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The Toad

Today we hung four men: Wild Bill, Munsen Glenn, John Delmir, and Catherine Delmir. They were hung for: stealing 1,000 gold from the Bank of Delarmir, killing and maiming three of the bank guardsmen, the loss of deputy Burr, and the destructshon of Rockface mineshaft 14C which trapped and killed four miners.

Johann Delmir died in the collapsted mineshaft and his sister Bess died resisting arrest after the collapse of the mine. McDonald, Lilian Delmir, and Cal Youngman are yet to be apprehended. We hope to track them as they flee south; and though the gang is all but destroyed n' despersed, I fear an ambush at Berry Bridge.

-A page from the diary of Sheriff Morrison of Delarmir

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The gang of goblins walked down Mucky Boulevard, which was in fact not that mucky, but slightly goopy at most. The party seemed to reach the “town limits'' as the bleak and broken houses were replaced with solid unwavering walls of stone.

And then little Bloogan spotted something out of the corner of his eye, something glowy. Breaking off from the group, a closer inspection allowed him to perceive a toad that gently glowed a light blue and was about the size of a large apple stitting on some rubble.

He leaned in close and whispered to it, saying, “Hey! Are you the Enchanted Toad of Delarmir?”

The Toad croaked and turned to face him, it's cross-eyed eyes almost looking at him.

“Come on Bloogan! We gotta find that Toad!” Heegan yelled to him, his loud voice echoing through the sewers.

“Croak.” The Toad croaked once and then a low rumble seemed to emanate from it. Then something strange happened: it spoke. It's voice was low, rich and gravely; like he used to sing the blues in a smoky bar when he was younger. “Eeee-yeeessssss. I am the Enchanted Toad of Delarmir, and here I thought everyone had forgotten about me. Croak.”

Bloogan’s jaw dropped and he began to stutter. “G-g-g-g-g-g-g-uys! I t-t-think I found the Toad!” Bloogan's poor little brain could hardly process it, he had just found the Enchanted Toad of Delarmir!

The others rushed over, faintly hearing the voice as well and stared in disbelief. The Enchanted Toad of Delarmir sat before them.

“Croak. Now children, how did you get here?" the Toad asked, gazing at each of them in turn. "I am not easy to find.”

Heegan started the tale. “Well we had to go through the fire swamp, where I beat an unusually large rat with my big stick here!” He smiled, showing off his big stick.

Bloogan then interjected excitedly. “Yes, but it ate all our food! And we were quite hungry when we reached Delarmir.”

And then smiling to himself (and his inflated ego) Hoogan stepped up. “This is where I come in. I managed to talk my way into getting some bread for more than half off! You're all welcome.”

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"Thanks for reminding us," Heegan grumbled sarcastically.

Bleegan added the next part, recounting what happened next in a much less self absorbed manner. “Then an old man talked to us and told us that he looked for you, but couldn't go down here. He also gave me this paper and his cane.”

The Toad nodded “yes, yyyeeeeeeeeeesss. I take it you met Edna on your way through town? I thought I heard her screeching. So what is your wish? You all may get one, I am enchanted after all.”

Heegan asked for great strength and dexterity, to protect others and to best baddies in fights. This wish was granted by the Toad.

Bleegan asked for intelligence and understanding, wanting to know exactly what his gift from the old man was and how to use it. This wish was also granted.

Now Hoogan already had charisma and charm, so he opted for a suit of mithril armour to increase his appeal tenfold. The Toad granted this wish as well.

Now the Toad turned to little Bloogan and asked “Now you, little one. What is it that you wish for?” He said with a twinkle in his cross-eyed eyes.

“I-I want us to be legends, heroes! I want us to be adventurers! And I want to be useful too.” Poor little Bloogan said earnestly to the Toad.

“Well you are pure of heart, little one.” The Toad puffed up his chest and swelled with pride. “And so I shall grant your wish als-

*THWACK!!! SHOO-POP!*

In an instant before he could even finish his line the Enchanted Toad was hit with a giant, long, sticky tongue much like his own. This tongue however, completely wrapped around him and pulled back swiftly popping him into the mouth of another Toad. A much, much, much bigger toad; bigger than a hula-hoop.

Goulash's Delight(Extended Cut) - (listen while you read the next couple of paragraphs. Totally worth it)

“MMMM, MMM HHMMM!!! That was yuuuuummmyyyy!!!” The giant Toad licked his lips, the words flowing from his mouth like honey, sugar, and smooth jazz. He bopped back and forth, swaying to a rhythm of his own . “HMMMM, thank you my little green friends. That was a DEEEELLLICCCOUSE snack!”

Poor little Bloogan cried, shedding tears for his new, now deceased, friend. He yelled at the giant Toad angrily. “WHY!? WHY!?! He was about to grant my wish! And he was a nice Toad too!” he sobbed.

Heegan stepped forward, big stick in hand. “Yeah! What was that for?! Who are you to eat the Enchanted Toad of Delarmir?!”

The Toad grinned and hopped up onto a large block in the middle of the tunnel. “Well now don't you cry no more, because I'm the new Enchanted Toad of Delarmir! Once I finish digesting of course- but I am called Goulash! The biggest, baddest, fattest toad in town! And the only one now, hehe-hahahaha!”

Heegan charged forward with a battle cry, swinging his big stick. “Take that! And that!” However his blows were not very effective and Goulash pushed Heegan back, using his great size to his advantage.

Hoogan was then buffeted by the Toad; though he was invulnerable, the armour was too big for him. Thus he could hardly move and fell over where he struggled uselessly on the ground.

“Hehehe-HAHAHAHA! I’m too big, too bad, for you puny goblins. And after that wrinkly old toad I think y'all will taste scrumdiddlyumptious too!” said Goulash, laughing as he menacingly short hopped towards Bleegan.

Bleegan began to mutter something, pointing the cane at the Toad and with a flash of light and a small puff of smoke he cast a spell! A swarm of flies, locust, and other undesirable insects swarmed around the Toad, who happily began gobbling them up. “Oh wow! Look at that, I’m a wizard!” Bleegan shouted with glee.

“Hurry! While he’s distracted, let's go!” Heegan shouted to his brothers, picking up Hoogan and carrying him as they all ran back through the sewers and drains to the ladder leading back up.