On the way back my dad and I split off. I decide now is a good time for dinner. A collection of finer restaurants that serve a variety of foods present themselves before me. I head in the direction of the one I frequent called, “The Gathering.” It is a primarily traditional Tauss restaurant that sells some of my favorites.
I approach a booth I usually sit at whenever I see Guaro eating alone in another private Booth. I walk over to him and pat him on the shoulder. The man directs his attention at me with sharp but puffy eyes.
His intense aura shifts as he says, “Why, sit down young Waulack! Might I say you look splendid today? Isn’t that everyday though? Let me treat you young one.”
I see straight through the man’s pleasant facade and respond with, “You know I always hear this whenever I need it...” I sit down across from him and stare directly into his eyes before saying, “Somehow...Someway...It’s okay to be weak. It’s okay to hurt.”
The old man’s armor forms cracks, but abstains from collapse as he says, “...I know we both know each other well son, but...”
Guaro hunches over and lowers his eyes to glare at me while saying, “Don’t pry into my business. We’ve been over this far too many times.”
“Maybe it’s because this conversation never goes far enough. You know I love you old man. You’ve done more for me and the Terks than anybody else. Especially whenever Braul almost took over,” I say while never letting him break eye contact.
“Too little too late, young Waulack. I’d love to have a mundane conversation with you from time to time. Feels like you focus far too hard on either work or sorrows. Makes for bad beer and if you don’t stop, a bad time,” Guaro says while slowly filling his eyes with cold like dry ice. Cold so full and deep your flesh dies just by getting close.
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I feel one of my eyes twitch before I say, “I know it sounds stupid for me to say...I might be able to understand better than anybody...”
“Nox. You may be a genius, but that does NOT,” Guaro slams a beer on the table breaking the mug, “Mean you understand everything boy.Sometimes people lose things they-....”
The old man stops mid sentence and throws the handle at the wall. Tiny specs of blood fall on the table, but he quickly throws enough money to pay for anything on the menu at the table before rushing out of the bar in a brisk pace. I see a couple faces raise their eyebrows and slowly look away.
The conversation happens every few weeks, and my heart aches for the old man. He is completely alone, and I have the gall to say I understand. I don’t even know how he gets up in the morning.
I think about how the great light took away his wife and child. How I am the one to blame for it all because I failed to save them. My soul is heavy under the burden, and my courage is lashed every time the old man smiles a hollow smile.
With steps far more hollow then normal, I walk back home after not eating. I cry as I question everything I’m doing, and how little it all seems to matter when stacked against my sins. After awhile I feel the tears fade, and my consciousness slips through the cracks of time.
*******
Sorry for length. It felt right at this length though.