Chapter 16

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Eggie pulled me away from my papers half an hour later, announcing the arrival of the long-awaited committee. Cursing in a low voice at the smart-asses who kept honest people out of work, I still suppressed the urge to send someone to deal with them and to skip out on my own in the guise of work. They couldn't have caused much trouble, except to spoil it by giving the travel agencies something to complain about, but I still have to receive the honored guests in person. Increasing the prestige of the state, so to speak. So after sending him to his father, who had to prepare some paperwork for the excuse, I hurried downstairs.

"Welcome to Gravstein Castle! Sorry, I forgot to change. I'm used to it, not to mention it's chilly in the dungeons. So, what can I do for you?"

There were four inspectors. A gaunt, tall man in his forties, who looked like a "Hello, Doctor"; two faintly distinguishable creatures of barely identifiable age and sex, typical social activists; and the person, the Attendant. There are similar ones among the office rats, who are nothing in themselves but are constantly trying to suck up to someone with status or to get an impressive ID, after which everything revolves around this involvement.

"Hello, Mr. Baron. I am the Head of the Inspection Commission of the International Independent Foundation for Equal Rights Dr. Konrad van..., "

"Aaah!" The committee members jerked sharply, looking around, and only I sighed miserably. "Must... must... die! An ancient evil is pulling me... pulling! Aaah!"

The volunteer on the wall took uneven steps to the edge of the wall and threw himself down. Assholes, I had forbidden jumping into the safety net that had been stretched for the siege, but they said that such structures had to be checked every day, and now and then they made a 'check'! Of course, the jump is followed by an order for household chores, but they are not afraid of that anymore. This is how they change - one jumps off the wall, gets an order instead of the other, and the other pays something.

"Can you believe it? In broad daylight, in front of me!"

"He... jumped from the wall?!"

"Yeah! Hooligans!"

Hm, they like jumping. It's a sturdy net there, designed for a man in armor. Well, why am I slowing down - it's a ready-made tourist attraction! There are even instructor enthusiasts! Or is it too dangerous? The safety regulations have also been abolished, but I put the insurance out of its requirements.

The volunteer, a chubby man in his thirties, entered the gate as if nothing had happened, accompanied by the applause of the guards. I nodded to him at the utility shed, and he saluted and strode off. The committee looked after him with open mouths.

"I should throw a dozen more people off the wall, see what happens... Anyway, why am I talking about business? First, about the guests - I understand you have come to check something out?"

"Y-yes." Conrad glanced back at the wall; more servants were laughing, pushing each other to the edge. I had to threaten them with a fist. "There have been numerous complaints that officials of the barony and you personally have grossly violated basic human rights!"

"Is that so? Well, that's interesting!"

At the doctor's nod, one of the social workers, a woman, I think, opened a folder and began to list. Judging by her looks, I was, if not the spawn of the abyss and the reincarnation of Caligula, then very close.

"First and foremost - massive violations of refugees' rights!"

"Do they have any special rights? We provide jobs and housing. What else?"

"They are fleeing your town!"

"So what does this have to do with me?"

"They are fleeing from terrible treatment, there are reports that you use slave labor, prohibit national rituals, and..." The reader interrupted, looking behind me, and I had to turn around.

African was walking across the yard, dancing to inaudible music and conducting himself with a bone. On the other hand, he held a skull, apparently that of a Spaniard, and he bent down to it as if listening. The sight was strange even to Gravstein.

"Who's that?"

"This is the same cannibal we are supposedly exploiting."

"Cannibal?!"

"We actually prefer to say 'person with alternative gastronomic preferences' but you can't get away from the facts - he's always trying to get his teeth into someone."

"What's in his hand?"

"It seems to be a human tibia. No big deal, the owner of this particular one has been dead for a long time."

"And you're just saying that?!"

"What can we do, people go missing in our cellars, it's a historical fact. But most of them do, at least all of them come to dinner. Food is free for our staff, and in the Federation, even the dead will rise to the occasion, you know."

They did not take up the joke, glancing at the African until he disappeared around the corner.

"All right, we can consider that you have looked at the plight of slaves. If you want, you can talk to him later. He has gone to the kitchen. He prefers to stay next to the food." I remembered he scaring us in the basement the other day and added with feeling: "Goat-ass. We're wasting so much food on him! Anyway, what's next?"

"Ahh... Ahem. Kidnapping and detention without trial. It has been established that you are holding several people, citizens of the Federation!"

"That's a valid point. I think I can explain exactly what you are wrong about with an example."

"Alexander! Oh, I'm sorry, Your Grace, I didn't know you were busy."

"It's all right, Egilbert. Gentlemen, this is the castle steward, Mr. Egilbert von Schnitze, historian and patriot. What happened?"

"The Beast, Mr. Baron! He's out again!" For some reason, everybody in the castle had got the crazy idea that I could almost persuade the big goat, and now whenever he escaped once more, everyone rushed to me. The strange thing was that there were a lot of tough guys among the volunteers, but... but it's always easier to pass the work off to the bosses. He's got nothing better to do.

City kids! Weak in the knees. So it was me and the big man Erdar who had to deal with such inappropriate business. Yet, the goat did not touch two men: the cook, for fear of being axed in the horns, and our cannibal, apparently, sensing a kindred spirit. Or maybe he just took him for one of his own by his color.

"Send someone to fetch the armor."

"Done. Just please, Alexander, take it easy! It's a special specimen, thoroughbred, a little nervous..."

"He's got the whole castle on edge with his nerves." Dan and one of the servants were already running with the armor. "What had happened again?"

"Beast and Ghoul clashed, accidentally breaking the partition in the stall."

"What, they couldn't share a tourist?"

"No, something different, the tour was far away at this moment."

"Well, at least it's something good."

"I beg your pardon?" Conrad pointed his finger at the armor. "What is that?"

"You see, dear doctor, there is a certain animal in the castle..."

"Alexander! How can you say that about a poor animal!"

"Even you agree that he is an animal! And that black brute has pissed everyone off already? If it wasn't for your stubbornness, he'd have been slaughtered a long time ago!"

"A child of nature, just a bit playful..." The steward stubbornly refused to admit that he had seriously miscalculated in his choice of leader for the castle goats.

Attendant suddenly coughed and gave a haughty look somewhere to the side: "It seems racial intolerance should be added to the list of accusations!"

"Come on, racial, just say as it is - interspecies!"

I resolutely slipped my helmet on and moved towards the stable, from which came the hissing, bleating, and pitying cries of a careless volunteer, driven by a brawl of furry horrors onto the ceiling beam.

Five minutes and three new bruises later, I was back.

"All right, undress me." While I was counting my losses (I knew that goats sometimes bite, but that they growled and shook their heads trying to tear off a piece was news!) and the committee was whispering away, Dan, sighing in anguish, was taking the iron off me. "Hey, take it easy!"

"Excuse me, the strap is stuck."

"It's not stuck. It was chewed." I inspected the wristband, the buckle was skewed. Yeah. "All right, get the rest to the armory."

Quickly putting on the caftan over the wristband, I returned to the committee.

"Ahem!" Of those who turned to me, only Conrad looked like a decent person, and I addressed him:

"To the dungeon, please!"

The doctor squinted suspiciously. The social twins fenced off the papers. Attendantt, a man with noble gray hair and a thoroughbred, squeamish face, who never introduced himself, raised an eyebrow and snorted.

Nevertheless, everyone followed me.

"As you can see, our cellars are spacious, clean, comfortable, and up to standard. They are cleaned regularly and food is brought to the prisoners from the common castle kitchen, so no complaints can be made. However, as you have seen, they have a very loose regime."

"And you use prison labor!"

Without turning back to the Attendant, I explained to Conrad: "Of course we do. They are, you know, bored. You'll see for yourself, though. There!"

The twins poked their way through the door and immediately jumped back. I peeked out and realized my mistake.

"Excuse me, this is our castle torture chamber."

"Do you also have torture?"

"Only on demand from tourists. We're going a little further. Let's go."

The male twin suddenly ducked like a hunting dog picking up the trail and stretched out: "Is that blood? There's someone... God!"

I held back a chuckle. Yeah, I've got about fifty active youths of all genders, plus overnight campers. Who could resist trying to do it in the real torture room? They practically make a schedule, and there's a euphemism in town for "to go to the torture room". Who came up with the idea of using jam instead of blood during "torture"? In my opinion, they were wrong to do so, but it is useless to forbid it.

As I came closer, I dabbed my finger over the brown stains on the shackles, sniffing. I tasted it.

"Carleen, probably. She's always putting strawberry jam in everything. Delicious, though. Would you like to try some?" Four pairs of googling eyes stared at me. Conrad was in the front, and the others hid behind him. Okay, it would be silly to explain to them what was going on, so I just invited them in:

"Let's go. The cells are just around the corner here."

When I walked past, the twins and Attendant were sprawled out on the wall. Some bloody dictator they found, yeah. They make things up, and then they're afraid of themselves. The only normal person in their company seems to be the doctor. That's who I decided to go to from now on, ignoring the others:

"Five cameras. Newly-made, equipped to Federation standards, albeit slightly outdated. This one contains an African, you've seen him - an attack on police officers, there are casualties and bites. As you can see, he's not here. I have a Blumchild here, a very suspicious man."

"Who you kidnapped to avoid paying your debt!" The person tried to hover threateningly over me. Yeah, right! Ignoring him, I explained to Conrad:

"As you can see, there is no kidnapping. The door to the cell is open, and there is a custodian nearby at all times, ready to help the prisoners."

The door was indeed open, and in front of it lay a large piece of sausage. The string to which it was tied was hardly visible in the half-light, but the prisoner must have realized that it was a trap. Another volunteer jailer was seated at the side of the door against the wall, motionless, with only his fingers caressing the short truncheon. I respect the locals, though! Ours would not have stood it and go into the cell himself, but here - order, self-control, and a cunning plan. And then there's the camera above the door, which broadcasts on the internet. There's always betting on who can lure the banker out of the cell.

"I understand the standard of accommodation is quite far from what a prisoner is used to. "The jailer stretched his lips in a grim smile, nodded, and stroked his baton again. "But no atrocities, just the rigors required in the administration of justice."

The doctor stopped next to the dark doorway of the cell, peering into it.

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"That's weird. I was told Blumchild was complaining... and he didn't even look out."

Yeah. He asked me to close the lattice door. Or to change it for a solid one. Apparently, a guilty conscience pressed down on him. That's all right. I think because of his shenanigans, more than one person has changed his usual home for a less pleasant place to live. Let him feel it for his skin. Although I know for sure that in the last two weeks, he has been whipped exactly twice, you can say he is sitting in greenhouse conditions.

Attendant started to draw in air to answer, but I was already moving on.

"Our third prisoner, Mr. Schreiber. He became our unwilling guest by failing to understand the current realities and making unwise remarks. Fortunately, more serious measures were avoided."

"You are most welcome, Baron!" The tax officer jumped to the door, opened the unlocked bars, and came towards me with determination. "I ask you to sign these documents immediately! It is your fault that I am already a day late submitting my report."

Attendant, frowning, stretched out: "Is that a prisoner?"

"This is the most popular of our prisoners. And the most indefatigable, as you can see, it's not enough to put a tax inspector in a dungeon to stop him bothering you."

I glanced at the paper he had submitted and whistled. Should we cut his rations? He's getting fat! Konrad walked up to Schreiber, touched him sympathetically on the shoulder, and asked: "You are being held here against your will, aren't you?"

"Ahem."

Rescued from the tyrant, the illegally condemned man crumpled in place, searching for words.

"What, Schreiber, do you want to go home?"

Tax collector, looking away. Yes, of course, he gets a salary there too, with "combat" travel allowances, and he earns very good money here. So why should he rush out? I had to interrupt his awkward attempts to get away with a threatening shout: "March to your cell!"

"Yes, sir, Baron!"

Yes, the Federats have a strong taste for military craft. He is a civilian, but he's marching as on the parade!

"Thus, gentlemen, all these slanderous fabrications about torment and torture are nothing more than the machinations of unknown but clearly seeking to mislead you. There is the education of national minorities and private cases of the national judiciary. Please follow me, dear doctor, it's chilly in here, that's fine with me, but I see you are aiming for the sun, aren't you?"

They started whispering again on the way up, but as soon as we opened the door, we were deafened by the shouting. A long-legged African was running across the yard, and Sato was chasing him, shouting obscenities no less loudly.

"Halt!" Both of them stopped instantly, looking at me questioningly. "Sato, are you very busy?" The cannibal jerked nervously, and Sato nodded, gloomily glaring at his adversary. The fact that the African was a head and a half taller and about thirty kilograms heavier did not bother the Japanese. "Scissors, please?"

The African jumped with a shriek and sprinted from the spot like a cartoon character, starting to run in mid-air. Sato, nodding and, for some reason, grinning bloodily, rushed after him. Yeah, I guess I'll have to wear the wristband till tonight.

"If he doesn't, we won't get that animal out of the basement at all. So be it. We'll dump the prisoners down there." I turned around. The members of the committee were looking at me with very strange expressions on their faces. "A joke, of course! We have our special humor, and if you do not understand it, do not hesitate to ask me. What's next on the agenda?"

The twins rustled up papers, then presented the sheet to the doctor, who read out: "Arbitrary treatment of patriotic citizens."

"What's that? Oh, I remember. There was one here, demanding 'Eskenland for Esks'."

"And what have you done with the patriot?"

"I gave him the opportunity to realize his dream - I sent him off to improve the land he loved. A lot of work, little time for nonsense, no energy for slogans, but good memories and real work."

"Did he do it voluntarily as well?"

"Well, patriots like to talk, not to do. So he is working according to a court order. Everything is perfectly legal. Herr von Schnitze will provide you with the necessary documents for your perusal later on."

Attendant sniggered dismissively, showing his attitude toward the quality of the documents provided.

"Alexander! Alexander! The terrible thing!!" A panting Egilbert stopped next to me and started babbling: "It's all your squires! They have too much free time, I told you! They chased him into the cellar! He's broken his leg! Horrible, he's the only one like him in the whole neighborhood!"

"Whoa! Who put who in the basement?"

"Animal!"

"A tourist?"

"The animal broke it!"

"Such an animal!"

"I'm sorry, but I don't..."

"Wait, Doctor! Egilbert, are you sure he's broke?"

"Fell down the aisle chasing this young man and got caught! His leg's in half! We must get him to a doctor quickly!"

"Sorry, I am a doctor after all, maybe I can help?"

"No way I letting that black animal anywhere near a decent human being!" Okay, so while we were coming down, the just-locked goat broke out again? That's it, I've had it! "I'll tell you what, my dear, let's take him to the slaughterhouse."

"What?!!!" Conrad and Egilbert shouted at the same time and immediately began to object alternately: "It's only a broken leg. If he can be taken to hospital as soon as possible..."

"Why the hospital? In the kitchen, so the meat doesn't go to waste!"

"Mr. Baron! I don't know how it is in your country, but here everyone has the right to be treated with dignity!"

"That animal has pissed me off, and more than once!"

"Alexander, be merciful! Forgive and you will be forgiven!"

"The cup of wrath is overflowing!"

"We have to wonder which one of you is the cannibal!"

"I'm a goat meat eater! Fresh sirloin with folk recipes - stay for dinner, Doctor, and I'll treat you to the good stuff!"

"Alexander, he has cost us too much!"

"Remember how many times I've saved tourists from that black asshole!"

"Mr von Gravstein, I will be obliged to report this!"

"And what do they do? Maximum animal cruelty, I'll survive!"

"Alexander! You will orphan all the goats in our stable!"

"But I'll fill the pots in our kitchen! Brains and peas for dinner tonight... although how many brains are there?"

"Alexander!"

"Mr von Gravstein!"

"Hold the bastard! I'll kill him!"

"All three of us turned around simultaneously."

Across the courtyard, but in the other direction, the Smartass raced. Even though he had a cart with a heavy shield in one hand and a spear under his arm, he was running very fast. The reason was all too good - Marty was chasing him. With a knife in her hand.

"Who's that?"

"My squire is trying to kill my other squire."

"Such an active girl. Aren't you afraid she'll kill him?"

"No, not at all. She's too bloodthirsty for that. Mutilate and leave him to suffer, yes, she can. Egilbert, what this is about?"

"I can only assume. He sneaked something into her bedroom this morning."

I sighed and covered my eyes with my palm. There they do it again, so I'll have to take care of this again. What if she catches up with the fatty?

"Go and tell her that if she spares him today, the next three days of Smarty's crossing around the castle is on her. She can bully him all she wants."

"What about an animal?"

"All right, let him live. Call the vet. But next time, I'll finish him off myself!"

"Ahem..."

I turned around. The doctor appeared to be holding my hand, trying to get my attention, which I didn't feel through the wristband. Now Conrad stood there, staring dazedly back and forth at my hand, then jerked sharply as if he'd been burned.

"OK, what else do you have on the list to check?"

"There is a report that you are involved in the maritime robbery."

"Which one?"

"Can't you think of anything in particular?" Attendant grinned his face in a sneer. Right, never mind, never mind. Now I'll shoot off, chase them away, and rest in peace in my favorite spot with a cup of coffee...

"No, I don't. We have Viking sea robbers here. It's a historical reenactment club. They came to the festival. And there's also a computer pirate who was sent to sea at the request of a representative of the federation authorities. "

"For the loot?"

"For redemption. Let him redeem himself by hard honest work, whether he is guilty or not. Eventually, he will get a decent profession."

The doctor cleared his throat: "I still wanted to clarify - why didn't you want to send the victim to the hospital?"

"Baron, here are the papers my father asked me to give you. And with the goat, it's simple - we don't treat animals here in human hospitals, and the vet is out of town, so what do we do with him?" Eggie turned away from the inspector and handed me the file.

Conrad recoiled and whispered something like "he's brainwashed people too". Oh, dear! What was I supposed to do?

"That's it, we're done. What's next on the program?"

"Production of weapons of mass destruction."

"What?!" Eggie and I said that at the same time. One... one of the twins stepped forward and read out with an expression: "I also bring to your attention that work is being done in the castle, specifically in the cellars, and some choking gases are being produced!"

"Let's go." I turned and headed down to the nearest cellar. "I'd rather take you there once than explain it a hundred times. Just be careful. One broke his leg today!"

"Are you threatening?"

"Caution. Please!" I removed the deadbolt and opened the wide door that closes the way down. "Careful, watch your step."

"Thanks for the warning!" Conrad grunted angrily, glancing at my hand, then stepped forward. And then he darted back out.

Eggie and I looked at each other and sighed.

"What's that... howling... is it?!" The doctor's voice trembled, the twins clutched at each other, Attendant slowly backed away. A quirk of the acoustics, the howl sounded particularly heartfelt here.

"This? Ghoul. Crawling around in the old heating pipes again. You know, there's been warm air holes everywhere since Roman times, so he's been crawling around looking for prey."

"And you speak so calmly about it?"

"How else to talk about it? It howls and howls. No one has ever been able to guess where it will jump out of. Don't be afraid. He's afraid of me. Be brave!"

Conrad twitched his arm somehow, as if he were going to adjust something on his chest, then stepped forward again.

And he jumped out again!

"There! There!"

The inspection team lined up again in a diamond formation, with the brave, albeit pale, the doctor in front, the twins behind him, peering fearfully over his shoulders, and Attendant just behind him.

Eggie and I peered through the opening.

The Eskenlander immediately clawed at my hand, crumpling the iron.

A zombie was walking up the stairs.

Grey-green, swaying, inarticulate mooing!

"Ea.." I swallowed. "Easy! We've got ghosts, we've got a witch, we've got a Ghoul. But we're not supposed to have zombies."

"But there is one!"

"Where did I get to!"

"Where have we got to!"

I repeated: "Stay calm!"

The zombie heard the voices and rushed forward, stumbling up the steps.

I kicked him in the chest, knocking him over, then quickly closed the door and pressed my back against it. There seemed to be something about zombies among the TV shows I'd bought. I wish I'd had time to watch it. I would have known more about what to do in a situation like this. The creature banged against the iron-striped boards a couple more times then stepped back and muttered something in an otherworldly voice.

No, positively I got a castle that was too crowded!

"Mr. Baron!" Robert, who was working with the tour today, ran across the courtyard. "We have a tourist missing!"

"There, they also have people disappearing!" I ignored the squeak from one of the twins.

"What tourist? When did he disappear?"

"On the stairs, the Swede took a wrong turn, I think."

"Where was it?"

"Over there, last seen an hour ago." The guy waved towards one of the towers, and I mentally imagined where the man might have gone, then sighed and walked away from the door.

"Open it. Your tourist is in there."

The Swede, brought upstairs a minute later, was covered in plaster and astonishingly drunk. If I guessed correctly, he had somehow managed to break into the wine cellar... and he didn't miss his chance. His face now bore, in addition to the bruises and scratches, the blissful expression of a man who had fulfilled a lifelong dream. I can only be glad that everything more or less valuable I have long ago ordered to move upstairs, close to me. Well, some people are more concerned with quantity...

"Well, on the whole, all the data has been confirmed, but I can't say anything definite."

"But I can! And I will rest assured!" Attendant straightened up and coughed, trying to speak loudly and importantly, apparently so that everyone would forget how he had behaved just now.

"Albert, there's still a need for..."

"Doctor, with all due respect to you personally and the glory of your family, I insist - there is a clear and deliberate violation of basic human rights in the castle! This one," he looked me over from head to toe. "Per-son has too much of himself! He has usurped power, he manipulates the fooled citizens as he pleases, he wages wars, he endangers people, and he commits a host of other acts that..."

Suddenly I became angry. You drive them like people, you spend time, you show them, you explain, but no, it talks down and thinks its fantasies are more important than the facts. Well, I didn't start it. And to hell with public opinion and nervous people in travel agencies!

"Conrad, what is your profession?"

"An infectious disease doctor."

"The plague and all that?"

"That too, but I am a specialist in rarer diseases."

"Respect. Real respect, it is a dangerous and necessary job for mankind! And who is he? A bum living off his daddy's rent?"

"What do you think you're doing!"

I wasn't paying attention.

"Does your casual companion have a profession? What does he do for a living?"

"Mr. zu Wichtigfeller has been an active member of the foundation for many years..."

"Conrad, that's not what I meant. What. Is. His. Profession?"

"Um... Albert?"

Attendant turned away contemptuously: "We're wasting our time here! It's all clear now. We must hurry..."

"No, there's no need to hurry. Guards!"

Two of them appeared behind the human rights defender with satisfied smiles up to their ears. They seemed to have been expecting this from the moment the commission appeared:

"Search!"

The next minute there was a lot of squealing, shouting, and indignant yelling.

Attendant shouted. The doctor was indignant and even tried to interfere, the twins whimpered something aside. Apparently, the idea of fighting for the rights of not a virtual but a concrete person was new to them. But at last, all the contents of my pockets were neatly laid out in front of me.

"This is an outrage! You will be regretting it!"

I check my loot without listening: "Credit cards, handkerchiefs, pills for clean breathing. No money, no travel voucher, no profession, no guarantors... I'm sorry, Conrad, but although I respect you personally, I'm not prepared to accept your word as a surety at this time. Maybe later. So, this vagabond is arrested for insulting the good people of Gravstein and is sentenced to imprisonment and hard labor. Take him to his cell!"

Once again the door unlubricated creaked open in the wake of yet another victim of my arbitrariness.

"Mr von Gravstein!"

"Yeah, yeah, arbitrary and all that. No, Conrad, he'll stay there."

"You must let him go!"

"Which letter of the word "no" do you not understand?"

"But this is important!"

"Important? Are you married?"

"Yes."

"Do you have children?"

"Yes."

"Is everyone in good health?"

"Yes."

"That's what's important. Everything else can wait! This conversation is over!"

"But there are Federation laws!"

"What's that got to do with us?"

"And universally accepted human rights!"

"What's he got to do with it?"

"I'll be complaining!"

"To whom?"

"Who's in charge here!"

"It's me, I'm listening."

"Then I'll sue!"

"I am also the judge here."

"I'll bring it to the public's attention!"

"Is that to my loyal subjects? Well, well."

"Then... the police?"

"What do you mean - baronial guards?"

"Human rights organizations?"

"Sitting in a cell."

"The world community?"

"It promised not to interfere."

"But... you can't do that, can you?"

"Welcome to the new Middle Ages! We're not happy about it either."

He froze with his mouth open, looking offended and indignant at the same time. The twins, with their folders, clutched to their chests, watched our verbal duel with their mouths open.

"What can I do, dear Conrad, by insulting me he has insulted all my people. I did not ask for this burden, but I have nowhere to go, and if I am to live by the laws of the Middle Ages, then no one who insults me or my good subjects will go unpunished. Here, I hope you will pass these documents prepared by my manager to the management of your foundation and the people who sent you here. There's a full set of laws that we abide by, and the likes of this one here," I nodded at the door behind me, "are eager to break before they even know what it might entail. You are a good man, I see, who is being taken advantage of by all sorts of scoundrels in the guise of a good cause. I have a doctor father myself, and I respect both your profession and your desire to protect the weak and underprivileged, but I cannot silently tolerate such behavior, alas."

The castle's inhabitants, who had heard about the new arrest, gradually gathered around, while in the distance, tourists discussed and photographed the scene. The doctor tried again:

"We could raise a certain amount of money..."

"What do you take me for, Conrad? I'm not a thug. It's just that when talking to people it would be nice to do so without being arrogant, from the height of your perceived superiority. Bytchit' ne nado, as they say in my country. You tried to make sense of it, and this one only wanted to accuse. Well, he got his measure. Staying for dinner, Doctor?"

He looked around and shook his head.

"Well, then I can only wish that you come here again, not as an inspector, but as a tourist or even a guest. Good guests are always welcome here!"

The people, as if on cue, applauded.

I nodded to Norman and Dan to see them off, looking behind the inspectors as they walked away. I couldn't help but feel bad about it. At least I hadn't punched him in the face, and now I had the whole kit. A tax collector, a moneylender, a cannibal, and a human rights activist. We'll save the fifth camera for the tourists. I mean for photos. Though it would be desirable to imprison a corrupt journalist, or one of especially hardened "juvenile" workers, to complete the picture. But there are only five cameras, you can't give them all to the filth, you have to leave something for honest people, don't you? I am a kind baron, I have a small prison, and the laws are soft. And there's only one scaffold for the whole barony.

Well, that didn't work out so well, so let it be. It's evening, it's time to have dinner with the tourists, and still, try to get at least half an hour to sit quietly on the tower.

I'll think about the rest tomorrow.

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"I won't go near that lunatic in his crazy castle again! I don't know if he really is who he says he is, but he's a danger to others, that's for sure!"

from the blog of Conrad van Helsing, MD, Chief Inspector of the Foundation for Equal Rights

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"Girls, I have a new fic! About an ancient suffering evil whose madness drives even the staunchest of opponents mad, making them agonize in anxiety!"

from the blog of site moderator Aniworld, tagged "inspiration", "slash", "new", "smut"!!!!!

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