Gilduirn removed his visor and sat quietly in almost total darkness. He was strange for a lot of reasons, one of the ways was he was strange was in the way he chose to join the world of AAO every day. He sat upright in a chair that was designed for long term care. He wasn’t sick, or physically weak, though he was weaker than most because he played the game so much. His physical body was atrophied and lean as if he were someone incapable of physical activity. Gilduirn just liked the chair as opposed to the bed or cot that most players chose for their stints in the VRMMO that left their body paralyzed and quiet because he didn’t feel stiff when he got up.
He sat there, quietly in the dark, for hours. He stared at the visor in his hands with a mixture of despair and hopelessness. Gildiurn was still like that when Idolia came home. His sister breezed in, a mixture of glitter and sound that seemed to brighten the room. She turned on all the lights and moved around like a pixie, picking up discarded energy drink cans and food pill containers, straightening older papers that were laid out in front of her brother. It was the norm, so she didn’t really comment until she saw her brother’s lack of enthusiasm and the way he didn’t react to her presence.
“Hey? Hey? What’s wrong?” His sister was the antithesis of him, he reflected. Beautiful, sociable, and completely in control of her world. She had been the one who had taken him in when he had quit his job in lower-level IT Support with Centra Holdings, the very company that made and serviced the game they both played now. When he had quit he had another job lined up. A technical support manager gig that had fallen through at the last minute. Confident that it was a setback he hadn’t done much other than spending his money frivolously on food and games while he waited for the jobs to come pouring in.
They never had. Days turned into weeks, which turned into months. The money he had received from his last paychecks and the payout for sick and vacation had slowly dwindled to the point where he was in danger of being evicted from his previous apartment. With a simple word and without any sort of recrimination, his sister, game name Idolia, had offered him a place to stay until he got back on his feet.
He was never sure why she had done it. Months had passed without a word as to how things were going. She never asked him when he would be moving out or whether he was looking for a job. Slowly, he had withdrawn from the world until that fateful day. Idolia had come home, completely tired from a tour she had been on that had lasted the better part of a month that required her to smile continuously and travel. She had asked him if he had heard of the new VRMMO that was coming out. She could use a change of pace. Reluctantly, and because he was freeloading, he had offered to play it with her even though he felt bad because she had to pay the starter fees for him.
Awakened Aspirations Online had been his savior. Somehow, he had realized that he was good. No, not just good, extraordinary when it came to navigating dungeons and killing bosses. Originally, he just journeyed with Idolia, but before long they started Ominous, a guild dedicated to seeing dungeons and raiding. She had, of course, eventually left to pursue her love of art and craft side jobs but had never seemed displeased when he kept doing what he was good at. Somehow, he had been offered a sponsorship from a famous streaming company. He had entered the hall of fame of most-watched streamers, and suddenly he was making money again. A decent amount, and for him, life-changing. It may have been a small fee to people who watched him play, but for him, it was enough to eat food, take better care of himself, and feel like he had more agency as a person. For almost a year, he had been able to pay all the bills for both himself and his sister and once again felt in control of his life. He didn’t move out, convincing himself that he would pay her bills until she asked him to leave or until she got a boyfriend.
Control, he thought bitterly staring at his sister with tear softened eyes, had been an illusion. He had been avoiding reality. Streaming couldn’t be a permanent thing, could it? He didn’t know why or when he had withdrawn so much, but now that his streaming income was reduced he didn’t know what to do. He had started to have a revival after the Visage Arc but the guild meeting he had just held pretty much put a coffin nail in any future progression toward that goal.
“Jeez.” She whispered. She moved in front of his chair and hugged him to her, and in her arms, he started to cry. “What happened? I haven’t seen you like this since..?”
“They said no,” He sobbed.
She froze, and he recognized in her body language that she didn’t know what he was talking about and was waiting for more information. “Who said no? I’ll kick their asses?”
“I just got back in the hall of fame, signed that MKC Online promotion, got back on my feet after Mourning…” He said, not knowing where to begin. He had to get the self-pity out of the way so he could work through the real problems.
“Yeah?” She questioned.
“Ominous has chosen to sit out the Void fight,” Gildiurn said slowly. “The council we made vetoed my idea that we make it a guild event. Moreover, they are telling me that it’s a mistake. Just like the mistake to take on the Visage Arc with the full might of the guild.”
Idolia, when her voice came, sounded frigid. Her voice was normally warm and optimistic, never angry or judgmental, so it almost surprised him with the quality of vehemence. “Those bastards.”
Mourning had changed everything. Even when Gilduirn had taken his guild in a direction that moved it away from other players his guild had followed him. In the last arc in AAO, he had chosen not to follow the example set by Shadow Fall. He had genuinely been worried that leveling the army of Residents and the Tradesman and Craftsmen wouldn’t do anything but delay the progress of his guild, the guild that would save AAO. He had never been proven more wrong than when he sat helplessly, dead, atop the mountain where a lone Chronicler who he himself had decreed wouldn’t be allowed to fight with them fought a desperate battle in his stead for the world that he loved. He had ordered his guildmates to resurrect if they could, but they had all calmly reported that there was no option to do that until the battle had concluded. They could do nothing but watch Amelia battle. Even if they did resurrect, they informed him, they would be sent to a southern continent cathedral. It would take days to return to the frontlines.
He had sat there, frozen, watching the battle play out with a sense of impending dread. When the world ended he didn’t know what he would do. You see, he didn’t know when it happened, but Gilduirn had become afraid of the real world. Agoraphobia was the technical term, though in recent years VRSAD was what it was coined. Virtual Reality Social Anxiety Disorder. A disorder that kept the inflicted in a perpetual state of fear of the real world. It was the VR Sad, or the VR Sads as netizens coined it. It got so bad that most of the time Idolia was the one who went out for groceries and when she wasn’t around to do that, he used one of his cash cards to have groceries delivered to the door.
The only exception was the game. AAO had been a refuge where he could make money in the real world, interact with people without anxiety, and make decisions that mattered to him with any modicum of control. That had all blown up slightly when Amelia had smote Mourning on the mountain. In desperation, he had called together a council of the oldest and most well-respected of Ominous. In the future, he decreed, the direction the guild took would be determined not by him but by a council of Ominous.
Today, when he had appeared before them and spoke passionately about the necessity of joining the past event he was surprised when they had just stared at him. He continued to try and explain the importance of why they should go. Hadn’t they seen Amelia’s stream? By now Amelia had slowly shared the idea that the game would end and was spreading information she had received from a reliable source.
Didn’t they know that inaction would only lead to the loss of their game? Yet the faces hadn’t changed. Instead, they had grown firm, and he could see it in their eyes, they thought this was once again a poor decision that would lead Ominous into ruin if left up to their defunct guild leader.
“Don’t they get it?” Idolia still sounded dangerous, interrupting his introspection.
For reasons he didn’t know the game was just as important to her as it was to him. It might even have been related to the reasons that caused her to keep helping her deadbeat brother. Idolia could be herself with the fame that went along with leading a premiere art guild while still maintaining a semblance of her own life.
“I don’t know what to do.” He admitted.
“Aidan. I guess.” Idolia said doggedly. “Ask him what to do. He always knows what to do.”
“He hates me,” Gilduirn said, not sure what she was getting at.
He had made a huge mistake when his arrogance had caused him to seek out Khiafin and his murderer guild. He was Gildiurn, respected and feared, and hated the fact that Aidan had out and out laughed at him and told him he was bad. When Khiafin had laughed at his request and killed him he had been shocked. It was that sort of shock that had started a change in Gilduirn as well as a thought process. Gilduirn knew something of himself now, and he knew that losing the game was the worst possible scenario. Gilduirn needed the game.
“What did they say?” Idolia asked, petting his hair.
“That they would use the Fight the Future Festival event to level the guild in Elysium and consolidate power. It was too much to ask for that many Chroniclers to level up. It was unanimous. It couldn’t be that bad. I mean the Visage arc ended relatively painlessly. At least, from their point of view.” Gilduirn sighed. “But…”
“The game will end that way,” Idolia said reproachfully.
Gilduirn had only been with Shadow Fall for a little while but it had opened his eyes. There were things going on beyond his comprehension and instead of feeling overwhelmed or irritated, he found that it was a nice change not to be the one constantly badgered with the details. Instead of the extraordinary god-like presence, he was used to being treated as; he was a regular player. People had talked to him like a person instead of the leader of the best guild in the game.
Amelia had been the one to first show him the difference. First, when she had stood up for him and said that the last battle wasn’t his fault. Second, when she had invited him to her event. He hadn’t realized how much he owed her and Shadow Fall until Rat had been chatting with him one night and he realized she had simply been doing it because she had enjoyed his company not because she had anything to gain by knowing the leader of Ominous. Lastly, as the person who had personally led a party up a mountain to save a game that had become his life and failed, he knew for certain that things were leading toward an inexorable end now that Void was on his way. It was like knowing exactly where the end of the world was and not being able to convince anyone that what he saw was real.
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“Call Amelia,” Idolia said firmly, surprising him.
“I can’t ask for favors…” He stopped when he saw her face.
“Call your friend.” She said gently, but the way her hand was petting his head made him think it could turn into a claw any second.
“Why are you so nice? I’ve been nothing but trouble.” Gildiurn said standoffishly.
“You’re family.” Was her stern reply. “I love you. Now, obey me.”
“Mmm?” Amelia tapped her terminal. It was Gilduirn. She was a little bit surprised. Forsythe had been home for a few hours and was getting the special treatment from both Elisha and Hunter. Both of whom seemed less concerned with his burned hand and more with the fact that he had won the competition and seemed convinced he had earned the right to marry Hunter. He was also bragging about how she was cunning and had somehow managed to slip through security wearing a nurse outfit.
“Amelia?” Gilduirn narrowed his eyes.
Amelia paused, surprised that he had agreed to a video link. In reality, he was thin, pale, nothing at all like his golden-skinned and healthy avatar in AAO. He had never agreed to a real-life video link before so this was somewhat of a surprise. “Yes? We were about to convince Forsythe into ordering out. What’s up?” She grew more worried when Gilduirn, this fragile-looking person, looked like he was about to cry.
“Ominous isn’t coming,” he blurted out.
Amelia paused, processing that outburst and meaning. She wasn’t sure exactly what he was saying at first. When she finally understood she realized she was glowering. Yet there was something in his expression, fearful and sad, that made her hesitate from yelling at him. He looked like he had really tried. “Are you okay?”
“No.” He whined. “I don’t know what to do. We’re going to lose everything!”
Amelia pushed her brown hair over her shoulder and considered this weak-looking person. She felt her heart soften. “I don’t feel like we’re going to lose,” she lied. “Tell me everything.” She thought about it and shook her head. “One second, let me get Aidan.”
Aidan arrived with a soft drink. Amelia wasn’t sure what it was but when she went to get him she told him Gilduirn was on the line, and that he was frantic. Aidan had paused after that, a movement completely unlike him, and told her that he would be in and receive the call with her in a moment. Another move unlike him.
“Look at you. Destroyed. I like this look you have Gilduirn, you look like a human!” Aidan laughed when he saw the screen.
“Shut up!” Gilduirn scowled. “This isn’t the time. The council that decides where to allocate Ominous has just decided to ignore your event! No more people from Ominous! You’re losing the thousand best…”
“Thousand best.” Aidan scoffed. He contemptuously raised his drink and took a long pull. His silence was met with disbelief from both Amelia and Gilduirn.
“We need them!” Gildiurn snarled.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Aidan replied easily, wiping his mouth. “You come. You’re enough.”
Amelia turned her back on the screen so that Gilduirn couldn’t see her face. Her face was like lightning, a quiet moment in time where thunder could come in at any moment. Aidan took half a step back and winked at her so that Gilduirn’s screen couldn’t see it. She decided that for just this moment, she would remain quiet.
“Ominous is the best!” Gilduirn snarled. Hatred filled his eyes. “Don’t pull that damn act. So full of yourself.”
“So get them already.” Aidan looked bored.
“I’m telling you I can’t!” Gilduirn threw his arms up.
“I’m telling you to get them,” Aidan said softly. “Don’t be so weak. People joined your guild because you shared something didn’t you?”
“They decided,” Gilduirn began again and was halted.
“Gilduirn. If they won’t come, they won’t come. Or are you saying they will?” Aidan arched a brow as if he were having a hard time following the conversation. “Or did you want me to convince them? I suggest demoting or removing your council and solidifying your power base. Kick them out and then tell everyone you’re all going. Or don’t, I guess it doesn’t matter either way.” Aidan shrugged, holding his soda quietly with that slow Cheshire cat grin. “You come. We’ll win. I won’t let us lose.”
Gilduirn paused, looking thunderous, and after a long moment of anger, the look slowly faded. “You’re such a jerk.”
“If you knew what you needed to do, I don’t know why you even called. Be your own bad guy, I’ve already got enough of a reputation problem.” Aidan said. He took another drink and left the room, leaving Amelia and Gilduirn alone. Amelia turned to Gilduirn, not sure what had just happened.
“I don’t…” Gilduirn sighed. “I don’t like your boyfriend.”
“Most don’t.” Amelia agreed. “Do you need anything?”
“No,” Gilduirn said softly. He seemed to be about to say something else but changed his mind. “I’ll be along when I can.” The terminal went dark.
“What was that about?” Amelia demanded. She had followed Aidan out after Gilduirn had disconnected. “We need Ominous!”
“Of course we do. Gilduirn was asking permission. He wanted me to do something bad for him. That’s just running away. He’s fully capable himself.” Aidan shrugged easily, ignoring the look from everyone else in the kitchen who had no idea what was going on. “He’s come a long way but it's not my job to carry him. The world, let alone Gilduirn, is too heavy and my shoulders can’t take it anymore.”
There was an awkward moment of silence and he just sighed. He took his drink and left the room. The light curtain was turned on from the other room and the sounds of a mecha show started reverberating off the walls in there.
Gilduirn stared at the dark terminal, pissed off beyond words. He had gone to them for help and Aidan had spat in his face. It was just like before. With shaking hands, he reached for his visor. He placed it on his head. In moments it darkened his vision and he flew to the other world.
“I’m surprised.” Chrome whispered to him as soon as he got on. “I thought you’d for sure just bail after that bull announcement about how we’re not going to the fight.”
“You think it was bull too?” Gilduirn asked. He was surprised someone had immediately contacted him when he went into the game as well as who it was that was doing the talking.
“Well, yeah. We’re obviously going aren’t we?” Chrome said, surprise in his own voice. Chrome wasn’t his second in command or even third. He was just a guy that Gilduirn talked to now and again who didn’t seem all that concerned with things unless he was missing out on boss raids. “We’re not seriously missing out on a god battle?”
Gilduirn stilled. He was standing in front of the dragon statue. He felt a welling of emotion as he considered. It was right, after a fashion, that he had turned over the guild to a council of people who knew best how to regulate and manage it. Yet, is that what Ominous was?
“Open channel. All Guild, Emergency Announcement.” Gilduirn said softly. He wasn’t sure it worked immediately. All his channels were quiet. Yet a few people he identified as Ominous in the square slowed to a halt, surprise crossing their features. He was glad to see that there were so many of them wandering around Elysium. The world seemed to be shrinking every day and they were so many.
“Ominous,” Gilduirn said quietly. “Do you hear me?”
Those same people cocked their heads, as they didn’t know he was there in the square with them, as if unsure that their own channel wasn’t betraying their expectation. Emergency All Guild Announcement wasn’t a feature that Gilduirn had ever used. When he had given over all the administrative powers to the council that would run Ominous in his stead, he had of course given them power to use this channel as well. Yet, it remained a feature he could use and they couldn’t weigh in until he was done. He was the guild leader of Ominous. So be it.
“This is Gilduirn. As of earlier this morning, the council has decided that we will not pursue the Chronicler quest that Amelia posted about today. This might seem confusing to you, considering I had many Chroniclers in our guild post it in several of the major cities.” He paused, trying to decide what he should say. He didn’t know how to talk to people, at least not in any fashion where they would be swept away by his words. He didn’t know what to say to inspire them or to get them to drop what they were doing. There wasn’t even any real reason that they should listen to him since he couldn’t even promote, demote, or incentivize them anymore. He had given that all away.
“I don’t know what to say. Not to go on this quest? Well. I can say it makes total sense not to do that just like the council decided.” He started, reaching for something to say. “We’ll die a lot. Probably a bunch. Lose experience, levels, probably still lose. Maybe the quest won’t end the game as Empress Amelia said.” He smiled bitterly, surprised that he so easily added the title when he talked about her. “There’s no way that some stupid quest she started can end our game right?”
Time seemed to slow down. Gilduirn did a small turn in the plaza, noting the people that were standing still and slowly picking out the numbers of Ominous who had halted their daily activities to listen. The Emergency Announcement system couldn’t be shut down or interrupted. This was the one time he had a chance to speak before the council used the same system to address his guild. No, the guild of Ominous. It had ceased being his long ago if it ever had been.
“What if it could?” He asked. “What if in a week everything you’re doing is nothing? What if everything, including all the time you spent in those dungeons, was deleted and wiped clean? Would you start the next game with a shrug? Nothing you could do? The council decided we won’t participate. They are in charge. I haven’t actually done anything useful or noteworthy. Dragged us through the mud there recently, didn’t I?” Gilduirn hated the self-loathing he heard in his voice, and took a long deep breath.
“Well, I suck. I suck at real life. I suck at managing. I suck at leading. Do you know how I formed this guild? I was a little bit good at figuring out bosses and finding the right people to go with me. Then there were more of us, and more of us, and everybody who joined seemed like me. Seemed like maybe this world was easier than real life. I don’t have friends. I’m terrified of the real world. So instead, I buried myself in this one. I investigated all the classes, their spells, their jobs, I found all the bosses that drop the best items for me and I went after them. Somehow, I made a connection. I met people who wanted to hear me. I met people who seemed to have the same crazy I did.” Gilduirn almost choked, embarrassed and ashamed that the sound went through the channel.
“Well, I screwed up that last time. I should have learned my lesson, but here it is. Here is what I’m saying. I’m going to be crazy, stupid, and irrational and I’m going to quit Ominous. I’m going to go to the Half Queen Victoria event and I’m going to fight under Shadow Fall. How many people told us we were crazy, stupid, and irrational for devoting so much time to a game? How many people didn’t get it when we raced home and dived right into AAO?” Gilduirn paused and shrugged, making peace with the fact that this was the last time he would be Gilduirn of Ominous. He didn’t care what they thought.
“Maybe I’m just a battle freak.” He paused, and sighed, tired beyond words. “This is Gilduirn. Signing off. Amelia called for help and I’m terrified that I’ll wake up in a week without this game. What if she’s right? What if we don’t beat this boss and the game ends? Then I won’t even be Gilduirn. I’ll just be me. I’ve never even been good at that. So, I don’t know if any of you will show up but… that’d be... ” Gilduirn sighed. “Thank you for your time.”
“Command. Leave Ominous.” Gilduirn dropped his guild and stood for half a second before logging off. He was going to wait and maybe try to talk to some people but the silence from leaving all the guild channels and all the perks of being in a guild as well as the empty space by his name where Ominous should be was just too terrifying to deal with. He logged out and into the real world before hundreds of whispers tried to assault him. He never knew.