I wanted to give a little growl in frustration that I didn’t know a spell to leave a tracking mark on the obnoxious young fighter. However, if I wanted to teach him a lesson, I would have to keep a close watch on him. Either that, or search for him later and hope to be lucky.

“Dang,” I thought, frustrated with the situation. There was no way to keep track of the man. The man certainly wasn’t going to hang around in one place and it would be difficult to follow him until it was dark. “This stinks more than a gnome’s feet,” I mentally grumbled. “Speaking of stinky, I’ve been farting up a storm lately.” Worried that I might poop myself if I tooted too much, I decided to find somewhere to go to the bathroom again.

“Fine,” I reluctantly gave up the thought of staying, at least for the moment. “I’ll get you later,” I promised myself. With that, I flew to another rock outcropping where I could observe more happening but still remain hidden from view. Unfortunately, my prediction came true. While I was flying, my stomach growled. As soon as I tooted, brown liquid poop poured out of me and fell on everything I flew over.

After reaching a new vantage point, I looked for something to wipe my bottom with and ended up just using some grass. After that, I munched away at my dried edibles as I tried to determine which areas were going to be the most vulnerable. While the soldiers hadn’t finished setting up the encampment as yet, watching them finish might enable me to see something I could take advantage of. Unfortunately, the soldiers were doing a pretty good job of guarding the camp. They must have been trained to be wary of enemies that could sneak in or turn invisible.

I had hoped that I would get the chance to poison the soldiers’ food, but I never saw the chance. In fact, I noticed that a priest was stationed near the cooking and would occasionally cast a spell. Although I didn’t know the spell since she was too far away to be heard, I could guess it was something along the lines of a Purify Food and Water spell or Detect Poison spell. Either way, it looked like that idea was doomed to fail.

Each time I came up with a great idea, I noticed that the soldiers had already prepared contingencies for it. For example, I noticed that not only were guards stationed outside areas, such as a tent, but they were also stationed inside the tents as well. Therefore, I couldn’t cut an opening and sneak into the tents without being noticed. I was really starting to get depressed by the fact that I wasn’t able to come up with a way to make the soldiers pay for invading my tribe’s home.

I briefly considered setting something on fire, but I really didn’t see any real benefits for it. Even low-level spellcasters were often able to cast cantrips or spells to stop fires. The only thing I would accomplish was letting them know that an enemy had infiltrated their camp. I would rather wait until I could do something that would have a real effect.

I was starting to feel completely useless, except that I knew that wasn’t possible since I wasn’t a gnome. Since I didn’t see anything, I could do immediately, I settled in and watched what was happening. Maybe I would get lucky and see something. It was worth a shot.

After a while, I noticed something interesting. One of the tents had a lot more traffic than the other tents. If I wasn’t mistaken, then that should be the command center. Considering the boss had to be there, I wasn’t sure whether I should try to get closer to that tent or avoid it at all costs. However, considering that Alarm spells existed, I was certain that if I approached that area, I would be discovered. Because of this, I held back.

Since the soldiers were setting up a camp, they were bound to stay the night. Once night arrived, I could always return to the area and cast the Zone of Death or the Fireball spell. If I was lucky, I might be able to take out one of the bigwigs. After all, they would need a moment to wake up after the spell hit. If I was using a damage over time spell like Zone of Death, the leader might take damage from the spell multiple times before he could react.

However, that was still hours away. I was certain the soldiers wouldn’t wait until the next day to do something. I needed to figure out what they planned on doing before nighttime. Were they going to attack again? Were they going to try breaking into the underground kobold city some other way? With these thoughts, I flew back toward the entrance tunnel to see what was happening there.

When I arrived, I found a group of spellcasters using some type of cantrip or spell to dig away at the ground. Another group of men with pickaxes. After a moment, I realized they were using the Mold Earth cantrip to create a new tunnel. The cantrip allowed them to dig into dirt very quickly. The other group had to be waiting to come forward whenever the spellcasters encountered a rock they couldn’t go around.

I could barely repress laughter as I saw what they were doing. Obviously, the group of men had no idea what they were doing. Just assuming the bedrock was fairly deep, the amount of time it would take to excavate a tunnel would be considerable. I also didn’t notice any support beams which would help keep the tunnel from collapsing. I could easily tell there wasn’t a single miner within the group.

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As it was, they would be hitting rock almost immediately. At that point, the spellcasters would be useless since the Mold Earth cantrip couldn’t affect large rocks. It was called Mold Earth, not Mold Rock, for a reason. It was easy to see that any tunnel they made would be more dangerous to their safety than it would be for the kobolds.

Ignoring them, I flew to other areas trying to see what other ways the invading soldiers might be trying to bypass the trapped entrance tunnel. Mostly what I noticed was a lot of scouts searching for hidden entrances, much like the one I emerged from. While I was a little worried, they might find those entrances, I also knew that they would be heavily guarded and trapped as well. In fact, most of those entrances were narrow and would make it almost impossible for invaders to pass through, at least in large groups.

I didn’t see any way in which the invading soldiers were going to be able to bypass the trapped entrance tunnel. The question was how they were going to get through. Were they going to force their way through with heavy losses? Were they going to use a high-ranking wizard to create a portal or create a new passage? While the Mold Earth cantrip wasn’t able to create a passage through bedrock, that didn’t mean higher level spells couldn’t create a tunnel through rocks.

While I was a little worried about the prospect of a high-ranking wizard being with the invaders, I actually doubted that was the case. If such a wizard was present, the soldiers wouldn’t have needed to use the criminals to test the traps in the tunnel. Fortunately, much of the danger in the tunnel wasn’t from the traps but from the arrowslits. The kobolds could use them continuously to attack the invading soldiers. Another reason was because if there was a high-level wizard, the only thing our tribe could do was try to overwhelm the wizard with numbers and hope enough of us survived.

That left direct assaults. I hadn’t noticed any large groups of paladins, so heavily shielded tanks that could heal themselves weren’t an option. Rogues wouldn’t have time to locate and disarm traps while under attack from kobolds attacking through the arrowslits. Their best option was probably to rush through until they reached where the last criminal had fallen. At that point, the soldiers would start suffering numerous casualties.

Of course, there was one other option. That was a slow, steady creep through the tunnel, blocking the arrowslits as they traveled down the tunnel. Of course, that would take a long time. Also, kobolds might be able to remove or burn away whatever the soldiers used to block the arrowslits. Still, that was probably the best option unless the person in charge didn’t care about the lives of his soldiers.

I was curious to see which option the person in charge would decide upon. Either way, I would probably find out soon. Considering the fact that the soldiers were setting up an encampment, I guessed that they were going the slower and safer method of going through the trapped tunnel entrance. Still, I could be wrong. I know it didn’t happen that often, but it was a theoretical possibility.

Since there were many hours of daylight left, I decided to head back inside and gather some supplies that might be useful later. A few bags of venomous spiders and scorpions could be released near the barracks. Poisons could be placed in the food supplies. Caltrops could be dropped near exits and entrances. If I set some fires in the middle of the night, hopefully when the soldiers came running out of their tents, they might step on the caltrops. With these thoughts in mind, I started creating a mental list of the items that would be useful.

Once inside, I quickly sent some minions to get everything I wanted while I sat back and enjoyed the feeling of power and authority that a gothi of the Einvaldskonungr tribe possessed. Considering I was a lowly teacher in my past life, the only people I could lord my power over were my students. However, they never listened and rarely did what I told them to do. So, basically, I had no power whatsoever.

In fact, I remember threatening a student with suspension one time and she was like, “That sounds good. Me and my mother will watch Dr. Phil together.” I won’t even get started on the grammar mistakes or the lack of concern by the parents. There were so many questions her statement raised for me.

Now that I was actually listened to, I found the experience intoxicating. I was starting to understand my father and his love of sending his employees off to do various chores that he didn’t want to do. “Oh, my mother needs a jump start. Well, I’m too busy at work. However, I’m sure that I can find someone here who will do that job for me.” Being the boss had a lot of perks. That was yet another reason to become a god as quickly as possible.

Seeing nothing better to do while I waited, and knowing I would have a long night, I decided to take a short nap. I woke up when my kobold minions returned with everything I had requested and basked in their desire to fulfill my every need. It was nothing like my first marriage, unless of course it was me fulfilling her every desire. “Ugh, that just ruined my mood,” I said to myself, annoyed with myself for messing up my moment of glory.

Still, I had to admit that my minions worked fast. They managed to bring everything I needed, including more food. Somehow, I managed to finish off a lot of the food while I was flying around. I was starting to get the feeling that I should have taken the feat with the undead traits. I was spending an ungodly amount of time eating these days. Although there was still some daylight left, I decided to set out already. That way I could get an early start to the night.

The first thing I decided to do was get rid of the scorpions and spiders. After all, if I did them last, I might end up eating them as snacks instead of using them against the enemy soldiers. With this thought in mind, I cast the Invisibility spell on myself and started flying toward my first destination.