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< Though the board is rather flat in hierarchy, certain members that would be above me would imbalance the entire mental image greatly, so perhaps do not think too hard on it. As for the interest situation, certain other developments that I will not name closer do require me to pay interest to this. The last team to question publicly what I showed interest in or not has displeased me, and I will let them sift through the wastewater of the quarters the target is occupying. It depends on your analysis if I will let it slip who inspired me to this assignment. And before you have to ask, yes, I can. As long as I produce results, I can do many things. You will read this. You will see. You will develop. Enough development produces results. >> << <> << < << Okay, everybody, calm down… it is the time of the lesson where we deal with das questions. Now that we have all discussed das thrilling socio-political implications of das work life balance picture, in modern day america, as exemplified by the comic strip Garfield, and we have talked about das homework, and next week's presentation, are there any questions? And please, if it is about mein Dating preference, I am honored, am still married to mein Wörk. And mein Wörk ist ein sehr demanding Lady. *a question in rapid arabic, followed by an equally rapid counter of “Walter”* So, to repeat this for the class, and to not discriminate against the people that do not speak modern arabic without being able to enunciate clearly…. Hassan asks what I think of the way das police treats us recent or former immigrants, and how to deal with it. Do you think it is ein fitting Thema to be discussed? Remember, when all is said and done, you pay me to help you study. *A chorus of affirmatives, several in non english languages. * Okay, let me try to bring das order to mein words. Allright, so das first thing is , we have to understand why das Police treat us that way. I do get that some of you have been told differently, have already a firm opinion on dies, in which case, please, try to not make it bad for the rest of das class. Who knows, maybe you too can learn something Now, put yourself in das mind of ein Polizei Mann. He is tasked to keep das public order. Surprise, he is one against many, he can not. Even if he would magically just be able to walk by ein Bad guy, and magically see precisely what he was being arrested for, he is just ein mann. As soon as he arrests three men, he has to get off the streets, bring those men in, or they start acting like das three stooges. As he can not, he makes use of ein psychologische trick, in German, we would say, Uniforms Gehorsam, obedience to the uniforms. The dress is uniform, one form, which depersonalises das Polizei Mann. He becomes every Polizei Mann, and shares the traits of every Polizei Mann. And in turn, benefits of all preconceived notions about ein Polizei Mann das das public has. It does not matter if he is ein big Polizei Mann, ein gut Polizei Mann, or ein athletic Polzei Mann, because in das mind of das public, they pay respect to the uniform, not the person. Now, if you have been naughty, and have done no crime, but maybe something that you THINK is bad, das Polizei Mann looks at the crowd of people, and he sees 100 people that are very much das same. They breathe the same, they talk the same, they walk the same, and then he sees you. Hassan, please, stand up, and show yourself. Now, let's imagine what goes through our heads when we first see hassan. Free word association, what is das first thing what you think when you see hassan? Frau Nguyen? *Short back and forth in vietnamese* To make das translate back to das class, Frau Nguyen thinks Hassan looks like ein Scary Arab. She has hit the nail on the head. Das Polizeiman sees Hassan, and he does not see that Hassan has 4 very well behaved Goldfish, works the assembly line at Anheuser Busch, is a great fan of the astros, and a championship hacky sack player. He does not see that hassan is from Syria, and has nothing violent on his mind. IN his mind, Hassan could as well be Osama bin Laden, who does not look like the rest of der people , so he needs to be checked. Check any group of people often enough, and you find some shitheads who actually make das ungut, so the stereotype sits deep, Hassan is now ein Terrorist, and das only what makes stand between terror and hassan is paul blart mall cop. Mind you, if Hassan had Osama bin Laden Money, he would most likely make ein purchase of at least ein nice car, and not need to commit das Terror. Now, here, a few more radical elements of you may say, das ist because das cop ist racist. Das system is corrupt, it punches down on das POC, and all das gut words. But those are explanations, not suggestions on what to do against dies. Do not take the classroom hostage with dies, follow me for ein short while. Because opposite of what is das saying of das occupy people, I am just as scary as Hassan. I have ein shaved head, not because it looks gut, but because mein hair starts falling out, I have ein stubble because I do not like shaving every day, Ich speak with ein accent that is only used in old movies for das super villains, Ich wear ein sinister Lederjacke, Ich ride ein big Motorcycle, und ich bin built like ein shithouse. If we and hassan were to fight das Polizei, ich would be doing more damage then hassan. Ich should be more terrifying than any of you here, with das exception of Frau Nguyen who is now smiling. Now, why am I not treated badly? Simple. I understand das power of stories, and of being more than normal. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. Now, remember when I said, when das polizei see herr hassan, das polizei get nervous? Das ist, because in das Mind of das polizei, das following dialogue happens. Why is he not like das others? He avoids me. He must have done something bad. Oh god, he must be ein terrifying terrorist. Das ist das only story in their mind. Now, das same thing happens to me. Der Polizei Mann goes, why is HE not avoiding me? Now, his mind makes ein wander, and all those stories that das Polizei Mann comes up with are made bad. He must be ein Neo Nazi. But he has no tattoos or stickers on his jacket. Hew could be ein violent felon? BUt while he has muscles, he also has ein bauch, ein gut of das beer. He drives ein Motorcycle, but while it is ein fast one, and it looks mean, but it also has not ein speck of dust, and das License Plate is very visible. He must have made a wash of his bike with ein toothbrush. And while it is fun to besmirch das gut name of das most friendly herr hassan, I am going to take me as an example from now on. I am fulfilling das same criteria as her hassan, but mein Story does not keep das Polizei Mann guessing. The longer he looks at das scene, der more he has ein intense feeling that I am ein very lonely man, possibly ein divorced and retired Dad, what has done das best that he can. I use a technique on top of things here, that I call, being extra normal. Being normal is for people who can make das passing as ein , I am not just normal, I am very much normal, thank you very much. All mein bottles are in brown paper bags, I have mein papers in mein wallet, next to das pictures on mein Katze, und ich am so very much German that das Polizei Mann tries his best to suppress ein smile, because I am enthusiastically friendly. See, before, with Herr Hassan, I would have said the cop goes to him, and asks, what are you doing here? What is das purpose of das backpack? With me, it is the opposite. I do not understand dass polizei ist different then in Germany. For me, polizei ist ein freund und helfer, and would I show fear of ein freund und helfer? I ask them, what are YOU doing here? Is it ein drug bust? Ein domestic dispute? When can we see das shooting of das suspect, and das sprinkling of das Crack? Will there be ein celebratory beating of das black mensch? Are you sure? I have seen cops. When will you pull das gun? What guns do you carry? How many shots? I tried to be ein cop once, but they did not have das uniform in mein size…. See? I combine this with not respecting personal space. Now, it is on the cop to react. On the one hand, I am big and intimidating, on the other end, I behave nothing like the masses. I behave exactly like the masses of cops want people like me to behave. I show interest, I am friendly, I smile a lot, and I do not see them as dangerous at all. I use me being different to my advantage. The police know how to deal with hostility. They do not know how to deal with weird friendliness. The line about being ein cop, or trying out to be ein cop, any of you can use. Because Polizei mensch loves nothing more than ein failed overly enthusiastic cop that tries to do their job for them. See what happened there? Before, I was ein suspect, now, I am ein nuisance. BUT, and I can not stress this enough, especially the activists here, das Polizei is very well able to deal with hostility, they expect it. Nobody prepares them for offensive friendliness. And if you think I am bending mein back to das Polizei, remember, that ein Polizei what makes das Talk to me can not make das inquest about you. Or your People. I talk for ein living, to teach all of you, so I can talk ein Ear off and back on again. Ich will correct grammar, Ich will correct facts…. Ich will use precise words, because it is ein very natural thing for me to do. I will encourage people to use positive language, because what is more natural? Die Polizei ist mein Freund und Helfer, after all, why should I be afraid of them? I am just helping out, why do you not want me to help out? More often than not, das police react with ein strict wave, and “get das hell out of here”, and off I reluctantly go, looking like ein beaten dog, before das Polizei realize, moment, we wanted to see if he was weird, we just send him onwards, and gave him ein order, what der fick just happened? Dies ist das secret of all mine interactions. I can not, for the life of me, pretend to be ein american citizen, go out and be like everyone else. So, I am open about it. Why hide what I am? I am das weird foreign object, das tries to be just a tad wrong, dass it is uncomfortable. I have sung das american national anthem more than most people, and with das secure knowledge that I am ein American of the pre 9/11 era. I am not trying to be politically correct, follow das latest trends, know what the Kardashian Sisters are up to. I am das little bit uncomfortably too American for comfort. My neighbors have ein grill? I will not have ein even bigger grill, I will have ein very sensible German grill, what does not smoke or something, just grill. I do not try to compete, I make it clear where mein Loyalties lie. I buy ein German grill that is fired with charcoal. People like me are expected to have ein German shepherd dog named Rex or Hasso, I have ein pussycat kitty cat named Verity. DO not laugh, she keeps das mice away, and is very gut. Plus, it allows me to say pussy, which causes the american to flinch., because it is now ein slang word for das female genitalia, or ein slur of hate for ein sissy mensch, ein warm shower taker as we used to say, and they see, he is harmless, but be because he is born before 2000. In ein way, I do das same as Herr Malik over here, who has das most extraordinary voice for talking to official parties, which makes him sound like ein white professor with ein sweater vest at das phone, only I make it clear that I really give it ein try. Most people are not prepared to say harsh words to ein Mensch who in their eyes desperately tries to fit in, and seems to be ein Relic from ein Time when everything was better. Mein Haus ist decorated with ein reasonable number of lawn gnomes, and two flag holders. One for the American flag, one for the German one. From time to time, I have ein flag off, and when people ask, I show them that I hand wash das flag. I collect mein bottles, and get das children interested in das principle of recycling, because they have little money, and like to take das bottles to das recycling shop. I do not try to not have ein Debate, I wellcome ein Debate. I make it ein point to have both Coke and Pepsi, in cans, in case someone comes by. I have bought myself ein Beltbuckle with mein Name, and wear it unironically. It is no longer ein question of trying to hide that I am different, it is ein fact. Dies ist solely for das progression of das story developing in das head of das people. They do not look at me, and see ein possibly dangerous lunatic, that is just ein Humpen Weissbier away from goose stepping through someone's petunias, they see someone who is enthusiastic about their culture, but gets details wrong. In quintessence, I play ein role that fits with their stories about immigrants. They are just like us, they only get things wrong. And when the other people follow the impulse of trying to correct me, of trying to defend their heritage, their culture, their everything, and in the same breath tell me, the only openly enthusiastic person they found, about how I am doing their culture wrong, they see themselves faced with the only open and friendly foreigner that they know, and them explaining to me how to do it right, and most of them go, “Do I have to be such ein colossal Prick? He is enjoying himself, he is one of der gut ones, let me just pass it through. ” I can not count the amount of times I was stopped on das road, mein Seat on mein Motorcycle full of cheap cigarettes I have bought at the Reservation of das Native Americans, and nobody even wanted to see them. Just because I asked them, where ist das TV crew, because I had so looked forward to being on TV, because I know what this is, I have seen the cops TV program, let me sing das titular melody. I am not going to pretend that each one of you ist ein ideal mensch, and does not commit das ein or other crime, but be smart about it. If das Cashier finds that ich not have paid for ein chocolate bar at das Register, I will get in trouble, and have ein hell of ein time talking myself out of it. Miss Nguyen, on das other hand, can just start crying, blubber something in Vietnamese, and most likely, she will get out of ein parking violation. The trick here is, one, try to pick what you do wrong, and two, if you get caught doing ein minor wrong thing, and ein major, guess what, I go for das minor thing. I freely admit that I drinked ein beer in public, but it was not in ein brown paper bag, because I do not understand how das brown paper bag makes it hidden to spot. Oh, what ein silly german I am. I jaywalk? I freely admit, I crossed das street wrong, but have you ever managed to not catch ein bus? IN Germany, we have ein bus stops at regular distances, but in America, I can walk all the way…. You get das trick? By being aggressively normal, friendly, asking questions, and being enthusiastic about fitting in, you present das opposition ein false front to run against, distracting it from das fact that there is something wrong that they should be paying more attention to. They see that something is not quite right with me, and go for the more obvious stuff. I present them ein unfinished Story, and they can just fill in das blanks. Why is he driving ein Motorcycle? He lives alone, and with ein cat. He must be the gay we keep hearing so much about, or have ein Midlife crisis. His wallet contains all the necessary documents, also every single card I can get mein hands on, from das customer card for das discount meat shopping at der safeway, to mein public library card. IT is not possible to be angry with mich for das real things, when there are so many other things wrong with mir. But because all of dies interlinks, it builds ein wall around me, where the possibility that das Polizei gets it in their head that mein story is, “he has done something wrong” is there, but it is less likely then “He is just ein german at heart, germans are weird, look at das german , let us chuckle at him, he does not get it, and he never will”. In reality, I get it better than many Americans, because I watch the society, like you, from the outside. I see how it should be, and choose to not participate, but make it look like I try mein best Das Result ist, even if I am very guilty of drinking das weissbier, and drive too fast, I never ever get picked out as weird. And when I do, People usually remember mein prodigious size, mein accent, mein love for all things german, and at this point, I get ein wave through, and das people go, what ein cute and funny german mann, wait till I recount this with das bois, nothing interesting ever happens in mein Job. < << < << <> << < <<