"It's fine," Billy said.
If you can remember, I told him quite some stuff that was, I suppose, insensitive of me, even if I didn't mean it. I never should have compared the problems that he has at home with my nonexistent jealousy about him and his popularity at school.
"I want to forgive you. I really do. It's going to be easier for me that way too. But I just... can't. I can't do it right now. I... I need time..."
"How much?"
"I... I don't know..."
"So you can never forgive me? Not even after I apologized?! I've never apologized to anyone up until now. Tell me, what do I need to do to deserve your forgiveness?!" He raised his deep, masculine voice at me.
"D-don't yell at me!" I snapped back. Fear instantly hit me as I realized that I legit screamed at the strongest guy at school, plus my own personal bully. He looked at me with shock in his eyes. Surprise that said 'Where did that courage come from...'
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"I... I'm sorry," he apologized.
"You're never gonna change, are you? After everything you've done to me, you just expect me to forgive you, and when I told you that I couldn't do that, you yelled at me. The moment you couldn't have it your way, you started yelling. How's that for 'change'?"
I was wrong. He's never going to change his behavior. Never. It doesn't matter even if I forgive him or not. It doesn't matter even if I forget every single time he hit me. It doesn't matter how much time passes; he will never change.
Maybe he is trying to be better, but then again, can some people even really do that? Or can they just play a mask until they snap when you least expect it? Maybe this was Billy. No matter how much he tries to better himself, he might never rise above what he is right now. That's just the truth. And the truth hurts sometimes.
I suppose the least he can do is stay away from me and not hurt me anymore. The scars he's left on me emotionally might heal with time, and maybe people will actually start being friends with me. Me not crying myself to sleep every night because of him is below the bare minimum.
I wanted to tell him that. I really did. But I couldn't. Maybe it was because I couldn't find the words to do so, or maybe it was because I was too scared to confront him like that.
Either way, I just looked down at the green ground below me and said, "Just leave me alone."