13
In Your Belief
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The stars were bright that night.
But then again, I guess that’s kind of a redundant statement, like saying ‘a circle is round.’ The stars would be bright on pretty much any given night.
I shook my head, trying not to think about it too much, and drew my duvet tighter around myself. The night was pretty chilly, but I didn't let that distract me. I glanced back down to the letter in my hands, re-reading it for what must have been the hundredth time since I’d written it. In all honesty, my handwriting was so sloppy that I could barely decipher the messy scrawl.
Still, I slowly ran a finger over every word, quietly mouthing them to myself as I did so. I stuttered and mispronounced stuff plenty of times, and noted every grammatical error I could spot, but I never once considered fixing any of it.
I suppose I was just happy that I could actually write it in the first place.
Though, before I could think on that any further, a quiet ‘meow’ interrupted my line of thought. Stepping out of the open window, Fritz joined me on the roof, his green eyes glinting in the moonlight.
“Hi, Fritz,” I greeted, extending a hand down towards him. “Did ya come up here to keep me company?”
He regarded my hand cautiously, before slowly coming closer and sniffing at my outstretched fingers.
I acted out of well-drilled instinct, moving my hand away just a split second before his fangs could remove any digits.
“Uh-uh.” I couldn’t help but grin at him. “Not gonna take me for a sucker this time.”
He shot me a reproachful look, before curling up by the corner of the duvet, as far away as he could manage.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I continued. “Never seen you this friendly before. Well, with me at least.”
Naturally, his response was to continue giving me that same sour look, his tail swishing back and forth in a most indignant fashion.
“Hah, fair enough.” I stretched my shoulders over my head and leant back. Thankfully, my house’s roof had a slight enough slant that I could just lay down on it without much fear of falling off. “Me personally… I can’t sleep. I guess I’m just that excited about tomorrow. Or nervous. Heck, maybe both, even. The big day, when we’ll begin marching to the Dark Queen’s country… Just thinking about it has me feeling restless.”
I gazed up at the stars again. I didn’t really know any of the constellations, so I just picked out a few of the brightest stars, drawing up shapes and names for them in my mind.
“Everyone’s counting on us to take down the Black Citadel and the Dark Queen, but... What about down here, in the fortresses? I mean, no one really knows when the Legion is gonna begin their invasion. They might already be massing just out of sight, for all we know. So, is everyone gonna be alright? I mean… I know that the entire Alliance is gonna be holding the line, all along the border, but… I dunno. Is it gonna be enough? Are we gonna be ready? And what about everyone beyond the fortresses, like Teckleburgh, or… Or Halem?”
I clenched my hands, and for a moment I was back there again, beneath that blue sky, a gentle wind in the air. I thought of those I’d met there, like Lewis, and Diana...
I sighed. Gods… I hope they managed to evacuate in time. I hope everyone’s alright.
“Ahh… I dunno,” I shook my head, trying to bring myself to a smile. “I mean, what am I even stressing out for? Everyone’s doing their part for the cause. And I can’t really do mine if I’m just lying here, worrying myself to death, right?”
I slowly sat myself up and chuckled. “Sorry. I guess I really got carried away there, huh? I didn’t mean to ramble at you like that, Fritz. I know you probably don’t even get what I’m saying, but... Thanks for listening to me, anyway.”
I turned to him, smiling, only to find myself staring at a completely vacant patch of roof tile. “...Yeah. Figures.”
I guess that was the closest thing to “listening” he ever did. Still, it did make me feel a bit better.
Just as I was about to lay back down, however, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. Illuminated by the moon, I spotted someone approaching my house, from the path that led to the estate’s main building. Within a few moments, the figure became distinct enough that I was able to make out who it was. And he did the same, too.
“Good evening, Ansel!” Lord Klaus called out, holding a small kettle in one hand. “Would you mind if I join you?”
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“Here you are.”
“Thank you, sir.” I accepted the cup of tea, cradling it between my hands. Its smell was sweet, almost like a fruit I couldn’t quite name. Lord Klaus sat down beside me on the roof, swirling the contents of his own cup.
I brought the cup to my lips, blowing lightly on its hot surface before drinking. It tasted just as sweet as it smelled, the warmth spreading through my chest almost immediately.
“Good, isn’t it?” Lord Klaus said, smiling softly.
I nodded, then took a stab in the dark, “This is… Chamomile?”
He hummed thoughtfully, and took a drink of his own cup, savoring the flavor. “To be quite frank,” he said, “I haven’t the foggiest clue.”
We both shared a laugh at that, and I found myself already feeling more at ease. We sat there in silence for a moment, taking in the cool night air, sipping at our tea. In the distance, I could still see the city’s lights burning bright, almost like the stars themselves.
“I suppose you couldn’t get much sleep either, then?” Lord Klaus asked, staring out at the city.
“No,” I admitted. “Not at all. There’s just… There’s a lot on my mind, you know?”
He nodded. “You and all of us, my boy.”
“What, really?” I cocked an eyebrow, giving him a joking grin. “Come on now, sir. I’m gonna feel guilty if you tell me you’re losing sleep on my account.”
He laughed at that. “Perhaps not on your account, per se, but rest assured I am quite concerned for the well being of everyone as a whole. And yet, I can only imagine the stress you must be feeling, Ansel.”
I nodded. “I can barely even begin to describe it. But, well, I’m doing my best not to dwell on it. I’ve been trying to keep my mind off it, and all,” I said. And almost unconsciously, I traced a hand over the letter on my lap.
“I see.” He glanced down at it, then back up to me. “Out of curiosity, may I ask what that is?”
“Oh! Uh, yeah,” I said, suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious. “This, well, it’s a letter to my family, in the Südland.”
His eyebrows rose with intrigue. “Truly? And you wrote it yourself?” At my nod, he continued, “Why, that’s quite remarkable progress. You’ve only just learned to read and write!”
I scratched the back of my head, smiling sheepishly. “W-well, at any rate… You know how they say thoughts come to you at the strangest of times?”
He nodded.
I set my cup down on the roof’s edge, turning towards him. “I kind of had a moment like that, I suppose. One day, I happened to walk in here, and it just sort of struck me—This house is big. Much too big for me. And…” I trailed off, trying to find the right words. Still, Lord Klaus was quiet, just gently nodding for me to continue. “...I guess I just felt lonely. Or homesick. Maybe even both. So I wanted to get in touch with them, you know? Let them know how I am. Where I am. What I’m doing, where I’m going.” I fumbled with the letter in my hands. “Just… you know. Let them know.”
There was a pause, before Lord Klaus nodded again. “I understand. It’s perfectly natural to feel that way. Though, I don’t think I’ve heard you speak about them much. If I may ask; what is your family like, Ansel?”
I took a moment, leaning back some, and staring up at the night sky. I took in a deep breath, then exhaled through my nose.
“They’re good people,” I began, fingers gently running over the paper. “My father’s name is Robert, and my mother’s name is Catherine. I’ve got four younger siblings—Rein, Emma, Carrie, and Pieter.” I paused, trying to visualize them all in my head. But gods, it had already been four years since the last time I saw them. They’d all likely changed so much, it was hard to imagine what they looked like now.
...But then again, maybe not. In my mind’s eye, I could almost picture Rein, standing a little taller, yet still scowling as always. I could see Emma laughing and twirling a lock of her hair, and Carrie trying to imitate both her and Mom. And Pieter… he’d have learned to talk by now. And it occurred to me then that I had no idea what my youngest brother’s voice sounded like.
“Ansel?”
I blinked, looking back to Lord Klaus. “...Sorry, sir.”
He tilted his head, his brow furrowed. “Are you alright?”
I gave a stiff nod. “Yeah. I’m fine,” I said, flashing him a small smile. “I apologize. Just got lost in thought, is all.”
He regarded me for a moment longer, before nodding back to me.
We lapsed into silence once more. Lord Klaus gazed up at the moon, while I brought up my cup and took another gulp. It had cooled down a bit, but I didn’t really mind.
“They do sound like wonderful people,” Lord Klaus said suddenly, breaking the silence. “I would very much like to meet them one day.”
I felt my lips tug upwards, my smile coming naturally this time. “Yeah. I think I’d like that, too. Just you wait, sir. By this time next year, I bet you and Lady Claudia’ll get a chance to meet them.”
“Hah, I’ll be looking forward to that day, then.” Lord Klaus chuckled. “You said they live in the Südland, yes? I’ll make sure that letter gets to them. Though, if you don’t mind my asking… Will they be able to read it?”
It took me a moment to realize what he was referring to. “Oh, yeah. I wouldn’t worry about that at all; Emma learned to read just before I left,” I said. “She’s the clever one, you see.”
We went quiet for a bit, before he finally continued. “Ah… It must already be past midnight, I’d imagine. As much as I’d be happy to while away the night with you here, I’m afraid we should both try to get some rest, dear boy.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I said with a nod, as I stood and offered him a hand up.
Somehow, we didn’t notice the carriage approaching until it had nearly pulled up in front of my house. The clip-clop of the white horses’ hooves echoed in the night, and the driver pulled them to a halt just beside the house. The coach itself was white, inlaid with patterns of intertwining gold and blue vines, flowers, and leaves. The driver was an older man, perhaps in his fifties, and dressed in a dark habit, like a priest’s. The door opened, and two women clad in the Dawn Templars’ armor stepped out.
I furrowed my brow, peering down at them. “Erm, hello? Can I help you?”
One of the knights turned to look up at me and waved. “Hello! You’re Ansel Eschenwald, yes?”
“Yeah,” I called down. “But are you guys looking for Lady Claudia? Her Excellency’s home is just a little further up the…”
The rest of the words died on my lips as I saw the carriage’s last occupant step out to stand beside them. Clad in that same white chiton, still crowned with a wreath of laurels around Her head, Her Holiness Celestine Lucross smiled up to me and nodded her head. “Good evening. Please, pardon my intrusion.”
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For a moment, all I could do was stare. I don’t think I even dared to breathe. If someone had told me even just an hour ago that I’d be hosting divinity at my house, well… The concept was so unbelievably farfetched that I would have asked them if they were unwell.
Yet, there She was, sitting at my dinner table, as if this were the most normal thing in the world.
“This is your home, dear Ansel,” She said, gesturing to an empty chair at the table. “Please, sit. Be at ease.”
The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.
Somewhat dazedly, I nodded and sat across from her. The two knights who had escorted Her here stood at attention on either end of the room, while the carriage’s driver chose to wait outside. The goddess Herself looked on with a patient smile, though, I couldn’t bring myself to meet Her gaze.
The silence stretched on for several long minutes, and it was all I could do to not break down into a babbling puddle of awe and reverence.
Thankfully, though, I was saved from myself when the door opened once more, and Lady Claudia stepped inside, following Lord Klaus.
I think that may have been the first time I’d ever seen her outside of armor, or uniform, or really any type of professional wear. Rather, she was dressed in a relatively casual sleeping gown, her brown hair falling loosely down her shoulders.
Her eyes widened at the sight of the goddess, before she bowed her head. “Your Holiness, I wasn’t aware you’d be paying a visit tonight,” she said.
“Please, Claudia,” the goddess said, standing up. “There's no need for such ceremony now.” With that, she stepped to the center of the room and turned to face me, once more offering a kind smile.
“Firstly, Ansel, allow me to apologize for arriving unannounced, so late in the night.”
I almost shot up from my seat, but managed to control my nerves enough to just give a short bow in return. “I- No, Your Holiness. There’s nothing to forgive.”
Still, She shook Her head, Her smile fading into a serious line. “No, I’m afraid there is. I didn’t come tonight to speak with Claudia. I came here to place a burden on you, Ansel.”
Abruptly, my hands stopped shaking.
She stepped closer to me, and somehow, I managed to meet Her gaze.
“Your Holiness?” Lady Claudia cut in, making a small step forward. She made no effort to hide the confusion in her tone, her eyes darting back between me and the goddess.
“During the Alliance’s conference, there was something I forgot… No,” she corrected herself. “Something I neglected to talk about. I told you that the Dark Queen’s power would wane, that this conflict would end. And this is true, but…” She paused, seeming to hesitate.
“I didn’t see much beyond glimpses of what would come after that. What will become of her, once she is defenseless? Tell me, Ansel… If the Dark Queen’s fate was in your hands, what would you do?”
“I’d kill her.”
...What?
I flinched, feeling my body seize up at my own words. Still, the moment they left my lips, I knew that I meant them. And it was hard to deny that to myself.
The Legion had caused so much destruction, so much suffering, so much pain on this world. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the number of lives they’d ended and ruined. Olga Discordia had empowered them, given them the strength and resilience to perpetuate their brutal cycle. And now, in the very last stages of the war, their invasion was imminent.
Yeah. There was nothing unreasonable or immoral about wanting to put an end to her cruelty.
But still… The fact that I’d said that so quickly, without even hesitating… I’d never wished death on anyone before. I bit my lip, and forced my gaze down to the floor.
“Sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“I understand, dear Ansel.” The goddess spoke gently as She took one of my hands in both of Hers. “You needn’t apologize.”
I raised my eyes again to look into Hers, and saw nothing but compassion there. It made me feel simultaneously relieved and guilty. “Could anyone else say that they do not feel the same, in truth? Claudia? Klaus? Emerith? Roslyn?”
No one denied Her words. The two Templars—Emerith and Roslyn—glanced away, as did Lord Klaus. Lady Claudia, however, tilted her head up and met Her eyes steadily.
“I do not deny it,” she declared.
Her Holiness nodded. “And I do not fault any of you for it. Through her actions, Olga Discordia has made herself mankind’s enemy. And yet… I cannot help but wonder; is this the only way? Can there be no reconciliation?” Gently, She squeezed my hand, Her touch warm and tender.
“Your Holiness, you… want peace with her?” I stammered.
She inclined Her head slightly. “I do. The truth is… I pity her, in a way, despite her sins. To my understanding, she is the last of the Dark Elves.”
I frowned, raising an eyebrow. “Really? But I’ve—” I cut myself off immediately, realizing that I was about to dispute Her word.
The goddess didn’t seem offended, however, nodding for me to continue.
“...They’re pretty rare,” I said slowly, minding my words, “but I’ve seen dark elves before, here in Geofu.” I hesitated, before continuing. “And… in some regions, south of the border… I’ve heard they’re sold as slaves.”
“That they are,” the goddess agreed. “Though, in truth, they are known as ‘half-elves,’ those who have descended from an union of a human and a dark elf. I presume that is who you’ve seen.”
I nodded slowly, though I still didn’t quite understand where She was going.
“It is not unusual for High, Light, or Wood elves to love humans. Their children are beloved and blessed. But those born of dark elves…” Her voice was low and heavy, tinged with sadness. “Half-elves are hated and rejected in many parts of this world. Those who gave them life do not want them. In the coldest depths of winter, on the hottest days of summer, even in the dead of night, they are abandoned. It is a lonely existence.”
Despite myself… I understood.
“I pity her,” Her Holiness repeated. “She is alone, surrounded by enemies, hated by all. Once she passes, that will be the end of her people.”
Even as the words left Her, I knew that they were true. And from the looks on the others’ faces, they did, too.
“So…” I swallowed, forcing myself to ask the question that had been on my mind for some time. “What should I do?”
Her Holiness gazed at me, her expression somber, yet determined. “I would have you go to her,” she said quietly. “Defeat her. Not even I can deny that she is a danger to the world, that she must be stopped. But I would ask… No, I beg that you try to convince her to surrender. To accept mercy. If you can do this… Maybe then, there can be a future for the dark and half elves, both.”
And then, She bowed before me, still holding on to my hand. In that moment, the holiness and divinity seemed to fade away, and all I saw was someone who wanted to do good. Someone who wanted my help.
I had questions. I had doubts. But I knew there was only one answer for me.
I squeezed Her hand tightly. “I don’t know if I can do this. I can’t promise that she’ll see reason, or that I can get to her in time, but… I’ll do the best I can, Your Holiness.”
She smiled then, and released my hand. “Thank you.”
As the two of us stood, Lady Claudia approached me, her eyes unwavering. She stood silently, as if contemplating me, before finally speaking up; “If I may, Holiness?”
The goddess nodded. “Of course,” she said, stepping back.
“Roslyn, you sword, please,” Lady Claudia said, her gaze never leaving my own. The Templar came forward after a moment’s hesitation, unclasping her sword, still in its sheath, and offering it to her. “Kneel,” she told me.
Someone, I’m not sure who, let out a gasp. I paused, as her words registered, and then let out a gasp of my own.
“N-no,” I stammered. “I’m not… I don’t want, I mean… I just…”
Her lips quirked up into a faint smile, and she shook her head. Her hand rose to cup my cheek gently. “I was fourteen years old when Lord Grave took me on as his squire,” she said. Her eyes became unfocused as she looked past me, seeing something I couldn’t. “I was never a special person. I was just a girl from a small town, from a family that had lost nearly all its renown, and I just wanted to see the world. But he saw something in me, I suppose. For whatever reason, he decided that that unremarkable girl would make for a good knight, and for the next seven years, he trained me.”
She closed her eyes, and when they opened again, they focused entirely on me. “I am blessed to have my purpose, my father, my husband. But even so, I still am a thoroughly unremarkable person. I’d like for you to be blessed in such a way as well.”
I swallowed heavily, and glanced down at the sword. “I… I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” I said.
She nodded in agreement. “You’re not. There is a very long road ahead of you, and it may yet take you many years to reach its conclusion. But you have courage and you have heart, and I couldn’t be prouder of you, Ansel.” She took a step back, and drew the sword. Her face was serious once more. “Now, kneel.”
My mouth felt dry, and my breath barely seemed to reach my lungs, but somewhere inside me, I felt a spark.
I took the sword and I knelt.
It felt heavy in my hands, but I raised it up, resting its blade across both of my palms until Lady Claudia took it back.
“In the name and presence of Her Holiness, Celestine Lucross, I charge you; Be without fear in the face of adversity.” She tapped my right shoulder gently with the flat of the blade.
“I charge you; be just and upright, that the heavens may love thee.” She tapped my left shoulder.
“I charge you; speak the truth always, that you may walk without falsehood in this world.” She tapped my forehead.
“And I charge you; Defend the innocent and uphold justice, that your virtue may never falter.” She tapped the sword’s tip on my chest, just over my heart.
“These are your oaths.” Then, she drew back her hand. She didn’t hold back in the slightest; her hand struck my cheek and snapped my head to the side, the slap echoing throughout the room.
“And let this be your last unanswered blow,” she said softly. Then, she placed her hand on my shoulder, meeting my eyes. “Arise, Ansel Eschenwald—A knight of the Seven Shields.”
I felt myself standing, though my legs were shaky. I looked around the room, seeing the smiling faces Lord Klaus, the Templars Emerith and Roslyn, and the goddess herself.
“Thank you.” My voice was small, barely louder than a breath, but it was enough.
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“There is one boon I’d like to give you before we part ways,” Her Holiness said, as the priest who’d driven the carriage came inside. In his hands, he held a steely-gray goblet, filled nearly to the brim with a white liquid. Milk, maybe? Or perhaps something else entirely? I couldn’t tell for certain.
He bowed his head low, wordlessly holding it out to Her. She accepted it, and turned back to me, cradling it in both hands.
“What is this?” I asked.
“A gift from myself, and the rest of the faithful,” She said. “Please, accept it.”
Slowly, almost hesitantly, I reached out and took the offered goblet from Her hands. It felt warm against my fingers, and much lighter than I’d expected it to be. Turning it over, I looked at its contents. The white liquid sloshed gently inside of it, and it may have just been because of the lighting, but it seemed to almost shimmer like gold.
I lifted it to my lips, and drank.
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that it was the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted in my life. Some part of my mind realized that it indeed was milk, but its flavor was far richer than any milk or wine could ever be. A sweetness hung on my tongue, and its thick, honey-like texture coated my throat, making me feel as though I was swallowing sunlight.
And then, before I knew it, it was gone. I opened my eyes, and saw that not even a single drop was left inside the cup.
“Wha… what was that?” I asked again, still shocked by how good it had made me feel.
“My blessing to you,” the goddess said with a smile. “Something to give you fortitude and comfort on the difficult road ahead of you.”
Oh. Oh.
I stared down at the empty cup, stunned into silence. I’d heard before that the goddess could create some sort of holy water, which was said to heal the body and soothe the soul. But, gods, I never imagined that I’d get to experience it first-hand. My cheeks felt warm, and my whole body seemed to tingle.
“Thank you,” I said, almost breathlessly.
Her Holiness smiled and nodded, and then the priest reached into his habit and held out a small glass vial, barely bigger than the length of a finger.
“This is yet more of Her divine blessing,” he told me in a deep, quiet voice, as he placed it into my hands. I was almost overwhelmed by a sudden urge to uncork it then and there and drink it down. But I stopped myself, and it passed almost as quickly as it came. “Drink only a little, and only at need.”
I nodded, and carefully tucked it away in a pocket, keeping a hand over it.
“Thank you both,” I said again.
“Be safe, Sir Ansel,” the goddess replied.
She and Her escorts left not long after that. Lady Claudia, Lord Klaus, and me watched their white carriage fade into the night.