Music pulsed somewhere up ahead and Seth regretted his life decisions as he downed one of the emergency Adderalls he had and stepped out of his truck. He headed down the dark country lane to a lake house owned by Madeline Rogers, one of the theater kids that still reached out to him now and again despite Seth’s lack of involvement for over a year now. Hard to act when you’re on literal anti-emotion pills. Seth shoved his hands into the pockets of his gray jeans as he passed cars far, far more expensive than his own.

His red and black plaid button-up whipped open in the stiff wind off the lake that then cut through the thin white v-neck underneath. It carried with it the scent of forest air and weed as it swept his short, tawny hair backwards. He felt the faintest tinge of gladness he hadn’t parked closer. This town had too much money in it, and Seth’s refusal to accept money from his father for a car left him at the bottom of a ladder he didn’t care to climb.

How much of that lack of care was the flatness of the meds, he didn’t know. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he glanced at it. Kevin.

It’s past curfew.

Seth shoved his phone back into his pocket as he rounded the last car and headed up the driveway into the light. The party wasn’t packed to the gills, but it wasn’t a ghost town either, and the audio system was loud. Seth made his way up the steps past a group of Central high schoolers sharing a blunt. Seth waved some smoke from his face. That would not interact well with his meds, he knew that from experience.

Seth opened the door and stepped into a loose crowd of teenagers, trying to make his way to the kitchen and spot a face he knew in the process. He was unsuccessful with the latter, but made it to the kitchen just fine. Madeline and whoever else was responsible for this party had stocked it well. There was a keg on the floor and half a dozen handles on the counter.

Seth stared for a minute at the liquor as the Adderall began to do its thing. A few more minutes and the alcohol would be safe to drink. Seth leaned back against the counter of the kitchen island and looked around.

“Look who’s not being antisocial this weekend.” From the opposite way he was looking, Seth received a hip check with force that didn’t match the body mass—or rather lack thereof—of Jessica. Seth looked down to see his sister-by-choice grinning up at him. Her hair, damn near platinum after a summer of sun exposure, shone in the dim lights of the party. Combined with her absurdly icy blue eyes, she looked like some sort of mythological wraith at times. A very pretty one, but menacingly ethereal nonetheless. The mosaic of silky colors she usually dressed in only enhanced that look.

Jessica looked at the liquor, then back to Seth before he could respond. “You’re… not drinking, right? Your meds?”

“Jessica,” said Seth. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, you’re not. You had a panic attack last time.”

“I have Adderall this time.”

“Fucking hell, Seth.” Jessica slapped her forehead into both palms before sweeping her hair back. “You’re reckless.”

“You say that to everything I do.”

“Yeah, that’s because you’re reckless, Seth.”

Seth sighed. “It’s just a few drinks. I just want to socialize.”

“You shouldn’t need alcohol to socialize—“

“Jess, you drink vodka by the gallon.”

“Do not.” She folded her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Uh-huh.”

They glared at each other in the way only best friends can. “I’ll fight you," she said.

“You’ll lose.”

“Not once the fucking pharmacy cocktail makes you as loopy as I know it will.”

Seth wanted to laugh, but the emotion wasn’t there. He forced one anyways. “By all means, gimme your best shot once I’m drunk.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “Be safe, Seth. Seriously. And I’m here if you have another panic attack.”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

“Where’s Andrew?”

“He’s not here.”

“You sure?”

She winked. “Oh, I’d know if he was.”

“Gross, Jessica. You two are my siblings, basically.”

“He’s not mine.”

“Barf. Well, let me know if he’s here.”

“No guarantees.”

Seth pinched his the bridge of his nose. “He has a girlfriend currently. You know this. You have a boy—“ Seth looked around. “Oh.”

“Mhm. Single again. You don’t date enough, so someone’s gotta make up for it.”

“Shut up.” Seth did feel a tinge of mirth at that one.

“We can’t all have high standards like you,” she said.

“You know that’s absolutely not true.” Seth felt the Adderall start to hit, and grabbed a solo cup and handle of vodka, pouring a generous few shots in.

“Hey,” she said, touching his shoulder. “I’m joking, okay? I know it’s hard.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’d kill to be off them, but you know, doesn’t seem like the best idea.”

“Can’t you always just… taper off?”

“Yeah, and possibly die if I don’t do it right. I need the doctors to take me off, and that’s not going to happen until I’m an adult.”

“Fucking asshole.”

Seth pursed his lips for a moment, then threw back the whole cup. “Yeah.”

Jessica’s eyes bulged. “Seth!”

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“What?” He reached for the handle again and she slapped his hand.

“That was like four shots, Seth.”

“Yeah, and I want four more.” He felt his phone buzz three times in a row and pure anger flashed across his face for a moment. Kevin.

“Hey,” said Jessica. “Hey, hey, hey.” She grabbed him and hugged him. “Let’s get you out of here. I know that look. Put the cup down.”

“I’m fine, Jess,” said Seth.

“Your heart is going fast as fuck.”

“It’s the Adderall.”

“Nope. Outside. We’re going. Outside. Move it.” Jessica disengaged and began shoving a protesting Seth towards the back door. He knew she was right, but he just wanted to mix all the chemicals in his system into one forgetful blur that could actually feel his emotions. It might make him a sobbing mess in a random bedroom of the house at some point, but at least he wouldn’t know why he was crying and the emotional release would feel good, even if it felt worse the next day.

Seth opened the back door to avoid being pushed face-first into it and they stepped out on the back patio, once again into the cool night air. A full moon shone down on the lake tonight, wreathed by a halo of clouds. The lake had it's own halo, made of dense, primeval pine trees. The two halos mirrored each other in a harmony of shadows, both obscuring things beyond. Seth stared for moment before someone coming the opposite way shoulder checked him.

“Whoa!” The three of them fell apart, Seth off-balance, Jessica against the side of the house, and the guy off the side of the back steps and into a bush.

“Fuck!” He shouted, looking up. “Sorry.”

Seth knelt down and offered a hand, helping the guy up and back to the steps. He stepped back to the porch after Seth did so. He was a fairly well-built teenager, looking to be a senior like Seth, wearing a ballcap and a canvas jacket Seth couldn’t make the color of out in the moonlight. Tan or olive, he thought. He had a silver cross necklace around his neck. The kid furrowed his brow. “Sorry, again. Head in the clouds.”

It registered with Seth that this guy didn’t have any kind of indication in his accent he was from California. He sounded… Midwestern?

“You alright?”

He nodded. “Yeah, you’re just solid. You seen a short girl? Black hair, really pale eyes? She sticks out.”

“No,” said Jessica, crossing her arms. “Why?”

“My girlfriend. I think she’s here cheating on me.”

Jessica and Seth looked at each other, both feeling something off about the interaction. “No…” said Seth. “You from Central?”

The guy scratched the back of his neck. “No, I’m from Benson.”

“Who’s your girlfriend?”

“Nicole Bauer. She just transferred. You probably don’t know her.”

Seth felt a nudge in his back from Jessica and he eased himself between the guy and the door. “Why don’t you give her a call?”

“She’s not answering her phone.”

“What’s her number? I can call her,” said Jessica. “I throw a lot of parties so she might already have my number.”

The guy looked away. “I don’t think that would work.”

“No, dude,” said Seth. “It’s a great idea. Just give my friend her number.”

The guy looked back and stared Seth in the eyes for a long moment. “You know what? I think I’ll just head home.”

“Yeah,” said Seth. “How about I walk you to your car?” He felt the faintest tug at the edge of his consciousness out of nowhere as he spoke, some distant whisper. He cursed internally. The ten milligrams of Adderall he had taken was normally enough. Jessica might be right, that might have been too much liquor, too fast.

“How about not,” the guy said. “I can get there just fine myself.”

“It’s okay,” said Seth. He looked past the guy, seeing red mist starting to creep out of the trees and crawl across the lake. Delightful. A new hallucination. He looked back to note a shifting of weight in the guy’s feet. “What’s your name?”

“Don’t matter.”

“Cool,” said Seth. “If it doesn’t matter, then let’s get you to your car.”

The guy’s eyes darted left, then right. There weren’t any other teenagers on the back patio currently, and none all the way down on the dock, either. Seth saw his weight sink, his hip turn back slightly, fist clench, raise up and back—

Seth headbutted him with every last bit of force Brennan hadn’t received in sparring that morning. The guy stumbled back, crashing against the railing of the patio and clutching a broken nose as Seth followed, grabbing a headlock and turning. The unidentified teenager flew over Seth’s hips, crashing hard to the ground with Seth following and pinning him.

“Fuck you!” The guy flailed, trying to hit Seth in the head, but Seth shifted his weight, pulling hard on the guy’s head as he drove his toes into the ground, multiplying the weight going directly into his assailant’s ribcage. Every ounce of breath in the teenager left his body.

Seth looked down at him and smiled darkly. “Let’s get you to your car, yeah?”

“Fine,” he wheezed. “Let’s go.”

Seth pushed off him quickly and cleared space for him to stand up. Jessica stood with her back blocking the window in the door to the house. No one had seen the exchange.

The guy wiped the stream of blood from his face and pointed at Seth. “I’ll remember you.”

“Yeah, sure,” said Seth. “Don’t sucker punch people when you don’t know how to fight.”

“Fuck yourself.” He turned and headed down the steps of the patio. Seth followed at a distance to make sure the guy didn’t make a break for it as he walked around the lake house and disappeared down the road. Seth stared after until a car’s lights came on and pulled a U-turn, driving away.

Jessica shook her head beside him. “That was… Concerning.”

“Yeah,” said Seth. “No idea who this Nicole is, but someone needs to let her know what just happened. I got all kinds of bad vibes from him.”

“Same. Felt like stalker shit.”

Seth nodded. “Okay, let’s…” he trailed off as the red mist began to creep up from behind him, past his feet and onto the country lane. He swallowed. “Start looking for Nicole. I need more Adderall.”

“Seth…”

He looked at her and forced a smile that couldn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll be fine. It’s fine. I’m fine. Just didn’t take enough. Can you, uh, get me more this week? I’ll pay you.”

“You know damn well you don’t have to pay me.”

Seth twisted his lips to the side. “Thank you,” he said quietly, before he turned and jogged down the lane to his truck. The mist followed swiftly at his heels, pools of wispy red clouds reaching for him, clawing towards his legs. Seth unlocked the car and ripped the door open, leaning over the seats to the glovebox and pulling out the small bag of blue Adderalls. He looked up and down the dark lane, the light of the moon tinging crimson as it took on the visage of congealed blood. Seth looked down at the bag. Three left.

Fuck it.

Seth downed them all and tossed the bag onto the floor of his truck, slamming the door much harder than he intended to. The window shattered outwards, blasting broken glass in his face, lacerating his skin. Seth growled in pain, staggering backwards into the road and falling hard to the ground, forgetting how to catch himself just long enough to crack his head on the pavement and black out.

“Get on your knees!”

“On the ground! Do not resist!”

“He broke my fucking face!”

“Stop resisting!”

Cold air. Scratchy, white sheets. The smell of bleach covering vomit and tears. A distant scream. Ambulatory shadows.

“Get the fuck off of me!” Seth came to his feet swinging wildly as his best friend, Andrew, leaned back just out of striking range and then rushed in close to wrap him up in what could have been a takedown if ill intentions were involved.

“Bro, bro! It’s me! It’s fucking me!”

Seth blinked as he felt a shoulder press into his back, and realized Andrew had semi-tackled him into the side of Andrew’s tuner BMW. Seth nodded and relaxed. Andrew let go and stepped back. “Bro, you good? You haven’t blacked out in months, what happened?”

“He drank,” said an irate Jessica with her arms crossed.

“I took Adderall!” Protested Seth.

“He took Adderall,” said Andrew, pointing at Seth and looking back at Jessica with his lips pursed. “Shit normally works fine. He drank half a handle last time at my—“

Jessica slapped Andrew on the shoulder, and not playfully. “You know what the fuck he’s on, Andrew!”

“Bro, chill!” Andrew defended the next incoming slap. He grabbed her by the shoulder. “Whoa. I always forget you’re jacked.”

Jessica shrugged his hand off. “Not the time. Seth, is it bad enough you need to go to the ER?”

Seth shook his head.

“No, no,” she said. “Look at me. I will check you in on my parent’s insurance. Your dad won’t know.”

Seth shook his head. “I took three Adderall. I’m fine. I just… It didn’t hit my system quick enough. Things were already starting to get bad when we ran into that creep.”

“What creep?” Asked Andrew.

“Some guy was stalking some girl,” said Jessica. “We still have to find her.”

“Fuck,” said Seth. “How long was I out?”

“You didn’t come back in like thirty minutes, so I came back out and saw you in the middle of the road. Andrew was already standing over you.”

“Yeah, we gotta find her.”

“Bro, I just came to drink,” laughed Andrew.

“And when has that stopped you from doing the right thing?” Asked Jessica.

“Never,” grumbled Andrew. “Seth infected me his fucking conscience when we were kids.”

“Exactly,” said Jessica. “Let’s find Nicole.”