There was a wall, both a physical and non-physical, between all three men currently inhabiting The Infinity. For the past two days Creed had made himself scarce. Always in and out of any room just as the other two arrived. He was still hurting over something that the third man couldn’t understand. He knew Dinn and Creed had some fight, but neither was willing to say what it was about. Dinn had tried incessantly the first day to follow Creed and try to talk to him. But Creed never made any motion signifying that he was listening. He was acting very standoffish and distant from both men, which the stranger simply found unfair. He wanted to get to know this Creed better, and he was being ignored just because he shared the same face as someone who hurt him. Dinn was also partaking in the silent treatment with the stranger. He would refuse to leave the room if both men were present, and instead chose to sneer and glare at the stranger until the tension became too much and the men dispersed. How shameful. To be so angry at a man he doesn’t know.
But then again, the man doesn’t know Dinn either.
The stranger had started to become accustomed to the powers of The Infinity. Creating any entity he desired had its perks, but it also had its drawbacks. The first day the man found himself merely opening the fridge and grabbing any meal he could imagine that was hot and ready inside. But, without the time out of the day taken to prepare it he became bored quickly. He could read any book but was overwhelmed with choices and so chose not to. He could create any plant but found that the ones he made were not nearly as beautiful as the ones Creed left behind. Somehow, he made a plain white surface twirl so intricately. He found he could have anything he desired, but realized he truly didn’t desire much.
Well, all except for one thing.
The man stood at Creed’s door; clenching and unclenching his hands in order to steady his nerves. All he wanted to do was talk! There would be no physical contact, no deeply revealing stories, no atonement for sins long since past. He just wanted to talk. And so, he knocked and waited.
There was no movement. Not a single sound came from the other side of the door. Nothing to signify that Creed had even heard the knock, let alone that he was moving to open the door. Not so easily beaten he knocked again.
“You’re wasting your time.”
A sudden voice spoke up from behind the man. Turning around the man was none too pleased to find Dinn standing there with his arms crossed.
“He’s not going to answer.”
He said matter of factly. The man glowered.
“I just want to talk.”
He said through gritted teeth. Dinn chuckled.
“You sure you just don’t want to swoop in and be his hero?”
He mocked.
“Maybe, that’s what we should call you! Hero! So far up your own ass you can’t see that nobody wants you here!”
He said, his anger boiling to the surface. This Dinn was so easily angered, and the man couldn’t understand why. To be fair, Creed was easily distressed, but he chalked that up to some tragedy he must’ve faced. Nothing like what the man had gone through.
“Or maybe I’ll listen to Creed and just call you Fallen! A fallen hero, so mesmerized by his own rise to stardom he didn’t see how quickly his world abandoned him and couldn’t care less about where he went!”
Dinn was now almost giddy at his own words. His mockery reaching new heights that the man had not heard before. He scoffed.
“Does it make you happy to taunt me? Is that what little joy you can gleam from our situation?”
Dinn’s face almost instantly fell at the man’s backtalk. Immediately reverting back to his primal angry state.
“Maybe you should listen to Creed and learn something.”
The man said, careful as to not push this Dinn too far to where he’d retaliate in full force. Luckily Dinn simply shook his head and with a growl and a flicker of the lights, he stomped off in the other direction. He knew he had nothing to respond with. He knew nothing about this man and couldn’t read him the way Creed did. He was useless when it came to his emotions.
With a shaky breath the man resumed his position in front of the door. He didn’t need this Dinn distracting him from his ultimate mission; talking to Creed. With another calming breath he once again knocked on the door.
“Creed? It’s me, the…other Dinn.”
This time the man did hear something. A very slow shifting of cloth within the room. Was he leaving his bed? Or getting dressed? Or was that simply the sound of movement? With Creed’s heavy jacket that dragged on the floor he didn’t doubt the last one’s possibility. But as he stood there wondering, the handle to the door began to move.
The man hadn’t seen Creed clearly in a couple of days, but still he was shocked to see the man who stood before him looking more distressed than usual. He hadn’t been sleeping well, what with the bags underneath his eyes and his wrinkled clothes and messy hair.
Creed didn’t say anything when he opened the door, he simply looked up at the stranger as if willing him to say something first.
“Hey, it’s been a while.”
Stupid, he knew, but it was less distressing than “what happened to you?!”
“What did he call you?”
Creed whispered. The man hadn’t been expecting Creed to talk so suddenly so he wasn’t prepared to listen. And with Creed only whispering his words he couldn’t tell what he said.
“Pardon?”
“What did he call you?”
He said a touch louder this time. The man thought for a second. Dinn had called him two things: “Hero” and “Fallen.” Both in a viciously mocking tone, but the man couldn’t say he was wholly against the nicknames entirely. He didn’t want to be forever known as a stranger or “the other Dinn.” Hero was much to on the nose for him. He didn’t consider himself a hero in the slightest. Quite the contrary, he was a failure. Failing to protect the people he loved or create a life for himself after tragedy. No, he was a fallen man, desperate to get back up.
“Fallen.”
He said. Creed eyed him up and down with a questioning gaze. One that almost unnerved the man.
“Do you like that name?”
He asked incredulously. The man thought for a moment. He supposed he didn’t mind the name, but to say he liked any name other than his own would be strange. He was Dinn, just not the right Dinn. He shrugged.
“I like it if you like it.”
He said trying to be as non-threatening as possible, however this had the opposite effect. Creed’s expression immediately soured, and he moved to slam the door in the stranger’s face. Quickly realizing his mistake the man quickly moved to block the door with his foot and hands.
“Wait! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that!”
Creed had clearly already felt suffocated by the older man’s desire to please him, so of course he’d despise that response. How could he be so ignorant to that?
“I just meant that I don’t have a preference!”
Creed simply stared back at him with a challenging gaze.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I do prefer my own name, but I know we can’t have two Dinn’s running around. That would just be confusing!”
The man said chuckling lightly to himself, just trying to lighten the mood. After a moment Creed sighed and resigned himself to open the door just a bit wider.
“Whatever.”
He said with a flippant wave of his hand as he walked back into his room. Fallen stood there for a moment, not knowing if this was an invitation or if Creed still expected him to leave. Cautiously he moved to step inside.
Creed’s room was rather odd. It was just as barren as all the rest, but the walls were drastically different. There were small divets and creases pressed into the wall as if it was some sort of stencil. Small bits jutted outwards as if they were coming towards you. The whole room felt dizzying, as if the walls were constantly moving and shifting while staying completely still. Still, Fallen persevered.
“Is there something you wanted to talk about?”
Creed’s voice took Fallen out of his thoughts. He sat casually at the head of his bed with his feet crossed in front of him. Fallen stepped closer, hesitating when faced with the fact that there was nowhere else to sit. With a bit of hesitation, he sat at the end of the bed, and luckily Creed made no motion of wanting him to leave.
“Not really, I just wanted to talk.”
He said, hands in the air as if surrendering.
“Tell me a little bit about yourself.”
Fallen asked a bit cheerier. He really just wanted to get to know this Creed, even if it would take him a year. However, Creed faltered at Fallen’s words. His mouth open and closed as if he wanted respond but didn’t know how. Did he just not know where to start, or did he not trust Fallen with his life? Either way, maybe it’s best if Fallen started first. With a deep breath Fallen began.
“I actually used to live in a small cottage if you could believe it. It was always nice and quiet, though not as quiet as this place.”
Fallen said gesturing broadly.
“You used to?”
There it was! So, this Creed felt more at ease pushing others to talk about themselves but faltered when the tables were turned. Fallen smiled at his discovery.
“Yeah, I guess after…my Creed passed…it just didn’t feel right.”
It was the truth, but God was it still so hard to talk about.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
“I suppose the quiet would be too much to bear after that…”
Creed responded solemnly.
“Do you live in the city too?”
“Heavens no!”
Creed immediately snapped up at the question, as if the thought of him living in the city was so grossly absurd to him. Fallen liked this more open Creed; but unfortunately, as soon as he appeared, he vanished. Almost embarrassed by his outburst Creed once again sunk back into himself and spoke quietly.
“It’s far too loud and busy for me. I prefer the quiet.”
Saddened by the departure of Creed’s openness, Fallen was determined to bring him back.
“Somehow I think that fits.”
An awkward silence followed. Both men felt like they wanted to continue the conversation, but just didn’t know where to go from here. With a slight clearing of his throat Fallen chose to continue, as much of a failure as small talk may be.
“Question. Do you have these things known as Malmals in your world?”
Creed eyed Fallen oddly, his face blanketed by confusion. Fallen had to chuckle at it.
“Pardon?”
“Malmals! Y’know those round little chocolate malt balls that come in those clear plastic bags!”
Creed still eyed the man warily, and while shaking his head, he responded.
“You mean Maltzens?”
Fallen laughed.
“So, we do come from alternate worlds! They’re similar just a little…off”
Fallen emphasized his statement by crossing his eyes and shaking his head, as if the thought of the different yet similar worlds was just something to laugh about. Creed still looked at him with wide-eyed confusion, as if he couldn’t imagine just having a normal conversation with someone. As if everything he spoke about in The Infinity needed to be deeply troubling. But, finally, with an astonished gasp, Creed began to chuckle lightly.
“You do not call them Malmals! It sounds like you’re talking to your mother!”
His laugh, though small, sounded easy but strange. It was not his Creed’s laugh, but it was similar if a bit foreign. He was quiet. Much quieter than his Creed.
Still, Fallen chose to laugh alongside the thinner man, happy to have finally broken through an albeit small opening.
“Swear! But if you called your mother Malmal in my world, you’d be slapped upside the head!”
“Really? I thought mothers would like being referred to by something sweet. It’s not like you called her a Prunnie.”
“What the fuck are those?”
“Dried dates.”
At this Fallen roared with laughter at the thought of anyone calling his mother after an old wrinkled dried fruit. That woman was 200 lbs. of brawn, and she wouldn’t let you forget it.
“Your head would be speared on a pike and put in the garden for decoration!”
Both men took a moment to laugh at the rather visceral image, but soon things began to quiet down again, and this time Creed broke the silence.
“How is your family? Do they know you’re here?”
With that their moods settled into something a bit more serious, but lighter than their former grief.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
It’s not that Fallen didn’t want to talk about his family, it’s that he wondered if he still had one. Especially after the stunts he pulled. To his surprise Creed merely shook his head.
“Don’t got one.”
“You don’t have a family?”
Fallen was bewildered at the thought. Everyone had a family! Even if they were now estranged everyone had to have had a mother and father, right? Creed shook his head again.
“Nope. Got drafted right out of the orphanage. I didn’t mind, it’s not like anyone was waiting for me. I guess you could say the soldiers were more my family than anyone, even if I don’t remember some of their names.”
Fallen was flabbergasted. Out of all the things he could imagine about Creed’s life, this was not one of them.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Creed looked up at Fallen, his face neutral.
“Why? It’s not like it means much to me to have a family.”
“But surely you miss that connection?”
Creed shook his head.
“Can’t really miss what you’ve never had.”
Fallen studied Creed for a moment, as if he was looking for evidence of a lie. Evidence that Creed was actually burdened by the loss of a family and just didn’t want to speak about it. But to his surprise he found nothing. The absence of a family seemed to be something that Creed was at peace with. Above all else, his ex, the war, his fallen comrades, it was the lack of a family that Creed had no trouble with. Internally Fallen smiled at the thought. Something he found devastating was like nothing to Creed, and he was happy that the other man wasn’t burdened with such a loss.
“My family was a wild bunch. It was just me, my mom, my two sisters, and my one brother. I don’t think we ever stopped annoying each other, even as adults.”
Creed chuckled.
“Surely you must grow out of that eventually, right?”
Fallen laughed heartily at the confused man.
“No, you just kinda find new ways to get on each other’s nerves!”
Both men laughed as Fallen spoke of his siblings.
“But, as angry as you are with each other, if they need you, you stay with them.”
Fallen had meant this in a light jest, but he still felt troubled. It was true that his family had been there for each other for a long time, but in recent years those ties had weakened considerably. Looking back at Creed Fallen could see that his change did not go unnoticed by the other man. He honestly didn’t expect it to, seeing as how this Creed had shown how emotionally aware he was of others. Would he dare to ask more?
“Tanin and I were like that sometimes—Tanin is another soldier I shared a bunk with.”
So, he wouldn’t ask further? So, if Fallen didn’t present the information himself, he’d never know.
The two men sat there for what could’ve been hours. Chatting casually about everything and nothing. Finding little discrepancies in each of their worlds and shockingly some small similarities. Fallen had come here in an effort to get to know the other man, trying to convince himself that this Creed meant nothing to him. Nothing more than a man meant to lead him to his “one true love.” But the more they spoke, the farther he fell.
And falling was the only thing he knew how to do.
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It had been a while since Creed allowed himself a bit of respite in the kitchen. He found preparing food a bit relaxing rather than just eating it. He’d just been taking prepared food to his room for the past few days in an effort to keep hidden from the others. He knew he could just wish for food in his room, but something about the thought of that churned his stomach. As if doing so would solidify the fact that he’s becoming too comfortable in The Infinity. So there he stood at the kitchen counter, chopping away at a few vegetables, and relishing in the silence it brought.
However, just a moment later Creed heard some footsteps approaching from behind him. He didn’t know if it was Fallen or Dinn as he refused to tear his eyes away from his work. If it was Fallen, he may just grab something from the fridge and leave or start up a basic conversation. But if it was Dinn…well he was unsure of what Dinn would do. Creed heard the fridge open and close so he thought it just might be Fallen appearing for a quick bite. But then a tray of potatoes and a peeler were placed next to him on the counter and looking over he could see that it was in fact, Dinn.
Creed steadied his nerves for the onslaught of meaningless words that was about to come. But, surprisingly, Dinn was mercifully quiet. For a minute he just stood there peeling potatoes as if Creed wasn’t standing next to him at all. Creed could tell he was gearing up to say something, but he wasn’t sure what. Perhaps he chose potatoes because they took a while to prep, and he needed time to think. Creed liked the thought of that more than the bombardment he’d been faced with in the day’s past.
And then Dinn broke the silence.
“I’m sorry.”
He’d already said this numerous times before and Creed just didn’t know if he meant what he said, or if he just thought it was the “right” thing to do after an argument. Still, Dinn continued.
“I’m sorry, for what I said…. That I said…you deserved to die…. I didn’t mean…I would…never…”
Dinn was speaking painfully slowly. Trying to choose his words carefully in an effort to just say what he meant rather than go around in circles with his thoughts. At the very least he finally acknowledged what he’d said that upset Creed. He supposed that was a step in the right direction.
“Fuck.”
Dinn sighed heavily.
“I would like to say I’d never say something like that, but I did. But I didn’t mean it! At least…I don’t think you deserved to die…I only said it to hurt you at the time…. Which is no better I know…in fact it may just be worse…”
Dinn quietly cursed at himself again. He was still talking in circles, but now at least he was getting to the roots of his thoughts.
Creed knew Dinn was never great at communication, and his anger problems simply bolstered that, but there was something else about him that Creed couldn’t shake. And it might be that Dinn just didn’t want to admit he could do terrible things. Every apology he put forth was counteracted with “but I didn’t mean it,” “it’s not a big deal,” “I’m not that kind of person,” etc. Creed used to think these were substantial apologies, but not anymore.
“Dinn.”
Dinn immediately stopped peeling and looked up at Creed. It seemed, at least, if he was willing to talk Dinn would listen.
“What you said to me was bad…it is bad.”
It was Creed’s turn to choose his words carefully. He didn’t want to explode with emotion and potentially cause another fight. He just needed Dinn to know exactly how what he did affected him.
“It hurt me in the worse way possible…because…back just after Donyun…. passed, you left me.”
Creed found it difficult to speak his fallen friends name, but he needed to say what was on his mind. He needed Dinn to know the turmoil that went through him in the past few days.
“You left me surrounded by men who were sure that I was a traitor…without a word you just abandoned me in that camp…I never knew how you felt about what happened. If you were…if you believed me or not…. So, when you said that during our argument…it confirmed in my mind that you had branded me as a traitor. Just as everyone else did…And that confirmation was too much for me to handle.”
Creed felt as if his mouth had gone completely dry, his tongue turned to lead, and he almost felt a bit dizzy. He needed to speak his thoughts clearly for Dinn to understand. However, admitting to not only the past few days, but so many years of turmoil and doubt about whether or not Dinn had despised him for what happened was devastating in his mind. He’d harbored so much fear, guilt, and doubt over what Dinn’s thoughts were about the massacre for years, and now it was all out in the open. He felt vulnerable for the first time in a long time, and the feeling was nauseating.
Dinn seemed to take a moment before responding.
“Creed, back then, I didn’t know what to think. Not because of you, but because of the other guys. They were so intent on their own thoughts and feelings that I couldn’t even get a word in edgewise. After losing so many men, everyone was devastated. And a lot of the devastation just turned into anger. And I…I…did leave you, because I just couldn’t come to terms with my own feelings.”
With a bitter chuckle he continued.
“Saying it now, I can see how fucked up that is. I left you because of my own comfort…I didn’t consider yours.”
The two men finally looked over at each other, Dinn sincere but Creed shocked. Creed had never heard Dinn speak so openly, let alone that he admitted he did something wrong. Something he couldn’t make excuses for.
“I’m sorry.”
In the midst of a tense moment Creed chose to laugh. He’d been pinning Dinn as the one who was terrible at communication, and he was, but that didn’t mean Creed was better by proxy. He too was so concerned for his own comfort that he refused to talk about any events where he felt wronged by Dinn. So, he laughed.
“Thank you for being honest with me. I can’t say I suddenly know how to feel about our situation, but thank you for your apology.”
There was a relative quiet after the two men spoke, but unlike last time, there was no oppressive tension in the air. Having spoken about their grief, their shame, made both men a little bit lighter. Sure, there would have to be more to talk about if they were to continue living like this in The Infinity; but for the time being they relished in the initial weight being lifted from their shoulders.
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Fallen had been watching the two men from just beyond the doorway to the kitchen. He didn’t want to eavesdrop, but he just needed to know. He needed to know what their fight was about, what they’d said, what they’d done! He couldn’t bear being left out when there were only three of them present. It would drive him mad knowing that the only two other people in his world were hiding secrets from him. But upon hearing their apologies he was even more confused!
What was this about the other soldiers? Abandonment? Had Dinn really told Creed he should die? And how could Creed just shrug it off the way he did?
From their last talk Fallen had begun to think that him and Creed started knowing each other a bit better. At least, on a more personal level as opposed to what they had before. He’d been told stories of old friends. The ridiculous things they used to do when they weren’t on duty. His desire to see a new world bloom from the ashes of the old. And in turn he’d told Creed so much about his family. About the way his brother became some sort of vegetable growing prodigy. How his sisters were the ones who insisted he start dating shortly after his first job. How his mother was a tornado of a woman that no one could talk back to. But hearing all this about the two men’s past solidified how much he still needed to understand.
And he will understand!
He already devoted his time here to helping Creed be happy again and to do that he needed to know what was holding him back. What was it that was causing him so much pain? So, even if he had to sneak around to find out those secrets, he would.
And as much as he already didn’t like Dinn, he was pleased to see at least one thing that Dinn said made Creed happy. If only for a brief moment. Seeing that face alight, even if it was with a bitter laugh was something he could get used to. It was nothing like the harmonious tune of his laugh when they were joking, but it would do just fine.
Stepping away from the two as they fell into a more peaceful silence, Fallen thought back to his late partner. His Creed. Looking at this Creed, he did feel a growing attraction and chemistry between them, but he would forever be known as “this Creed.” His Creed, the one he lost all those years ago because of some illness that ravaged their small town, would always be his true love. He didn’t know if he could ever let that go, or if he even wanted to. He wanted to feel love again, but he needed whoever he loved to be fine with his grief over his Creed. That was only fair, right? He didn’t ask to be thrown into this world and told to look for a new partner. If it was up to him, he’d still be home in a drunken stupor waiting for the day he’d get to see his Creed again. Hopeful that they’d find happiness in some beautiful afterlife together.
Back home, where he was so ungodly bitterly alone.