“I’m just glad things have changed...” Elaine says while holding me in her lap.

“Crazy to think how it was just a year ago,” I say while reminiscing.

She's holding my head in her lap as we both lay in a large bed in the private quarters of the renovated courthouse. The room has nice accommodations and good lighting to let us read or relax. The bed is mostly covered in fur and has a nice spongy feel to it underneath. Elaine uses her voice to soothe my troubled mind after any large event happens, and last week with my dad...has me in turmoil.

“You know it feels like you have it all figured out sometimes son. Like how you flipped the village on its head when you made alcohol. We always had small brews, but it really changed how the village was run. Did you know things were going to end up like they did?” my mom asks while gently stroking my hair backwards.

“I know it seems like I have all the answers sometimes, but I’ve made huge mistakes. If anything, I’m more vulnerable to failure than you or Klay. I just fall into a good situation, and you two can somehow make it so. You want me to tell you exactly how I saw it?" I ask softly.

“I would. I’m always here to listen. How did you see it?” She questions.

“I saw it as me mindlessly trying to save the villagers. I wanted to save lives because I’d struggled with it before. I didn’t want my mistakes to define me, and...I didn’t want to face them either. It was completely on accident that dad ended up being elected to the council, and then after I saw how badly we Terks were being treated...I knew we could change things if he ran for mayor. Alcohol just ended up hurting Braul’s ability to control the medicine around this area, and penicillin was the last nail in the coffin. Other people were the ones who actually went against him.” I say while peacefully lying still.

“You say it like it was a coincidence? You talk about it like it wasn’t as bad as it was. We Terks were treated like slaves...Do you remember the contracts? They basically made us Braul’s property. If you hadn’t helped Klay get elected...” She gulps as she gently curls my hair in her ring finger.

“Yeah...I guess it all worked out this time, but I...I’ve made mistakes. I wish I could always handle things like that, but...” I feel pools well in my eyes. Small beads of water gently cascade down the features of my face as I remain silent.

“I think we all make mistakes. It’s how we come back from them that defines us. Did you try to save everybody in the village? ” Elaine says while scanning me with her eyes.

I nod up and down as I feel the hot water increase in volume.

“I think that’s all we can do. Imagine if we were all defined by our mistakes. There would be no good people, but there are. You’ve saved thousands of lives with your heart and mind. You put genuine effort into it every day, and you grieve over those who are lost. I think your soul is beautiful, and you make it brighter with each passing day.”

My mom holds my head up with her small frame as she says the last sentence, and I feel warm drops of water fall onto the back of my head. The cracks and scars of my past are slowly healing under her pure virtue, and with it a new strength appears. I start to quietly sob in front of my mother, and she pets me with an empathetic glint in her reddening eyes.

“Just try your best, and be who you want to be. You’re the effort and direction you put into your actions, not the results. ” she shakily says as she puts her head above mine and shows me her gracefully crying face. We both smile and softly laugh.

“Haha, I guess...You want me to keep trying, and if bad things happen then I need to just try and make them good things? ” I say while letting myself appear vulnerable for the first time in...what feels like years...

“Exactly. That’s all you can do.” She grabs my head and shakes it from side to side as if to sift out the silliness in me.

After about 30 minutes I get up and say, “I think it’s time I go and really put myself out there. I can’t fall if I have two people like you and dad behind me...”

I pick up her hand and kiss her on her cheek. I watch as she smiles like she has finally seen what she needs. Like she's going to watch miracles happen from now on.

I walk up to the mirror in my room down the hallway on the second floor. I look in the mirror and a beefy 12 year old stares back at me. His eyes are distant somehow. A pale green iris surrounds pits of tar black filth, but the surrounding tan skin and light brown hair soften the hardness. His hair glistens like gold with sunlight, and his arms are too large for his age. He cuts his hair short with a razor laying next to the table, so he looks proper, but...He looks like he's far too tired to keep doing whatever he's doing...

After I clean myself up slightly I decide to spend the day actually relaxing for a change. I've literally worked every day for the last few years trying to make Tauss into a Utopian, juggernaut state...I have mostly succeeded, but as always the truth was not as sweet as I hope for.

I walk down the boulevard and notice some small stares that I'm completely accustomed to. In my previous life not a single person could resist staring at my freak show like body, but these glances are different. I guess it's the fact that the razor haircut made my hair look odd compared to everybody else…

I've spent so much time inside I didn't realize the village has somehow made itself a dozen times larger in just 3 or 4 years. I can hear rumors about miracle medicine and architecture that have revolutionized life in Tauss.

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I have routinely spent so much time inventing and working I keep forgetting what I'm supposed to do for fun...I spot a clearing of land where there is a group of children all gathered around a board. It 's a game of chess. I think about how I made my father invent the game to increase the culture of the region.

“No! I am telling you that isn’t a rule. You can only go sideways with pawns, ” a young boy says to another girl who's playing.

“I know how to play. Scared to lose today’s lunch as well? A shame you can’t afford to lose...” The young girl says mockingly.

The young boy comes into view as I brazenly walk up. He has a small cap and a roughly tailored coat obviously too big for him. His sallow cheeks and thin frame work to his advantage as his eyes shrewdly scan the board. It makes him appear like someone who is getting stepped on now, but in no time will quickly become a fierce individual bred by hardship. The force of a staving animal radiates off the young teenager.

The girl stands out as being the polar opposite. She is obviously one of the people who moved in with the influx of immigrants hoping for a better life in Tauss. Her fine dress and hair seem to ooze wealth as she tramples on the young boy in the game of chess. Her blond hair sticks out because of its freshly combed look, and her dress looks out of place on her because of her age. She only looks about 14 years old.

The small boy has a collective of followers who are all watching, and the boy uses this to his advantage by saying, “Who here has ever heard of this? You can’t swap your king and rook like that!?”

I interject, “Yes you can. It’s called castling.”

The boy shoots me a venomous look before his group of friends all swagger up to me. I see no harshness in their stares, so I stand my ground.

“...Well with that it looks like I win!” the girl says as she topples over the boy’s king.

“Looks like I get the food again, and next time try to put up a decent challenge.” 

The girl walks to me and says, “You...Thank you.” She tosses her hair in a disgusting display of confidence.

“What’s your name? Mine’s Elizabeth. Care to go for a walk?” She says the sentence as though refusing is an impossibility. She underestimates how out of practice I am around girls. In my past life I was only experienced with one girl, and I knew her before the fire or ALS... I was deformed, and I had always approached anybody if I wanted to talk to them. Her advances put me out of my comfort zone, and into a very confused state.

I freeze up and can't take her hand as she gently reaches out for me.

“Haha! The idiot can’t even move! Wet behind the ears, ey? Why don’t you go fuck with somebody else before making yourself look even more stupid,” the young ringleader says while his goons look forward and laugh. I run a fever thinking about how if I just had a little bit of time I'd be able to handle it, but the change to an all too familiar atmosphere quickly brings me back, and I thank him from the bottom of my heart for saving me before responding. 

“It's a game my friend. Some of us are good, and some of us...are bad.” I say while pointing at his chest.

“Pretty boy likes talking big ay? You think your so good ay?” Jax says while crinkling his nose and pointing at the table they used to play the game.

"Sureeee. This is going to go great for you. What are you going to bet? Your soul? Life per chance? This is how I'm going to do it. You win, I will literally do anything you say. If I win, you agree castling is legal, and leave without saying a word?" I say while slowly picking up the white king off of the board.

"Sit down then. We'll see pretty boy." He says.

Within a minute I win. They've never seen a fool's mate before, and the effect is dramatic. Each one of them ogles at the board like I've turned water to wine.

"Awesome. So castling is legal now. We done?" I say.

With surprising integrity the hot faced boy gets up...and leaves. I think about how every character trait is double sided. Even the bad ones like pride. 

The girl watches from the side, and after he and his group leave she walks up to me. I turn around to the girl. I slowly start to understand the thick atmosphere between us despite my thick skull, and after about 15 seconds of excruciating silence my groggy brain responds to my commands.

“I...I’m Nox, ” I say with a stone face and completely rigid movements.

“Why yes you are,” she says with the confidence of a professional conversationalist.

“Why don’t we go have lunch at my place?” She says as though we are being unfashionable at the current location. I decide to shut her down mainly because I feel trouble brewing. Her type is dangerous given any real leverage.

“I...I’m so-”

“So happy to come? I know. Let’s go.” She wraps her arms around mine and shuffles us towards the nicer part of the growing town.

*********

I am making MASSIVE edits going backwards. If you spot tense errors or anything like that please let me know! I will probably make a second go through soon.