Chapter 3

Recovery and physical therapy

The boys were all smiles, bouncing up and down with excitement on the back seat as I walked up to the truck, and I couldn’t help but smile myself at their youthful exuberance. The world would rob them of that eventually, that was as inevitable as the sun rise. Luca and Riley found that out in a particularly brutal way, but I could do little about that now. Looking at my youngest right then, I was hell bent determined to shield them from that for as long as I could. They had no idea what I had just set in motion, and they never would. They were all far too young to understand the lengths it takes to keep our little world together, their time will come soon enough, I just hope it’s a long way off.

Their excitement brought me back to the here and now, as soon as I opened the driver’s door of the dodge king cab. Their mood was infectious and in stark contrast to the meeting I had just had, it improved my own mood something fierce. But then, having my boys around always made me happy.

The county jail was on the opposite side of Rainwater Creek from the Hospital and the ranch. We’d had to drive through town to get there and thinking about the journey back to the hospital gave me an idea. It had been a long drive and a longer time since breakfast, so I thought I’d give the boys a treat they didn’t normally get. Don’t get me wrong, we ate very well at home and the boys wished for nothing snack wise, there’s just something about buying junk food that’s just really exciting when you’re a kid.

“Hey boys, we’re going to pass by Buc-ees on the way back into town, wanna get some donuts?” I asked as I looked back over the seat, waggling my eyes in a conspiratorial way.

“Yeah!” chorused the boys excitedly from the back seat.

“Well alright then.” I replied, turning back to the front and kicking the big ram 3500 turbo diesel into life. The radio came on and we pulled out of the jail parking lot a few minutes later, to the chorus of the cowboy in me.

Moments later we were all singing the next verse and I stole a glance in the rear-view at my boys. If CJ was in the truck, Mikey always rode in the back seat. Not because I made him, well, when he was small I did what with the law and all. Except for CJ they were all big enough to ride in the front now. When I asked him about it once, he said he knew CJ couldn’t sit up front yet and he didn’t want him to be lonely in the back. They were all good boys and it tore me up that I almost lost two of them, make no mistake, Riley is just as much my boy as any of the others and when they’re old enough I will move heaven itself so they can make it official in the eyes of the law. But that could also wait for now, they were alive and on the mend, that was all that mattered.

I was standing at the sweets counter in Buc-ees about a half hour later watching the boys pick out their treats. I wasn’t at all surprised when they both made sure to order Luca and Riley’s favourites before they got their own. They even suggested we pick up something for Anakin, who was likely still at the hospital and the moms too. I thought that was a good idea and ordered a bunch of BBQ beef sandwiches for us all and a coffee for Anakin and myself, I got the boys some hot chocolates. Just as I was finishing up, the boys asked if they could get some candy for the ride home after they visited with their brothers and I was going to say no at first, but instantly caved. Like I said, they didn’t get these trats often and they were good boys. We were on our way to the checkout, when my phone buzzed.

“Yes?” I answered.

“It’s done Luke, I just got the word.”

“Thanks Chris.” Was all I replied, before ending the call and sliding the phone back into my pocket.

“Are you ready boys?” I asked with a smile. I felt like a great weight had shifted off of my shoulders and I guess it came through. The boys didn’t ask who was on the phone, or what the conversation was about, they both just replied in the affirmative and just over $50 later we were headed out the door, on our way to the hospital.

***

I didn’t wake up again until the next morning and it took me a second to realise what the sudden pressure I was feeling was all about. As it turns out, I had the very real and urgent need to piss! I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt that way. I certainly hadn’t when I woke up yesterday, or last night for that matter, and my dick felt different too, maybe that was why I needed to go so bad. I can’t imagine that I’d been holding it for three weeks, but it sure felt like that right now. Problem was, Riley was on the bed next to me right where he’d been when I fell asleep, and his body, slight as it was, was pinning the covers down. I also remembered that I had all these wires and IV’s stuck in me and I started to panic, not sure what I was going to do.

I must have been moving around too much, because it woke Riley. “You okay baby?”

‘Yeah, I really need to piss though, and I don’t know how.”

Even though he was still tired, Riley burst out in a fit of giggles. “I know you were out of it for a bit baby, but I’m sure you still remember how your dick works!”

On any given day the sound of his laughter would have been the sweetest of music to my ears, and if my situation had been different, it would have been right then too. Normally, I also would’ve taken his ribbing in the spirit it was meant. As it was, my bladder was on the verge of exploding and the frustration I was feeling leaked out a little, no pun intended!

“I know how my dick works dork!” I yelled with a pained, almost angry expression on my face. But I managed to calm myself down and continue. “I mean, I’ve got you locking the covers down and all this crap in me, how am I going to get out of bed? I don’t even know where the bathroom is for fuck sake!”

“Oh. Right…” He said sleepily and with a yawn, followed quickly by another soft chuckle, he reached over me and pulled a weirdly shaped bottle from the side of the bed and handed it to me. “Here, use this.”

I took it from him and stared at it for a second. With the big opening at the top, it was obvious what it was for and how it worked. So, swallowing any embarrassment I might have felt right then, I thrust it under the covers, aimed and let loose with an audible sigh.

“A nurse came in and took your dick tube out last night, she brought you the bottle at the same time.” He told me. “I thought you were awake enough to remember, but I guess not.”

What came next crept up on me real slow. It was fine at first, just solid relief, then the burn started. No one tells you about that part! I guess, if you have a tube in your dick for too long, it kinda starts to stick. So, when it’s taken out, it leaves you a little raw, if you know what I mean?

I guess the pain was showing, because Riley’s eyes widened with a look of concern, and he asked again for the second time that morning. “You okay baby?”

“Yeah, just burns a little.” I said, through gritted teeth as I finished up and shook out the last few drops, before lifting the bottle out from under the covers. “I wasn’t expecting that, is all.”

“Oh shit, sorry.” He said taking the bottle from me like it was nothing and placing it back in its holder. Then with a shit eating grin unmistakably growing on his face, he followed up with, “The nurse said that might happen, I should’ve told you.”

“Don’t worry about it, I would have done it anyway.” I managed to smile back at him. “Maybe next time you can help, instead of just lying there.”

“Don’t you threaten me with a good time young man!” He replied, with a sternness in his voice, that his eyes just couldn’t quite make believable.

Our conversation was cut short moments later, when the day nurse came in to check my vitals. She was different from the one the day before, but she smiled at us and Riley greeted her as Nurse Fiona, so I guess they had met before. After she noted the numbers down on the chart, she then went to work on my dressings. Nurse Fiona said the doctor would see me on her rounds in a little bit so right now, she had to remove them so the doc could get a good look at the healing progress. I knew that wasn’t going to be any fun, but I grinned and bared it. Riley got off the bed and held my hand for support as she stripped me down to my waist and started peeling away the tape and gauze.

Fiona suggested that Riley should wait outside, but I told her I had nothing he hadn’t seen before. I should’ve taken her up on her offer though and so should he, I very quickly realised. Because this would be the first time I would see the full extent of the damage they had done to me. Up until then it had all been an abstract thing. I knew I’d been hurt, but I couldn’t see it, you know? Not anymore, I could see it all now in very vivid detail. I looked over to Riley and saw that the blood had drained from his face. Of course, he had seen me when it happened, but like me, this must have been the first time he’d seen the damage up close since then. I could see a tear make a slow track down his beautiful face, as he sucked in his bottom lip again and whispered, “Look what they did to you…”

I didn’t have any words for him right then, I barely had any for myself, but I did manage to squeeze his hand a little tighter while I watched with a kind of weird detachment, as each dressing came off. I could tell by all the jagged lines, I was going to have some fairly wicked scars. Nurse Fiona was really good about it all though, and super gentle. She even used this wet stuff to make the sticky less sticky, but it still tugged a little. Even so, she took it really slow, and it didn’t hurt too much. The last bandage to come off was the biggest one, the one over the big cut on my left side. That one I could see was going to be the biggest scar of them all.

Once all the dressings were removed the nurse went about poking and prodding each wound in turn to make sure they were okay. I guess she was checking to see if I leaked anywhere. Had she been here a little earlier she would have seen one! That thought made me giggle and I felt Riley’s grip tighten. I turned to look at his beautiful face and saw the question in his eyes. “I’ll tell you later babe.”

“You guys make a very cute couple.” She commented, still poking and prodding.

For a second I wondered how she knew, but then it clicked and I spent the next few minutes searching her face and eyes for any kind of judgement or bad feelings. I couldn’t find any and pretty soon just smiled at her, when she saw me she smiled back and gave me a wink. Once she was satisfied with my wounds, she went about running some warm water into a small portable basin with some cleaning stuff in it and getting some towels ready. Again, she suggested that Riley wait outside.

“It’s okay ma’am, I ain’t got nothing he don’t, and he’s seen me naked plenty of times anyway.” Honestly, I couldn’t stop looking at the damage to my body, it was like I was mesmerised or something, and I needed the reassurance of his warm and loving hand right then.

Nodding her understanding, she went about stripping me completely for a sponge bath. It was a little unnerving being so naked in front of a girl though, especially one as young and pretty as Nurse Fiona, that much did break through my current mental state. However, I really didn’t give it that much thought until she dropped the warm wet washcloth on my crotch and told me with a cheeky grin, that now I was awake, I could do that part myself! The implications of what she said, didn’t hit me until much later, when I realised that while I was asleep, of course they would have had to bathe me everywhere. When Riley asked me why I was blushing, I told him exactly why and we both had a little giggle over it. With my bath over, Fiona stripped and remade the bed, with me still in it! The fresh sheets felt awesome though.

I found out when the doctor came in about a half hour later, just how bad off I had been. Her name was Doc Sarah and although she didn’t want to get too technical or in-depth with me at the time, because I was still so young, she did tell me a few things. She told me that I’d been stabbed five times in total. Honestly though, it all happened so fast, I only really remembered the last one! She wasn’t going to say more, but I pushed her for it.

According to the doc, only two of them were immediately serious, but obviously they patched them all up. The serious ones were in my tummy and my chest. Most of the damage I suffered though, was from the beating I took afterwards. That part I didn’t remember, Riley had told me about being kicked, but not about a beating. He’d left that out for some reason, maybe he didn’t know about it. He may have blocked it out I guess, or he might not have seen it happen. The Doc said I still had all of my bits though, inside and out, so I guess that was something.

She poked and prodded my wounds just like the nurse did and declared that I was healing very well and now that I was awake, I could have the IV’s and monitors removed. She also said, that if I was careful I could get up and walk around a bit, and when she suggested that Riley help me with that he agreed enthusiastically. She even said I could start having showers, but only if I was careful. I looked over at Riley and from the look on his face, it was pretty obvious he wanted to help me with those too and I blushed instantly at the thought but didn’t say anything.

The Doc kept her visit brief after that, refusing to tell me any more, but said that she would be back when one of my parents was there to tell us anything further. Nurse Fiona came back in a few minutes after Doc Sarah left and took the IVs and other cables away. She redressed my wounds. And while she was doing it, she said that we would go through the same process tomorrow then she would help me into the shower, instead of the sponge bath. The mention of which made me blush again.

After I was covered up again, she helped me get up so that I could walk around a little. I hadn’t walked for over three weeks, so I was a little shaky at first, but with her and Riley’s help I soon found my feet again. He clucked over me like an old mother hen though, but I couldn’t fault him for it. We made two trips around the room, then he showed me where the bathroom was and that was enough to tire me out, so he took me back to bed.

Daddy arrived with the boys right then and the relief on his face, when he saw me walking back to my bed, was like night and day from the last time I had seen him. The boys were also pretty excited that I was up and moving, and I had a good laugh as I watched both Riley and Daddy trying to coral them a little, so they didn’t damage me. As awesome as it was to see them all, I think the real highlight was the snacks they brought with them. They were sugary and sticky and totally delicious!

Once I had finished and was just sitting up in bed licking my fingers clean, the boys both tried to climb up and sit with me. When Daddy saw the bed wobbling, he told them they could both sit with me if they were gentle. I think he was talking to CJ more than Mikey, but he didn’t single him out specifically. I also think he meant one at a time. However, as he lifted CJ up on to the bed, Mikey proved he was big enough to get up himself, and they were soon resting against me on each side, with my arms around them.

Mikey just put his arm over my chest and snuggled into me. CJ however, lifted his small hand to caress my face and whispered, “I really missed you.”

“I missed you too little man.” Was all I managed to reply, before choking up a little.

I guess the stress just finally got to them, or maybe they hadn’t slept well the night before, I don’t know. Regardless, they must have been pretty tired, because within moments they were both breathing deeply, asleep. I looked over at Daddy and Riley, a wide grin of utter contentment spreading out across my face. I noticed Riley had leaned up against him, and Daddy had his arm draped over my boy’s shoulder. They both had the same look on their face. Even though they weren’t related by blood, it was truly weird just how alike they were sometimes.

Doc Sarah came back not long after and greeted Daddy with a smile. I guess over the weeks they had gotten to know each other a bit. During that visit, under Daddy’s supervision, she gave me the more gory details. She told me that as soon as I arrived, they had taken me into emergency surgery, and I was in there for over ten hours! She said that even though I was in serious condition, they didn’t want to risk stopping at first, because I had already coded twice in the ambulance and once again in the operating room. I guess Riley was right, I did die three times, that was kind of scary. I think it was scarier knowing I had to be in there so long before they managed to sort me all out though. She said the main reason it took so long, was all the work they had to do to repair my lung.

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I hadn’t been told about that bit yet and my eyes shot to where Daddy and Riley were standing at the end of the bed. I could see the tension within both of them as they relived that night. It must have been hell for them having to go through that, I realised. It was hell thinking about it, and suddenly I wanted the moms there too! I wanted to be able to hold everyone. My mind was doing some interesting somersaults at that moment, at first I felt like a little boy again and I just wanted to hold my mommy. Then I flip flopped and wanted to be able to simply hold the moms, so they knew I was alright.

It got real quiet for a minute and when I came back from my thoughts I noticed everyone was looking at me. “Sorry, it’s just a lot, you know? Please tell me the rest.”

Doc Sarah went on to tell me that I would probably be setting off metal detectors for the next few years, with the pins they had to put in to fix and set a few of my ribs. She said that I was young and healthy, so the bones would heal perfectly enough where they could be removed if I wanted them to be, but that would be a while off. I guess that explained why I’d had so many bandages, wires and IV’s in and on me. She also said that I wouldn’t be able to do anything strenuous over the next few months, she said that baseball and football training was definitely out, and I would probably miss the football season itself that year, but riding and light farm work was ok. The disappointment I suddenly felt must have been obvious on my face, because both Daddy and Riley reached out to touch me on the leg, to offer their support.

She finished up with the knife. Apparently it had gotten stuck in my ribcage on the last stab, and Anthony couldn’t pull it out again, which probably saved me from even more holes I guess. The chest one was apparently the one that was actually killing me, because the knife had been there pretty much the whole time. It was puncturing my lung every time I breathed heavily, and I was drowning because of it. The doc called it a Nomo-thorax or something like that and told me that I’d likely be dead if it wasn’t for Anakin’s quick action.

Riley told me later after everyone left what Anakin had done. He said using just his knife, which I knew for a fact was always wicked sharp, he cut me open, then pushed the straw from my discarded soda cup into me, and made my lung expand again. The doc had called it a chest tube thoracic-something-or-other, but by then I was really struggling to keep all the medical terms straight in my head, it was so much to process. I remember she said what he did was super dangerous though, and I was a very lucky boy that someone with that kind of knowledge was close by. I guess Daddy had heard all this before, but it didn’t stop the pained look of anguish I noticed on his face when I watched him hear it again. Riley’s expression wasn’t much better. The boys were still sleeping, so I didn’t have to worry about them hearing anything they shouldn’t. I made sure to check every now and again though, just to make sure.

She said a bunch of other things after that, that I didn’t really understand, and a few that I did. I was getting really tired again though, which was happening a lot lately, and just wanted a nap with my brothers. To be fair I did try, but I wasn’t actually paying that much attention towards the end. The one thing I grabbed onto though, was if I continued to improve, I would be released and could go home by the end of next week. I asked Riley what day it was, and he said it was Wednesday, so that meant I could get out of here in just over a week and two days! I had only been awake half a day, but I already couldn’t wait to get home.

Anakin must have come to the hospital with Daddy or something, because he came in just after Doc Sarah left and stood next to Daddy. For the first time I truly understood how strong their bond was with each other. Theirs was much more than just a friendship, I could easily see that now, it was kinda similar to how Riley and I felt about each other. I don’t think there was a romantic component with their relationship though.

Daddy held my boy while looking on at me and my brothers on the bed. Then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he slipped his hand into Anakin’s, their fingers intertwining, turned his face towards him and I swear I saw a tear spill out and slide down his cheek. All he said though, was “Thank you.”

Anakin reached out his other hand and patted my foot with an affection I had always known was there but didn’t see so openly very often. He smiled at me for a second, winked, then turned his face to look Daddy in the eyes. I could see he squeezed Daddy’s hand, then he simply said. “You are my brother.”

With that, he let go and walked back out of the room, as if no other explanation was necessary.

***

The moms came to see me that afternoon and it was pretty emotional. They said they would have come in with the boys, but they didn’t want to overwhelm me too soon. They did kinda fuss over me the whole visit though, like I was a little boy again or something, but I grinned and bared it at first. I knew they’d been through hell over the past month, especially my mom, and I guess she just needed to mom for a while. While she was hugging me for the millionth time that day, I just happened to look over at Riley’s mom Kaylee, and although she was smiling while she held her own boy, I could definitely see the relief in her eyes as well.

It was really good to see them both. Other than the facetime the night before, this was the first time I’d seen them since it happened, and I couldn’t help but remember what was going through my mind as I lay on that cold wet fairground. The thought of never seeing them again rattled me so much, that I think I needed to little boy right then, for a while I just needed to be in momma’s arms, it actually didn’t matter to me which one. Didn’t matter to them either I noticed.

***

The next few days were a bit of a blur. Riley was still with the me the whole time and I even got to have that shower Nurse Fiona promised me, it was pure heaven let me tell you! Sponge baths get the job done sure, but there is nothing better than a shower, especially if you share it with someone you love, if you know what I mean?

Someone from home was in everyday over the next week and a bit and between all the visitors and the trips to the pool for physical therapy, I found out that a ranch hand had been guarding my door day and night. I was told later that Sherriff’s deputies had been there as well, but they were pulled after the first week once all of the adults who hurt us had been caught. That was kind of cool though, it made me feel like the president or something.

It was only later I began to wonder why I warranted that kind of protection, but I guess Daddy wasn’t taking any chances with our safety, and neither was Anakin. Apparently, he was the one who took the night shift, every night shift. Someone told me later that he’d been on the ranch every day doing his day job too. God only knows when he slept, but I loved him for it, because it made me feel safer and I definitely slept better knowing he was there, if I’m honest, I think Riley did too.

On the Thursday after I woke up, Daddy and the moms both came into town and the moms decided to take Riley out for lunch with a bit of shopping after. I think their real goal, was just to get him out of the hospital for a while and I supported it, because I knew he needed it. Besides Daddy had organised with Uncle Chris to come and take my statement and Riley couldn’t be in the room for that, for legal reasons we were told. That was also okay with me, Riley had already given his statement, and I really didn’t want him to relive it more than he had to anyway. A parent had to be with me though, since I was still a minor, it had to be that way to be official according to Uncle Chris. Kaylee had offered, being a lawyer, but Daddy said he would take care of it.

The County Sherriff Chris Jeffers was not my blood uncle, but he had known Daddy since they were kids and they had grown up together. Uncle Chris was also in the group who joined the navy with Daddy. Consequently, I had also known him my entire life and me and Riley were good friends with his kids. Uncle Chris had two boys Cody and Hunter, they were pretty cute blond haired twins and in our grade at school.

As it turned out though, what I had to say, didn’t really fill in too many blanks, Uncle Chris just needed me to say it, so it could be recorded. He did say one thing I found strange though, he said my statement was ‘just to complete the paperwork’.

“Why?” I asked, a confused look very clearly on my face.

“Look Luca,” Uncle Chris started before looking over at my Daddy, who just nodded. “I’m not sure how much you want to know, but I will tell you this. Caine Jacobs was found dead yesterday morning in prison. Whoever did what they did, well they weren’t gentle, he’d pretty much bled out by the time the guards got there.”

“Jesus Christ Chris, did you have to be so graphic!” Daddy said, maybe a little too loud. When I looked at Uncle Chris he just shrugged, and Daddy chuckled but gave him a sort of angry glare anyway.

That exchange between Uncle Chris and my Daddy stuck with me for some reason. Many years later I had the record unsealed and found that Caine Jacobs had been pretty brutally raped and then stabbed five times in the prison shower. The last one with the shiv left lodged in his chest. Apparently he had been left to die. He was found dead by guards seemingly hours later, bled out and naked on the shower floor. No one was charged with his murder. But I didn’t know that then, so took it all at face value.

“Sorry kiddo, maybe I should have said that differently”.

“You never did have any tact Chris.” Daddy said.

“S’ok.” I said to Uncle Chris. “So, there won’t be a trial then?”

“All going to plan, no.” Uncle Chris replied. “Apparently all of Jacobs’ accomplices have seen sense and have made statements confessing what they did to you two. Saying that they were under the influence of booze and religion. They’ve all copped a plea bargain and the judge has signed off. Ten years each for attempted manslaughter.”

He had said the word ‘Accomplices’ with air quotes and I didn’t really know what to make of that, but I looked over at Daddy and he nodded sternly.

“Is that all you need Chris?” Daddy asked his old friend.

“Yup, that’s all I need.” He replied. Then he turned back to me and smiled. “So glad you pulled through kiddo, the boys have been scared and missing you something fierce and would love to see you. Get well soon, okay?”

“I will, thanks Uncle Chris, tell them I say hi and are missing them too, okay?” He nodded in reply.

“Luca will be home shortly if he keeps improving the doc said, I’m sure after a day or two to settle back in, we can arrange a sleep over at the main house for the boys and their friends.” Daddy said as he stood up.

“Sounds good, the boys will be chomping at the bit. Let me know when and I’ll bring them out.” With that, Uncle Chris put his notebook away, shook Daddy’s hand and left.

As the door closed, I looked at my father. “Is it true Daddy, is it all over?”

“It is son, you have my word.” He replied, and that was all I needed to hear. He stepped over to the bed, brushed some stray hair out of my eyes then leaned down to kiss my forehead. “Get some rest son, I’ll see you tomorrow, ok? I love you so much kid!”

I looked back up with a smile and nodded, “Ok Daddy, I love you too.”

I was out before the door had even swung closed.

***

Just Before Riley and the moms came back a few hours later, I had another visitor, one I wasn’t expecting. He was a man in his sixties, tall like Daddy and although his face looked every day of those sixty plus years, his body was still strong and showed no signs of giving in just yet. He’d lived out on the northeast pastures of the ranch for most of my life, and we didn’t get to see him as often as anyone would like, but he was always there for the big things like birthdays and Christmas. He was sitting in Riley’s chair, the one by the window, spinning his sweaty old worn-out old cowboy hat in his hands watching me sleep. When my eyes cracked open I saw him smile.

“They tell me you’re gonna make it.” He said, levering himself up and out of the chair. He stepped over and sat on the edge of the bed, taking me hand in his very calloused but warm and gentle one. “You gave us all quite a scare grandson.”

“I know grandpa, I’m sorry.”

“Of all the things you need to be sorry about, this isn’t one of them!” He replied, maybe a little louder than he intended, and I flinched back a little. Grandpa was old, but he could still be pretty scary when he wanted to be! When he noticed my reaction though, his face calmed, and his body relaxed. “Why didn’t you tell me yourself? I had to hear it from your daddy when he told me you were in here. Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?”

“I’m so sorry Grandpa, I wanted to tell you, I really did but at first I wasn’t sure, then I didn’t know how, then school started, and it was hard to see you.”

“Those are just excuses boy, and you know it! You could have ridden out anytime, you know that. I was even at the branding, you could have told me then.”

“I wanted to Grandpa, I swear, I was just kinda scared and I wasn’t sure how.”

“I’m pretty disappointed in you grandson.” He was patting my hand now and I could feel that disappointment, but there was no anger in it, I was pretty sure of that, just a little hurt is all. “You thought I didn’t know my own grandson, you thought I was too old or too dumb to see how you felt about that boy over the years? But the worst thing you did, was thinking I wouldn’t love you because of who you love, and that hurts kiddo, that’s why I’m disappointed.”

“I’m s-sorry grandpa. I s-should have known better.” I said as a tear slipped out and traced its way down my face. I was starting to sob when he reached out to me.

“Damn right you should have known better!” Grandpa replied. Running the back of his hand lightly across my cheek, brushing that tear away with his calloused thumb and smiled down at me. “But you don’t think about that right now grandson, you just get some rest and heal up, then we’ll have a proper talk about this.”

“Ok grandpa, I love you.”

“I love you too grandson, more than you could ever know.” He replied. He told me that now he knew I was awake he needed to head back to the cabin to make sure the wranglers were doing their job out there properly. He then told me to ride out and see him as soon as I was able to make the trip. He also made sure that I knew Riley was still just as welcome as he had always been, and with that he slid off of the bed, put his hat back on, turned on his heels and walked out of the room.

***

Luke and the moms were back and forth every other day after that, they tended to alternate most days though, and they usually had one or both of the boys with them as well. Luca was getting stronger every day and I felt finally safe enough to leave him alone for small periods of time. I was still having my sessions with Dr Jack anyway, and I couldn’t have those in his hospital room anymore now that he was awake. Luca had also started to have sessions with Dr Jack himself and they too needed the privacy. They were hard on him I could tell, because he was so drained after every one of them. But I think they were working, he seemed to be sleeping a bit better. He was still having nightmares though, he tried to tell me he wasn’t, but I knew he was.

The following week came the really hard physical therapy sessions. These were done in the pool, apparently it was the best way to work the muscles most affected, and I was right there to help out wherever I could. I’d told the physical therapist that we had a pool at home so he took me though all the exercises, so I could help Luca when we got home. The exercises weren’t that intensive, but they were long, and he was always fairly tired at the end of them.

His attire, and mine for the pool was trunks, and when he put them on for the first time, I noticed just how skinny he had gotten. We’d both lost some weight over the last few weeks, but his trunks, which were the short legged baggy type, were definitely a little looser than they used to be. They also seemed to cling in some interesting ways when they were wet and every now and again I got a little excited. Just being shirtless, he would normally have excited me, but this time it was different. Most of the wounds were healed enough by then for the dressings to stay off, but they were still pretty red and angry looking, and it was super hard to look at them and not remember how they got there.

Having said that though, he is still stunningly beautiful to me and so very sexy, I can’t deny that. His smile is so sweet, and it melts me every time, his body is still super-hot and his happiness so infectious. I don’t think just the sight of him could ever not do things to me, if you know what I mean? But at the same time, I can’t help but see him now as a little bit, broken maybe? He looks somehow older now, like his innocence was ripped away from him when he got hurt.

He worked hard at his exercises, as he did with everything, but his efforts seemed to make the scars stand out even more somehow. He was so strong, he tried so hard to never let the pain show, but I saw it and it ate away at me a little each time. I was always there to celebrate his wins and commiserate his losses though right along with him. Every now and again though, the stark reminder of my own failures hit me really hard, and I couldn’t help but shed a few tears at what I had done. It was a good thing we were in the pool, hopefully he didn’t notice.

Every time these thoughts go through my head, I feel that old familiar friend wash over and through me, like waves on a beach it comes and goes. And at these times I can’t help but feel responsible, feel that guilt and feel like shit because of it. I’ve told Dr Jack about it and each time he counsels me through it, he really is a good therapist and I think he cares for both of us, as much as he can anyway. Most of the time it works, but then I see Luca naked or even just without his shirt on and it starts all over again, and I wonder if I ever won’t feel this way. Dr Jack tells me it won’t last, but I’m not so sure. I don’t know how much longer I can keep myself together, but I have to be strong for him, he deserves that and so much more!

On his last night in the hospital, we were lying in his bed, and I was gently but lazily tracing the red scars on his chest and tummy with my finger tip. I hadn’t noticed that I’d started crying again, but he did.

“Shhh baby, it’s okay, I’m okay.” He said wrapping his arm around me and pulling me in close.

“Look what I did to you…” I mumbled out quietly, before I could stop myself.

“For fuck sake Riley, look at me!” He placed a finger of his other hand under my chin and lifted my face to look into my eyes, I resisted at first, but he was fairly insistent. “How many times do I need to tell you this isn’t your fault okay. You’re not responsible for what happened to us, do you understand me?”

“Yes, no, I don’t know Luca look at you….”

“They’re just scars babe, they’re mostly healed anyway.” While he said this, he took my hand, the one I had been tracing over his body, in his and held it to his lips, kissing each finger gently. “I’m still here and I love you!”

“I love you so much Luca, but this hurts so bad!”

“Come here.” He said as he wrapped both of his arms around me.

This time and I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. Over the past week they had regained their usual soft velvety texture and felt like heaven again. He must have been surprised, because it took a couple of heartbeats before they parted, but when they did, my tongue slipped in to tickle his. If I lived a million years I would never get bored of the tastes and feelings of my boy. I still felt guilty, and I don’t think I ever wouldn’t, but at least his kisses made me feel better for a little while and I hungrily ate him up for as long as I could.

I ended up on top of him, our lips and tongues never breaking contact, a few minutes later we came up for air breathing hard and a little sweaty. I looked down at him, my eyes boring deep into his soul, like I was drilling for something. I could feel his excitement pressing into me, competing with my own and the look of need on his face was so cute, I couldn’t resist. I leaned back in again and let our love lead the way for the next few minutes. We’d played around over the last few days, but never anything this serious and I think we both needed the release in more ways than one. Afterwards, lying there against each other, with the euphoric feelings wafting over and through us, we drifted into the most peaceful sleep we had had since this whole thing started.

***

Outside in the hall, a smile crept over the face of the tall dark man sitting in front of the door. He had heard what was going on inside the room he guarded and was happy the boys were able to finally share each other again, though he did wish they were a little quieter. He made sure they weren’t disturbed however, he knew how much they needed this. There had been so much stress and pain and worry for the past month that an evil darkness had crept over the immediate area like a pall, and no amount of soft chanting, prayer and burning sage when the nurses weren’t looking was able to hold it at bay until that night. The love the boys showed each other was like a healing balm and the darkness receded. How long it would stay there, Anakin didn’t know, but he would fight it with everything he had as he always had, as he always did!