CHAPTER TWO

Orientation Sucks

With their avatars made, all that was left was to start their starting area. However, since the two of them were on the verge of collapse, they decided to hold off on it for the moment.

Having previously immersed themselves in the design and construction of their avatars, they have neglected their other bodily functions which came back roaring with a vengeance. The moment they stood up, their hips and leg muscles began to spasm which sent Rinden staggering and Perri crashing to the ground.

Their stomachs which had long been neglected began to cry out in protest, which sent a crippling pain lancing through their guts.

Although their bodies were grown, their brains sadly weren’t at the same stage of development. The deprivation of food had sapped most of their ability for cognitive reason.

Their movements were akin to that of lethargic zombies, and their dexterity was reduced to that of handicapped sloths in the grips of hunger induced exhaustion.

Despite all that, their eyes were still lively and contained a feverish madness as they decided to simply order takeout.

‘Hurry. Hurry. Hurry!’

Each second seemed an eternity as they waited for their sustenance. And when it came? Well…

The poor delivery boy could still be heard screaming from the parking lot.

“Haha… I almost died.”

Perri laughed as they tore apart the doggy bags and feasted on a mix of fried dough and sausage. When she finished eating, her belly bulged as she heaved a heavy sigh.

“Bro, you should really keep our fridge better stocked. Even if you’re hopeless at cooking, I can still do it.”

“Excuse me? You think I can trust someone who set off the fire alarm by boiling water.”

“That wasn’t my fault! You didn’t wash the bacon grease off the pan!”

“It wouldn’t have been a problem if you didn’t take a blowtorch to it.”

“But I thought it would heat the water up faster!”

Faced with such accusations, Perri couldn’t help but be mildly resentful. The first time she tried to cook, she ended up losing grip on the knife handle, which resulted in a pretty scar on Rinden’s cheek. After such an event, she was banned from cooking.

Despite such a restriction, she wanted to prove to Rinden that she was still capable and tried again in secret. However after setting off the smoke detectors, Rinden had given up on her and henceforth removed all proper ingredients from the house.

Such an action was completely unfair and tyrannical, but since it gave him a ‘peace of mind’ at night, she could do nothing but bite her tongue and stomach such a disgrace.

“Look. I admitted I was wrong, but we can try again, can’t we? Big bro? With you by my side, what could go wrong?”

“Ahem?” Rinden pointed to the scar that ran across his cheek.

“That was a one time thing! C’mon. After everything I’ve done for you, don’t you think its unfair not to give me another shot?”

“All the things? Like what?”

“Existing!”

Rinden gave her the blankest of stares as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I think I would prefer a gentler, more competent sister.”

“Ah. But would she be as beautiful? You might not notice it, but I do! When we go out together on the streets, do you know how many girls stare at you and think: waow! That girl at his side is so pretty! Afterwards they get jealous and naturally want to know you better! Thus I am the most important person in your dating life! You should be grateful!”

“I’ll pass.”

“Oof. Brother, you wound me. Do you hear that noise? Thats the sound of my self-esteem breaking. Take responsibility and lets cook together!”

Perri feigned heart break, while her brother tried his best to ignore her, focusing his attention on the screen. She was unfazed though. She knew he would break eventually.

However, Perri was completely unaware that Rinden had already begun treating his sister like a panda-like existence. If not for the conveniences of the modern day, Rinden was absolutely certain that Perri would end up dying of starvation while next to a supermarket. Still, she was correct on one thing. Since she was cute, she got away with far more shit than was by any means reasonable.

Seeing Rinden maintain his stoic silence, Perri pouted.

“Fine I’ll ask again later. So what are you looking at now?”

Perri finally relented after moments of awkward silence. In the meantime, Rinden had opened up a catalogue of all possible starting locations. And while the descriptions were threadbare, such information was sure to catch Perri’s interest.

“Just figuring out where we’re going to go tomorrow. It seems we need to choose a province and a city.”

“Well, lets see the options. Fuck. Just how many are there?”

Perri yawned, clearly unwilling to spend another 12 hours on a choice. She rested her chin atop Rinden’s shoulder, making sure that an errant lock of jet black hair slapped itself across Rinden’s face.

“It should be to help with player congestion. Although it must be saying something if there are so many options to choose from.”

Naturally , such a system for choosing a starting location was made for more than just player congestion, as it was of vital importance for those interested in party play. After all, if two friends started off on opposite sides of the globe, then wouldn't that be far too tragic?

As for the loners? They didn’t have to worry about that. If they didn’t know which location to pick, it would be randomly selected upon startup, thus nobody cared about them.

“Well, I don’t think we’ll need to search too much. It seems there are only a few restricted starting areas for homunculi, and even fewer for the Hollow Doll race. Ok. Scratch that. Not a few, three.” Rinden said as many of the options blacked themselves out.

Oddly enough, it appeared as though the Hollow Dolls did not share any starting areas with the other races. Whether by coincidence or design, there were at most three areas where they could begin their adventure.

Their options were either Azoth, Lucia and Everton. And aside from the names, no information was provided, thus the two of them could not even determine whether the starting areas were in cities, fortress strongholds, or hovels in the boonies.

That could be said to be the burden of those starting a new game. The lack of information was both crippling and exciting, as it put all the responsibility of exploration onto the first players to walk the game, the pioneers.

Actually, there was one difference among all the locations. The area known as Azoth did differentiate itself from the others through a rather ominous skull and crossbones icon hidden away on a corner. The marking itself was almost imperceivable with a faint grey outline that blended closely with the white background. But upon its discovery, the siblings found that they had rather mixed feelings about the symbol.

Although the skull and crossbones was the universal symbol of ‘don’t fuck with me’, it was also an open challenge to those who come across it, as if daring them to take the leap of faith.

“We’re picking that one right?”

Rinden grimaces as he was met with Perri’s gleaming eyes. Even if he were to decline, she would surely wheedle him til he either died or gave in.

“I hope you don’t regret it…Check that. I hope I don’t regret it.”

Perri laughed sardonically at Rinden’s misgivings. After forcing him to play the twenty first remake of darksouls in a full body haptic suit, she was sure that he was all too aware of the difficulty of live action games. Not to mention, the feeling of helplessness that came with being at the utter mercy of unforgiving monsters whom would obliterate his body with but the tinest touch.

“Azoth it is then!”

Perri declared boisterously as she settled in on her choice. Actually, she was also slightly intimidated by the skull symbol. After all, if it was too difficult, they would have to wait at least a week to delete and recreate their avatars.

Still, she wasn’t too afraid. Having racked up thousands and thousands of hours of MMORPG experience while ‘studying’ in university, she was fully confident that her expertise would overcome whatever challenges that lay before them.

Of course, such confidence also led to her losing hundreds of dollars at a casino, but that was a tale for another day.

Anyways, they were now and truly prepared with nothing left on the agenda until the game’s launch. After not leaving the house for the entire day, darkness had already descended over the city, with the odd star blinking timidly in the night sky.

Being the older of the two, Rinden was the first to get hit by the burden as he sagged into the thick cushioning of his leather couch. There were still quite a few hours till the servers come online, and it wouldn’t be too amiss to pass the time in relative comfort.

However, it wasn’t long before the pull of sleep came for him. As the gentle rise and fall of his chest was the only indication that he wasn’t dead as he dozed about quietly.

Naturally, this did not escape Perri’s attention. Having just returned from her shower to find her brother knocked out cold, a wicked grin stretched over her face as she crept closer to get a closing look.

While propping her face close enough to feel his light breaths brush against her skin, she found her lips quivering as she forcefully suppressed a giggle. It was only with great effort that she managed to repress the urges to be a brat and wake him from his light slumber.

He would surely get mad if she were to do such a thing, and an angry Rinden was sure to ruin her plans for the morrow. Not to mention, he also seemed to have forgotten about the whole stairs incident, so it was with wise judgement that Perri decided not to push it.

But then again…

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No! She decided. With a bitter heart, she forced her head away and banished all unnecessary thoughts from her mind.

Still…It should be alright if it wasn’t too outrageous right|?

Her breath caught as the black felt marker stopped mere inches away from Rinden’s face. Her fingers trembled, cramping as the marker slipped from her nerveless fingers.

‘Must resist!’

In the dead of night, a young girl’s battle with her innermost desires was raging. Perri vs Perri. The ultimate fight for supremacy.

And in the end, Perri won.

With a light sigh, she collapsed onto the plush rug, exhausted. Now worn out, she inevitably decided that it would be more prudent to just join Rinden for a good long rest.

With her dog plush in tow, she claimed the opposite end of the sofa, nestling in comfortably as she sunk her head deep into the plush soft fabric. She wordlessly murmured as her eyelids began to ease themselves shut.

But even as she was still, she could feel her cheeks dimpling. The corners of her eyes wrinkling. The awesome pressure preventing her from sleep as she though of the next morning with great anticipation.

She absolutely couldn’t wait!

The next morning came swiftly.

“See you on the other side,”

“Gotcha.”

After Perri had replied and disappeared behind a screen of chrome and electronics, Rinden settled into the diving pod himself. He winced as the cool gel mat brought relief to his aching limbs. His skin tingled as weak electrical currents began to relax every muscle in his body. It was an ecstatic feeling, and with it, he knew that the game system had been initiated.

By some compulsion, Rinden’s eyelids also grew remarkably heavy. Even as he lost consciousness, he heard a feminine voice that whispered gently into his ear.

‘Welcome to the your new Adventure, Pale Storm.’

Immediately, the acrid stench of mildew and battery acid burned through his nasal cavity, biting deep into his skull. Rinden recoiled as his eyes shot open in surprise.

In his panic, he wound up completely unprepared as the back of his head slammed into something solid.

Pain.

He winced and clutched at the back of his head. Wait. Why was it so black? Why couldn’t he see anything? Did the machine make him blind? If not, then why was there only a pitch black void.

While Rinden.exe was booting up, his mind began to wander towards all sorts of implausible scenarios. He definitely wasn’t in some purgatory or limbo, for he could still feel the craggy surface of the stone flooring beneath him. He then came to the most obvious conclusion. This was the game?

No, this was a scam!

No tutorial? No introduction? He was just thrown straight into a dark…cell? His hands fumbled against the cool metal bars as his eyes began to readjust to the darkness.

Once he had some semblance of night vision, he noticed that he wasn’t actually in complete darkness, as there were tiny pulses of light radiating off the fluorescent moss seeping through the walls. With his eyes adjusted, he could finally make out his immediate surroundings.

His previous assumption was correct. He was in a cell.

…

Why the hell was he in a cell?

There were no other players in sight. No NPCs. Nothing. Just cold floors and a locked door.

Perhaps this was just a part of the tutorial? No no. Where was the promise of adventure and excitement that Perri had sold to him?

‘Ah…I’m a fool.’

He looked down at his hands which were almost imperceptible under the faint fungal glow. Shapewise, they at least appeared to be exactly the same as those in reality, but somehow they still felt artificial and alien.

“Is anyone there?”

Rinden cried out. His voice was faintly tinged with fear as it echoed down the stoney corridors. From the way the sound reverberated through the walls, he could only guess this place was a labyrinth of sorts, of which countless horrors and mysteries were sure to lie in wait.

Recalling the skull and crossbones symbol from earlier, Rinden’s heart lurched as his imagination ran wild with its meaning.

‘This isn’t a bug, right?’

After a short while of being trapped in the cell, he began to worry. There were already far too many stories depicting a youth trapped in a virtual world. And while anyone with even the slightest modicum of common sense would know that it was impossible, the lingering fear still smashed away the logic of reason. How would that even work anyways?

Rinden felt an uncomfortable pressure stirring up in his gut.

‘So if I take a piss here, does that mean I take a piss in real life?’

The sensation seemed to only intensify with his worries. Not only that, but he didn’t even know how to log out, thus the options before him were grim to say the least.

Before he could do anything drastic, he was saved by a presence. Footsteps clacking against the rough stone suddenly appearing at a distance. Such indicating that another sort of relief was coming over to pick him up.

From the end of the corridor, a faint light emerged from the listless gloom. The carrier of the light indistinguishable. It came across his cell. The flames flickering shyly atop a lantern wick. The light itself illuminating the gaunt face of a specter garbed in tattered brown robes.

With such a dreadful appearance, Rinden instinctively recoiled at the sight. Yes, it was truly fantasy made flesh! A ghoul of the foulish of natures was standing right before him!

Its eyes blinded by cataracts. A foul toothless grin. The monster’s face was an etching of horror as Rinden, no, ‘Pale’ found himself unable to pry his gaze away.

The nausea and disgust that arose felt all too real. But the ghoul cared not for Rinden’s feelings as it cracked open its dessicated lips.

“Ah? Another success. How fortuitous.”

With a booming laugh that seemed completely out of place for its stature, the ghost spoke with a masculine voice. It blew a foul gust of rancid air while it laughed, a foul stench of pickled eggs and garlics that brought tears to Pale’s eyes.

‘Dear God. It’s a human?’

Human of course, being figurative. Rinden clutched as his nose and desperately sucked in small breaths through his mouth. Even though the foul air caused his throat to itch, it was still better to breathing it directly through his nose.

To describe it with words. It was like inhaling a spoonful of cinnamon mixed with liquid smoke. The great gobs of irritant sticking mercilessly to his windpipe, which sent him into a coughing fit.

Almost as if he didn’t see Pale coughing his lungs out, the ghoul asked a question curiously.

“Can you speak?”

“…”

“Nothing to say? Well no matter. No matter.”

The ghoul, which Pale was now sure was just a really old man chuckled jovially. Though his laugh was more reminiscent of a rabbit’s death throws than one of actual joy. With a muted screech, the rusted prison door creaked open.

“Well, come along. It’s time to meet your creator.”

An uncomfortable sensation swept over Pale, as he suddenly felt his limbs moving against his will. The unknown force cared not for his comfort, as it wrenched his body upwards, with Pale still blinded by tears after coughing his guts out.

He furiously blinked the tears away, ignoring the irritation of being forced. However, as he was finally able to make out the setting, he let out a light gasp as the hairs on his neck stood straight up. With the dank corridors barely made visible with the old man’s lantern, he found that he was in some form of prison, and the contents of the cells were a sight to behold.

Corpses.

Dozens, if not hundreds of corpses.

Each cell seemed to be lazily stuffed with numerous dessicated cadavers. Whether they were the remains of criminals, the innocent, or were like that from the start, all had the same look as human sized pieces of beef jerky.

With a shudder, Pale looked to his own and was thankful to see that he looked nothing like the corpses, but soon his eyes widened in horror as he found something else hidden within the cells.

Red, fleshy and small. With the corpses initially drawing his attention, he had almost missed the bodies of tiny pulsating fetuses slathered in pools of slimy green fluid. One of which opened it’s mouth(?) sending out a high pitched hiss through the slime.

Pale grimaced.

There had not been able corpses in his own cell. And with the origins of his race name, he suddenly had an inking as to exactly what those tiny fetuses were.

Was this truly some grand adventure game as predicted by countless people? Or just some ambitious new age horror where the players got to be monsters.

Though disturbed, Pale could only hold in his questions until they finally arrived into a roomy antechamber lit by numerous sconces. It was there that a buzz of human activity broke through the gloom as there were quite a few people conversing pleasantly off in the distance. Some also appeared to be browsing odd floating notebooks, while many others looked just as lost and confused as he was.

‘Oh thank god. At least I’m not alone.’

Pale sighed in relief. To the side, there was a raised marble podium which was placed on an elevated platform. Beneath it, he immediately recognized his sister who was waving excitedly upon his entry.

“Wait with the others. The Grand Mistress shall be with you shortly.”

The old man rasped before slinking back into the shadows. From his tone of voice, Pale couldn’t help but be reminded of a dental receptionist telling him to take a seat, except the old man was only marginally less sinister.

Feeling his limbs unlock, Pale staggered as he momentarily lost his balance. He might have fallen entirely had there not been a rugged blonde man who quickly rushed to support him. He was wearing simple clothes made of burlap, but that didn’t detract from his masculinity as he held Pale steady.

“Easy there. You wouldn’t want to fall flat on your face for a first impression, do ya?”

“Thank you…”

“Don’t mention it. I’m Spicy Dragon.”

“Thanks…Spicy. I’m Pale Storm.”

The two men clasped hands, and by that time, Perri had already charged on over. Her avatar, seemed to look even more vicious in person, yet it was still Perri’s voice.

“What took you? I was waiting for so long.”

Perri whined. It was quite surreal seeing Perri’s mannerisms coming from a completely different face.

“What do you mean?”

Pale asked, confused. He had only taken a few seconds longer than Perri to log in, but before he could get an answer, the last person was ushered in.

There was a snap and the doors leading out of the chamber were all slammed shut. As the lights dimmed, a blue barrier sprung to life around the podium and a vicious black maelstrom of energy started to crackle within. Although it was an impressive display, the payoff seemed rather disappointing in comparison.

The energy faded as a stern, stiff lipped crone shrouded in black and gold-trimmed robes materialized before the podium. Her voice boomed at a volume that seems incomprehensible for a person of her sex and size.

“Welcome…to the land of the living! Have you all been well?”

The old crone smiled sheepishly at her own joke, but was only met with a roomful of silence. A dull flush started creeping up her gnarled neck as she coughed in embarrassment before continuing.

“I understand you must have questions, but for now set those aside and take a look around you! The men and women around you. Your brothers, and sisters. Treat them now, for you are all family.”

There was a click as a beam of light scattered from the ceiling and illuminated half of the people present. Under the bright light, it could be seen that small almost transparent strings were coming off their bodies and onto a crossbar, of which an almost invisible apparition could be seen controlling it.

“My Soul Shades! Though your souls are no more, your bodies live on as the vessels for the most tormented of spirits! With time, you shall integrate yourselves properly and head towards the path of becoming truly reborn!”

With another snap, the light redirected focus onto the other half, which included the Storm Siblings.

“My Homunculi. With the shells of your souls birthed solely from my magic, you have beautifully destroyed the cycle of reincarnation and have been made anew.”

“I can see it in your surprised faces. Yes, you are apart of a new order of intelligent species that have yet to be unveiled to the world. My Hollow Dolls. Though such an existence will incur the wrath of the gods, we of the Azoth research institute care for none of that. So long as you grow strong and happy, that would be enough!”

Though her words were childish, her passion and zeal were still genuine. But due to a complete lost of context, the audience stood confused like lost little lambs.

“Wait…Are we evil?” Pale whispered.

“I am afraid I cannot fathom the storm of emotions that must be coursing through you. You must be feeling terror, hopelessness. To have just been born yet already the enemies of the world. But fear not, for we shall pave the way for you all. We shall provide upon thee every advantage.

The old woman crowed. Her sudden tirade into their origins left many users curious as they listened with rapt attention.

However in Pale’s mind, he had a glaring suspicion that something wasn’t quite right. He trembled as he noticed the starry gazes of the other players around him.

This was Orientation.

It was precisely the same tactic that large corporations used to instill employee loyalty. Empty words to make a person feel special, however if one looked substance, they would find none to be had. Such suspicions were also confirmed upon hearing the old woman’s next words.

“Thus, we hope for your full effort. You shall first be taken to an overseer who shall acclimate all of you with the ways of tis world. Those who show the greatest results will naturally reap the greatest rewards.”

“I hope that everyone here would consider me as their mother. Although my youth has long past, I still view all of you as my own brood. As for those uncomfortable with such a term, you may call me Grand Mistress Sibel.”

Pale spat.

Disgusting.

The old woman’s eyelid twitched, however the rest of the speech proceeded smoothly. At the end, the massive double doors slowly creaked open once more and the wrinkly old man from before slithered on out.

“Now please. Chamberlain Michaels shall bring you all to the taskmaster. Do well and make me proud.”

The lady said with a flourish as the entire group of players and shuffled on out. Pale was just about to join them when he felt a terrible controlling force seize his body once more. A voice whispered, almost intimately as he found himself being left behind.

“Not you.”

He found his neck inscrutably turning towards the podium. The old woman who had once been elevated had appeared but mere feet away. The clamor died down as the rest of the group had traveled beyond ear shot, leaving Pale all alone as the cold faced crone lifted his chin with a bony finger.

“You were not respectful, child…”

Pale’s breathing quickened as a cold aura pressed against his chest.

“Did you perhaps think this woman a fool or a coward to ignore such a display of disrespect? Was it not possible for you to spare a few minutes of tolerance? You overestimate my kindness.”

With a flick of the wrist, she threw him against the ground in a away that his head landed near the small gobbet of spit from earlier. Feeling his body unlock, he was just about to rise when a small foot came crashing against his back.

“Clean it.”

The old woman demanded coldly, grinding her heel deep into his flesh.

‘What?’ Pale twitched.

“I might not be able to kill you, but that doesn’t mean I’m powerless. Clean it! No…Not with your sleeves, with your mouth.”

There was no perverse nature in her demands, just sharp and unyielding ice. Pale shivered, remembering the skull and crossbones symbol in Azoth. Just what the hell did they end up picking?

‘Can I tell her to screw off?’ He hesitated. No. He did not have such deathseeking tendencies. Helpless, he fought off the acid welling in his throat as his resolve and resistance slowly crumbled away. Quivering, he slowly began to stick out his tongue…

“Rinden! Where are you?”

He was saved.

Perri who had run ahead of Pale might have taken far too long to realize that he wasn’t apart of the group. However, after doubling back to find him, she never quite expected to see the sight of her brother under the heels of an older woman.

“What? Noooo!”

She lunged forward, trying to snatch Pale away. Upon seeing such a charge though, the old crone stepped back, releasing her brother who doubled over, retching.

As she knelt beside Pale, she couldn’t help but become bitter at what she had just seen. She was sure that she had never trained her brother to have such fetishes, and she was doubly sure he had never been into drastically order women.

Perhaps, her beautiful looks had caused her brother to lapse into despair? Was such a choice based on how no other woman could possibly measure up to her?

She was just about to start spewing out accusations when she noticed the look in his eyes. Fear…and relief.

The relief was obviously directed towards her, but she could also feel him trembling under the gaze of the old women. Immediately her heart turned cold as she sized her up.

“Who the hell are you?!” x2

The two of them snarled at once. One was young, the other old, but both displayed a cold burning fury.

The old woman answered first.

“I am Sibil. The creator of your body.”

“You’re no mom of mine! And just what did you do to my brother?!” Perri demanded.

“Bro- Ah? You’re siblings. So that is possible too…” The old crone said cryptically as she fell deep into thought.

“I asked what you did to him?”

“Perri… it’s fine.” Perri glared at Rinden who was attempting to put up a brave front.

However the old woman merely shrugged as she answered lazily. “Nothing…Yet. But he was being disrespectful. It is well within my powers to reprimand him.”

“We’re leaving!” Perri said, pulling her brother’s hand towards the exit. However, before they could get far, a ring of black flame flared up between themselves and the exit.

“Oh? And did you think I would just let you go? Do you think there is any chance that you can learn the secrets of the soul without my favor? I will give you one chance. Leave him here, and we can forget this ever happened.” The old woman croaked with black flame dancing between her fingers. However, just as she was about to make a move, the old woman stiffened and with a pale face, the flame disappeared in its entirety.

“Who gives a crap about that? We’re leaving this place. However he pissed you off, I promise that I will be twice as annoying!”

“Uhhh…Perri?”

“No, You shut up.”

The thick vein on Grand Mistress Sibel’s temple throbbed, however her expression was pleasant as she said,

“Ho. You think you can leave this place without my seal of approval? Keep dreaming. Fine. You can leave now, but know this. I shall grant your wish. If the two of you wish to incur my wrath, then I shall happily oblige.

But before that, do tell me your names. I make it a point to keep a record of dead men on a written list.”

The Storm Siblings looked back at the old woman who sinisterly smiled from ear to ear. Perhaps a consequence to the passage of time, but the old woman seemed dull, wrinkly and small, her complexion resembling tree bark.

Although the baleful aura seemed to crush their very souls, Perri’s voice was filled with nothing but venom as she spat.

“I go by Roaring Storm, but friends may call me Roari. Do keep in mind that you should never call me by that name.”

Without even considering that the two of them just made an enemy out of the first NPC they met in the game, Perri continued dragging Pale away. Although he had long recovered from the event, he remained silent even as he was pulled into the darkness.

“Roaring Storm?”

The old woman mumbled softly, rolling the syllables over her tongue. Her snickers seemed to echo through the hall as she mocked the impracticality of the name.

“Go on then.” Her voice boomed. “Roar for me. Try to make some semblance of a wave and give unto me what is do. Roaring Storm. What a joke. To you, whom have invaded our lands, I say, come at me. I will never yield to you.”

The old woman broke into a dry raspy laugh, however by this point, nobody was left to listen.

“Go ahead… roar. Perhaps… that is what we truly need right now.”

The old woman kept repeating Roari’s name, even as the siblings disappeared into the gloom. Her laugh followed suit, leaving nothing but the slow thud of sobs. As if the one who knew that it was the beginning of the end, she sobbed.