Alex Pov

Amin is gay, how could he be gay. I know about him enough to know he has never been close to anyone, so how could he know he was gay. Ah, I am being jerk. The important thing is Amin is gay and he had a crush on me, No the important thing is comforting Jasmine and being angry at what he has done.He may not care about the society, but I care. His attitude was wrong; Hurting someone because they hurt you will not solve any problem, talking does. The fact he did it in a public place hurts more. The identity of university’s prince is carefully crafted. In fact Amin was the one who gave me this idea when we were 12.

It was a few months after Amin had taken an IQ test. He was proven to have reached the limit of intelligence the test could measure. Amin was a loner then like he is now. It is just that he was always surrounded by adults and not truly alone.

I was a loner too, but being a loner and not wanting to be one was far more difficult. Amin always seemed happy being alone but I was not. So I did the only thing I could I went to him, the only other lonely kid. I remember what he said to me.

“Others leave you, because they know you are better than them at sports. They do not like those who are far ahead of them. Keep your talents hidden enough so that they envy but not think you are too far from them and then you will be the one hoping they leave you alone” he said this as a 12 year old boy. That stayed with me. We both moved away and this memory became the only thing I knew of him for quite a while before the incident.

I do not like being in this situation. Amin was a jerk but I know he is smart. Society may have forgotten or thought he is failure for life, but I have this feeling, he is doing something. My instincts say so but I do not know what. These days he does not seem so depressed anymore. He feels more like he is doing something, something huge.

“Alex are you even listening to me?” said Jasmine wiping her tears.

“of course I do, that bastard, he was a dick you. I do not understand why and what is with gay people and their sacred coming out any way. Don’t worry you did nothing wrong” I said these despite remembering Amin’s words and feeling, yes, you did a wrong thing, it’s just that he did too.

“You know it is a lie right?”

“what? him saying you using me, of course not” He said these knowing he was being hypocritical as fuck. He knew of her situation enough to know most of Amin words were right up her alley. It is just that he did not expect, she wanted to use him as well. To be honest he was a little hurt.

“What are you saying? I meant what he said about my father, that he loves George more than me” she said sounding aggrieved.

“Of course not, He loves you more, no he loves you guys equally” I said, speaking the first part as if I made a mistake naturally.

“You think he loves me more, You are too sweet Alex. This is the reason you are my only friend” said Jasmine looking relieved.

“Of course and you can always count on me” I said while thinking, yes I am your friend as long as you do not play date and ditch me game with me. I am also relieved that you fell for the completely natural mistake.

When I arrived home, I was still thinking about it. Amin was hurt and he used truth as a weapon. I could not forget the empty eyes. They were terrifying, but I could not help, but wonder, is it as terrifying inside him. If it is how could he live and go on living.

Afraid of the 12 year old boy whose sentence shaped my life, I never approached him. He seemed so far ahead it was terrifying. Every single thing he said was true, but to use truth as a weapon to hurt people makes these all much more terrifying.

All my life, I had heard truth is the best thing, being truthful is the best quality one could have. As I grew I understood that sometimes what we think is true to us is not true to all nor is the truth at all. Amin was truthful though, at least to me, his words were absolutely true. They were things that I did not want to admit but understood well. He did not raise his voice. He just spoke the hurtful facts and stroke right at Jasmine personality flaws. She just collapsed, psychologically. I do not think she actually will ever forget this. How could truth be so painful. I think Amin is someone who always live in a world made of painful facts, he very much believed to be truth.

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Amin seems to hide behind his cold and emotionless exterior, all the time. That would be enough for most people but I had, once, seen him cry. He was alone in park or at least he seemed to think so.

“I will always and always be alone, I am not like the others, and I can not be like the others. I do not want to be like them, what is it about normal life that people want. I am tired. I am tired of them fighting. I am tired of my sister though she is just a child. I have an eidetic memory, I will never forget how they hurt me today. I can not forget and do not want to forget. I will not hate them but I will not love them.” he said loud enough for me to hear.

Then he took out a paper and as he wrote he said something.

“Please future me avoid love, for love is hurtful I know you will remember but I write this in case some accident has happened. Do not live for love, Do not love and know that love is the most hurtful thing for a human to experience. Know love as the highest current you can think of, do not touch it, avoid it forever and ever”.

I wanted to go to comfort him that day but I could not bring myself to. I knew he was hurt. The next day he was a little colder. After years of living apart, I saw him again in university. He was too cold.

I fooled myself into believing he forgot me, but he has not. Perhaps, just perhaps he thought I was the only one who did not think of him as a monster. I think, no, I am sure he is hurt and he knew, that was the reason he had a crush on me. He does not like being a monster to all, he just can not help it. I need to see him, Now.

I found his number I tried calling but he did not answer. I texted him and messaged him on every social media. I was in a hurry, I could not be bothered how creepy my behavior looked, I found his house. I rang the bell. His mother opened the door and invited me in.

Amin’s mother at first glance was not what I expected. I had heard about her excelling as a lawyer, so I thought she would be cold but she was not. She warmly welcomed me and talked to me but when I mentioned Amin. She was dismissive. She told me he was not here and that I should wait in his room. She told me, a complete stranger how much she suffered when Amin stopped being a genius. I could not help but think “shouldn’t that be his problem not yours”.

Going to his room, some how was stressing me out. I was nervous, I wan not even this nervous when I went to my first girlfriend’s room. I needed to ask if he was genuinely hurt. I needed to apologize and I needed him to apologize, and to fix everything. The room was simple. Except for the fact that he liked psychology, I could not find anything about him. I do not know why I am so curious about him, I just am.

Looking around, the bed was messy and had a helmet placed on it. The desk was messy with papers all around, there were pages placed in a special corner though. The page on top had a drawing of the helmet. It was the design process. Had he created it. What does it do, curious I read the notes.

Dream simulations and untested for oneiromancy was written among the countless design and creation process. Was he trying to predict the future. that should be impossible, but my heart told me it was true. I picked up the helmet, admittedly nervously, and put it on.

I appeared in the dream I have been having recently. It was mind blowing, I was lucid dreaming. Amin created this. Could the oneiromancy thing be true, this thought would not leave my head. What the hell has he built. What is he doing with all this. I willed myself awake as the instructions had said. Putting out the helmet I heard the sound of door opening. There it was Amin standing there with a confused look, which was beginning to grow colder. It was beginning to look like he was looking at his mortal enemy.

“why are you looking at me like that” I said still a little disoriented by the experienced dream.

“why are you here” a cold emotionless voice greeted me.

“It was your mother that let me in and if you are asking why I am here, I thought to tell you I remember and I am not stupid” I said a little angry at his cold tone.

“and what is it, exactly that you remember. I thought we cut the nascent friendship, what is this pity party or wanting to find me weak” he answered somehow even colder than before.

“I remember you living in our neighborhood, you crying and saying you will avoid love, I wanted to make sure I did not hurt you” I said in a hurry

“You remember, so I was not wrong” for an instant he was smiling.

I learned my first lesson about Amin, I love his smile.

“You are lying about the second part, you wanted to check if I was human” His voice clearly showing how hurt he was and how much he hated being lied to.

This was my second lesson Amin hate lies.

“ What are you going to do about what you discovered?” His voice indifferent as if he did not care for the outcome.

This was my third lesson and one I had already figured out. Amin hides behind his indifferent mask.

“You are hurt and you are caring about the repercussions of me knowing about this”

“I see you want to use the emotional play, but I have no time for playing your social games. Tell me exactly what you plan to do” His tone went from emotionless to serious.

“I am not playing a social game here. I was worried about you idiot. I do not plan to do anything about this. It is your invention what does any of this have to do with me” I answered honestly and with a bit of spite.

“You did not read my instructions then” He said understanding something, I did not know what.

“What instructions, what is there in it that you become this defensive about it?” I asked genuinely curious.

“What makes you think I tell you, You already know of my crush and we have ended anything that was between us, unless you are so stupid to believe you can fix everything” said Amin

“I do want to fix everything; that is not wrong why would it be wrong and you cut the friendship, I did not agree. I do not care about your crush” I said. Amin looked at me with a creepy stare that I began to change my last sentence.

“Okay, I will not lie again, no need to death stare me. I do care but I have not processed that yet, and yes I did come here to see if you had feelings but I did not think you were a monster. I could not be blamed for being curious either, I mean you created a machine that lets you lucid dream in day.” I said calming down and in a soothing tone.

He did not calm down but considered my points and after thinking for a while, he seemed to came to a conclusion. He began telling me about dreamescape. He told me about him building the machine, journey and a little about dream simulations. I sensed he still did not trust me to tell more. For now I was satisfied.