“They might be aliens, but even they are still able to be killed by a good old bonk. It is amazing how sometimes even our most primal methods of survival can be effective.”

A Historian on the mesh comment on a “wack a ‘thesis” game in the mesh. 2048.

*****

The world moved in slow motion as the plant lunged at me.

I gave the alien a firm kick putting all my overweight ass into it, stopping it midair before slamming my mace down again on its monsanto-reject head. I lifted the mighty metal mace up and slammed it down again just to make sure it wasn’t going to get back up.

I looked up just in time to see a bird, nope not-a-bird, diving at me. Instinct kicked in and I brought my head back. If it was going to go for my head I was going to GIVE it head!... not in that way. At the last moment I slammed my head into it giving it a well armored head butt.

Judging by the crunch, the goop running down the helmet, and the fact the thing fell down without getting any hits in meant the steel won.

I chuckled before someone spoke into my head. An elegant female voice that seemed to purr out every word. It would be almost pleasant if not for the fact I had the mother of all fucking headaches. It was as if every word was both soothing and trying to rip my head apart!

System Initialized!

Congratulations. Through your actions you have proven yourself worthy of becoming one of the Vanguard, a defender of humanity. I am Byllona. I will assist you to uplift humanity so that you may defend your homeworld from the Antithesis threat!

Rise, Jack Arius, and become a protector of the weak!

I froze. I had heard about hearing those words in countless reports, but to hear them myself!?

~Now. It seems you are using very outdated technology even for your kind.” The voice cooed into my head. “Would you like an upgrade? A new weapon? You might not have many points yet, but I am sure I can provide you with what you need to keep yourself, and the people behind you, safe.~

I took a breath and shook my head. Then regretted it. Holy SHIT the reports said new Samurai got headaches but I didn’t think it would be like this!Think about life changing stuff later, right now I had to make sure me and everyone else lived long enough to have a life to change.

I looked around at the situation. The antithesis would have to come down the single long, narrow hallway and through me to get to the vault. That means I had a killbox pre-made. All I needed was something to put a lot of big bullets into said box.

I grinned from ear to ear as I turned and my eyes locked on old school salvation.

~You… you have to be kidding? Please? I can give you alien technology that is so much more advanced than…. That.~ Byllona groaned out seeing what I was focused on.

“Tech I don’t know how to use.” I calmly replied, getting a wince from the people watching, thinking I had just lost my shit. “That? That I have done countless sims with.” I stopped above the old killing machine and ran my hand across it.

“I know how most of this works by the way. The Samurai stuff I mean. the corp I worked for did direct deals with samurai before for blueprints and more.” I gave the ma-deuce a small shake to test to make sure it was sturdy. “How much would ammo and something to cool the barrel be?” I asked, feeling nothing in the water jacket. With how much fire I was going to be laying down it would have to be water cooled to not melt.

~Fair enough.~ The voice answered with a bit of a grumble in her smooth tone. ~The gun and its ammo is so outdated the ammo would be from the Class 0 Civilian-Grade General Combat Equipment. 100 points to unlock and five for a box of ammo. For cooling some basic water for 1 point since it seems to be what it is designed for, but I can offer you something better later. Would you want that?~

I grinned as I popped open the valve for the water shroud and the cover for the gun. “Let's get this party started. Sounds like a wonderful deal to me.”

Soon the longest 50 cal ammo box I ever saw slammed into the ground next to the machine gun with a large jug of water poofing in next to it without a sound. I pulled the cap off the water and started to pour it into the water cooling system with one hand while the other flipped open the ammo can and dragged the belt of old school death into the top of the gun.

“Oh! Hearing protection!”

Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.

I looked around for some only for Byllona to croon into my ear. “Basic for ten sound good? It's got microphones and would be good enough for this situation.”

I nodded my head as I tried to get everything in its right spot before slamming the cover down and tossing the empty jug aside. It was a pain to do both at the same time, but it was clear nobody in the vault was going to volunteer to join in on a machine gun crew with a magical maniacal man who muttered to himself.

“Thank you my dear, and yes please.”

~Ooo you are already nicer than most of the other Samurai!~

I saw a box shimmer into existence near my leg. I flipped it open and slapped the two padded cups onto my ears while being glad they would fit under the helmet. I shivered feeling them sucking just a little onto my ears to seal themselves before the sounds of the world returned.

Just in time for more to show up.

~Ten model Threes confirmed. Please ta-~

I aimed the gun down the hall and pressed the trigger down with my thumbs. The thudding of the 50 cal echoed down the hall and shook my very soul as the ancient machine did what it was created to do:

Kill EVERYTHING in front of it.

I watched as the model threes were ripped apart as the big bullets made to kill armor slammed through them. The heavy caliber shredding the plants with enough force to tear their bodies apart before continuing on with their powerful charge and ripping apart anything behind. The gun roaring out a primal declaration to the antithesis that humans had FIGHT.

I laughed watching what would have been a nightmare just a few moments before now was almost comical with how easy it was. The last one of that wave leaping up to try to get past the mulched remains of the other Model Threes only for it to be stopped in midair by copper jacketed death. Did I shoot it more than I needed to?

Yes.

Was it cathartic to see the nightmare ripped apart and flung backwards?

FUUCK yes.

I sat there for a bit soaking in the.. EVERYTHING of what just happened. For the first time in years I felt alive, accomplished, like I had DONE something. I let out a whoop and looked at the gun.

~That admittedly worked better than expected. However, I can see in the cameras that a much, MUCH larger wave is coming. It is clear that not only are you attached to your current weapons platform, but that it is effective as well.~ Byllona confessed. ~Therefore let's focus your points on making it better.~

I paused for a bit and looked at the marvel of history before me.

“We are not going to bubba the gun.” I grunted.

~But-~ she sighed so long it made me feel the need to take a breath. ~Fine. I have a catalogue for exotic ammunition, but judging by your clear preferences I can already see a possible better fit. The Dezerek catalogue is full of weapons, ammo, armament, and more that fit your tastes since they specialized in trench and defensive warfare.~

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Tell me more.”

Somehow she managed to clear her throat despite not having one.

~We do not have time for their history, which I can already tell you would love to hear later, but their basic catalogue has light armor, ammunition types, guns, and more that fits your aesthetic and preferences. For 200 points you can unlock the catalogue with a box of anti-personnel ammo for your gun being 10 points for 1000 rounds. The ammo can be fired out of your weapon and will explode within whatever antithesis it hits after penetration. It will not explode inside of any structural material so you do not have to worry about a cave-in. In addition they have a barrel cooling solution that would keep your barrel at ideal temperatures for hours of continuous fire for five points.~

I smiled wide and flicked open the cover of the gun. “That is, by far, one of the sexiest things anyone has ever whispered into my ear.”

A huge ammo can appeared next to the old one. This time in black metal with red lines criss-crossing all over it. I flipped it open and quickly swapped the belts as a huge jug of what looked like red slime appeared next to the barrel. A quick drain and pour later and… well it was a thing of beauty.

~You are low on points, but the next wave is here so it is a moot point.~

I racked the gun and aimed it down the hall. Humming an old war song as I waited.

“Gooory gooory what a helluva way to-“

The first three model threes rounded the corner only to explode like fireworks on the fourth of July.

“-die~.”

I continued to sing as I held down the trigger. Sweeping the gun back and fourth as a literal wave of those model threes mixed with some new tentacly fucks rushed into my killbox. The marvelous bastard made by John Moses Browning and alien additions singing along with me as I reduced the wave of fiber and fangs into mulch and blood.

I barely had to focus at all! Just simply moving the gun side to side as the hall was so packed there was no need to aim at all. Just hold the trigger and watch. The bodies slowly got closer and closer to me, but it was due to the mush slowly being pushed forward by fresh bodies rather than them making it further. Anything that got over the slurry soon had a hole punched into it before popping like a water balloon.

I sat there singing old songs as I fired away. My handy dandy AI partner adding more ammo to my neverending belt that I was spanking the aliens with and giving me more of that goop to top off the shroud. Bullet after bullet roaring out to deliver sweet vengeance with no end in sight.

All things must come to an end however and soon the whole bunker shook as something big was going on outside.

~ A Samurai reinforcement has arrived. He is currently shelling the area to clear out the antithesis above ground, but will be coming in shortly to provide relief. Normally I would be saying rescue since you are so new to this, but you are doing fantastic!~

I chuckled and kept shooting. “Just tell him to give me a heads up before he comes around the corner. I am not going to stop firing until there is nothing left to shoot.” I patted the top of the gun.

“This is the most fun I have ever had in my LIFE.”