The dreamscape shifted when Mind accepted Heel’s eyes. At first it was a confusing chaos of shadowy figures coming in and out of focus through a gray fog. There was a blurry figure of a Kuvanian girl that Aris had seen before from a vision she had long concluded was a memory of Heel’s.
Back then when she drifted in and out of consciousness, the memories seemed so much sharper. Aris remembered she clearly saw her face. But now it seems like the memory faded and is now replaced with hers.
What she couldn’t see back then Heel’s eyes saw them for her. The dreamscape showed her everything in vivid clarity of the people and surroundings while the figure that represented herself was almost featureless, like a placeholder for a person. It was almost like Heel’s eyes memorized her life from a separate point of view.
It showed her murdering the Yscian newborn in a fit of crazed anger. It made her feel sick watching it. Mind trembled beside her.
It showed her as a featureless form writhing in agony on a wooden cart covered in runes. She saw what Laell looked like for the first time, her form constantly scribbling and adjusting the runes on the cart to keep her alive. Camaz constantly took care of her, wiping off excrement and sweat as she faded in and out of consciousness. His face was familiar but creased with worry. Verne pulled the cart and stood watch over her. He looked as she remembered him but with a beard grown in from the traveling and considerably dirtier.
It showed her hatred of everything and everyone. Mind recoiled at the obvious reflection of herself. “So you do understand,” she reluctantly said.
“I do.”
“You could have killed them all. It would have ended everyone’s misery, including yours.”
“I wanted to. I really wanted to.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I also have a sibling who stopped me.” As if on cue, the fight she had with Ral swelled into view around them. She was a huge, terrifying, shifting mass of smoke that spewed out tendrils and turned into vicious animal shapes. Ral was tiny compared to her, darting around trees to try to evade her or land a strike.
“Is this what this is? You’re thirsty for revenge?” Ral’s voice rang out loud and clear, as if he was right there with them. Aris could see him clearly in the vision. He looked so much like their father, except of course far less well groomed. An emotion gripped her gut and she reached out to her brother whom she shared a womb and a sky with. But he couldn’t see her. He simply continued with what he said back in the past. “Is this even about revenge?”
Mind had her small child-like hands balled up into fists now. “What else would this be about?” she demanded to the vision of Ral.
He ignored her. “You’re doing this for yourself.”
“No I’m not!”
“You’ve caught onto an idea and now you don’t want to let go. You no longer have any idea what’s right or wrong because you’re doing it for your own ego.”
“You’re just a clueless human,” Mind seethed. “Clueless, stupid, powerless mortal!”
“You’ve completely lost your way.”
Mind shrieked and the vision dissipated. The air around them pulsated and shifted in a nauseating way. Mind was removing all points of reference with the conniption over Ral’s words. Like a child throwing a tantrum, she hunched down in a crouch, little hands pressed flat against her ears to block out his words that were no longer there.
Aris closed her eyes against the increasingly abstract landscape. She thought about Nilda and the way she would look whenever Aris or Ral threw a fit when they were young. The calm, slightly bemused look along with the patient silence as she finished her tantrum.
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To her surprise, it worked. A swirl of cold wind returned and the dreamscape stabilized by returning them to the grassy hill.
What else would Nilda do? Aris returned to her spot beside the Part. She hesitated. Then she gently took one of Mind’s small hands and held it. The child stiffened slightly, but then relaxed. The wind died down slightly and left them to sit in silence.
“Can we keep going?” Aris asked gently, more gently than she had ever spoken to anyone.
Mind sniffed but nodded. They looked up and the images returned. It showed her brief return to the Academy. For a long time it showed her alone in a room in recovery. Then it showed her time spent with Ral, Laell and Camaz. The memories lingered on her meals with Ral and the way they made each other laugh again.
Then their trip back to the mainland: Aris was able to see Mikol for the first time and watched her brother’s reaction in reuniting with him. She saw Rask’s face again and the familiar smile when he talks to her and ruffles her hair. Saw the look on Verne’s face when he had to kill his own father.
The memories spilled out in front of them. It both felt like they were watching it all unfold in real time, yet only an instant had passed. When the memories drew close to their present time, Aris felt her heart clench.
The sky darkened and a brilliant full moon shone in the sky. It lit up the waters of the Aortic strait that was the backdrop to the docks. Heel’s eyes replayed this one memory in vivid detail. Was it because it happened not long ago? She could see herself in more detail, down to the bandages on her face and the texture of her hood.
“I don’t want someone better. I want you.”
Hot tears burned her eyes. He really loved her, despite everything. And just because she gave him some food the first day he arrived at the Academy. “Stupid man,” she whispered thickly to herself.
Mind squeezed her hand. “Why are you crying?”
“Because I’ll never see him again.”
Three, four heartbeats passed. “You love him.”
“Yes.”
There was utter silence. The scene of Verne holding her under the moonlight was frozen in the space in front of them while Aris sobbed. She had held together so well when she left that morning (or was it now yesterday morning?) but now all she could feel was the growing emptiness of never seeing everyone she’s ever loved ever again.
It was what Mind went through all those years ago. Ral, Verne, Rask, Camaz and Laell were all pieces of her, like the Parts were pieces of Mind. And now she’ll have to accept that they will never meet again regardless of whether or not she succeeds.
“Will I ever love again without a Heart?” Mind asked, her little voice thin and quiet. The question broke Aris’s own heart. She thought about that strange Kuvan woman Heel kept thinking about, even after he died. She thought about Body who stayed by Mind’s side. She thought about herself, tearing herself to pieces and becoming a smoke monster.
“You will,” Aris said to Mind. “You must.”
Mind looked up at her. One of her eyes was still liquid black, but the other was now a brilliant green. She had somehow acquired Heel’s eye as her own.
“I’m… I’m tired now,” Mind said. She stood, letting go of Aris’s hand. “I’m going back to sleep.”
She did look tired. Her white lashes drooped low over bicolored liquid eyes. “Wait, what does that mean?” Aris asked, scrambling to get up to go after her. “What are you going to do about all those people below?”
“Body will tell you what to do,” Mind said. Her voice grew thicker, sleepier. “And my sleep… will retain the secrets. Mostly. Your Librarian knows more than the average person, but you can handle one person, right?”
“You mean the method of opening Gates?”
“Yes,” Mind yawned. “But the big one needs to be closed. Body…”
“I know. I’ll do it,” Body said. He sounded annoyed but Aris couldn’t help but feel he was putting on a front.
“Thank you, Body,” Mind said. Her back was turned to both of them. “I will go to sleep now. I’ll think of happier days and of happier people. I will watch everything Heel wants me to see. I will dream… of Heart and of the people she loved so much. I hope you succeed in stopping the destruction, daughter of moon.”
Aris was irked at the fact that perhaps Mind doesn’t care much of the outcome of the destruction at all, since she wasn’t lifting any Part of herself to help stop it. But then again, Aris had decided that Mind was a child after all. She had always been honest about portraying herself. In fact, everyone should be grateful she was even giving them a chance.
“I wish you sweet dreams, Mind,” Aris said finally. “And may you wake up to a better world.”
“I doubt it,” Mind said. She peered at Aris over her shoulder, her one green liquid eye glinting off some strange light. “But it’s nice to hope. Goodbye.”