Abigail's question broke him from his jumble thoughts and emotions. He looked back at her and just sighed deeply, before saying, “Not right now, I need to figure out what I am feeling.” He tried to give her a smile, but it came off halfhearted.

She seemed to understand and walked up to him placing a hand on his arm, “Talk to me when you are ready. How about you go check on Mila, and Angel while I handle the rest.”

He nodded and headed off to their companions. Mila seemed to be doing fine as she laid there and licked herself. The fight didn’t even seem that strenuous to her. She did walk up and start inspecting him for injuries. He reached out and started giving her scratches to help distract him from the emotions that were starting to rise up again. Angel walked over and after a quick pat the horse walked over to where Abigail was working on cleaning up.

Thomas focused on his feline companion giving her scratches and cleaning her off. The large cat was enjoying the attention, but she could also tell that her partner was dealing with his own issues. Thomas was grateful for her deep purring and occasional tail flick to the leg when he would quit paying attention to what he was doing. He appreciated that she was distracting him from his thoughts.

It didn’t take long before Abigail motioned for them to mount up and leave. They were only traveling far enough to get away from where the battle took place to camp for the night. By the time they got far enough away and set up camp, night was already setting in.

Thomas was just sitting there staring into the fire, trying to get his thought in order before he said anything. Letting out a long sigh, he looked up at Abigail. Who had been silently sitting across from him waiting for him to start talking if he wanted to.

He said, “I know they weren’t good people, but I feel guilty. I know I did the right thing. They would have killed me and the rest of you without a second thought. I thought I didn’t hesitate during the fight but now. I don’t know, I just feel like I did something wrong. It feels like two sides of me are conflicted.” He finished with a defeated shrug.

She spoke in a calm, almost soothing voice, “That’s natural, we grew up in an environment where hurting someone was wrong. Killing someone goes against everything you have been taught when you were young. What you are dealing with is perfectly normal, the guilt you’re feeling is what makes you a good person. It is what makes you different from those bandits today. Just don’t let the guilt consume you. Let me say this clearly, you didn’t do anything wrong. If you need to talk it out, I will listen. If you need to spar to distract yourself, just ask. I went through the same thing my first time. The emotions don’t completely go away but you will eventually come to terms with it. Just know that guilt is what makes you better than them, and what you did was necessary.”

He let the silence hang between them as he stewed on her words and eventually said, “Thank you. The same goes for you. If you ever want to talk, I am here.”

They sat in silence for a while longer before Abigail headed to bed. Leaving him alone to think about the day’s events again. Did he actually try his hardest or did he still hold himself back when he fought them. Thinking about the fight, he realized he did hold back or else he would have coated his blade in mana and ended it faster. He wouldn’t allow that to happen again, they were bad people. He wouldn’t let the fact that they were people stop him from doing what was right. A self-deprecating chuckle escaped his lips, he thought he had hardened his heart already, but today showed him how much he needed to grow.

Shaking the guilt off again he was still proud of how well he did during the fight. They weren’t skilled and he thought even before he started training with Abigail, he wouldn’t lose in that situation either. He wouldn’t have won but he wouldn’t have died either. Now that he had real training it was obvious how much he had improved. It was clear he was faster and stronger than they were. It made him appreciate the mana control training he had been doing. That’s the only thing he knew that could explain why his mana strengthening was so much better than theirs. He was told that the better control you have the more effective all usage of mana would be, and this was the most clear-cut example of it.

Pulling his sword that was lying next to him, he coated his blade in mana. Feeling the difference, the amount of mana the technique was consuming was significantly lower than before. He realized he hadn’t really used his mana outside of mana control practice and the results were clear. He was getting better; he would be able to use his mana longer without running out. Nine Hells he could probably start experimenting with creating a new technique.

Sheathing the sword again he sat back and stared up at the stars. Letting his thoughts roam as he asked himself who he was. Was he the type of person that would quit after doing something that bothered him? Or was he the type of person who would take todays experience and learn from it? He chose this path, and he needed to reaffirm himself that he picked this path. He didn’t pick this path to turn away when it got hard. No, he wanted to help people, prevent more kids from ending up like he did. Going through the suffering that he had seen on the faces of the orphans who joined the orphanage over time. The pain he saw on Lily’s face when she found out her parents were killed would always be burned into his mind. If he could help even one child from suffering like that then he was on the right course.

With his Will hardened he felt more at peace. He realized he needed to actually tell Abigail the truth about why he ended up as an adventurer. He didn’t lie before. It was for money, freedom, and to help people but not the true motivation behind it.

Laying on the grass instead of his tent Mila came up and he rested on her. He wasn’t wearing his armor because he needed to clean it and didn’t put it back on trusting Abigail's formation plates. She gave him a questioning look, he patted her as he spoke, “I am fine now. That was something I never had to do before. Are you okay?”

She purred and laid her head down to sleep. He took that as she was fine. He just enjoyed the star-filled night and the warm, soft fur of Mila. It was the first time he felt truly at peace since the fight.

Sleeping on the ground wasn’t a smart choice, he was sore. Even stretching didn’t help with the pain, Abigail tried not to laugh at his obvious discomfort. He just shot her a glare and grumbled as he put his armor on. He wish he had better control of his mana so he may be able to flick her with his force sub-aspect. That thought brightened him up and gave him another push of motivation. After a nice breakfast that Thomas cooked, they mounted up and left.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

As they left Thomas decided to leave behind the guilt, pain, and confusion he felt the day before. He wouldn’t forget the feelings he had but knew what when he had to take a life it would be because it was necessary. He wouldn’t deny the feelings but accept them for what they were and carry them.

After riding next to Abigail for a while he finally brought up the topic he dreaded to talk about. Clearing his throat he said, “Thanks for listening to me, I appreciate it. I only really had Tessa to talk to and even then, I wasn’t the most open person. With you, it easy to be open.”

A flash of surprise crossed her face before she replied, “Isn’t that what friends are for? Of course, I will listen if you ever need to talk.”

Thomas nodded and in a hesitant voice said, “Thanks for being my friend, that’s why I need to tell you more about my childhood. The part of it that caused me to become an adventurer. I didn’t lie to you before when I said I became an adventurer for money, freedom and to protect people. I realized last night that I should be completely open about it to you. You are a friend after all.”

He could tell she was about to say something, but he held up a hand to stop her saying, “Please just let me talk about this… I was left on the steps of the orphanage when I was a baby. No one knew who my parents were, that bothered me for years until I met Lily Adams. I was seven and skipped class to go wandering around town. I bumped into a girl my age who was goofing off. We just clicked, for the first year I would go spend time with her every free chance I got. Eventually, around the time I was ten her parents met me at that time I was worried about how they would react to a nameless orphan. You have no clue how surprised I was when they loved me almost instantly. Her mom and dad were some of the kindest, caring people I have ever met. They ran a bakery; her parents would sometimes give me odd jobs for some extra coin. They always gave me pastries and every evening they would try and get me to stay over for dinner. When I turned fourteen, they even started talking about moving me in with them permanently. I was already working in the bakery full time and spending my free time with Lily. Until they were in the forest looking for new ingredients for their shop when they were killed.”

Thomas had to control himself, the old pain came back. He had already come to terms with their deaths. A slow exhale he said, “The closest thing to parents i ever had died that day. I tried to be there for Lily, but what can two fourteen-year-olds do? She lost her parents; her parents’ property was taken by people they took loans from. She lost everything in just a few days and ended up just like me, an orphan. She had no other relatives, the town guards did what they knew to do. Took her to the Rose Orphanage. I tried, I tried so hard to be there for her. She couldn’t take it, she pulled away from me, from everything. It was a week after she moved in that I found her, she killed herself. She left a letter, thanking me for everything I did for her. She explained how she couldn’t keep going, knowing she lost everything.”

Thomas had to control his breathing, almost slipping into a meditative state to keep his emotions under control. He powered through and said, “All of that broke me, changed how I viewed the world. At some point I realized I didn’t want to see other people hurt like she was or how her parents died so easily. I started training, well more like swung a stick around until I couldn’t move. I just don’t want someone else to suffer like Lily did, that’s why I decided to become an adventurer.”

Thomas exhaled and realized he felt lighter than ever before. He had never told anyone the full story. Opening up made the guilt and blame seem less than before. He looked at Abigail and he saw that she was crying a little, she reached over and almost pulled him off Mila in an awkward hug.

After letting him go she said, “I am sorry you went through that.” She seemed lost for words.

Thomas gave her a smile and before she could figure out what to say he said, “I appreciate it, but I have come to terms with it already. I just wanted to tell you since you opened up to me already. Thanks for listening and caring.”

He meant that too, there wasn’t anything she could say. Her unexpected hug did more than words ever could.

They rode in silence for a while before the gloomy atmosphere was too much and Thomas asked, “Did you find anything interesting on the bandits?”

Abigail perked up seeming glad for the change in topic and replied, “Yes actually, the armored idiot I fought was a B-ranked adventurer named Leon Cress. When we get to the fort, we will need to talk to the guild branch there to figure out where he was working last. Also, I found this.” She tossed him the spatial pouch. “Keep it, I have a ring and a pouch.” She motioned to the small bag that was attached to her hip. “I already looked through it and there wasn’t anything really in it. Just some rations, bandages and some cloths.”

Thomas caught the bag and started looking at it. It was plain brown, with a strap and clasp to attach it to yourself. It would fit comfortably on his belt. Opening it up there was finely crafted runes stitched in the opening. Looking in the space was much larger than it appeared. Big enough to fit everything in his pack. Inside was exactly what she said except for the fifty or so gold.

He looked at Abigail and said, “You know I am just going to give you the gold later. I owe you still.”

She chuckled and said, “Yeah I figured but it was worth a shot.”

“Anyways it does seem odd that there was a B-ranked adventurer working as a bandit. Don’t they make decent coin?” he asked.

“They do, B-ranks can make a decent living almost anywhere. That’s why we are going to ask.”

He was glad that the gloomy atmosphere was finally gone, with it the normal conversation flowed between them again. When the conversation slowed Thomas would practice his mana control. Slowly his skill was getting better. A string of mana spun around his hand and at this point he didn’t need to fully concentrate on it to maintain its shape. He started to have fun with it making it do tricks around his hand. Soon he would start to try changing its shape and start experimenting with making a technique.

The days passed slowly, traveling down the road as they chatted. Practice mana control in between talks, his skills slowly improving. Stopping for lunch he would meditate for a bit then they would leave again. In the evenings they would set up camp and spar, her slightly correcting his form whenever it was needed. After eating and relaxing he would finish the night by practicing the Hammel cycling technique.

The only change in the routine was when a town came into sight. Then he would practice his investigation techniques. He was slowly getting better at seamlessly joining conversations with groups of people and asking leading questions for information. So far nothing else has stood out as a possible cultist threat, which was still a concern. Abigail would start conversations with the local shop owners and sometimes the guards to see if they had any information.

They did piece together that the bandits must have just started out. There had only been one group of merchants that had gone missing in the last few weeks. That only happened a week or so ago. After asking around Thomas found that it wasn’t that uncommon for a merchant to go missing. Either from a beast attack or banditry. If a pattern appears, then adventurers or local guards will look into it.

One afternoon a town larger than all the previous came into view. He now understood why it was a fort. Massive walls, castle, and the overall look of the place made it clear it was a military outpost not a normal town. They finally made it to their first destination, Fort Elaina.