade. He combs his hair back with his fingertips, looking between me, Gabbie and Walter.
He raises his hands in a calming motion. “It’s alright, I think we’re good to go. They’re confused, but the police seem to have dispersed the crowd and they’ll set the media straight later. Just calm down and we’ll head home.” I clench my fists, and I start walking toward the front of the trailer. “Where are you going, Elmira?” He asks. He seems short of breath as if desperately trying to convince me to stick around.
“I don’t know, I don’t care. I’m going outside. Just- you know what, our interests don’t coincide. I have no interest in protecting Humans so you can find another person to join your team.” I pull my hood up and step out onto the ramp and onto the main street. Janus runs out after me and I turn to face him, Gabbie and Walter are standing at the threshold to the trailer. “Don’t-” it’s all I need to say. He knows that I don’t want him to follow me and he nods.
I take a look around at the surroundings. There are a few people around, but there’s not much to look at anymore and those they do stay for anything but returning to their usual business are shooed off by the men in blue uniforms. For a moment I hesitate, knowing that it won’t be easy to find my way back and even if I could, there’s no guarantee that they will be here, but I’m far too angry to stick around.
I start walking at a fast pace, heading down the long street, not even bothering to look back. Maybe I won’t find my way back, but I’m not sure I care. Sure they helped me, but I find that if I’m being told to save people I don’t care about, then the cost is too high. They can manage without me, just like they did before. I’ll manage my own way. Maybe I’m being too optimistic, but even should I fail, I’ll somehow manage.
Since the start of all this, I’ve had two chances to explore, and it feels like it’s all been regulated. The first time I was fleeing and my chance to explore the city was greatly inhibited. As for the second time, Janus took me to a store and then we immediately went back to the CPO. So this is the first chance I’ve actually gotten to explore at my own leisure. Granted, I’m in a terrible mood and my wrath is boiling my stomach, but aside from that, I’m struck by just how large the city is.
There are large towers everywhere and this seems to take the place of the abundant amounts of green in the Demon Plane. It has a different sort of beauty, almost a sacrifice for the abundance of people instead of the sparse amounts in the Demon Plane. It’s a sacrifice that some might be regretting, but the people here seem to be fairly happy with what’s around them. Of course, I could be mistaken, they are all rushing somewhere as if there is no such thing as relaxing and taking in the view. Granted, I too am rushing, but then again, I’m trying to rid my head of my anger. Trying to distract myself from the contrasting thoughts I have of Humans.
How can I, at one moment, envy the solidarity of the Human race, yet at another condemn their distrust for everyone that seems different to them. Demon’s hate Humans, yes, but they don’t dislike other Demons who don’t share the same features as them, nor do they like them, but it’s those impartial thoughts of others that Humans likely need to learn from.
Humans and Demons both have their flaws and strengths, it’s just that I feel unwelcome in both places. Is this just the life I’m condemned to? Just because I’m an abnormality I’ll be treated just like that. An abnormality that can’t be accepted in neither the Mortal Plane nor the Demon Plane. That I’ll have to hide my horns and golden eyes just so I can feel even a semblance of acceptance.
I dislike these thoughts, that I have to have them, that they're necessary to make stupid decisions. I hate that Lucifer wanted to protect me from my Father and my other brothers and I’m considering that the dislike of the Humans is worse than the inevitable future life of being nothing more than a child-bearer for my immediate family. I just need to take a deep breath and figure things out. I have no plans to go back to the Demon Plane, nor do I have a plan to help those who don’t seem thankful. Going back to the Demon Plane has one certainty, so for now, sticking around in the Mortal Plane is the best decision.
I close my eyes and exhale loudly. It feels like I’m just going to lose anyway. The buildings seem to have grown more infrequent in this area. To my right, there’s a large paved area with gray stone and a long set of stairs that descend into a bowl, where there’s a large bronze plate with holes set into it. Every few moments water bursts from the holes in the plate, much to the delight of the children running through the streams.
There are benches atop the bowl, where there are some parents watching over their children. It strikes me as odd, a mimicry of a park, perhaps, but for what it’s worth, the Humans made it beautiful with what they had. A mimicry doesn’t make it the same, but it can make it close and in some cases, better. This is not the case where it’s better, just a case where it is close.
I find a free bench to sit on and I watch the fountain for a few moments. I expect to savor the feeling of being alone for a little longer, but the thought is cut short by the sound of tapping. I turn around to see a man approaching me with a black cane in his grasp. He has disheveled black hair and mismatched clothing, green pants with a red shirt, what’s more, is that he’s wearing ridiculous dark glasses.
He stops at the bench he taps me with his cane. I turn back, about to tell him to screw off, but he gets the first word in. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there, do you mind if I sit down?” He didn’t see me? I reluctantly move to the side and he slowly moves around the bench before sitting down next to me. “Come here for the sights? Perhaps the sounds?”
“I came here to be alone, actually,” I say.
He grins. “Ah, it seems I’ve ruined your opportunity. I can leave if you want.”
“No. It’s fine. I figured I’d leave it to chance. See if you’d run away.”
“Why would I run away?”
“I don’t exactly look… Nice.”
“You mean you’re ugly? No-one is that ugly,” the man laughs. “No- actually, I’ve met my fair share, but I don’t hear any terrified screaming.”
“I don’t know, you can judge for yourself how ugly I am. I guess it’s all in the eye of the beholder.”
“Ah, now you see, my eyes aren’t really capable of doing any of this beauty judging stuff. I thought it would be obvious with the cane and sunglasses. Anyway, I’ll take a guess, you think you’re ugly.”
“No, I don’t think I’m ugly. Actually, I think I look pretty good. It’s just that others would probably think I’m ugly. Other… Normal people.” I don’t say, Humans, if anything would make the line of questioning turn, it would be saying the man’s race.
“Then are you black?”
“That’s an odd question to ask.”
“Ah, I'm blind, so forgive me for the more obvious lines of inquiry. I kind of have to figure out what you look like and what’s got you so hung up about your appearance.”
“No, you’re mistaken. I don’t have a problem with my appearance, nor am I black- as much as I’m confused why that seems to be so important. No, I have sharp teeth, two horns growing out of my forehead and golden eyes. I look like a Demon.” More accurately I am a Demon, but we’ll leave that confession for a more important time.
“Ah,” he gasps in realization.
“You believe me?”
“I mean, you could be lying, but it doesn’t really matter in the context of the conversation, does it? So what’s the problem?”
“Well- I feel I feel exploited when I help people. As if they hate me instead of the people I know they should hate. Perhaps I’m overlooking it all, but I don’t want to do something and not be thanked for it.”
“Fair enough. Let me give you a suggestion. Help them anyway and one day they’ll be forced to thank you. Nothing feels better than the thanks of someone who feels like they have to lower themselves to thank you.”
“That just sounds bitter.”
“You’ll just be playing the same game as they will be playing. Sometimes having people regret your assistance is better than the dishonest thanks they might share with you. In the end, it’s entirely your choice of what to do, but dealing with these people will inevitably result in bitter feelings. Is that not the situation you’re in right now?”
I exhale. “Yeah.”
“Also, you could choose not to help them. You don’t need to go out of your way to help anyone, do what you want to do. No-one should be expected to do what they don’t want to do, but you need to figure out what you want to do and what you don’t want to do.”
“I… I guess, I don’t really understand. No, I do, it’s just I don’t know what I want to do.”
“Then go with the flow until you figure it out. If going with the flow has you interacting with those people you don’t like, then think of it as part of the journey.”
He doesn’t strike me as old, nor philosophical, but at the same time, he seems like he’s both. Perhaps I’m overthinking things, but I’m glad to at least have some voice of wisdom, as it seems like I’m lacking anyone who can help me when I really need someone who has a mind like that. Especially now. Maybe I lost my temper in front of the others, but it seemed more like they were just adding more fuel to the fire. I didn’t need their apologies or thanks, it seemed more like an excuse, I just needed to be alone and even if they couldn’t leave me alone, they could have at least sympathized. There has to be at least some emotional connection they can share with me instead of attempting to empathize with my plight.
“I’ll take the silence as you’re thinking about it. I honestly thought I was talking out of my ass for a while there. In fact, I’m confident I was. I think you just needed to listen to someone and you needed to speak to someone. I can’t really help you, but I can say that you’ll figure it out all on your own when you go with the flow.”
“You seem confident about that. I’m not exactly sure I’ll be able to brave these rapids.”
“Even rapids take you somewhere,” he grins. “It’s just your job to hold on for the ride.”
I look up. It seems to have quietened down a little. They’ve probably gone to eat, though I figured all that would happen at lunch would be that people would come here with their food and cause an even greater buzz. Then again, there could just be a better place than this. I look over my shoulder and I can see Janus waiting, leaning against a wall of a building. I exhale and stand up.
“Going somewhere?” The man asks.
“Yeah, I guess I’m going to go with the flow.”
“Ah. Then I wish you the best of luck and thanks for the brief company. I don’t usually get to have a conversation with people I don’t know. Nor do I have the opportunity to bequeath some of my limited knowledge.”
“No, thank you. And I was happy listening, even if you think it was limited, it was enough for me.” I walk around the bench and I head toward Janus. I’m surprised that the man didn’t ask my name, nor did he give his. I guess it’s better that way, it would lessen the impact between two strangers. On one side, I had strangers who were willing to dislike me, and on the next, I had a stranger willing to like me.
Janus smiles as I approach and I look away. I know he knows what I’m feeling, but I can’t help but feel embarrassed. I’m glad he’s here, but I feel ashamed of how I treated everyone. Janus turns away, starting to walk his way back to the road. I have to run to actually catch up to him. He smiles a little when I catch up to him. “You seem better. Or at least it seems you’ve had some time to think.”
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“Yeah,” I sigh. “I’ll stick around, but I have no interest in saving anyone, just having a place to stay. If I’m required to protect people, then so be it, but that’s only until I figure everything out.”
“That’s fine with me and I doubt anyone else will oppose your choice except Gates. But that’s mostly because she’s Gates. You know. I think she likes you.” I snort at that. More like she likes having someone to order around. She clearly likes the idea of having an apprentice and more the idea that she has blackmail power over me. The car and trailer are waiting next to the sidewalk and we walk around the back, before walking up the ramp into the trailer.
Everyone is still around and they look up from their places on their chairs. Walter and Gabbie seem to have lost their voices and I can’t help but feel my face burning red. Yelling at them and storming off is incredibly out of character for me, I’ve just been so stressed since I came here, but I also feel like it would be rude of me to blame my stress. I can blame a lot of contributing factors, but the fact that I yelled at them when all they’ve been doing is trying to help was cruel.
I sit down opposite both Gabbie and Walter and I work up the effort to try and talk. Janus shuts the back of the trailer then he pulls out his cell phone thingy, before pressing a few buttons and slipping it into his pocket. The trailer starts moving. “I’m sorry,” I finally managed to say. There’s nothing more I can say, I feel like saying more would lessen the value of the apology, that it would sound like an excuse.
There’s a short pause as they seem to digest my apology, but it’s Gabbie who talks. “It’s fine-. I mean I don’t really understand, but I think I can at least fathom what place you’re in right now. It doesn’t seem quite so hospitable here, does it?”
I shake my head. The small conversation is very formal and serious and Walter talks next. “As much as the Demon Plane seems difficult, our Plane has kinda made it difficult for everyone to live. Some people feel like they're forced to hurt others to make it in our world. That’s why it’s hard and that’s why Gabbie and I are here, why we’re working on this team. It’s our place, it’s where we feel we can contribute and at the same time, we can help people.”
I nod. I can’t fault them for wanting to help people, I mean I saw it in those other Humans, the desire to protect isn’t exactly strange for them. It’s just that I don’t share that desire, but what exactly do I want? Until now I haven’t thought about it, I’ve just been living day to day. I raise my hand to my face, stifling a yawn. I’m a little tired for some reason, maybe from fighting off the man or perhaps just mentally exhausted.
We travel in the trailer in silence, and it isn’t long before we’re back at the tower and in the comfort of our own room. I give Janus a passing farewell as he’s leaving and I take a moment to consider what I’ll do next. Walter and Gabbie seem to be lounging on the chairs while Kai returns to his table as he usually does, in spite of his promise to teach me how to use the computer. I mean, I don’t really mind, I wasn’t really in the mood to figure anything out anyway.
There is one thing I want to know, though. “Um-” I murmur. Gabbie raises her head from the chair, yawning widely as she does so. She gives me a cursory look, almost as if prodding me to tell her what’s up. “I don’t suppose there’s a garden or something for me to relax in-. It’s just all this… Stuff-” I motion my hands referring to everything around me. “It’s a little too much and I’d like a more- nature filled environment.”
She slowly rises from the chair, scratching her neck. “Uh- the garden?” She shrugs for a second. “Well, it’s not really a garden, but it’s the best this place has got. Lemme show you.” She starts walking, passing by me, I follow her out of the room and out into the hallway. She seems to be shuffling a bit as if she doesn’t want to go.
“You can tell me where to go, you don’t have to show me.” She approaches the elevator and presses the button at the front to call it, I’m about to ask again, just in case she didn’t hear, but she turns around.
“Stop that. Stop asking for help then saying that you can do it yourself. If you need help, there’s no need to be reserved. Ask for it, then accept what comes with the answer.” I bite the edge of my lip lightly, just light enough not to draw blood, but it’s enough for me to feel my sharp teeth digging into my lower lip. I hear it, but I can’t really work up the knowledge. I’ve been forced to not take everything at first glance. I’ve lived with liars all my life, but I know Gabbie isn’t a liar, or at least she doesn’t strike me as one. The elevator slides open and we step inside, Gabbie taps a button for the ground floor and the doors slide closed. “So how old are you, anyway?”
I consider the question for a moment. “I think I’m twenty or twenty-one, I don’t really remember. It’s hard to keep track of my age.”
“Holy shit, you’re kidding, right? I mean, you don’t look twenty at all. Also, didn’t you say your horns are still growing, how is that not associated with puberty and stuff?” I shake my head and shrug. “So you don’t know how that stuff works?” Once again I shake my head. I mean, I know I’ll be completely grown when I complete my growth as a Demon Lord, that is when the septagram on my back is complete, but I don’t know when that will happen nor should I feel I should say anything about it.
The elevator comes to a halt and we step out onto the main floor, out over the slick black flooring of the entrance floor. Gabbie turns around, climbing a set of stairs behind the elevator. I follow her, heading through a set of double doors, built into a large glass wall, Marked on the wall is the word Cafeteria in white writing.
We enter the cafeteria which seems to be a buzz of activity with a bunch of people at large metal tables with benches on either side, eating from trays of food and conversing with their friends. The floor is just as slick as the black floor from the entrance hall, but it has a checkerboard style. At the left-hand side is a large kitchen area, with large cases displaying food. People line up next to the cases with trays in their grasps, waiting for their turn to pick their food.
The cafeteria is seemingly open to the elements. The furthest wall from us, opposite to the door that we entered from is wide open with large panels folded against the left and right wall. There are a few tables spilling out into the yard, sitting on large gray stone tiles, with the sun bathing them in golden light.
Just a little bit further than that is a small clearing, a green field of nothing but grass which transitions to a seemingly immense wooded area. I look at it in awe, approaching, while sweeping my head from side to side. This area, I never expected it to be in a place like this, but looking up I can see towers everywhere, but this single wooded area seems like a hideaway from the chaos. “What is this place?” I ask.
“Uh-” Gabbie mutters. “Well, it serves two purposes, being a garden for people to hike through and as training grounds. Somewhere in the middle of this, there’s a small densely packed village with a lot of buildings. We use them for training, but we never exactly had the team to take part in training sessions.”
“And hiking, I feel like people could get lost in there.”
“Well,” She has a conflicted look on her face as if she’s mulling something over. “Well, if you follow the path, it’s not much of a problem. Even if you don’t you can still easily find clearings. If you get lost, find a clearing and then look for the building, then getting back to the cafeteria is easy.” It’s not like the Demon Plane. It’s far more overgrown, or so it seems, but it’s close enough for me to at least have a place to sit outside and enjoy at least something similar. “They also have a few odd fountains and statues in there. Most of them were built for famous or capable heroes.”
“So heroes who do their job?”
“People who do their job beyond the call of duty. Or at least that’s what Tagert said when the last fountain went up.” She cranes her head forward as if trying to look into the forest. “Um- so are you okay now? I don’t need to show you around, do I?”
“Nervous?”
“A little,” she admits. “The entire place gives me the creeps, even though I know something can’t go wrong, it reminds me of a scary movie-.” She pauses. “A movie is a long show that you watch on the TV.”
“I gathered that it had something to do with the TV when I first arrived.”
“Oh, yeah. Also, considering you might need help with every facet of everyday life, tomorrow we’ll start giving you a crash course on everything including the kitchen sink. We’ll try to make it easy to understand and not to overload you.”
“I hope not just tomorrow. I don’t think I can handle that much information.”
“No. Not just tomorrow. I guess it depends on how long it takes for you to absorb the information. Anyway, I’ll see you later.” She runs for the building, almost shaking as she runs. Come to think of it, isn’t Gabbie afraid of bugs? Wouldn’t the reason she would not want to go into the forest be because it’s infested with them? That makes the most sense, though it strikes me as odd for her to have a fear like that. She seems very confident in everything, but when it comes to bugs, at least the stuff that Kai likes to make, she moves as far away to them as possible.
I turn back, for a moment looking at the cafeteria before walking into the forest. The forest has an obvious path, laid out by dotted stones and well-trekked earth. The dirt is freshly upturned by travel and I can see the marks of shoes imprinted into ground. There are a few roots that grow across the path, but their obvious enough so that I don’t trip over them.
The forest seems to close around me, growing thicker as I walk. When I look through the trees, every once in a while I can catch the glimpse of a clearing with the stone of a statue or fountain striking a contrast to the bark and green leaves. Not only is it clear where there are clearings, but there are plenty of signs as I walk, allowing me to, at all times, know which way is the main building.
I continue forward for perhaps a few hundred yards and I can see more stone intermingled with the color of the trees, but this stone is cracked and worn, with greenery growing within the cracks and sand liberally coating the walls. This must be the densely packed village that they use as a training ground.
I approach, curiosity getting the better of me and I find myself walking into an exceptionally large clearing. Indeed, it is a densely packed area, but it looks nothing like the village I expected. There’s a bunch of large buildings with multiple stories and are spread seemingly evenly between flat and peaked roofs. Furthermore, the roads seem cracked and there are walkways beneath the streets, access only allowed beneath large metal grills. Finally, it takes a while for me to notice, but the buildings are both close enough together to pass from one building to the other with a single jump or with a path, locked by a narrow, wooden walkway.
It actually surprises me how immense this place is. Not that it’s as large as a city, or even a proper village, just that they seem to have a large enough area to put this thing in. It must be a mile square, so there’s a lot in there. In a training course, you might not see another person for ages, simply because of the amount of buildings and secret paths. Evidently, they want people to utilize whatever they can find, even if it’s illogical that they will find it all in a normal scenario. Prepare for every situation, I guess.
I yawn. I’m still a bit tired, but even my tired mind can’t help but be interested at how this training would work. In fact, even now I’m interested in seeing everything in there, just that I really don’t want to spend hours searching through it, out of fear that I might just collapse in exhaustion.
It’s time to stop my exploring I think. It might be better to just go back to the building and turn in for the day. Even if it is early, everything today just took so much out of me and denying myself some much-needed rest would feel like purposeful torture. I turn my back on the training area before jogging back the way I came, instead taking a speedy approach at heading back.
It isn’t long before I’m back in front of the cafeteria and I make my way into the building and into the elevator. The elevator soon arrives at our floor and I exit, then move straight into the room. Kai, as usual, is tinkering with something. It’s something new, with five legs instead of the six or eight he’s used to. He raises his head and I see the corners of his lips turn up in a silent greeting, then he nods, turning back to his work.
Walter is nowhere to be seen, while Gabbie is in front of the TV, which is blaring loudly. I approach her, expecting to make some small talk, but instead I find her snoring softly, even with the loud TV. I take the remote and press the strange circle-line button and the TV goes silent. I place the remote on the table and look around for a few moments.
I return to Kai, tapping the desk next to him. He looks up. “Where are the blankets?” I whisper. He raises a single thin finger, pointing at a small door near the kitchen. “Thanks.” I go to where he pointed and I pull open the door and step inside. There're two large metal contraptions and a set of shelves holding bed linen and lots of blankets. I take a large gray blanket from one of the shelves and choose to leave everything else alone out of fear of breaking it.
I shut the door when I’m done, walking to Gabbie and I open the blanket and lay it over her. I suppose, this is my one way of apologizing, of saying thanks. At least they can’t say I don’t try to help. I exhale and rub my eyes. I walk past Kai’s desk when I’m heading to my room. “I’m gonna get some rest. Not sure when I’ll be up, so good night.”
“G- Good night,” he mutters. He’s very quiet. It’s different from when he was talking through the machine, but his voice is different too. It’s not as commanding or warped by the constant whirring of parts. It’s somewhat gentle and clear. It’s a nice voice. It's completely different to all the voices I've heard so far and I like the contrast. I nod my head and proceed into my room, shutting the door and collapsing onto my bed without bothering to do anything more. In moments, I’m out like an extinguished flame.
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Author's Notes
A few things about this chapter. It's probably one of the worst flowing chapters I've written so far. And saying that, it's by quite a margin. I find the chapters that seem to define the contrasting emotions of a character very hard to write, even though I know they're necessary. As I write this, in the next two chapters, you should see a pretty fun chapter come up soonish.
From now on, the chapters will be released once a day until I exhaust my saved chapters. Mostly so I can keep up with my releases.