‘So where have you been?’ Leita asked.

‘To hell and back,’ Ethan replied.

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Yeah, the quest to find myself, and I did. Found a place where I could face my demons and kill them off’.

‘A success then?’ Leita asked.

‘Yes and no’.

‘Well, I’m so happy you’re back. Seeing you again means everything to me’.

‘Leita, it’s not too late to fix all this. We can walk out of this hospital today’.

Leita’s face turned determined. ‘No. I’ve thought about this for a long time. I haven’t told you everything about my life, but I’ve been broken a few times. It turns out, you can only take so many breaks, and then you snap. There’s no coming back. I’ve made my peace with this, and as soon as I did, it’s over. I didn’t want to get sick, but I did, and when I did, I felt some relief it was finally over. It didn’t look like you were coming back, and for some reason, being sick and not having you was the last straw. I snapped. I’m not blaming you, but tha's what happened. I’m on the other side now Ethan. I’m sorry. I love you, but it’s too late for me’.

‘It’s never too late to come back. This is what I learned while I was gone. I’ve come back to tell you about it. You have to hold on. There is greater freedom than in death. Let me tell you my story, Leita. Maybe we can find a way back to each other, and the life you wanted’.

Leita was looking attentively at Ethan. He felt flickers of hope in her emotion, and so he started to tell her his story.

‘A quest simulation is a strange place’, he began. ‘It takes you back to a period in your life where you are an accumulation of your past. You can face it. You can’t change the past, but you can change yourself. That’s what I did. I changed completely. I became a better man and I did it so I could be a better man to you.

Over the many days of Leita falling in and out of sleep, he told her how he had come to identify himself in Eldon, and for him to become a better person, he had to banish that part of himself forever. He told her of his childhood, and having to go back to address the ills that caused him to become Eldon. He spoke about forgiveness, which is not acceptance, and essential to recovery.

He then told her how, if he was to heal himself, he had to learn to apply forgiveness in his own life.

Ethan made sure Leita understood and had empathy for his life experience and the need for forgiveness. Only then, was he prepared to tell her what he had done to her.

‘ I was there to witness something that happened to you in the past’.

Leita tensed and instinctively pulled back.

‘It was me.’

‘What?’

‘I was the man, who...’

‘No!’

‘I was that man. I’m not anymore.

‘No,’ Leita repeated, looking into Ethan’s eyes. She saw he was not lying. She also saw grief, but the main thing she saw was; he wasn’t lying. Her first impulse was fear and to pull away, but there wasn’t far to run under the circumstances. All she could do was stare at Ethan in terror. He had taken her right back to the moment. The fear. The hurt. The pain.

‘How?’ was all she could say.

‘I told you how, and I have no explanation for it, beyond what I’ve given you. I am not that person anymore. Not even close.

‘You’re the one who broke me. How do you think you’re going to change anything about that?’

‘With my love’.

‘Your love? I’ve had a lot of years to think about this, and I figured out a man like you has no love to give. I don’t care what you have to say about how you changed. You’re just hiding it. Waiting for the right moment to do some other piece of shit thing to me. Even when we were together, before your quest, you would never stay with me. You’d just screw me and leave. Even on the day you swore you’d never leave me, you left and I didn’t see you for 3 years. You’re the same. You’re all lies Ethan. Now I know you always have been. Get out! I don’t have time for you anymore’.

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‘I’m not leaving you. Never again’.

‘Leave! I want you to leave’.

Ethan just sat there holding her hand. She tried to pull it away, but didn’t have the strength. He just held her a little tighter.

‘I can’t. Leave you,’ he said quietly. ’My place is beside you.’

Leita looked at Ethan with hatred and exasperation. In spite of the shock, she could still read Ethan’s eyes. He wasn’t lying. His love was sincere, but it didn’t change what he had done.

He turned his gaze from her. She continued to stare at his face. Millions of thoughts ran through her mind; all of them charged with emotion. It tired her. The love in Ethan’s eyes faded, and her last thought before falling asleep was how life had gotten in one last jab at her. Now she would be denied the happiness of Ethan returning.

‘Why are you here Ethan?’

‘Because this is where I’m meant to be’.

‘No you’re not. Not anymore.

‘Now more than ever.

‘No. I don’t want you here, and I certainly don’t want you. I just want to be left in peace.’

Ethan looked at Leita intently. ‘Leita, I know how you feel. I know life has been one betrayal after the other for you, and I know I’m the one who started it. Do you remember you told me once how all of us people with microchips were missing something? It’s true. In the end, I was missing a soul. You’re missing faith in people. I took that away from you, and you’ve been living a life without it. Nothing you wanted could happen, because you couldn’t believe such goodness could exist. You can no longer place your trust in this world, and to protect yourself from it, you destroy happiness before it arrives. This leaves you in your safe space, but without happiness. You’re hiding from life, it’s because of me, but it shouldn’t be that way. You must see this. You must see at least, you’ve been denied something from life.

‘Yes, I do’.

‘Then use that anger to gain what is your right, regardless of me if you have to. Don’t leave here without a fight’.

‘Just because I didn’t get what I deserved in life doesn’t change anything. Millions of people have lived and died without getting what they deserved in life. I’ll be dead in a few days. Inside, I’m already dead. I can’t see why you can’t understand this, and if you won’t leave, then just shut up and let me die.’

‘No.’

‘Why? Why won’t you respect my wishes?

‘Because if I don’t leave, I’m giving you the one thing you always wanted in life; enduring love. You can’t deny it and now you have a reason to live, because you have everything you ever wanted for happiness. I’m giving you someone who loves you no matter how broken and damaged you are. I’m giving you someone who will support you and be by your side always, no matter how broken and damaged you are. Someone who will respect you, no matter how broken and damaged you are. These are the things you dared to dream of, and they’re here. The love and support you deserve. Leita, you mean more to me than anything else in this world; even my transcendence. I have learned to be a better person, and it’s all because of you. I have learned how to love, and I have learned how to repent of my sins. No matter how broken you are, this love of ours cannot be broken. I love you unconditionally, because all conditions on our love, fall on me. Give us time. Let me tell you everything about the quest, and together we’ll figure out how we can fix this.

Leita turned her head in thought. Ethan was exhausting. He was creating confusion and uncertainty, when she had finally found peace in her life. She took a deep breath and tried to focus on what he was saying, and what she thought about it. Only incomplete thoughts swirled in her head. She was too tired. There was too much to process. She soon drifted off, into the healing powers of sleep.

‘Alright, tell me your stupid story,’ Leita said when she woke the next time.

Ethan gave her a smile of gratitude and held her hand a little tighter. He told her everything from the moment he touched down in his simulation to the moment he left. No matter how much it hurt her or him, he remained honest. He kept it to the facts, and left the interpretation to her. He would stop anywhere in the story Leita wanted, and with the same honesty, try to provide clarification. Clarification boiled down to how? How could Ethan have done something so horrific to her? This was the one thing she asked herself everyday since the moment it happened. It was the one thing she had never been able to figure out.

‘When I was locked up by Eldon, I asked this question too. Every day I asked how? Once I understood what I had done, it was beyond my understanding of how I could possible have done it. The only answer I could come up with is at the time, I was only capable of thinking about myself. Since then, I’ve come to understand, when you think only of yourself, you’re living in a place of evil. You have no conscience.

‘I didn’t have regard for your life whatsoever. That’s the fact. That’s what you have to understand. My selfishness denied you your life, and now you must reclaim it. I’m asking you to look at my own experience, and how I have changed to find a place of forgiveness where you can change. This is all I can give you to make amends. It’s everything I learned while I was away. Forgiveness will take you to freedom and your purpose. What I did to you does not define you. Your purpose is much greater than me. Deep down, you know this, and you know you owe it to yourself to find it. I already know what you are Leita, and the beauty of your being is magical.

Leita thought about what Ethan was saying. She was incomplete. She knew that better than anyone. She had more to give. There was a lot of her she had only seen in glimpses. She was more, and she started to believe something inside her was waiting to be found. ‘How are we going to do that?’ Leita asked, uncertainly.

Ethan smiled. She said ‘we’.