It wasn't the first time Triss had woken up fully dressed in a strange bed with the taste of vomit in her mouth. She was grateful that at least this time she didn't have a pounding hangover. She sat up, and the dizziness of the previous night didn't come back.

The room was still lit by the orbs, but a small shaft of bright light stabbed through a gap in the curtains. There was a small silver tray sitting on a stand beside the bed. It was mostly covered by a white cloth, but there was also a steaming mug sitting on the edge. Coffee! She smiled and grabbed it. There was a clear liquid inside. She sniffed it. It was hot water. She took the cloth off the tray, hoping that there was a tea bag waiting there. It wasn't a good substitute for coffee, but it would do in a pinch. Nothing. At least, nothing that looked like it was meant for the mug. Well, there's at least one good use for it. She took a mouthful, swished it around in her mouth, and spat it back into the mug. Not very ladylike, but at least my mouth doesn't feel gross anymore.

She placed the mug as far from the food as she could. The tray held an assortment of meats and cheeses, though less than the previous night. A large slice of bread sat on one side of the tray, covered in what looked like butter. There was more of the strawberry banana fruit, at least twice as much as before.

She grabbed the bread as she hopped out of the bed. Her sock feet landed in a wet spot. She looked down, and found the vomit from last night was gone, along with her shoes. The floor was made of what looked like polished granite, and it sparkled where it had obviously been cleaned.

I could get used to this. She thought.

She wandered over the curtains while munching on the bread. It was good, but the butter had the same slightly sour taste that the cheese had. She threw open the curtains to greet the day.

The day stabbed her in the eyes.

Triss cursed as she stumbled backwards, throwing an arm over her eyes to block the sun’s fiendish attack. Her sock feet slipped on the smooth floor and and she fell down, landing hard on her butt. With a groan, she laid down on the floor. “This is what happens when I don’t have coffee.” She complained loudly.

She laid there, uncovering her eyes a little to let them adjust to the bright light. When she could see clearly again, she stood and limped to the window. After another painfully bright moment, she was finally able to see the view. It absolutely took her breath away.

A bright blue ocean stretched away as far as she could see, the waters calm and clear and blending perfectly into the blue sky at the distant unseen horizon. A bright white sun hung low in the sky, reflecting off the surface so brightly that there were areas she just couldn’t look at.

She had to step right up to the window just to see the shoreline far below, a thin strip of black rocks that looked so sharp and jagged Triss wondered if they were a part of the castles defences. “I must be right at the edge of the castle.” She mused.

Something about the view left her feeling slightly unsettled. It took a several minutes for her to figure it out. It was the colors. The white of the sun, the blue of the ocean and sky, even the black of the stones below were all…off somehow. Ever so slightly wrong. Alien.

She smiled sadly to herself. Teleported to a new world, with strange lizard creatures, and crazy wizards. “And the view being slightly different is what bothers me.” She sat on the floor and watched as the sun slowly rose higher in the sky. She didn’t know how long she sat there. She didn’t even hear the knocking at first.

“Miss Triss?” Reginalds voice broke through to her at last. “Is it ok to come in?”

“Hmm? What? Oh, sorry Reginald. Yes, its fine.” She stood, and turned, wiping her eyes. There was a thick red curtain pulled over the entrance to the room. She hadn’t remembered seeing it the night before. Reginald pushed the curtain aside as he entered. “What’s up?” She greeted.

Reginald paused, looked at the ceiling, then at Triss. “I mean what’s going on. How are you doing, and all that. That’s what ‘what’s up’ means in my world.” she clarified.

He nodded. “Then I am fine and cleaning is ‘up’, Miss Triss.” He chuckled. “Actually, that’s a very apt greeting. Cleaning is definitely what’s ‘up’ this morning.”

She looked at him suspiciously. “What exactly are we doing this morning?”

“Cleaning. You’re fine with helping clean then?”

She shrugged. “You’re feeding me and giving me a place to live. The least I can do is help out.”

Reginald smiled at that. "Excellent. I will certainly appreciate your assistance." He looked over at the unfinished breakfast tray. "Do you need a little more time before we begin? I have other things to do, I can wait til you've eaten and washed up." He indicated the door near the bed.

Triss was about to say that it was fine, and she was ready, but her body insisted on using the bathroom. "Uh, yeah. Give me a few minutes and I'll be ready."

He nodded and left, the curtain falling closes behind him. Triss took a quick bite of the banana fruit and then stepped into the washroom.

The room was quite large for a bathroom, which she sort of expected. Everything was huge here. The floors and walls were made of the same polished granite, though the ceiling was flat, not arched like the other rooms. A half round basin was attached to the wall near the door, and one corner was taken up by an absolutely massive marble tub. Just past the tub she saw a small alcove. The toilet! She thought with relief. She moved past the tub to the alcove and was shocked by what she found.

Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.

The alcove was only about two feet wide, with long horizontal bars mounted on each side. There was a small square of marble below one bare with two small glowing spots, one white and one yellow. The white dot seemed to glow brighter than the yellow one. In the center of the floor was an oval hole.

"Oh, hell no." Triss said. "Not doing third world toilets." Her body protested, and she sighed. "If I had a choice, that is."

As she arranged herself in place, she noticed a small alcove under the bar opposite the panel. It had a few small white cloths sitting neatly piled next to a deep, dark hole. Beside the alcove was a small handle. "Ok, so wipe with a cloth, throw it down the hole not the toilet, and flush with the handle. Not totally third world."

She completed her business, then grasped the handle and pulled. A jet of ice cold water blasted out of the floor at her. Triss screamed and leapt forward, crashing into the far wall. The water continud to shoot out, drenching her completely. She struggled to dress herself, slipping and sliding on the wet floor. Once she finally got the button of her jeans done up she sat up, catching the spray directly in the face. She ducked, then slid to the side to sit against the wall to the side of the spray. She sat there, soaked through and frozen as she tried to catch her breath. Finally, she got up and hit the handle. The jet of water cut off instantly.

She shuffled out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom, then sat down again on the floor, resting her back against the bed. She knew she was soaking the edge of the bed. She really didn't care. She sat for several minutes, eyes closed, heart still pounding, until finally she heard Reginald knocking again.

"Come in." She opened one eye to look at the lizard as he entered. "Not a word." She said. "Not a fucking word."

Reginald stared at her. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. He considered her for another moment. "I understand there may be some... differences between how we do things here Miss. For instance, we usually wash our clothes seperately instead of wearing them in the tub."

She sighed. "That's how we do it too. It wasn't that. Your stupid toilet attacked me. I don't really want to talk about it."

Reginald nodded. "Would you like some dry clothing? Maybe a towel?”

"More than anything. Actually, I want coffee more than anything. But dry clothes and a towel are a close second."

"Coffee?"

Triss smiled. "Yeah. It's a drink from my world. It's basically all that keeps me alive."

"I know what coffee is. You actually drink coffee?"

"Yeah, of course. Wait, you know what coffee is? Do you have any?" She jumped to her feet. "Please tell me you have some."

"Of course. Percival and I drink it every day. It's just...well it's banned by the wizard councils. Only dark wizards and outlaws drink coffee."

Triss stood there, absolutely flabbergasted. "I...what? Banned?" She blinked. "Ok. Sign me up for the dark side. Do you guys have cookies?"

"I don't believe I have any cookies available?" Reginald asked, confusion plain on his face.

"Coffee will have to do. Coffee and dry clothes. Umm..please?"

Reginald looked her up and down, then nodded. "I believe I have some clothing that will work. I will grab you a couple towels as well." He spun around and left. Less than two minutes later he returned, knocking before entering. He had a pile of clothing in his arms which he placed on the bed. There were a few fluffy white towels in the pile as well. "See if you can find something that fits. I believe there is still some coffee left." He smiled. "I will go fetch you a mug."

Triss spent a few minutes going through the pile. There were quite a few dresses, which she discarded immediately. She settled on a tunic and pants that closely matched Reginalds attire. The pants were a little loose, but had a drawstring that allowed her to cinch them tight enough to keep them from falling down. She had just finished dressing when there was a familiar knock. "Come in" she called.

Reginald entered, carrying a steaming brown mug. He held it out to Triss, and she took it reverently. She brought the mug up, inhaled deeply, and sighed. She took a small sip, careful not to burn herself. It was a rich dark roast, a little more bitter than she would normally like, and could definitely use a little cream. But it was coffee!

Somehow, this strange new world with its magic, mystery, and vicious toilets felt a little more normal now. The magic of coffee. She thought.

"Is it acceptable, Miss?"

She took a larger sip before responding. "Reginald, my good man, it's absolutely perfect." She swaggered over and threw an arm around the lizard and gestured expansively outwards with the mug. "Now we're ready to conquer the world! Caffeine for the win!"

Reginald moved out from under her arm, and looked at her with mild amusement, though it was tinged with a hint of real concern. "Are you sure it's safe for you to drink that?"

Triss laughed. "Oh, yes. It's much safer than the alternative."

"Which is?"

"Uncaffeinated zombie Triss."

Reginald scratched his head, His claws scraping loudly against his scaly skin. "So, if I let you drink that you'll be a caffeinated zombie?" He was more confused than Triss had seen before. "I think that's worse? Maybe I should take that." He reached out a hand towards the mug, which was already half empty.

Triss pulled the mug away, guarding it with her body. "You will lose a hand. At the elbow." She warned.

"That would be an arm, not a hand." Reginald said, the confusion still plain on his face. Then, finally, it clicked. "You're not being serious. You're joking."

"Gotta get my entertainment somehow." She said with a grin.

"Yes. Well. I believe I have plenty of... entertainment prepared for you today."

Triss downed the rest of the coffee. Her body was nearly buzzing from the caffeine. Coffee in this world must be stronger than on earth. She thought. She was nearly bouncing on her bare feet. Wait, bare?

"Yes, absolutely, love to get started. One small thing." She pointed at her feet. "Any chance of getting some socks and shoes?"

"Unfortunately, no. I wasn't able to find any. I suspect they were all used up."

"I'm sorry, used up?"

"Percival likes to try new things. He was trying to expand the limits of necromantic power. Most shoes are made of animal hide."

"And he was trying to do what exactly?"

Reginald sighed wearily. "The Gods alone know. I certainly don't want to."

"Ok then." Triss said. "So Percy is weirder and crazier than I thought at first. "

"Percival."

"Gesundheit. Ready to get to it?"

"Hmm. That word didn't translate."

"Oh, gesundheit?" Reginald nodded. Triss thought it over for a minute. "Maybe it's because I don't actually know what it means? It's something you say when people sneeze."

"I didn't sneeze."

"Ready to go then?" Triss said, ignoring the statement. She turned and strode out of the room, pushing the curtain aside.

"You understand I didn't sneeze?" Reginald said, following.

"You understand I'm ignoring you? She called over her shoulder as she continued on out the door. She stopped in the hallway. “Where we heading today?”

“Kitchens first, Tower second.” He said as he caught up to her.

“Tower. Percy’s tower?”

“Percival. We need to clean the research tower after last nights ritual.”

“You literally said last night I’d be safe if I avoided the tower, and now you want me to go there?” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Are you joking with me? It’s not very funny.”

Reginald grinned, his razor sharp teeth glinting under the hallway orb lights.

“I can assure you Miss Triss, I am not joking. We will be cleaning that tower today.”