"...M-Mawmaaaaa~!" …It seems I once again started daydreaming without noticing. Sora is in a panic, shaking my arm to bring me back to reality while tears drip from her eyes nonstop.
"...Maw! Maw! *Sob* M-Mawmaaaaa!!!!!!" Ah, shit. She's crying; she’s seriously bawling her eyes out.
Not wanting to waste even a second, I quickly pick her up from the ground, and embrace her with my arms. Patting her back gently with my hand, I start rocking her around as she rests her small head on my chest. She puts her arms around me with all her strength, as if she’s holding onto me for dear life.
"M-Mawmaaa!!!"
"Shhhhhh…shhhhh…Mama's here, baby…Mama's here…everything's okay…there's no need to cry..." I stare worriedly at her as I whisper those words into her ear. Lovingly, I run my hand through her silky black hair. I pass my hands gently through it, going from the center to the edges over and over again.
"...Why are you crying, baby?" I say in the gentlest voice I can muster.
"*sob* Sora wants to *sob* go with Mawma!" Her strength on her grip increases, crumpling my clothes as her face remains pressed against my chest.
"But baby…didn't we say you were going to school today?"
"*Sob* N-Nn…B-But Sora now don't *sob* wanna go! *Sob* B-Because Mama won't come with Sora!"
"I…see…" She doesn't want to leave my side…and if I have to be honest, I don't want to leave her either. Just as how she's so attached to me, the same can be said about me with her…no, maybe it's even more so in my case.
Sora was born in a really dark part of my life, and because of that, she became the sole light that has guided me until this point. Back then, having to leave her to be babysat by Mrs. Green every morning so I could go to high school made me cry. The only thing I felt I did at school every day was thinking about how I wanted to hold her small hands, and hear her cute high-pitched laughter…or worrying about how she could be crying that very moment, and I could do nothing about it. I think it's called 'Mother Separation Anxiety' or something like that. It's gotten much better since then, but…it's still a bit hard. Even if I'm not crying out loud like Sora, my heart is an emotional mess.
…But I can't show it. There's only one person here that can play the role of an adult. So even if I want to cry, I won't. Even if it twists my heart with sadness, I need to be the one to encourage her to start giving her small steps away from me. We parents are just a temporary home for our kids, a home they'll someday leave to explore the word of their own accord. But…sadly for us parents…the 18 years that it usually takes for our kids to leave home are nothing more than the blink of an eye. It feels like a lot of time, especially if you are young like me, but…if you stop to think about it, 18 years are nothing. 18 years are not even a third of the life of an average human being. The amount of time you spend with your parents, those 18 years, are not even a third of your life. They are nothing but a fleeting moment. And…it's sad. It's extremely sad to think about it like that.
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I hold my silence for a few seconds after that, trying to regain the cool that I almost lost with those last thoughts. Haaah, I'm seriously just thinking about stupidities. Other than Sora's sobbing, the only thing that can be heard is the sound of the steps and mutters of the other parents who also came to drop off their kids. The ones who had already done so stare at Sora and I as they walk away.
What? Do you think we're some kind of show? Get the fuck out of here; mind your own business. I don't actively glare at them, but I do make eye contact with them to make sure they know that I've noticed them staring. That's the best way to make someone awkwardly turn away, after all. And it worked.
Phew…being able to do that means that I've properly managed to recover my state of mind. Let's move on before I start to crumble once again.
"...Baby…it's not that I don't want to go with you…it's just that I can't." I say as I massage Sora's back in a circular motion.
*Sob* W-Why?!" Unlike the usual Sora, who's voice can be quiet and weak, my girl lets out a scream that probably can be heard even from inside the nursery school.
"Because…Mama has already gone to school before."
"*Sob* R-Really?" For the first time since she started crying, Sora raises her face from my chest and looks up at me with doubtful yet curious eyes.
"Really, really." Using my hand, I wipe a tear away from her cheek while I show her my brightest smile, the one that only she has the right to see in the entire world. Even before she came into my life, there had never been a single person that had managed to make me smile in such a bright way. Not my parents, not Rei, not anybody. It is and has always been a smile that is especially reserved for her, and only her—my treasure, my ray of sunlight, my happiness…my daughter.
"*Sob*" Sora doesn't seem to have completely calmed down from that, but she does look a bit better. Her breathing is slowly going back to normal, and her tears are falling one at a time, instead of in groups of thousands, and thousands. I readjust my grip on her, but instead of placing her head on my chest, I place it over my shoulder, in a carry that seems to suggest that I'll put her to sleep. Not that I have any intention of doing that.
"It's 'kay, baby. School's a nice place, you know? You can learn a lot of things, make friends, and more importantly, play lots and lots! Don't you want to see Lily and play with her?"
"N…Nn…*sob*" Sora's sobs weaken once more at the mention of the dear friend that she made yesterday. I suppose the image of the energetic girl who always wanted to play with her flashed through her mind. I stay silent and just let her clear her thoughts for a few seconds, until her sobs cease completely.
"...Will you give it a chance? As Mama always says, if you don't like it once, you don't have to keep doing it after!" I hold her in front of me, and bring my face close to hers, rubbing our noses together to dispel the serious atmosphere in the air.
"Ehehe! ………Nn…….Nn…Nn, Nn! Sora will try!" She giggles a bit from that albeit a bit awkwardly. Sora slowly seems to regain her spirit as she starts nodding with an unparalleled energy. As I have been waiting for that moment, I lower her back into the ground, backpack on her back, wool hat on her head, and a bright smile on her face.
"Go get'em, baby. Mama will pick you up later."
"Nn! Mama, wuv you!" Catching me off guard, Sora jumps on my neck and gives me a hug and delivers a kiss to my cheek.
"...I wuv you too, baby. You have no idea how much." After I say those words and hug her back, Sora hurriedly turns around and starts running toward the entrance, where Ms. Alice lies in wait.
"..." …As I see her walk away with her back facing me…I can't stop a tear from slowly running down my cheek.