FIFTH INTERLUDE

In the past, in the present, and in the future

My tears never dried up. At some point, I merely gained Awareness, shedding grief in an endless stream. Time had lost its meaning to me. Trivial hours or countless years could have passed, when I finally saw through the veil of Sorrow and perceived the Self again.

Black heat burned my throat. My inner world had become a desert of Sadness. My body had given up long ago, yet by sheer torment I had willed the Æther to flow through me, my soul bleeding afresh forever. I had wept to death.

Yet I had Not Died.

Slowly, unwillingly, painfully I withdrew my arms from Her. I kneeled there, wavering, stifling, fighting against Agony. I did not wipe away the tears. I left them shrouding my eyes, so I could keep the Memory of Her bright in my mind, instead of facing the dark reality standing before me with implacable finality.

For more than seven centuries we had been together. Her endlessly comforting presence kept me sane, kept me True to myself in times of adversity – when I returned to my devastated homeworld, when we both lost dear friends in the Axiom Crusades, when I despaired at the never-ending savagery of a galaxy which let a tragedy like the Dragon Independence War happen. She gave me the strength and resolve to do what I have sworn to – to be a Radiant Knight and protect All That Is. We both survived through the Vortex Invasion, we rebuilt Arceria together, we endured hardship, and we championed peace across the galaxy. We were always together, in concordance and quarrel, in harmony and discord. We supported each other. We laughed together, consoled each other when the stars above were dim and the Way was unclear, kept bright the light in our hearts. We loved each other.

I still remember the day of Her hatching with perfect clarity. High atop the magnificent ranges of Skyborn Heaven, amidst ascendant peaks, under a light so bright, with a ceremony bestowing the greatest honor in my life. I remember the storm of emotions which blazed in me as I embraced the soft, leathery body of Kalessia, and gave Her her name. I remember Her vibrant and musical voice, chirping happily Her first words to me as if it was yesterday. "Hi, you must be Ferrtau, my guardian!"

My dear, dear Kalessia. You brought me back to the light in my darkest moments. You always shielded me from the sorrows of the Great Cosmos, loyal, brave, and ever ardent. You were my guardian; and I hope I have managed to give you even a fraction of the infinite love you have gifted me with.

I let out a feeble sound, choked by anguish anew.

I never imagined this.

I never wanted this.

I only tried to do what I felt was right. I fiercely, fervently Believed that I was following the Way, and acted out in harmony with the wishes of the Great Cosmos. I was a Protector. I was a Guardian. I was a Bringer of Light. I desired Peace. Love. Unity. I wanted to bestow the path to Ascension to the whole Universe.

I became blinded by the very Ideals I swore to, and paid the price.

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Kalessia was dead.

I screamed.

Kalessia...

I would do anything if I was given enough power to bring her back to life. I would forsake my plans. I would cease my Crusade. I would renounce all my powers and give up on immortality. I would face punishment from the entire galaxy and would willingly endure an infinity of imprisonment, retribution, torture. I would gladly accept to be soul reaved. Anything. Anything, to be able to see Kalessia smile warmly one more time. Or to see the echo of that warmth in Her legacy, Veralla.

Veralla... Her child. The star She had given light to. If only... if only I could hold Veralla in my arms, even for a single moment. To tell her how great her mother had been. How gentle. How loving. If I could hold Veralla and tell her these things, and glimpse in her amethyst eyes, however fleetingly, Kalessia's spirit... That would be enough.

That would be enough, and I would abandon Everything.

Yet I could not.

I had lost them all – my friends, my Love, Her offspring, my very soul. I have been banished, reviled, and sentenced to death. I have brought irreversible demise to myriad of beings. I have risked the very existence of Reality. I have scarred the Flame of my own Life and It dwindled with each passing eternity, impossible to be restored. All this, in the name of my Dream.

I was left with nothing...

Nothing.

Nothing.

Veralla...

The memory came unbidden.

"Veralla, I will not harm you".

She took a step back, her wings spread out, her tail quivering. I moved slowly toward her, gentle, cautious, earnestly hopeful, my hand partly outstretched in a longing gesture. "Veralla, please, come with me," I said, my voice besieged by emotion.

She took another step and her hind leg bumped into Airo, the one who once I called a friend. She was very afraid. I wanted to soothe her, to plead her to hear me out, to simply touch her, and–

She stared defiantly at me, and growled. She growled, her whole body tensed for an impossible fight, her protective instinct triggered by Airo's unmoving body.

Airo.

Airo the Dragonslayer.

HIM.

He caused all of this.

I had repented for years, for centuries, for what I had done to him. For what I had done to Zenassa. I had spent untold hours by his side, doing my best to lessen his grief. I had consoled him and fed him. I had called him my friend. I had never brought the courage to confess myself to him until my fateful visit in Yolo's Landing. Yet I had done everything else in my power to do right by him.

And Airo had found a way to exact his revenge.

HE HAD KILLED HER!

HIM! THE DRAGONSLAYER.

Hate burned my veins. The heat and fury of a supernova blazed across my Being, searing away all doubt and despair. My soul Roared, bringing back Vigor into my limbs, and Power once more coursed through me with a Purpose.

AIRO HAD KILLED KALESSIA.

I was sure of that. It all made sense. His act before Veralla, his pretense at protecting her, his illogical, misguided sense of justice – it all made sense. Airo had enacted his revenge, and he had taken Veralla away to twist her, to turn her to some dark, horrific purpose.

Deep, overwhelming Fear chilled my senses. For agonizingly long time, I was paralyzed, Suspended between Eternity. Then, like a cosmic dawn breaking on the eternal horizon, a wave of pure Rage washed over me, thundering, blinding, bearing the mark of war of Heaven Itself.

I summoned my diamond Will, tempering that blade of celestial annihilation into a weapon of Unwavering Resolve. I Saw what I Must Do – to continue my Crusade for Ascension and bring Salvation to the entire Universe. To uphold my Vision and bring forth my greatest Dream.

To join All into One.

EXCEPT.

Airo had hurt me irrevocably. He had scarred my undying soul forever. I would not pursue the path of Vengeance in futile attempts to extract phantom justice, like he did. Yet I WILL deny Eden to him. I shall leave him in Limbo, to suffer for all eternity.

Airo. The very thought about you makes me blaze with hate. You were my friend. Now, you are only an obstacle on my Path to Ascension. I will not let you stop. I will not let ANYONE stop me.

I WILL NOT BE DENIED.

I SHALL PREVAIL.

I am Above and Beyond, Across and Beside, Within and Without, the Messiah. I am Tungust Ferrtau. I lead the Crusade Against Reality.

And my mission is to Transcend the whole Universe.

To bring Peace.

Unity.

Ascension.