--— Rania —--

"I still have other topics I wanted to address." Atrog said. "I should mention them now before the conversation gets carried away entirely. The Interim Council has given me a list of items to discuss with you that are of some urgency but are simple enough that they can be handled by a paladin like myself, and do not require a state representative."

He pulled out a small notebook and handed it to Xilly, who sighed.

She leafed through it, her eyes moving across the pages at a rapid pace.

She locked eyes with Elona, and intoned gravely: "It is just as I feared."

"It's boring?" Elona responded.

"Exceptionally so." Xilly agreed.

Then she handed the notebook back to Atrog. "At times like this, I am glad that I'm in charge and can just delegate stuff I don't want to do. Please take this to General Varras in that big tent over there. You can't miss it. Tell her I sent you. The password to get into the tent is 'go fuck yourself, since when do we have a password?'"

"Very well, I will get going then." Atrog responded.

"...oh come on! Not even a raised eyebrow? You just accept that this is our password?" Xilly asked.

"Mom, we are used to it. Balron does the same thing." Dov pointed out.

Balron nodded in agreement. "I am happy to meet someone else who believes in 'security through audacity'. I don't understand why it's so rarely used.”

“Oh? I like you already.” Xilly responded with a laugh.

"Incidentally, I also have some concerns about your research, but mine are more technical in nature." Balron continued.

Then he started talking technical gibberish that made Rania's eyes glaze over. Something about genetic variability and susceptibility to viruses. Something about mono-structured entities being easier to exploit. And some other, even more technical stuff.

Fortunately it turned out that Xilly knew her work and she managed to allay all of Balron's concerns very quickly.

"I am happy to see that you live up to your reputation as a brilliant scientist." Balron lauded Xilly.

"Thank you, I appreciate it. Your ideas were very insightful as well. This discussion was very invigorating. I would be happy to continue this more privately at a later time. How about this evening, after dinner?"

It appeared that Xilly had mercy on everyone else in the room, who only understood gibberish. Rania was very thankful for that.

If their conversation had gone on any longer than it did, she would probably just have walked out of the room and set off in a random direction until she encountered an adventure, to clear her head.

"Of course. I would be happy to continue this discussion. But now that Atrog has gone and made himself useful, I feel like I should do the same. Would it be possible for you to direct me to your communications and security officers? I would like to warn them of certain traps I have noticed while fighting Cilia Ulein. Her minions may still be running counterintelligence operations, even though the Cassandra Project is down, and it would not do to let our guard down now."

Xilly agreed, and then the two of them went on another tangent that got way too technical for Rania.

It was so weird. Both Atrog and Balron were doing boring, responsible things that weren't at all dramatic.

The people in her novels never did that! You couldn't just introduce exciting new characters and then have the Main Characters go off to do their taxes or whatever!

Where was the suspense in that?

Honestly, Rania was shaking her head internally. Her teammates had no sense for narratively appropriate behavior at all.

She understood Xilly and Elona much better. Those two were acting more like the people she knew from books. They were ignoring their boring responsibilities and delegating them to other people, so that they could focus on the fun stuff themselves. It was a great mindset, in Rania's opinion.

After all, a universe was more real if it was more interesting. Therefore, doing your taxes or doing other boring things, was in a way a very irresponsible thing, because it made the universe less popular and therefore less real.

Doing your taxes was bad for the universe itself, because of how boring it was. Anthropic reasoning said so.

Rania suddenly noticed a brief pulse of sadness from Dov. Oh no! She was thinking about Thomas again.

"Hey Xilly, I have an idea! You should run some tests on Dov to see if the Xeltek artifact did anything weird." Galanys said. Dov's feelings of sadness were quickly overshadowed by curiosity. "It looks like she might have gained some interesting new powers. Tonos was involved, so it's quite likely that the changes make little physical sense and are more about thematic fit. Do you have experience with something like that?"

"I have never worked with Tonos' interference before, but I do have some experience with prophecy manipulation, which relies on similar principles." Xilly responded. "Let's go to my lab. Oh, and I would like to have a look at Aranea as well. She doesn't look like a normal mutated, sapient, giant spider, and based on your description of events I expect that she may be influenced by the Xeltek in some way, as well."

"*This is great! Do you think I have a Secret Origin Story like my big sister, too?*" Aranea asked excitedly through the telepathic link, because she had no way to speak out loud.

"Um. I think your origin is pretty well established?" Xilly said uncertainly. "But maybe we will discover that the Xeltek artifact did something unusual to you. Unusual by the standards of mutated, sapient, giant spiders, that is."

"You hear that Aranea? Xilly thinks you may have hidden superpowers!" Rania said.

Rania could feel the sheer joy and excitement radiating from Aranea through the telepathic link as she let out an adorable shriek of joy.

A pair of guards immediately came running into the room, their faces white with fear. One of them was trembling on his knees as he pointed his sword at Aranea.

"Stop." Xilly ordered the guards. "This is a misunderstanding. Aranea is a friend. She was just expressing her excitement. Please return to your posts."

"Right. As you were, ma'am." The guards saluted and left.

Through her keen hearing, Rania could just barely make out one of them mumbling "this fucking job, man" as they left.

"Alright, let's go to my mobile lab. It's not very well equipped, but it's better than nothing." Xilly said, and stood up to leave.

Rania was excited to see it. Xilly was basically a Mad Scientist, and Rania had never been in a Mad Scientist's laboratory before.

Unfortunately, the lab was quite disappointing. When she entered the tent, she immediately noticed a severe lack of strange brass machines that emitted steam for no reason and of large glass tubes with creepy creatures floating in them. Given Xilly's area of expertise, she was really expecting to see at least a dozen of the latter.

Instead, the only things in her lab were boring looking machines that didn't emit any steam and didn't move around randomly either. They just had lights on them that blinked occasionally, but they did that silently and didn't even make loud beeping noises.

Xilly then used a whole bunch of those machines on both Dov and Aranea. It was so very boring. Not a single machine malfunctioned, and she never said anything dramatic either. No "wait, that can't be" and no "I have never seen that before". Nothing!

Instead all she said was "It looks like everything is fine, but the test results will take a while to process. We will know more in two days."

Two days! What kind of dramatic plot development took two entire days to develop in the background!

It was horrible!

She should have discovered something cool right then and there, not have to wait two days for it! By then the audience would probably have forgotten all about it, anyway.

If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

Was this what scientists did? It was so boring! The Mad Science in her books was so much cooler!

And Xilly was supposed to be a really good scientist, and plenty of people did call her mad! Didn't that mean that she was a proper Mad Scientist?

Did that mean that Rania's books lied to her about how science worked?

It could be. After all, the others did not seem to share Rania's disappointment, nor were they surprised at any of this.

"What happens if you reverse the polarity on the phlebotinum in the heavy quantum defluctuator?” Galanys asked Xilly excitedly. ”Wouldn't that help speed up the thaumic naturalization?"

"I'm afraid not. I have already drenched the whole thing in liquefied unobtanium, which gives a similar effect and doesn't need to be recalibrated all the time." Xilly responded.

"Unobtanium? Wouldn't that get interference from the ionosphere and extinguish the phlogiston?"

"Normally yes, but I'm using handwavium to fix that."

Galanys nodded at that.

Rania had no idea what any of that meant, but at least their technobabble was on point. It almost sounded like proper Mad Science from her books, after all.

Xilly and Galanys kept talking like that, and after a while Rania was pretty sure they were just making up words on the spot and daring the others to call them out on it. As she understood it, this was a clear sign that science was being done. They were talking about ways to beat the laws of nature into submission, which sounded pretty mad to Rania, so that was a good sign as well.

"...actually that does give me an idea!" Xilly said after a particularly strange remark by Galanys. "Your suggestion doesn't work as it is, I'm afraid. But I think I could make something of it by exploiting evolution. We could make an iterated experiment out of it where the specimen that survive part of the procedure are used as a pattern for polymorphing future specimen that are a better fit. Galanys, can I trust you to whip up a batch of cascading necrotic omniphages? I'm going to need them later."

Rania did not know what exactly they were talking about, but judging by the ominous glint in Xilly's eye it sounded like it might be veering into Mad Science territory after all. That would be fun to watch!

"*Let's leave them to it.*" Dov suddenly said telepathically. "*I should go greet Tanya. They said that she should be returning from their scouting trip in a few minutes. Do you want to come along?*"

"*Yes! I want to meet Tanya!*" Aranea responded.

Dov was much calmer now than before. It looked like Galanys' attempt to distract her worked. Dov, Rania and Aranea left the tent and made their way to the edge of the camp.

"*What has you so excited, Aranea?*" Dov asked.

"*I'm hoping that Tanya can help me!*" Aranea responded. "*Rania says that druids can wildshape to turn into animals. Maybe that means that I can learn to civilshape, to turn into a humanoid instead?*"

"*Yes, we talked about it and I think it's worth a try.*" Rania added. "*I have never heard of an awakened animal doing that before, but it could work because there is precedent.*"

Dov looked unconvinced. "*Precedent? Oh. Dragons don't count, I'm afraid. They use polymorphing magic, which is different from wildshaping. Tanya won't be able to help with that.*"

"*I know, I'm not talking about dragons. Pebble said that there used to be creatures who could do that, like something called a 'Kitsune'. They were before our time and from a different genre, though. But then again the Xeltek were also before our time and from an even stranger genre, and Aranea has interacted with those too and is now really good at using your telepathy.*"

"*And he thinks that makes it likely that she can learn how to turn into a humanoid?*" Dov asked.

"*Oh, no! It is very unlikely. Almost impossible. But that's the cool part: Pebble said he has done the math and the chances that this works are almost exactly one in a million!*"

Rania smiled brightly at Dov. It was such a great coincidence, wasn't it?

"*...I don't see how that would be a good thing?*" Dov responded in confusion.

"*Hm, maybe you don't know this because you don't read as many adventure novels as I do, but when someone says 'the chances are one in a million', then it is actually very likely to happen anyway, for dramatic narrative reasons. Pebble said he has it on good authority that it will happen nine times out of ten, exactly. He says there is a really important precedent for it, so the other spirits should totally listen to him.*"

"*So there is a ninety percent probability that Aranea can learn how to civilshape?*" Dov asked.

"*No! Don't say it like that! The probability is exactly one in a million. That's the number and we are sticking to it. It's just that it's very likely to happen. Don't go around redefining what the probability is or you will jinx it!*" Rania responded in exasperation.

"*Well, alright, if you insist. The probability is one in a million, which has a chance of nine out of ten of occurring. We just left a laboratory where my mom was about to violate the laws of nature, and now I find out that Pebble violates the laws of mathematics and logic instead.*"

"*Does that make him an Honorary Mad Scientist?*" Rania asked.

"*You know, I'm not sure. Are Mad Logicians a thing in stories?*"

"*Not by name, I think? But most authors aren't really big fans of logic when it gets in the way of a good story.*"

"*That makes sense.*" Dov responded. "*Anyway, Tanya is due to arrive in thirty seconds and she is usually on time. I should warn you. She is nice when you get to know her, but she isn't the most social person.*"

As if on cue, a pack of gigantic wolves burst out of the forest. They were all mutated and enormous, as usual for the Shan war beasts. All of them except one. In the middle of the pack was a single normal looking wolf, barking at the others.

The pack barreled towards the camp at a breakneck pace.

Then just before they reached the camp, they all came to a sudden stop, lined up next to each other. They were standing stock still, like soldiers standing at attention.

All of them except for one, who didn't quite stop and instead just slowed down to a walking pace and kept moving forward.

The normal looking wolf rushed ahead, put itself directly in the path of the war beast, and started furiously barking at it.

"*Oh no, that poor wolf messed up.*" Dov said.

Rania watched as the normal looking wolf kept barking at the mutant that was easily five times its size, which started to whimper and took a few steps back. All the while, the other mutant wolves kept standing perfectly still.

Then the normal wolf barked at all of them, and suddenly all of the mutant wolves, including the one who had kept walking, started running away.

It was only then that the normal wolf approached them.

"*Hello Dov! It's nice to see you again!*" It transmitted telepathically as it got close enough.

"*Hi mom!*" Dov responded.

"*I am sorry you had to see that.*" The wolf who was Tanya continued. "*They are new recruits and some of them still lack discipline. Let's hope that running around the camp another ten times will drive the point home for them.

Tanya walked up to Dov. Then she started shifting. The fur disappeared, her limbs changed shape, and a military uniform magically appeared as the woman dismissed her wildshape and returned to human form.

"*I take it from the fact that you are here and not a hostage of Oruk that a lot has happened since this morning. Please explain while we walk back to my tent.*"

Dov then explained everything that happened to them all a second time. This explanation was much shorter and more to the point than the one she gave Xilly and Elona, though. Tanya did not really react at all and just asked brief, clarifying questions.

Dov didn't try to hug her either, as she had done with Xilly and Elona. They just walked side by side and talked.

At first she thought that was really rude, but then Dov said something that made it all make sense: "*...I'm almost done with the debriefing.*"

A debriefing. Tanya was a military woman, and she was treating this whole thing not as the return of her missing daughter but as a debriefing from a subordinate. Rania wasn't sure what kind of personality she was expecting from a druid, but it sure wasn't that.

"*You really know a lot about military stuff! Are you the one in charge of all the soldiers then?*" Rania asked Tanya.

"*No. I'm not smart enough to organize or lead. That's Damiah's job.*" Tanya responded. "*I just beat discipline into people and animals alike and turn them into proper tools for her to work with.*"

Ah, that made sense. She knew the type from her books. Tanya was a proper Drill Sergeant Nasty. It was a popular archetype in adventure novels that had military personnel in them. One of Colonel Stonefist's subordinates in "Magical Girls Sugar Explosion Squad VII: The Mystery of Glucose Artillery Nine" was exactly like this, so Rania knew what to expect.

Tanya matched the archetype to a tee. The woman had taught military discipline to a pack of wolves, after all!

That meant she wasn’t being rude to Dov, she was just being true to type. Just like it was acceptable when Balron got distracted in a fight, because it was part of being an Absentminded Professor.

As the debriefing continued, Rania sensed increasing nervousness from Aranea.

When the debriefing ended, Aranea could no longer hold back.

"*Excuse me? I have a question!*" Aranea said. "*I heard that you are a really good druid, and I was wondering if you could teach me how to civilshape. I want to be able to be a humanoid! It's very important, so that I can hug people!*"

"*...What's wrong with your ability to hug people as a spider? You have eight legs. I would assume you are perfectly proficient at hugging as you are.*" Tanya responded.

"*I know! I thought so, too! But lots of people are arachnophobic and don't like the way I look!*"

"*That sounds like bigotry. Do you really want to turn into a humanoid just so you can satisfy people who don't respect you as you are?*" Tanya challenged.

That gave Aranea pause. "*I don't know! I mean, I think I do? I think there are lots of people who have some good in them, even if they are prejudiced against spiders. It's sad, but true. I would like to be able to hug those people, too! And for that, I need to be able to turn into a humanoid. Also, it would be extra cool if I could turn into an elf like my big sister!*"

Tanya looked Aranea up and down for several long seconds.

"*Let's talk.*" She said eventually. Then she wildshaped into a giant spider, and started chittering at Aranea.

Wait. Did that mean that spiders actually had a language of their own? How? Spiders normally weren't sapient. Druids were so weird. Rania was a Perfectly Normal Elf, but she was also a shaman, and that made her an authority on being weird. Therefore, when she said that druids were weird, it was an expert opinion.

Ten minutes later, Tanya turned back into a human.

"*...and if you follow these instructions precisely, you should see some improvements within around three months. Talk to me then, and we will see if you have the talent you need.*" She thought at Aranea.

Aranea emitted feelings of pure joy and thankfulness. It was so cute!

That was when an alarm rang out in the camp.

Tanya immediately rushed out of her tent, and Rania and the others followed suit.

They found her talking to a messenger: "We have just detected a massive energy signature roughly twenty kilometers to the west of here, ma'am. It's a divine ritual. We believe the Orukians are requesting divine intervention, most likely from Kharn."

Oh no. That wasn't good!

They would have to go fight them and put a stop to the ritual before it finished, or else everyone would die!

How exciting!

Suddenly a second messenger arrived: "We have lost contact with our rearguard, ma'am. Their last message indicated that they were under attack by a small squad of elite soldiers. Their leader was a battlemage who used both magic and martial arts. According to their divination spells his power is at least at the nineteenth rank on the CR scale."

Oh, that sounded really bad! A very powerful enemy, versed both in magic and in martial abilities. That must be Cilia Ulein, returned from the dead to have her revenge.

This was so cool!

Rania had been waiting for the other shoe to drop, and here they were, with not one but two super urgent and dangerous situations to take care of.

She could barely contain her excitement!

She looked at Dov giddily.

Curiously, Dov seemed to be more afraid than excited. Aranea felt quite nervous, too. How odd.