The vampire popped up from a spring behind the bushes.

“Now, Kip!” Azami cried from her crow’s nest.

“Kia!” Kip ran toward the statue, looking down at the ground and stepping over some brambles and logs. Once he was in position, he used his claws to slash at the vampire effigy. His first claw attack slashed the paint off the wooden slat. The crude painting had comical white lines on the vampire’s mouth for teeth and two inclined lines to represent a furrowed brow.

“And another!” Kip ripped into the vampire cutout with his other claw. This one pierced the wood, enough to get his hand stuck in the thing, “Give me my hand back!”

“Don’t let him off easy!! Use your dragon powers!” Azami shouted commands as she looked through her opera binoculars.

Kip reached with his mouth and sunk his teeth into the pretend enemy. He chomped down hard but then he released his mouth and screamed to the top of his lungs.

“What’s wrong, Kip?” Azami asked.

“Splinter!” Kip said, as he attempted to pull his hand out. He stepped backward but the wooden cutout came off its hinges and fell on top of him. The cutout was too heavy and Kip struggled before eventually crying, “Mercy! Mercy! Tap!”

He tapped the ground next to him with his available arm, his other hand still lodged in the wooden vampire.

Azami let out a deep sigh. She placed her large brim hat on and got off her chair, “Swiff!” Her broom was dancing by the roses, when it heard its name called and raced through the air. It presented itself vertically, where Azami reached out and grabbed it. She used the bristles as a foothold and Swiff floated her down to meet with Kip.

Azami flicked her wand and the wooden cutout floated on to over kip and was safely dug back in the location behind the bushes.

Kip lay there on the ground, panting heavily, “What… do you… think?”

“What does your system say again?”

“Ugh, why do I have to repeat that bloody thing? It doesn’t like me.”

“Okay,” Azami said, “Even if this neutral representation of your skills and attributes doesn’t like you, let’s hear what it’s got to say.”

Kip had moved the menu button back into his eyeline. He pressed it and a scroll opened up in front of him that Azami could see too.

“Intelligence, 15. Wisdom, 12. Charisma… 8…” Kip stopped reading.

“Come on, Kip,” Azami gently chided him, “You can do it.”

“Endurance 5. Strength… 2.”

“That’s a good start,” Azami said in her calming voice. She gave Kip a polite smile, “After that last test, I have some more advanced insight, if you’d like.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“Wisdom, 12 but with an exception in adaptability. Far exceeds the normal denizen. Your ability to think through problems is unmatched. Strength 2 but combat score… zero. My dear, you lost to a wooden cutout.”

“It’s quite heavy,” Said Kip, still laying on the ground.

“Intelligence is, as you stated, far above the average amount. Your keen analytical eye allows you to see the finer points of every problem.”

“Thank you.”

“But there is not just an abundance, there is an overabundance. You are over analyzing. Your combat score will rise when you take action. As of now, you’re bewildered and easily flustered.”

“Buh! Whu! Well I… Wha….” Kip babbled for a while out of deep bewilderment.

“Charisma. You’re constitutionally incapable of being anyone but yourself and people will like that… if they get to know you.”

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“If they get to know me,” Kip finally started to pick himself up, “If they don’t get to know me in the next five days then they’ll never get another chance.”

“Come now,” Azami said, she got off her broom and her feet finally touched the ground, “You still have a chance. If you give up now, Davorin wins.”

“Azami, if I fight, Davorin wins. If I give up, I will live, at least.”

Azami shook her head, her frizzy blue hair following her every twist and movement, “Everyone is rooting for you, Kip. We all dislike Davorin.”

“KIIIP!” They both heard a booming voice from the way of the labyrinth. The pond Azami and Kip were both next to started to ripple with each coming step. Azami looked over to Kip out of curiosity and he just rolled his eyes. The trees separated and she saw him. A burly man’s body with a cow’s head and horns that stretched out like tree limbs. The minotaur twisted his head so his steed horns could avoid two trees that were planted too close together. He showed up wearing a leather vest and pants that had been tattered into shorts.

“Kip!” Zeke shouted, “I heard what happened!”

“Hey, Zeke,” Kip said, then he turned to Azami and said, “This is the labyrinth’s mob boss, Zeke.”

Zeke caught his breath, placing his mighty hands on his knees and resting his two horns against the prongs of a tree. He quickly lifted up his hand to say ‘hi’ to Azami before replacing it back on his knees for rest.

“Kip!” Zeke finally turned to him, “I heard what happened. Congrats on the promotion. Yadda yadda yadda. Can I have your shrapnel grenades? PLEASE Kip. Can I call dibs on your grenade stash?”

“Nice to meet you,” Azami said, “But he’s not going to die. He’s going to figure this out.”

“If Azami believes in me then I think I can do this.”

“Oooh, gotcha. You’re still in the denial phase. Well, if…. slash when you die, can I please have your grenades? Think about it, Kip. You got some punk paladin waltzing through the labyrinth, ‘la-dee-daa I think I’ll kill some poor minotaur today,’ and suddenly he sees me and all he’s thinking is… ‘uh oh, I’m going to have to battle this guy with his oversized axe or something’ and…. Wait, where is my axe?”

“It’s strapped to your back, Zeke.”

The minotaur lifted his arm and checked his back, “Thanks. Then I’ll be like… ‘Axe? Those are for dorks. Grenades!’ and he’ll be like ‘oh no! I’m dead! Blegh’” Then Zeke stuck his tongue out, closed his eyes, and pretended to be a dead paladin.

“That was a wonderful play you put on but no, Zeke. You may not have my grenades when I die. You are big enough. You can take on an invader or two with an axe. We have to be able to give the weaker ones a chance. That’s what the grenades are for. Not for the people who can already take down someone.”

“Aw come on!” The minotaur’s pleas were so loud that Azami and Kip had to cover their ears, “Minotaur with grenades! It’ll be amazing!”

Kip just shook his head, “I’m sorry, Zeke. Not everyone gets that luxury of strength. Not everyone is you… or Davorin.”

“Davorin… that’s a bruiser,” Zeke said.

“What do you know about him, cow?” Azami asked,

Zeke shook his head, “Fifteen winters ago, a town sent their militia to invade us. Our platoon cut them off up North. They were mostly guards with some miners mixed in. We were holding them off, but their town was rich with ore. They were able to afford help. They’d hired Ducervi.”

“Ducervi?!” Azami asked. When Swiff heard the word, it trembled and started nervously sweeping the dirt even though they were outside and the whole world was dirt.

“Who are the Ducervi?” Kip asked.

“The strongest, most blood thirsty, most money-hungry warriors of the humanlands join the Ducervi mercenary troupe,” Azami said, then she looked upon Kip and said, “You are lucky you’ve never met their strength.”

“So the Decervi showed up and started kicking our ass,” Zeke continued, “We were losing our numbers. The minotaur on my right was getting blasted by a lightning blast, the goblin on my left was getting hit by the same lightning blast. And then there was me. I was getting hit by the lightning blast too. But I survived.

“My troupe had bit the dust. I’m looking around and I’m surrounded. It’s raining because of the lightning storm the Ducervi wizard had cast. I know I’m gone so I’m just swinging my axe, eyes closed. I swing for a while, but the humans didn’t approach. When I opened my eyes, all the humans were dead in front of me.”

“No,” Kip said, covering his mouth in shock.

“I saw up on the hill, even through all the heavy rain and lightning, Davorin’s two glowing red eyes,” Zeke looked up, as if he was transported to that day when he was fighting that battle, getting lost in the difficult memory, “Davorin fought off the Ducervi, enough for all of us to retreat. There had been enough casualties that the human army couldn’t continue. Five of the most powerful fighters and he held them off.” Zeke was shaken away from the memory, back to the present, he stuck his thumb up at a trembling Kip, “But you got this, Kip!”

“You’re making this much worse. I’m Azami by the way.”

“Not sure how to make it better,” Zeke said, “The guy’s a war machine. Kip, you’re not a fighter. You’re not even a lover. You’re just like… a cute lil guy.”

Zeke bent over and pinched Kip’s scaly cheeks, “I love ya, I’m going to miss ya, but you’re a cute lil guy. You shouldn’t be fighting big scary vampires.”

Kip’s cheeks were pinched but all he could say was, “An entire line of humans?”

“Yup. Five Ducervi too. Nuts.”

Azami grabbed her broom and floated around the minotaur’s shoulders, “That’s enough out of you. Kip, the threat is serious, but don’t get overwhelmed. Treat it like a puzzle that needs solving and you can unlock this.”

“Oh… right… Kip you’re going to hate me.”

Kip, “I have so much on my plate already. Please don’t tell me it’s something important.”

“Not sure. Not really up to me how important it is. Way above my paygrade. Actually, it’s your paygrade now, right, brother? How important is losing the keys to the labyrinth?”