I have noticed a change in my behaviour. I find myself valuing logical thinking more than emotional or illogical thoughts. Up until now, I haven't really considered how my family and friends might be worried about me. Additionally, I've observed that my emotions seem to be more subdued, as if they've become less... effective, I suppose. Currently, I don't feel as upset as I think I should. It's like when I stub my toe; it's painful, but I don't usually cry about it. I might curse and get a little angry, but I feel like I should be feeling more sadness than I currently am.
My thoughts were interrupted as I sensed something new, something... in motion. I directed my attention to the source of this sensation, which happened to be the entrance of the cave. Upon closer inspection, I saw a spider, a relatively tiny one. It was roughly the same size as the pebbles scattered across the cave floor. In fact, it appeared to be about the same size as what I had decided to call my "heart" for the time being. As I observed more closely, it became evident that this spider and the pebbles were just a tad larger than my heart, by approximately 2 cm. The pebbles around the cave ranged in size from 3 cm to 1 meter, with four 1-meter-sized pebbles scattered throughout the cave, each with varying shapes.
My attention snapped back to reality as I observed the spider's movements. It continued to crawl and explore, making its way up the cave walls. However, as it gradually came to a halt, I inexplicably began to feel a sense of unease. The spider turned its body toward my heart, although I couldn't be entirely sure it was focused on my heart itself. Its orientation in that direction caused a subtle nervous sensation, akin to a mild shiver, to creep over me.
The spider continued to fix its gaze on my heart, and I reciprocated by watching it closely. As it began to move closer and closer to my heart, my nervousness escalated to the point where it overcame my control. I could feel my mana gathering within me, and before I knew it, I unleashed it. The mana took the form of a spear, shooting out from my heart, piercing the spider, and striking the cave wall. It left a hole in the wall as the spider succumbed to the attack.
With the spider's life extinguished, the nerves that had gripped me moments before vanished as if they had never been there. The spider's lifeless body fell on top of my heart, almost concealing it. However, the light emanating from my core was still visible, especially in the darkness of the cave. At least now, I wouldn't immediately draw attention.
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Now, I was aware that my mana could be utilized for more than just perception. I had discovered its offensive potential, but I quickly realized that I needed to significantly condense my mana, up to fivefold, to replicate that attack. However, as I attempted to use my mana for this purpose, the familiar pain that had accompanied my previous attempt at expanding my vision.
My instincts screamed at me, warning me not to use my mana, but I ignored it, determined to recreate the attack. The pain intensified, and I soon found it unbearable. I stopped my efforts and waited, enduring the pain until it gradually subsided. I continued to wait, for an indeterminate amount of time – it could have been days, weeks, or even months. Regardless of the duration, I kept waiting until I felt an unusual sense of fullness, as if I had overeaten. This sensation evolved into something akin to indigestion, which grew more uncomfortable the longer I waited.
After enduring the pain and discomfort, I decided to follow the lead of my instincts. I gathered my mana and condensed it fivefold, just as my instincts seemed to do. When I released the mana, it shot forward, forming what appeared to be a spherical shape. I hadn't consciously shaped the mana; it had happened naturally. The mana sphere hit the cave wall, causing a few cracks to appear, and some rocks tumbled from the wall to the ground. A small cloud of dust and debris filled the air. This experience helped me better understand how this new offensive ability worked, and I realized it could be useful card to play in certain situations.
I continued to experiment with my mana, exploring the possibilities of various attacks. It became apparent that I had the ability to shape the attacks into virtually anything I desired. I crafted objects such as a box, an anchor, and even a miniature plane, although I kept its size limited to conserve my mana.
A fascinating discovery was that if I refrained from propelling the mana attack in any particular direction, the created object or formation would simply hover in place wherever I left it. However, there was an uncertainty about whether these shapes and objects stayed when I pushed them out of my field of vision, as I couldn't feel or see them anymore. I assumed they didn't work in that scenario, but I was eager to verify this when I had a chance to observe them more closely.
Without realizing it, I was beginning to enjoy this newfound power. It was an exhilarating experience, almost like being a child given a new toy to play with. I decided to create a simple ball of mana and, with childlike curiosity, shot it at the cave wall slowly. I expected it to explode or display some other reaction, but what happened next caught me completely off guard. The mana ball didn't explode, but instead, it simply went into the wall. What surprised me even more was the fact that the mana had not dissipated, and I could still sense its presence.