“I can’t deal with the nobility right now,” Orenda told the human woman who was making her bed in the guest room she had occupied the previous night, “I know you’re quite busy and I hate to bother you-”

“Do ya, your majesty?” the woman asked as if the idea shocked her.

“Yes,” Orenda said, “I know you have a heavy schedule. This place is huge. One of my best friends was a housemaid and I would be unable to speak with her for days at a time because of the significance of her workload. I’ve tried to delegate a good housekeeper; I go over the scheduling myself. That’s why we had such a massive hiring intake. Many hands make light work, I’ve been told.”

“Damn,” the woman said.

“When I was a child, at the workhouse,” Orenda said, “we did our own cleaning. There was a schedule to that effect and it rotated every week. We didn’t have these fancy indoor water closets as you have here- one of the duties was moving the outhouse. I prayed not to get that one. When I moved to the library they had a water pump indoors and I thought myself quite posh.”

“I believe it, your majesty,” the woman said. “We had them outhouses, back at the farm- I’m from the farmland out in the Agricultural District. Come summer a body couldn’t draw breath.”

Orenda laughed and agreed, “Daring, it was always hot on the Fire Continent. There was never a break from the smell. But I daresay it wasn’t worse than the awful moat Xandra had when I first came here. I can’t believe these Urillians hadn’t figured out a composting septic system. There exists a restaurant outside of the palace walls. People ate next to that. Some fucking master race.”

“I heard about that from some of the other folk what work here, your majesty” the woman said as she finished the bed and stood, walked to the basin and began to wipe down the wooden fixture that housed it.

“My name is Orenda,” Orenda said, “my friends call me ‘Rendy’. Do you have a name?”

“I’m Mary,” the woman said.

“Oh, my dear friend is named Mary,” Orenda said, “it seems to be a strong Urillian name.”

“Yeah, I know all about that,” Mary said, “Mary Sue, the first human advisor to the crown. Got named as successor. Might be the first human queen. What a world.”

“Would you mind,” Orenda asked, “if we perhaps called this room ‘good enough’? I can’t be around those nobles for my luncheon. I simply can’t. Could you run to the kitchen and ask that they send my food here? Along with Klin- he’s likely still soaking wet. I don’t think he dried himself before he put his clothes on.”

“I’m outside the door!” Klin called. “I… forgot what you said so I just followed the light. I was gonna follow you and pretend like I had remembered.”

“Thesis’s glowing eyes,” Orenda mumbled.

“The queen’s stayin here,” Mary said, “it ain’t fit for a queen. I can go and put in your food order and come back.”

“I’ve slept on straw on a filthy warehouse floor, in the back of moving wagons in ridiculously cramped spaces, and out of doors on the hard ground under an open sky,” Orenda said, “this is a luxurious fit for me.”

“A’ight,” Mary shrugged, “I reckon you know what’cha like.”

She opened the door and, true to his word, Klin was standing on the other side, in the position of a guard who had been stationed.

“So… do I go somewhere or stay here or-”

“Just come inside,” Orenda said with great exasperation.

Klin obeyed, stepped inside the room, closed the door behind him, and took up the same position on the wall next to it.

“You’re so creepy,” Orenda said, “you’re always hovering and watching.”

“Sorry,” Klin said, “I… uh… when you’re in front’a royalty you’re supposed ta-”

“At ease, soldier,” Orenda huffed. She was getting used to him; he was very much like a dog, as she understood them. He needed to be given simple commands, which he would follow to the best of his ability.

“...thanks,” Klin said, then moved to sit in front of the vanity, glaring at himself in the mirror. After a few seconds he pulled a brush from his bag, and to Orenda’s great amusement, bent forward to throw his hair forward until his torso was nearly upside down. He tugged the hair upward and wound it around itself, then tied it off with a simple green ribbon, producing a tight bun. Klin seemed very good at getting large things into small forms.

“My bangs are gettin long,” he said, brushing them to either side of his face.

“How interesting,” Orenda rolled her eyes.

“There’s a certain way guys are supposed to wear ‘em,” Klin said, “before, I mean. There was.”

“I burn off my hair when it gets too long,” Orenda said, “it gets in my way. When I was a child we all had it cut once a month, so that it wouldn’t get caught in the machinery.”

“Yeah,” Klin agreed, “when I was a kid my stepmom used to cut mine, ya know, keep it outta my face an’ shit, on accounta I worked outside an’ it was a pain in the ass to take care of. Everybody use to keep their hair short- that was a long time ago, back when there used to be migrant families like us, used to work the fields- that was before all the plantations, everybody just had like… little sharecrop plots. It gets cold around here come winter and that place is pretty flat, even the sea freezes, ya know? So a lotta folks went into the capital and stayed, I dunno where, ‘cause we couldn’t afford that so we went back to daddy’s place in the Sacred Woods. That’s where he’s from. I mean… that was a long time ago… that place don’t… ain’t there no more. On account’a the… you know, the earthquake. On account’a I destroyed it.”

“...Ruvean led me outta there with my head in his shoulder…” Klin said to his reflection, “wouldn’t… wouldn’t let me look at it… I don’t think I woulda seen it noways… I don’t know how you got used to it so quick… I… I missed a good… week. Maybe couple a’ weeks.”

“Ruvean was always… always real good to me, ya know?” Klin asked, “She wouldn’t… wouldn’t never hurt him… she got… I mean… it was the stress… it was… I shouldn’t’a been… I made it worse… I… she was right… I did… blow up like that… I ain’t good at… talkin an’...”

“Are you drunk again?” Orenda asked and Klin held up a hand and made a ‘so so’ motion.

“Did you get drunk in the time it took you to walk here from the bath?” Orenda asked, “How- where did you even get- how?”

Klin reached into the bag at his side, pulled out a bottle of whiskey, pulled the cork free, and took a long drink.

“My god!” Orenda exclaimed.

“Rendy!” Anilla knocked loudly on the door, “Are you in there! We brought you some food! I wanna talk to you! I have wonderful news!”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“I need it,” Orenda said as she opened the door.

Anilla was not alone. Sonny was standing beside her, balancing a serving tray and a small folding table on each arm, and Mary Sue stood to the side with her trusty clipboard holding a stack of paperwork.

“Come inside,” Orenda gestured.

“Hell yeah, my man Klin breakin out the lunchtime whiskey,” Sonny said as he shoved one of the trays into Orenda’s hands, snapped the folding table open and set the other one on it, then unfolded the other, apparently expecting Orenda to set her tray on it, all quickly and expertly, then cleared the space between himself and Klin in a hop, “hit ya’ bro up.”

Klin handed him the bottle and Sonny took a swig, laughed, and said, “Damn, that’s strong. Are ya tryin to get me drunk?”

“Tryin to get me drunk,” Klin said.

“You do that a lot,” Sonny said, not as if he was passing judgement, but as if he was making an observation, “for somebody what weighs ninety pounds soakin wet.”

“I appreciate it,” Orenda said as she lifted the covers from the trays revealing salads and sandwiches, “but you didn’t all need to join me.”

“I did,” Mary Sue said, glared at her brother and added, “Sonny didn’t.”

“I go where I want!” Sonny shot back.

“I told you to stay in the dinin hall!” Mary Sue told him.

“An’ I didn’t,” Sonny said as if he felt this was obvious.

“You left them to deal with the nobility!” Mary Sue said.

“Bunni can handle them pretentious fucks on her own,” Sonny said, “even if she didn’t have Barbra Allen and Sarya. They got that.”

“You have a job!” Mary Sue said.

“I sure as hell do,” Sonny took another swig of the whiskey, “Them scouts didn’t find a damn thing… Little fuck’s fell off the face of Xren…”

“What is your wonderful news, Anilla?” Orenda asked.

“I’m leaving!” Anilla announced.

“...excuse me?” Orenda asked.

“I’m leaving!” Anilla said again, “Bella’s gonna take me home! I already scried her. Klin’s gonna help me find my dragon!”

“I am?” Klin asked.

“I can’t believe it was so close, this whole time!” Anilla gibbered excitedly, “I’ve been searching for so long, Rendy! But it was so close all along; that’s the way of the world sometimes, isn’t it? That what you’re looking for is right under your nose, but you can’t find it.”

“You’re not,” Orenda started, realized she was wrong, and began again, “well, I can’t stop you. But Klin’s certainly not going anywhere.” Her eyes narrowed and she asked, “Have you lost your mind?”

“No,” Anilla said as if she thought Orenda was being silly, “I keep it in my head so I always know where it is. The secret is that you have to stay grounded, especially for us. Almost everyone in my tribe is a mage, and the air is all around us! You have to learn to go with the flow; if you can’t learn to enjoy the ride, you can cause problems.”

“Klin isn’t going anywhere,” Orenda said as she served herself a large portion of the salad, mixed in the dressing and began to eat.

“But he’s the one who can find my dragon!” Anilla said, “he’s seen it before.”

“Are ya sure?” Sonny asked, “Look at him.”

“I dunno,” Mary Sue said, “Anilla’s right about stuff most a’ the time. Besides, she’s a Knight of Order; she fought alongside us when we took the castle. She wants to go look for a dragon, she deserves to go.”

“I can’t go, Ani, I’m sorry,” Klin turned, clasped his hands between his knees and lowered his head, “The Queen wants me here. I can’t just… abandon…”

“No but, Rendy, you can go with us!” Anilla said.

“I obviously can’t,” Orenda said, “I’ve a kingdom to run-”

“And it’s drivin you crazy,” Mary Sue said, “you’re losin your mind.”

“I am not losing my mind!” Orenda said.

“Rendy, listen,” Mary Sue said, “me and Ani been talkin this over for days. I know this hurts to hear, but you’re an elf. We need the press, the nobility, all them naysayers, to see humans runnin this place by ourselves. We need it. It’s the only way. If you go off an’ leave me in charge, it’ll do more for our image than anythin’ else you could do. You done wrote all the laws, the policies-”

“We wrote those together,” Orenda said.

“But they’re done, they’re wrote, is my point,” Mary Sue said, “we just gotta enforce ‘em. These nobles are goin home at the end ‘a the week and everythin’s gonna taper off real quiet like. Rendy, look at me. I can do this.”

“There are assassins!” Orenda declared, “You’re mortal! They’ll come for you!”

“I wish a bitch would,” Sonny said, “I’m lookin for an ass to kick and Mary Sue won’t let me burn down houses.”

“Klin can get scries from earth mages,” Mary Sue said, “I’ll make Sarya scry him all the time. We’ll keep you updated. But we need to do this, Rendy. This is important. You have to understand that if you’re always here, always in charge it looks like…”

“Like you work for me?” Orenda asked, “Like you’re… still just slaves. Mary Sue, you… you know I don’t...”

“We know that, but the nobles don’t know that,” Mary Sue said, “they twist everythin they see up to fit the screwed up image in their heads. You have to let me do this, Rendy. You have to step down, just for a little bit. What? You think I can’t? You think I’ll run this place into the ground?”

“I think they’ll kill you,” Orenda said, “I think that if I’m not here, they’ll kill you.”

“Stronger folks has tried,” Sonny said, “bitch, did you forget that we fought our way into this castle? You forget I found you surrounded by soldiers and saved your ass? You forget about that?”

“No, of course not,” Orenda said, “I know you’re quite hearty, but you’re out of hiding now and-”

“And sunlight is the best disinfectant,” Sonny said, “Rendy, if I was scared a’ this shit, I wouldn’t a’ left home, left the babies there. I ain’t scared a no scrawny little elf drunk on imaginary power. We are made of starstuff. We are shifters. But more than that, we’re human. And they ain’t gonna take us out that easy. We lived through everythin’ them knife-eared fucks threw at us- took the stones they threw at us and used ‘em to build this castle. Don’t tell me when I need to be scared.”

He took another swig of the whiskey, and Orenda thought it was loosening his tongue.

“If you aren’t afraid, you’re a fool!” she stood, “Like my father! That’s what got him killed!”

“Shit,” Sonny said and looked away. “Yeah, I… I get that Rendy but… it’s real, real hard to take that kind’a advice from somebody who rode here on my back with no plan except to walk up to Xandra and tell her to get the fuck outta your chair. You got a lot to say for somebody who don’t pay nary bit of attention to fear.”

“It’s… I mean I… get that it’s… I’ll tell you later…” Klin mumbled.

“Cryptic,” Sonny said and handed him back the whiskey, though now it was half empty. Klin drank it greedily.

“We need this to happen, Rendy,” Mary Sue said, “I already drew up the press release. You ain’t gotta go to the Frozen North, but ya can’t stay here.”

“What do you mean!?” Orenda shouted, “You did not do that! You didn’t! You didn’t tell all my citizens I was leaving!”

“Yeah I did,” Mary Sue said.

“She does shit like that,” Sonny said, “I knew she was gonna do it. I kinda felt like maybe just Klin and Anilla would go- on account’a… I really feel like y’all need some time apart.”

“You went behind my back?” Orenda asked, “Made this decree on my behalf? You can’t kick me out of my own kingdom! I’m queen!”

“Yeah, a rabbit can look at a queen or somethin’ like that,” Mary Sue said, “I done did it. It’s done. What’cha gonna do? Go all lava monster on my ass? I whooped you once, I’ll do it again. I don’t take shit from my lil’ siblings.”

“I outrank you!” Orenda declared.

“Good luck with that,” Sonny laughed.

“You’re goin crazy,” Mary Sue said with great sincerity, “an’... part of it is rulin, but part of it? I know you, Rendy. I laid eyes on you, I knew you. You’re an adventurer at heart, like your mama was. Daddy talked about her all the time, an’ you got that spirit in you. You can’t stay here forever. You gotta get out and explore. You had a bunch’a safe choices; a bunch’a ‘stay here and live a life of routine’ choices- you coulda been the noblewoman married to that Toli boy, you coulda been the scholar who studied ancient history, you coulda been the pirate who stayed on Big Gary’s ship good out there, you coulda married that headmaster and been a schoolteacher- but ya’ didn’t. You didn’t do none a’ that, on account’a you never woulda been happy with none ‘a that. Go out and conquer an uncharted continent; the one even the Emerald Knight couldn’t conquer. Do it for us, but also, do it for you. It’s what you want.”

“It’d be nice…” Klin said, “to get away from this place…”