Amin became quite skilled in dreaming, with it new challenges rose. He could not truly sleep anymore without dreaming. He was always awake in those dreams. With lucid dreaming every night, he was beginning to feel anxious about his sleep quality. Of course there was not even a hint of him lacking sleep quality. In fact the dark circles around his eyes had decreased significantly. He wondered if it was because of this that Alex, the one and only prince of university approached him.
He was at library. He was studying everything he could find about dreams and dreaming. Oneiromancy, Lovecraft works, and anything even remotely about dreams. He had long read all there was in neurology and psychology about it. He had even read articles about how dreams have affected modern society by social scientists. He was immersed in reading as Alex approached.
“Hello can I seat here?” He said as he looked at me with his endearing ocean blue eyes.
“Of course” I said thinking can you even say no to those eyes.
He sat on the chair in front of me and then started looking at me for about a minute.
“Why are you looking at me” I said a little harshly, stressed about being so close to the boy of my dreams while being a closeted gay.
“Nothing, It is just the topic you are reading seems interesting” He said sincerely.
“You find oneiromancy interesting?” I said with skeptism clear in my voice.
“It is foretelling the future with dreams right” He said with amusement.
“To be precise it is foretelling with interpretation of dreams, but yeah. How do you know that, I am not meaning to be rude or anything but I thought people like you would not read such things”
“People like me?!” he said sounding a little offended.
“Not like that. It is just people….umm….you know people like what...like cool handsome and that stuff”
“So you think I am handsome” He said looking a little smug but also endearing.
We continued the conversation some more and then went on our own way.
I need to know why he approached me, it is just I don’t have the time to psychoanalyze him. I have too much on my plate right now. I need a plan for these sort of things. Simulating the situations are not enough anymore, I need prediction, true predictions. Foretelling the future, It may not be so impossible. If and I mean If and only If I can access dreamescape, I may be able to have enough information to simulate reality so clear that it be close to knowing the future. Furthermore if even a shred of these incidents of people dreaming accidents beforehand are true, I might have a real shot at truly knowing the future.
“What is personal unconscious to me?”, asking this question over and over again and asking “what is dreaming anyway” together led me to an answer. What if the personal unconscious is just a space where we dream on. Like a territory in dreamescape. If that is so, I would will myself not to dream tonight and see what will happen. I will not use RealDream because I feel it is better to do it more naturally. This feeling comes from my intuition. I was always intuitive to a degree that would be terrifying.
I slept that night, nothing happened. I did not grow discouraged and I tried again and again till finally one night it happened. I was sleeping and there was a pure black space, suddenly as if water rushing in, it was filled with different images, letters, so many things rushing at once. It was disorienting. After sometime had passed a scene appeared of me and my family being in our car being hit by another car. My family, All of them, died and I survived. I saw myself crying upon their grave and then woke up panting.
I thought it was nothing. Tried to put away everything, since I could not sleep with out dreaming though, I had to resort to willing myself to dream of happiness every night. Intuitively I knew what I saw was right in some way or some form. Therefore I did the only thing I could. I filled the medical emergency of my phone which I never had done before. I wrote everything on paper, trying to logically predict the probability of an accident on the way.
It was Thursday, my mother told me that we were going somewhere and I knew instantly, this was it. This was the day we will have the accident. I prepared everything but I could not avoid this. No I could, but would I even want to. If I avoided it outright, I would not know if I truly prevented an accident or I was just delusional. I was going to take a gamble, I remembered the place, we had the accident in dream. I was going to say I needed some air because of my mental health and holding the car exactly 500 meters before the accident place. This way I could see wether what I saw was true and also stop the collision in advance.
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I did as I wanted. The accident was true but not in the way I expected. It was not a collision at all but some animals crossing the road. It would have caused an accident but not a collision. Here I learned something dreamescape is not reality, however there is information about reality in it.
I started willing not to dream at all. I saw several other dreams of many incidents but none were as devastating as the first. I recorded them all in a journal. I slowly mastered how to tell what would happen in reality from the signs. Sometimes seeing a bad dream meant good things. I began to compare my journal with magical and mythical dream interpretations I could find on the internet and library. I realized many of them were fake but there were traces of true ones among them. Some were actually true, at least as far as I was concerned.
Although with this I became able to know many things of future by sleeping and not dreaming, and making myself more experienced by sleeping and dreaming, ultimately I did not have all experiences and all knowledge of future events but I experienced a lot and knew a lot.
Something happened which I did not know beforehand. An incident, an utterly humiliating one.
So I was talking to Alex when his friend Jasmine sat with us. Jasmine was a nice girl. She was beautiful with brown hair and hazel eyes that gave me a warm feeling. Alex handsomeness went up several notches when she sat besides him. Alex always gave a little bit of cold air even though he had a warm personality. His black hair and ocean eyes assured that, but sitting here next to her, he lost that bit of cold air. It was a new side to him, that made me lose all my senses and just want to kiss him right here, right now.
Perhaps it was because of long staring or me judging Jasmine wrong, that made this so utterly humiliating. Alex had just made some joke about something irrelevant. We were all laughing, when it happened.
“You are gay. Right?” said Jasmine so suddenly that made me think I had heart-stroke.
“What do you mean?” I said coughing.
“I mean you were staring at Alex right” She said wiggling her eyebrows.
“Jasmine stop it He is just a friend I met and you know I am not gay right”
“You are not, but maybe he is”
Alex was trying to make jasmine stop and jasmine was adamant that she had found my secret. She did not seem mean, so why would she do this. Ah, she wants to be alone with Alex but why. I see she had dressed too well for this occasion, like she wanted to seduce Alex. Why would she want that though, aren’t they friends. She seems a little defensive like she was hurt today. Oh, She was ridiculed, and she wanted to use her friend to feel fine. How pathetic it is to give up your friendship for some illusive reward from society. It is like my mother, father, and all my family. Appearances, it is the only thing people like them seek, it is pathetic, I am done listening to this crap.
“And What do you get out of me being gay?” I said with a cold tone, the one I use most of the time with people. The reason I am always alone, have no friends and called indifferent, robot and vampire. The last one I actually like.
“Nothing I was just kidding” she said backing off. Alex looked a little stressed as if he had guessed the storm about to come.
I was not done. Not even remotely. I wanted to do something else I wanted to use my understanding of psychology to tear her apart. I knew she had done it on purpose. She was trying to cut me off to go on a date with him. It was clear in her body language. Her pathetic attempt at word play was humiliating. I was done.
“Is It truly nothing or you are about to get your third boyfriend. Let me see oh daddy issues. Your dad must have high social standing, but leaving you alone. A brother right or something equivalent. He must be quite the charmer. He cares about him more right, It must hurt. Developing a need to be greater than men, showing it by dating them and throwing them aside. Ungrateful friends ridiculing your life style, saying please get a real relationship, but you can’t, you are unable too, how pathetic, Your greatest friend, would be a real relationship material right. After all Alex is a man . Men are not like women, they do not get to feel hurt. How utterly pathetic” I said with an unchanging, indifferent and cold tone. Not a trace of emotion, hatred or otherwise present.
Jasmine cried. Alex stood up. He clenched his fist. Never had I seen him angry but he was then.
“Why are you saying these things? Why are you telling these lies? To make her look bad? Why are you hurting her? Just because she knew you were gay. Being gay does not excuse this. You are a fucked up person Amin. Go to hell” Said Alex trying to restrain himself.
I did not want to admit it, but what he said hurt me, more than I realized. I once thought he was the only one for me in the entire world, I was wrong. Once again love screwed me up. It is time for calm me to come and fix this mess.
“She took my choice away from me. One of the most important choices of my life. She made herself and you the first people I came out to and made my first coming out experience painful and it will haunt me for life. Yes I had a crush on you. I am sorry for my stupidity to fall for your looks and the fact you were once remotely close to me. I will not make the same mistake again. Do not ever call me a friend and I shall not remember you as one, good bye stranger” I said saying every word with patience and in the same indifferent tone but with different eyes. This time I showed my true eyes. Eyes that my psychologist said it was as if the world was broken and endlessly empty.
Alex looked hurt, genuinely hurt. His look was indescribable. In the end he took the crying Jasmine and went aside. All I could think was, I will not let this humiliation continue. I need to know the future completely, or at the very least completely know the near future.