"—onnor! Connor, wake—! Connor, wake the fuck up!"
"!!!" Connor's eyes opened with a start, but before he was even able to wrap his head around the situation, a swift slap to the face quickly rectified that for him.
"Ow! What was that for?!" Simultaneously half awake and half asleep at the same time, he felt a stinging pain on his cheek.
"We're being attacked! Hurry and prepare your things! We can't fight them off; we have to run!" Malkov commanded while shoving whatever supplies were in arms reach into his satchel.
The news hit him like a dump truck, though it didn't take long until he recovered, "Where is she?" He asked, the volume of his voice getting louder, "Where's Mariya?!"
"She's holding them off for now, but she won't last long," He answered in turn, "No more questions! We gotta go help her!"
"Mn!" The essentials in hand(bag), the pair rushed out of the tent and began sprinting for the distant sounds of battle, readying their weapons: Connor with his book and Malkov with the sword.
"Who's attacking?!" Connor turned to Malkov, "And how many of them?"
"The damn bastards struck preemptively!"
"Who?!"
"The fucking shrine guardians! Three of them!"
Connor's eyes narrowed, "Three? Weren't there four of 'em?"
"I don't fucking know; I'm just as confused as you!" Malkov ended that conversation there, "There she is! Conserve your strength; we're just fighting them off long enough so we can get the fuck outta here, got it?"
He nodded frantically, and the two promptly slid down the sand dune they stood on before making their way to the fight. However, when they got there, the battle was all but over...
"Shit,"
Mariya was out cold and on the ground. Standing next to her unconscious body was the three people who he could only assume to be the shrine guardians; which was which? He had no clue.
Examining the three, he found them to be all wildly different. One of them— he identified to be the oldest by way of the wrinkles on his face and the long beard of grey hanging from his chin, wore traditional priest garb from the region: extremities accented with golden streaks and the chest adorned with a large silver sword. The man himself was short(half as tall as the staff he held); maybe from his age or genetics, Connor could care less, but it did make focusing on him a chore.
'From the info we have, this guy's probably Hikma; head priests tend to be old like that,' Having the old man already pegged as the head priest, Connor shifted his eyes to the person next to him. Standing at attention, long curly locks of blonde flowing gently amidst the humid desert wind, was a woman in her late teens to early twenties. Much like the head priest, she wore the run-of-the-mill religious clothing barring a few changes to reflect her position as shine maiden. Un-like the head priest, she had on a rose-coloured veil that kept him from seeing her entire face, with only the eyes being visible.
'Next is—'
"You don't have to guess, Mr Constantine; I am Wissen, champion of Master Razum, yoho..." The cold, almost sagely quality of the voice caught him by surprise and broke him away from his thoughts.
"Hrn?" He stared at the man in question, in wild contrast to the other two's contemporary, albeit religious dress; Wissen wore an absolutely ancient attire only known to many aeons ago... going in the nude!! Well... that was half-right; he was actually wearing a loincloth that covered his unmentionables, though that wouldn't be considered clothing by any stretch of the imagination.
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Both Connor and Malkov couldn't help but feel a bit of cognitive dissonance: the utterly chilling tone of a stone-hearted sage actively contradicting itself with the absurdly bizarre attire he wore was quite a sight indeed.
He grinned, the bony-white teeth shining under the glare of the sun, "Surprised?" He chuckled before pulling a strange pose, "I knew you'd be out of whack after seeing my beauty-ful bod, yoho~!"
Malkov tried his best to ignore his eccentricities, focusing on the poker faces of the people beside him. Yet even they weren't able to rid themselves completely of their emotions when they had to withstand their colleague's antics for what he imagined the umpteenth time.
"Huh? Don't ignore me you shit-eating bastard! Yoho~!" Shifting his attention back to Wissen, he caught the man in another pose which was arguably even stranger than the last! And it was directed at him, no less!
'What's his problem?' He glared, only to make the subject of his affections blush.
"Oh~! I didn't know you like me that much! Hentai~!" Strange pose #3...
Growing impatient— and slightly worried about the state of Mariya, he snapped at him, "If you're not gonna fight, then get the fuck outta here!" Everyone prepared themselves, ready for Wissen's reply and the commencement of their battle.
There was an odd silence after his words, as if his words merely disappeared into the wind...
'What the shit is this guy doing?' Everyone thought, praying for him to speak so they could start the fight.
Regardless of their wishes, the quiet continued, and by extension their uneasiness, as even minutes after his declaration, the man was still as still as a rock...
-Gulp!-
Although it wasn't loud by any means, in this tranquil environment, everyone found it louder than the chimes of a church bell. Everyone's gaze(apart from Wissen; he was still going for the 'how long can I stay still' world record) turned to look at the source.
The person in question, Dahlia, blushed at the attention they gave her, though she quickly snapped out of it after a quick prod from her counterpart. Meanwhile, Connor and Malkov were having a silent conversation of their own.
'Attack?' His eyes asked.
'Attack.' Came the reply.
With a nod, they turned back to their opponents. Just as they were going to dash towards the three, Wissen finally reacted:
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!" He roared with laughter, shocking both his enemies and allies, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!"
The cacophony of sounds was... unsettling. The way his body contorted backwards in exaggeration, the way his lungs never seemed to run out of air, even after a full minute of nonstop guffawing; it was all so... surreal, Connor thought to himself.
"Hehehe~ yoho! You amuse me, Mr Constantine" He loosely folded his arms and licked his lips, "To the point where I'd feel bad hurting you! So, I've decided!"
'Hm?'
"I've decided..." He got into another pose: his left arm under his chin while his right on his scalp, his legs bending to look like he was sitting down, "During the fight, I will not move a single step!"
By this point, they believed they'd seen all of his quirks. Sadly, when they were given another dose of Wissen weirdness™, they failed to resist its effects!
Connor hummed; that'll be advantageous for them, so he didn't have any problems with it. Hikma, on the other hand, didn't handle it so well...
"What?! What is the meaning of this?!" His old, decrepit finger pointed at Wissen's face. The man didn't even twitch, "This wasn't what we agreed upon!"
Still no reaction, just posing... And realizing he wouldn't get any answers out of him, Hikma gave up.
"So, are we doin' this or what?" Connor spat at the octogenarian before rushing.
"Oh, you'll get it, brat!" He replied with just as much venom and followed suit:
They got closer, the harsh rays of the sun shining especially hard on the two combatants...
They got closer, the gentle winds picking up into a gale, causing their clothes to fly wildly...
They got closer, their weapons pointing straight at one another; staff meeting sword, sword meeting staff...
Finally, like predators, they pounced!
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHH!!"
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHH!!"
---------------------------------------CLAAAAAANG!----------------------------------------