“Mother…this is embarrassing,” Sirius whispered as he tripped over his dress for the fifth time in the past few minutes.

“This builds character. You have strong character, don’t you, my little hero?” Lady Yenson replied with a smile. Penny shook her head, again. She’d been doing that constantly for the past half hour.

It all began when Lady Yenson received the message from the earl. She’d returned to find Penny dragging Sirius out of bed, and the young noble complaining about sleep. She made them change into clothes of the opposite gender, which confused Penny immensely. She and Lady Yenson wore suits like the earl wore, with their hair tucked into caps and a bit of makeup to make their skin look a touch coarser than normal.

Somehow Lady Yenson was equally beautiful as a man. Sirius, on the other hand, had to wear a black wig, which clashed with his pale skin. He looked a bit like a doll come to life in a frilly white dress, the chest area stuffed, with little red shoes. Penny laughed when she first saw him. He made a pretty girl.

Penny didn’t mind wearing boys’ clothing; she’d grown up in the countryside. Pants were more sensible than dresses when you had to work all day. But below the hilarity of their situation, Lady Yenson was wound as tight as a viper. Her head twisted every time someone shouted or walked around a corner too quickly. Penny had looked over her shoulder when they left the manor, and a group of mages and knights were knocking on the earl’s door.

Lady Yenson led them on a twisting path through the city, from rich areas to poor to everything in between. After an hour or so, she stopped in a dark alley and spoke to the two. Sirius began to speak but she held her hand up. “I don’t have time to explain right now. We’re going somewhere safe to rendezvous with the others. Do not speak to anyone. Do not ask questions. If anyone addresses us, my name is Henny. Sirius, you will be Ester. Penny, you are now Chase. Do you understand?”

“But Mother…” Lady Yenson slapped him. Penny gasped.

“Henny. No more games. This is life or death, you understand?” Sirius nodded quickly. To Penny’s surprise, he didn’t seem fazed by the slap at all. What a strange pair, she thought.

“Henny” led them back into the street and into a district that was still well lit, even though the moon was at its peak. Scantily clad women danced in the store windows, while others wondered the streets and called out to gentlemen that walked by. Several of the stores had men in the windows as well. Penny crinkled her nose as drunks stumbled past, bottles in each hand, as they chuckled and cheered to each other. Sirius scowled at a few men who approached him while Lady Yenson shook her head at the offers several prostitutes made.

At the end of the street they found a building, shaped like an inn, with a clergy member standing outside decrying the occupants. He stopped them as Lady Yenson reached the door.

“My good man, do not get involved with the members of this house. The Goddess forbids such debauchery,” the priest said, grabbing Lady Yenson’s arm.

She smirked at him, patting his hand before pulling it off. “I’ll be sure to leave a few extra coins in the offering dish this week, Father. I’m sure the Goddess will forgive me.” The priest scowled and stomped away, turning to the next person who glanced at the doorway.

They stepped into the building and Penny was assailed by the smell of perfume and oils. There was a wooden bar on one side, with shelves filled edge to edge with bottles and a female bartender wearing a vest and pants. The rest of the room eschewed tables for plush couches of green and purple and small end tables littered with half-full glasses. On the stage were a trio of dancers in dresses as frilly as Sirius’. They sang to the tune of a piano and raised their skirts, revealing hairy legs below. The men at the front cheered and threw coins, singing the song with them and guzzling drinks.

Another woman in male clothing approached, running her hand down Penny’s arm. “You’re new here. Could I show you around?”

Lady Yenson laughed. “Don’t tease her. They’re with me. I need an audience with the king.” Penny and Sirius exchanged a glance. The king was here?

The woman nodded and motioned for them to follow. “Henny, you’re always so serious,” she said as she led them upstairs. “Are you planning to stay for a while?”

“You’ll be seeing me more, yes. But let’s keep that quiet, dear,” Lady Yenson replied.

The woman turned and pouted. “That means he’s going to be here too. What about his friends?”

Lady Yenson shrugged. “Perhaps.” The woman opened a door and motioned them inside, closing the door behind them.

Lady Yenson pulled off her hat and walked over to a cart on the side of the room and poured herself a drink. A man, dressed like a man, watched her from a desk shoved into the corner of the room. Sirius pointed at a pile of pillows and a bowl of cabbage on the ground at the end of the room, where a goat rested and chewed on the food. “Ok, Henny, what is that?”

Lady Yenson frowned at him.

“That’s the king of the house of ill repute,” the man chortled, looking up from his documents and placing his quill back on the desk. “Say hello to our guests, your majesty,” he said to the goat.

It stopped chewing, looked up at Penny, and said, “Baaaa.” Penny waved back, trying her best to not look shocked.

The man was leaning back in his chair now, hands clasped over his belly. “Well, Henny, what’s the occasion?”

Lady Yenson swirled the amber contents of her glass and took a seat in front of the man’s desk. She stared into his eyes as she took a drink and pointed her chin at the nearby couch, where Penny and Sirius took a seat.

“The red moon is beautiful this time of year, don’t you think?” she replied.

The man cursed under his breath. “That bad?” he asked. Penny felt it was more of a plea than a question.

Lady Yenson nodded. “The game’s begun, Jarvis.” The man, Jarvis, pulled a fat cigar out of his desk and struck a match. He took a long drag and exhaled with a sigh, then reached behind him and pulled on a cord that hung from the ceiling. A young boy in suspenders and a page boy cap walked in a moment later.

“Sir?”

“Head to the Shadow, friends should be there. Tell them to meet at the safe place,” he said, and the boy nodded and hurried from the room.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“Well? Introduce me to your friends,” he said, looking at Penny and Sirius.

“Chase and Ester,” she said in turn as she pointed at them.

“They know anything?” Jarvis asked, and she shook her head.

He frowned. “You two look like kids. Listen, I’m sure Henny gave you some guidelines. Here’s a few more. Never mention your real names. If anyone asks what you do here, tell them you run errands for the king.” Penny and Sirius nodded.

Sirius glanced at the goat. “Jarvis, why do you call that goat the king?”

“That’s his name,” Jarvis replied with a smile.

“Isn’t that…a bit disrespectful?” Sirius replied.

Jarvis laughed. It sounded like rocks tumbling together. “Oh yes, very disrespectful.” Penny noticed a smirk on Lady Yenson’s face.

“Where are we, exactly?” Penny asked.

“A house of ill repute,” Lady Yenson explained.

“And why is everyone downstairs dressed like us?” Penny wondered.

Jarvis stood up with his cigar in hand, walking over to the king and patting him on the head. “I suppose you know how the Church of Light feels about relationships?” he said.

“Not in detail. But they tend to push people to get married,” Penny said, somewhat confused by the question.

“Oh, that they do. Men and women should get married and make children. What better way to help the Goddess and the country than creating more believers,” he said, taking another drag on his cigar. “And what do they think of people who…don’t want normal relationships?” he asked again.

Penny shrugged. “I don’t know anyone like that.”

He laughed again. “Well, let’s just say they aren’t liked very much. My little paradise here is one of the few places people like that can go in the capital.”

Jarvis picked up the bowl of cabbage and handed it to Penny. “Take the king for a stroll through his lands. Just give him a piece of cabbage now and again, he won’t leave your side.” He waved them out the door.

Penny held the bowl while Sirius walked beside her. The young noble stopped her before they went downstairs. The goat stared at the bowl while they talked. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“I’m not supposed to tell you,” Penny answered honestly.

Sirius sighed. “Henny told you not to, right?” Penny nodded. “Nothing to it, then, they’ll tell me when they’re ready.”

“You aren’t mad?” Penny asked.

“No, I trust her and you. If you aren’t telling me something, it’s for my own good,” Sirius replied.

Penny smiled at him and patted his black wig. “You really are a sweet boy,” she teased. Sirius swatted her hand and blushed. They led the goat downstairs, into the bustle of activity.

The moment the king appeared, the room fell silent as everyone stopped and stared at Penny and Sirius. She handed the king a piece of cabbage, he snatched it out of her hand and chewed it quickly and turned to the audience.

“Baaaa,” the king said before looking at the bowl again.

The crowd whooped and hollered and cheered. Bottles and glasses clinked together and the piano started playing a triumphant tune as patrons walked by and patted the goat. Penny led it around the room as many of the drunk occupants joined arms and began to sing.

The prettiest boy I ever met,

Had a long beard that tickled,

His horns were the biggest I ever saw,

His voice like a violin,

His gaze heroic,

He loved cabbage!

The prettiest boy I ever met,

Was king of all he saw,

Lover of his subjects,

Powerful hooves and a fine coat,

He loved me!

The prettiest boy I ever met,

The king of my heart,

The head of the house,

Of ill repute,

All hail!

All hail!

His majesty the goat!

Penny laughed as the patrons shouted the last lines and raised their glasses to the goat. It seemed he was a local celebrity. She and Sirius were given seats by the stage and a table was cleared for them. The kitchen servants brought out a plate of meat and potatoes, and a fresh bowl of cabbage for the goat.

As they settled in, the woman from earlier came over and took a seat with them. “I’m Rissa, I didn’t get your names earlier,” she said, holding out her hand. They shook and introduced themselves.

Sirius spoke first. “Rissa, do we know each other?” he asked.

She smiled at him. “Yes, I’m surprised you remember me. We played together as kids.” Sirius tapped his chin. Penny thought he looked kind of dainty doing that in his dress.

“Rissa Austan?” he said.

“The one and only.”

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you a mage?” Sirius asked.

Rissa shook her head. “Didn’t have the knack for it. Only one of my parents was a mage, so I got unlucky.” Penny was trying to remember where she’d heard that name.

“Austan? As in the headmaster?” Penny asked.

Rissa frowned. “Probably best if you pretended not to know that. But yes, the same.”

“What are you doing here?” Sirius asked again.

Rissa sipped her cocktail. “They caught me in bed with a serving girl and kicked us both out. She runs the bar here now,” Rissa said and raised her glass to the bartender, who winked back at her.

Penny was surprised. “Your own family kicked you out for that?”

“Country girl, I bet,” Rissa replied, and Sirius laughed.

“The capital’s even more old-fashioned about certain things. Nobles don’t need family unless they’re valuable.” Penny nodded. She thought there was more to the story than Rissa let on, but this wasn’t the time to pry. Sirius was all smiles now that he recognized her.

“You used to climb trees with me at the academy. I still have a scar on my leg from where I fell chasing you,” he said.

Rissa chuckled. “I hope you got faster since then. Henny promised to bring you here eventually. I’m glad we get to see each other.”

“Well, I’m glad too. It’s Chase’s first time at a bar in Lem. Want to show us a good time?” he said.

“Now you’re speaking my language, old buddy. First round’s on me.” Rissa went to the bar and retrieved identical cocktails to the one she was drinking.

What began as a night of panic ended in a drinking session. Penny wore men’s clothing, Sirius wore a dress, and they guzzled drinks with a goat called king. The terror of earlier fell away as the night carried on. The patrons filtered in and out, many stopping by to say hello and introduce themselves.

It turned out, there were lots of regulars here. As the drinks flowed, Penny stopped trying to guess, or even care, about gender. A particularly strong woman gave her a hug as they discussed their favorite fashion in Lem. And a particularly delicate man shook her hand a few seconds past comfort, until Rissa tapped him on the shoulder. But everyone was so nice, she thought.

Sirius gained all his energy back as he got drunk. He was sitting on top of the piano belting out songs as the dancers took breaks to teach him the words. Penny swore she saw him on stage once, but she was mostly obliterated at that point. The hours carried on, and Lady Yenson didn’t make another appearance that evening. Penny didn’t remember falling asleep, but she remembered Sirius holding her hair as she threw up into a bucket.

She woke up the next day when Lady Yenson dumped a cup of water on her. She groaned as a massive headache dulled her senses. Sirius was sleeping on the ground with his arms wrapped around the king. Jarvis laughed when he saw them both before whispering something to the bartender, who was leaning against the bar watching them. Rissa was nowhere to be seen.

“Fun’s over, kids. Let’s go see our friends,” Lady Yenson said as she pulled Penny to her feet.