--- Rania ---

They came upon a meadow, on which they saw two groups of fey, engaged in a standoff.

On the one side were five satyrs. On the other, a dryad and a strange boy whose skin was covered with metal and wires.

Lots of fey had bark in place of skin. It was quite fashionable. But this was the first time that Rania had seen someone with metal instead of bark.

Despite the distance and the thickness of Boomwagon the First's walls, she could clearly hear the two groups talking to each other. That was normal for the feywild. After all, what would be the point in finding a group of people in a heated argument, if you couldn't actually hear the argument? That would be weird. The feywild was much more sensible about these things than the Material Plane, so Rania had no trouble at all understanding them even from a great distance.

"Leave my friend alone!" The dryad shouted.

"Why are you protecting that freak?" One of the satyrs asked the dryad.

"*Oh no! Those satyrs are bullying the other two! We have to help them!*" Rania told her friends.

She felt strong agreement from Atrog. "*We should discuss our approach first. Let's make sure this doesn't escalate needlessly. I'm going to...*"

But Rania had already aimed and fired the main gun on Boomwagon the First.

The Cataclyst cannon roared to life with a deafening explosion and a blinding flash of light.

When Rania's vision returned, she saw that the cannon had carved a swath of destruction all the way from the tank to the forest behind the bullies.

Where the bullies stood a few seconds ago, now there remained nothing but a ditch filled with dirt that was also on fire.

In the distance, Rania could faintly make out how the plasma bolt reached the sky and turned into a star.

That was pretty neat! Maybe they could make their own star signs if they kept firing into the sky? It was an idea for later.

"*...or we could do that.*" Atrog said in shock and disbelief. "*Rania, why did you just do that?*"

"*Well, it looked like they were about to bully the other two really badly. They were being Bad Guys!*"

"*And murder is the correct course of action for that?*"

"*Well, yes? I mean, they will just respawn somewhere else in a few hours or so. But hopefully this will teach them a lesson that bullying will not be tolerated. It was in one of the books you gave me. It said that there was a 'Zero Tolerance Policy' against bullies.*"

Atrog sighed and put his head in his hand. "Rania, I trust that you know what to do in the feywild better than us. But for future reference: 'Zero Tolerance Policy' is a metaphor. It does not mean that it is acceptable to shoot teenagers with heavy artillery. Or to hurt them at all, for that matter. Also, while I'm glad to hear that you are reading these books, it looks like I need to screen them more carefully in the future. Now let's go meet the two people you just saved from their bullies."

"That was so cool!" The dryad shouted as they got closer.

"Thank you for helping us!" The other fey added.

"You are welcome!" Rania replied. "Can you tell me why they were bullying you?"

"It's because I look too cool for them to comprehend!" The metal-covered fey said.

"You do look pretty unique." Pymion said.

He probably meant it as a compliment. As a silver dragonborn, he looked a little bit metallic himself. But the fey did not take it that way.

"Stop making fun of how I look! It's called Cyberpunk, and it's cool! I'm sure it will catch on again soon. It was Avant-Garde when I started wearing it. But then that stupid Cataclysm happened and suddenly Apocalypse-chic was all the rage. But you just wait! Pretty soon it will catch on again!"

The dryad chimed in to support her friend.

"Who are you to talk like that, anyway? One of you is a genetically engineered psion! You are not on theme at all!" She said while pointing at Dov.

"Please, everyone, no fighting!" Rania interrupted them all as she interposed herself between the two groups.

She looked at the metallic fey: "It was just a misunderstanding. He did not mean to insult you at all."

Then she turned to Pymion: "They take fashion very seriously around here. Calling him unique is like saying that he has a terrible fashion sense."

Then she turned to the dryad: "He was rude, but that was no reason to insult Dov, either. She is from a crossover, so some weirdness is to be expected. I don't know what a psion is, but I'm sure it's perfectly valid. And you two are valid, too! You should both apologize to each other."

She looked between Pymion and the dryad with a stern expression on her face.

“I’m sorry.” Pymion said, sounding confused.

“I apologize” The dryad responded, looking ashamed.

There. That was better. Now they were all getting along.

"How did you know that I'm genetically engineered? And what's a psion?" Dov asked the dryad.

"Oh, it's just part of your overall theme, you know?" The dryad replied while waving her hands vaguely.

"It's a rare skill for fey to be able to sense that. It's really cool!" Rania added.

It really was. The ability to perceive someone's narrative makeup was usually limited to the spirits.

The dryad smiled. "Thanks! As for your other question: A psion is a different kind of magic user that hasn't really been in fashion for a very long time."

"My mother never did figure out how her telepathy works. She is different from other sorcerers. Are you saying you know more about this?" Dov asked.

"Um, maybe? I really like the whole transhumanist vibe you have going on. I don't think we are allowed to talk about that though, are we?" She asked her friend.

"No, I don't think we should." The metallic fey added. "It's a real pity. I mean, she is already cheating a lot with her backstory. We shouldn't encourage that."

"No, of course not." The dryad replied. Then she added with a playful smile: "We would never cheat, would we? We would never encourage it either, right?"

"Of course not. For example, we would never tell someone to remember the password 'J7Hi9v%f&HVFE4'." The other fey agreed.

"What an overly specific example of something that would definitely be a cheat. We would never do anything like that."

Then she turned to Dov. "I'm sorry, but we have just discussed it and it looks like there is no way I could possibly help you find out what a psion is."

"I understand, and I appreciate your effort all the same." Dov replied genially.

"*I am suddenly so glad that I now have a perfect memory. 'J7Hi9v%f&HVFE4'.*" She added telepathically.

Rania thought these fey were not very good at subtlety. Maybe that was part of the reason why the other fey were bullying them, besides the weird fashion sense?

She still wanted to help them with their problem.

"Can you tell us more about who you are and why the others were bullying you? Maybe we can help?"

"Of course! We are part of the work crew for managing the Cataclysm Containment Zones. The others don't like him because he is too different." The dryad indicated her friend. "But I like him, and I think he is right. His fashion just isn't in season right now, and most of the people who work on the Cataclysm Zones care about that a lot. They are very conservative."

Rania had not known that about the Cataclysm Containment Zones. But if they all had very active spirits in them, like the miasma in Greenwatch, then it made sense that there would be some fey whose job it was to talk to them. The Coros would probably be happy to learn about this, too.

"I am very sorry to hear that. Bullying is bad, and people should be friends instead." She said sagely.

Then she suddenly had a great idea.

"Oh, I know who could help you with your bully problem! Magical Girls! There is a Magical Girl who lives pretty close. Her name is Silent Martha, and I'm sure she could help you out."

The dryad suddenly went white as a sheet. "The Despoiler? But she is really scary!"

"She is nice now! And she is learning all about ethics and being a good Magical Girl. Just tell her that I sent you to ask for help with your bully problem. I'm sure she will help!"

The two fey were unconvinced by her at first, but after a few more minutes of talking about the awesomeness that were Magical Girls, they agreed to seek out Silent Martha and ask her for help with their bullying problem.

Rania was glad she could help, although she was a little confused why Pebble would not stop laughing and talking about how he pitied the bullies. It was weird. Bullies did not deserve pity. The Zero Tolerance Policy in the books said so!

They made small talk for a few more minutes, but then they had to bid their new friends goodbye. Adventure awaited, and the Villain was not going to thwart herself.

"*What nice people.*" Galanys remarked. "*Wait. They never told us their names.*"

"*Of course not!*" Rania almost shouted out loud.

She loved her friends very much, but sometimes their lack of cultural understanding was honestly too much.

---

"I'm sorry again for barging in unannounced. It's just that we were really excited to go on an adventure and fight a Villain."

She was talking to a tall fey, dressed in luxurious black and red clothing. His title was 'The Duke of Blood', and she knew him from her backstory.

His entourage had stopped their carriage and invited them all to join him for dinner.

They were sitting at a large table loaded with all manner of exotic food and wine.

It was very delicious food, but she found it kind of distracting that she had to constantly tell the others what food was ok to eat yet, and what gestures to make before eating, and which cutlery to use, and so on. There were really a lot of rules about this if you did not want to look like a boor. At least she was able to explain all of these things telepathically instead of talking out loud, which would really be highly embarrassing for everyone involved.

As an archfey, the Duke of Blood could almost certainly listen in on their telepathic conversation. Luckily he was very polite and pretended like he couldn't. Respecting other people's privacy was important after all. Unless you had a really good reason, like wanting to deliver a book as a gift to a friend without triggering all of the warding curses, of course.

"It is quite alright. The spirits informed me about the reasons for your visit, and I approve of it." The Duke of Blood said.

She was very glad to hear that. She looked around at the others to check if his reassurances had lightened the mood, but unfortunately nothing had changed.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Her friends and her Sidekicks were still very nervous about accidentally making a faux pas. They had been that way ever since they came here. While she appreciated that they were so careful and always asked her for advice, it did take some of the enjoyment out of the dinner to have to answer so many questions.

The only one who didn't need her tutoring on how to behave was Adam. He at least got the basics right, as he very carefully ate his meal. But even he looked pretty on edge.

It was quite sad. A nice dinner like this should be a time of fun and relaxation, and she got the distinct impression that the others were not really enjoying themselves at all. They were far too stressed, and her friends were constantly talking to each other telepathically and making plans for what to do if things went wrong.

Multiculturalism was hard.

"I understand that your Villain is Cilia Ulein. A fascinating individual, that one."

"I know, right? She is just the best Villain, isn't she? She comes with her own respawn mechanic and adjustable difficulty!"

"Indeed. These are excellent traits for a proper Villain to have. Neither too strong, nor too weak. And with enough versatility that no fight against her will play out the same way. You can count yourself very lucky to have a Villain like that."

Rania nodded along happily. This guy got it!

He seemed to reminisce as he continued. "Why, I still remember the first time I met her. It must have been around thirty-eight thousand years ago. She wanted to study shamanism and was looking for a mentor. I had to decline at the time. If I had known what was going to become of her, I might have agreed to train her."

"*Is this real blood?*" Balron suddenly asked her.

He still had not touched his drink! How rude!

"*No, that's wine. It is a pretty old vintage, too. That one over there next to the steak is blood though.*" She replied.

"*Oh gods, no.*" Pymion said.

"*You sound very scared. Why is that?*" She asked earnestly.

"*Because someone called the 'Duke of Blood' is feeding us blood. There is no way this will end well for us, is there?*"

Rania was confused for a moment, but then she got it.

"*Oh, I think there is a misunderstanding here. The Duke of Blood is very nice. Blood is about staying alive, and moving nutrients and oxygen from one part of the body to another. I learned that in school! What you are thinking of is the Count of Bloodshed. Totally different guy. He is much less nice. If he had stopped us, I would be kind of worried, too. But the Duke of Blood is cool. He has never done anything bad to me at all!*"

"You have met the Duke of Blood before?" Norsh asked in astonishment.

He said it out loud. Her Sidekicks hadn't had much practice with telepathy, yet.

To Rania's relief the Duke of Blood politely pretended that this non-sequitur made sense and ignored that the others were loudly thinking uncharitable thoughts about him.

"Oh yes, we know each other. I know Miss Mortal from an unspecified previous meeting in her backstory."

She felt vindicated by his phrasing. "*See, Dov, I told you that people can have backstories, and not just life experiences like you said.*"

"That sounds interesting. Would you like to elaborate on these backstory events of Rania's?" Galanys asked.

For some reason, the Duke of Blood suddenly had a confused look on his face, and he answered only hesitantly.

"It is a long story, perhaps best told at another time?"

Galanys opened her mouth again, but Atrog psychically shushed her before she could say anything.

"*Galanys, shut up! He obviously doesn't want to answer the question. Don't question the freaking archfey! Curiosity killed the cat!*"

"*But satisfaction brought it back! I want to know what's going on here. We could learn more about Rania's secret origin story.*" Galanys responded.

"*I appreciate the thought, but I don't think so?*" Rania said. "*It doesn't seem narratively appropriate. Learning it just by asking someone over a nice and cozy dinner doesn't strike me as dramatic enough. Also, I think you are both very rude. Galanys, he is clearly trying to be mysteriously evasive, and you should respect that. And Atrog, just because Galanys was a little bit rude doesn't mean you should shush her.*"

That did remind her of something important, though. Being mysteriously evasive towards important questions was all well and good, but a distinguished and powerful archfey like him should be able to go further than that. Dinner was almost over already, so she decided to just ask him directly.

"I have really been enjoying this dinner, and I thank you for that. It is almost time for us to leave, and we would not want to overstay our welcome. So I wonder: Do you have any Cryptic and Ominous Advice that you would like to give us that will only become obvious in hindsight?"

That brought a smile to his face.

"Why yes, I am always happy to give Cryptic and Ominous Advice. Besides, Tonos just asked me to help you all out, and I just can't say no to him when he asks me so nicely."

Oh no. Tonos was talking to him. He was probably going to make things more needlessly tragic and difficult.

"*Wait, Tonos can talk to him? Right now? While he is talking to us?*" Atrog asked.

"*Sure he can. Why wouldn't he? The Duke of Blood is responsible for all of the blood, everywhere. It's a really demanding job, so he is great at multitasking. All of the archfey are.*" She explained to him.

The Duke of Blood dramatically cleared his throat and drew all attention to himself. "As there are two groups before me, I have two statements to make. So listen well and remember these words:"

He turned towards Dov. "When it looks like all is lost, look to the past to discover powers that your enemy knows not."

Then he turned towards Rania. "Though you may try and fail to control your own destiny, salvation can come from where you least expect."

"Ooh, that sounded really ominous and vague! I have no idea what it could be referring to. I love it!" She said.

"You are welcome!"

She wasn't sure what to make of the fact that he had given Dov an Ominous Statement of her own, too. It was a bit confusing because she had already gotten Cryptic Advice from the two fey they saved from their bullies earlier. But two sets of Cryptic Advice were better than one. Lilian had taught her that, so it must be true.

Then the Duke of Blood turned towards Adam and said "Mr. Gust, would you like to stay for just a bit longer? It has been too long since I have had an opportunity to talk to Her Majesty Denissa Mardok, and it would be nice to get caught up on things."

"Will you abide by the Compact of the Thirteen Oaks?" Adam asked.

"I will." The archfey responded.

The Compact of the Thirteen Oaks was an agreement that Denissa Mardok had made with several archfey some time ago, to guarantee safe passage for her Historians of Secrets even at their courts. It was a pretty impressive document that covered a lot of edge cases. Rania saw it as one of the benchmarks for intercultural understanding between mortals and the fey.

Unfortunately it was quite old and specific, and many of its clauses would have a different meaning today if one were to naively make a copy of them, as some shamans did out of ignorance. The Compact of the Thirteen Oaks was not quite perfect and had a few loopholes, but it had been around for so long that the fey understood well enough what was intended.

Of course it also helped that the fey did not want to anger Denissa Mardok by deliberately misinterpreting its clauses.

"In that case I would be honored to stay for a while longer." Adam told the Duke of Blood.

Then he turned towards the rest of them and said "I will catch up with you later. I am capable enough as a mage and should be able to find my own way around the capital, provided that our host drops me off close enough to our destination."

He would probably be fine, Rania thought. Pebble said that the other spirits had told him that Adam was cheating a lot, and that was why he was much more powerful than he should be. He refused to elaborate on what they meant by cheating, though. It was a secret, he said.

It was kind of weird to think about, but their bard was probably stronger than any of them, which was really weird. The one who wrote down the stories shouldn't be more powerful than the heroes themselves!

Still, she hoped that Adam wouldn't be held up too long by the Duke of Blood. She really wanted a bard to write down all of their exploits, and it was disappointing to see him leave again before their first fight against the Villain.

Luckily, time was relative here, so if the Duke of Blood felt like it then he could talk however much he wanted and still drop Adam off just in time to watch their dramatic fight.

Before they left, Rania remembered to use an old custom to ask if guest right would be extended to them after they left, until the edge of his domain.

He said yes.

She asked Lynn for one of her empty wine flasks, which she provided without question.

"Awesome! I would love to take some of the wine to-go. It's really good!" She said excitedly.

Then she began pouring the ancient vintage from their crystal bottles into the empty wine flasks.

She felt feelings of pure terror emanate from the others.

"*What's wrong? You are all looking at me so strangely?*" She asked as she filled the third wine flask.

"*Oh, I get it. I guess this would be a rude thing to do back in Oruk? It's ok. He said we have guest right while we are on his lands. Drinks are part of guest right. But taking the crystal bottles would be rude, so I'm filling our own flasks.*"

Lynn looked at the newly filled wine flasks that Rania handed to her with open awe. "*You said this was an old vintage, right? Old by the standards of the fey?*"

"*Yes.*"

"*Then this is worth a fortune!*"

"*Yes, probably? But he gave it to us as provisions for our travel. It would be very rude to sell it.*"

Lynn stared at the wine flasks in her hands with an indecipherable look on her face.

---

They came upon two guards, a sign post, and a gate again.

The sign said "One of them always lies. One of them always tells the truth. You may ask one question of one of them. Press the right rune to pass the trial. Press the wrong one and encounter your doom."

This time, they were different guards. They looked older and more experienced.

Atop the gate stood the two guards they had met before.

"You show them, mom!"

"Don't let them trick you, dad!"

The two of them cheered on the more experienced guards.

It was a family business of Mystical Gate Guards! And the parents were going to teach their children how it is done.

So cute! Rania felt so happy for them!

Then both of the guards started speaking in turns, and after a short while Rania's eyes glazed over.

It was so confusing. They were saying really complicated things, with lots of math and logic in it. And according to the sign, one of them was lying, and they didn't know which one, which made the math even more confusing.

It was really hard to follow, and Rania had a feeling that the riddle was impossible to solve.

Then she suddenly noticed something.

Heh. That was funny.

She decided to stay silent for now, and wait to see what her friends would do.

"*I was looking forward to something like this. I remember it now. I kept thinking I have heard riddles like these before, and I finally recovered the memory after the last time we encountered this gate.*" Dov said. "*I actually took courses on Logic and Game Theory, as part of my political education. Variations on these questions were often used as examples. let me try.*"

Then she cast a spell to summon a blackboard. Because of course a follower of Brytius would know a spell for that.

And she started writing, and drawing graphs.

Rania was glad to see that she was not the only one who was confused by all this. After fifteen minutes, the only ones who were still following along with Dov at all were Balron and Galanys, and both of them kept asking confused questions, too.

At some point the Mystical Gate Guards approached to watch Dov work, and they asked her to please talk out loud. She shrugged and started talking out loud, and claimed it would make no difference.

The Mystical Gate Guards were soon joined by their children, and all four of them looked really impressed. But Rania shared a knowing look with them, and they smiled at her mischievously. Dov was really overdoing it. It was going to be so funny when they revealed the punchline.

"*...and that's why, if we ask the question on sheet three, the only valid way for them to respond is to not just answer the question correctly, but to also perform the actions specified on sheet four. Any other course of actions would result in a logical paradox that invalidates the premise. Therefore, we can write instructions for what we want them to do on sheet four before we ask the question. In this way we can force them to perform a service for us, and they will have to do it, or else prove themselves false.*"

Ok, this was getting a little worrying.

It was fine to prank someone back, but she had a feeling that Dov might not quite know where to draw the line here.

The fey were sharing nervous glances with each other now.

Balron spent the next ten minutes examining Dov's weird seven-page long self-referential question.

"That looks like it should work. I can't find any problems with it." He finally said.

"How did you come up with this?" Galanys asked.

"My mother Damiah taught me the basics of how to do that. She says that if you aren't looking to exploit a trap and turn it against its creator, you aren't really taking it seriously. She once used a similar trick on a genie." Dov responded.

Galanys stared at her open-mouthed. "I am in awe."

The fey were sharing very nervous glances with each other now. One of the younger ones grabbed his mother's hand and squeezed it.

Rania decided that this had stopped being funny, and she should probably intervene and save the poor Mystical Gate Guards from her friends.

"Please don't use trickery to force the nice fey to do your bidding. It's very rude and exploitative!"

Dov looked at her in confusion.

"But the sign says that we are doomed if we get it wrong. I feel like this is entirely appropriate."

One of the younger guards spoke up at that. "Well, it's not really 'doomy' doom. It's more of a fun adventure that would teach you valuable life lessons."

Rania nodded. That's how it usually went.

Dov blinked at that. "Why didn't you say so, then? That actually sounds kind of nice. Can we do that? I always enjoy learning valuable life lessons."

The Mystical Gate Guard father took the opportunity. "Tell you what, we could just agree that you passed and save ourselves the time to go through with figuring out that horribly complex question you came up with? And the next time you are here, you can go on the Fun Adventure of Doom."

"We will even throw in the secret reward for solving the puzzle within one minute, even though you took much longer than that: You will be just in time for where you want to go."

"Do we have a deal?" The fey asked hopefully.

The poor fey. He was clearly afraid that Dov might say no, and he would have to suffer through that horrible paradox-question thingy she had come up with.

"Define 'just in time'. And how do I know you are the truthful one, anyway?" Dov asked.

Rania rolled her eyes at that. "It's fine, you guys. They are on the level, and I trust them. I'm sure they won't try to trick us any more. You scared them too much."

"You will get there a few hours before you left. So that you will be just in time to do your thing, before the Villain has had time to prepare." The fey clarified.

"What?" Atrog asked in confusion. It was the first thing he said since his eyes glazed over along with Rania's some time ago.

"We have a deal." Dov said.

The fey smiled and thanked her, and then he quickly moved to press the right rune, and opened the gate.

Then the Mystical Gate Guard mother dropped character. She smiled at Dov and said: "I love that you put so much effort into this, it really shows appreciation for the prank. It was great, and you had us all going there. But the thing is: You were really overthinking it. I mean, this whole thing was supposed to be a pun, you know? The sign says 'press the right rune', not 'press the correct rune'."

"...Oh." Dov responded after a few seconds.

Rania loved the look on Dov’s face. It was priceless. This was why fey jokes were funny!

Then the Mystical Gate Guard father came back and said "Could I have a copy of that graph you made? It was awesome, and I would love to study it, and see if I can prank some of my coworkers with it."

Dov nodded and handed over the graph she drew.

"Also, who is your mother and where does she live, so that we can avoid her and never, ever meet her?"

"My mother is Queen Damiah Shan. She rules the Cursed Lands."

"...well, that explains things."

Rania was happy with how well this had gone. "I think this was a great intercultural exchange, and I hope we all had fun and learned something from this."

She turned to the two junior Mystical Gate Guards and added "You two were doing great! My team is just really unfair at this. It's not your fault, and I'm sure you are going to be great Mystical Gate Guards in no time at all!"

With that, they all said their goodbyes, and went back on their way.

---

They came upon the end of the road.

A thin translucent wall of gray fog arose from the end of the path. Rania could clearly make out buildings and a few soldiers on the other side of it. The soldiers were moving in slow motion.

"This is it, everyone! We are going to fight the Villain! It will be so much fun!"

Rania could barely contain her excitement.