If there was one thing she regretted lately, it was her origin story to this world. “A holy squid God tricked by the evil Beta got chopped up and sold as common squid”.
A well crafted lie told by an undereducated yet overconfident takoyaki. Unfortunately, as a consequence to her own actions, a large majority of her day involved being telekinetically carried through frozen warehouses of squid product trying to feel the vibes of any godly force. The telepathic brothers and sisters of the order were also being sent to listen for sentient God-like thoughts coming from squid. They would all prove futile since obviously there is no sentient God squid. But still, the charade of looking had to continue.
And that meant that she had to sincerely and with absolute focus, commit to trying to find this imaginary needle in this strange frozen squidy-haystack.
Neza! Tell Bunty to walk faster…she groaned from atop her golden pillow.
Neza twitched, “Ehem, Buntly. Almightly requests to move more quickly through the room.”
Buntly’s voice cracked, “Yes of course! Right away your Almightliness.”
--
… bless this meal before my devoted Brother’s and Sister’s of the Sekt. May they eat simple, humble meals to attain the purity and cleanliness of His Love.
“In his name we pray,” Neza finished the pre-meal prayer. While the others began their meal, Neza did not sit with her brothers and sisters. Instead, she was to take her meal in the presence of Almightly. Neza’s meal had been prepared at a small table before the throne that overlooked the large eating hall for the members of the Sekt.
Neza looked with anticipation at Almightly, “Am I finally learning how my world has been lead astray from your teachings?”
The last thing she had wanted to do upon coming back to the Sekt temple was to oversee a meal. The day had been long and her ability to control her thoughts was weaning. Were she to have had a body with lungs, she most certainly would have hesitated to take a deep breath, Well for starters your porridge looks bland.
Neza’s spoon full of porridge stopped short of her mouth, “It is humble, pure, and clean- to keep our souls balanced,” she took her small bite and frowned, “...bland is an appropriate word.”
It was as if a little lightbulb went off in the seanut’s head. Knowing Nezasit was listening, she just spoke instead of trying to think, If you are trying to attain the purity of my love, you should eat as a ruler would.
Neza looked up at the blasphemous Seanut God with her mouth nearly hung open, “The Sekt has always taken vows to eat simple meals provided with cheap grain from the town. Without their support, we could not even have this much.”
Were the Seanut to have eyebrows, the would have furrowed with disapproval, MY people. How could you ever expect to attain Almightly’s recognition eating like peasants. The followers of my faith are strong, full…she ran out of synonyms, How can you be strong if all you eat is porridge?
Neza looked down at her humble bowl of porridge.
Why would I want to deprive my most loyal of their own basic needs. Porridge is not enough to show devotion and love to Almightly.
She set down her bowl harshly on the table, drawing the attention of the brothers and sisters, “Halt!” she shouted, and then entire room went quiet as their eyes found the speaker for Almightly. She stood from her spot and lifted the bowl of porridge, “Almightly has commanded,” she threw her porridge to the ground. It splattered and clanged on the ground.
Immediately, the brothers and sisters of the Sekt followed suit, smashing their porridge to the ground.
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The Almightly seanut was in stunned silence at the spectacle. Neza had taken her idea and completely skipped 4 steps.
“Our Almightly is strong,” Neza began to speak to the Sekt, “In the teachings of his image we know Almightly to be larger than any of our own and with strength beyond what we know to be possible,” the Sekt nodded along with her words, “In order to honor Almightly and follow in his teachings, we must act more in line with his teachings. The evil Beta, cursed be his name, has made us weak. We have been tricked to eat these bland, peasant meals to keep us weak-” the Sekt murmured at her words, “Isn’t that right Almightly?”
Neza turned to the seanut and bowed deeply, awaiting the response.
Now that the entire Sekt was looking at her, Almightly thought she could feel their mind-reading powers turn on to listen.
Scrambling for something Godly to say she quickly blurted, “to be strong and close to my ideals, you must eat proper meals. Large meals. Many times a day-” she stopped thinking before she could think of anything that might have ruined her work.
The Sekt mumbled for several minutes before several members twisted in their seats to bow, “As He wishes, so it shall be.”
There was not much that could be done in foraging a new extravagant meal, but the Almightly impersonator was relieved to see that many of the members of the Sekt were thrilled at the idea of eating real food. A small group was formed to create a new menu to be approved by Almightly and implemented starting the next day.
Finally having been locked in the secluded room, in the silence and aloneness she let out another scream of relief. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
She had come close to ruining things but overall felt good about how the situation unfolded. Gluttony, self-indulgence, class disparity, the Sekt pulling too many resources away from the population? It was a perfect way to sow seeds to resentment about this religion.
Her work over the next several days brought slight changes to the way the Sekt ran. Meals were now served 5 times per day. Sekt members were expected to eat at each meal. Their once humble food was now much more decadent. Almightly had approved all the food on the menu but added foods that were deep fried and sugary. The first few days were difficult to adjust to, but within just the first week, the members were craving more sugar, more snacks, and larger portion sizes.
Another activity of the Sekt involved being active in the community. Many members made rounds to public spaces and to people's homes to provide blessings and services. Almightly mandated extra days of rest. Every other day was now to be a prayer and rest days to recover one's strength and energy. With just these few changes, everything felt different. Almost all the Sekt members had gained a few pounds. Their eyes all looked swollen with salt and sleep.
Bunty! she called and then cursed for forgetting that Bunty couldn’t hear her.
Neza twitched, “Brother Buntly,” she emphasized while turning to him, “Almightly is requesting you,”
He dropped to one knee, “Apologies Almightly-”
Were she to have hands, she would have waved off his apology. This body is going to require an extreme icing… I fear we may have to keep it frozen to prevent it from rotting.
Neza nodded and relayed to Buntly, “Almightly’s body needs to be completely frozen. Send for the ice wielder.”
“Right away!” he nodded, bowed, and shuffled quickly away.
When Buntly returned, ice wielder in tow, he bowed deeply, “I have returned Almightly,”
Neza bowed in greeting to the wielder, “To preserve Almightly’s body, the freezing process will need to take effect completely.”
The wielder nodded and bowed before Almightly.
Neza, my consciousness may fade momentarily from this body. If that happens, have Buntly bring me to the meditation chamber and leave me until the next morning.
The young girl nodded in such an adult way, “As you wish Almightly,”
The wielder’s ice hit, and almost immediately the fake God’s soul “passed out” at the shock.
When her thoughts awoke in her now firm body, she shivered at the lingering cold. If she reminded herself that she wasn’t alive, she didn’t have a nervous system, the feelings dulled, but never disappeared.
The 3 knocks came at the door and Neza called out.
Were she to have a face, the grin on it would have been wide and mischievous. The thought of the tired, swollen faces of the Sekt brought her such excitement. She called out to allow Neza in and mentally slapped herself into her Almightly character.
When the door opened, she immediately noticed the bright, vibrant faces of the Sekt members.
She merely looking without thinking or saying anything.
“Almightly,” Nezasit bowed, “Brother Buntly has made a great contribution to correct the teachings of our Sekt.”
Oh??? She wasn’t sure it Buntly’s actions truly aligned with her own.
Buntly stepped forward, a small smile on his face, “Our depictions of you, Almightly, are all of large, strong, tough specimens. I noticed our members failing to find the same enlightenment from our new schedule due to the major changes, and realized we were missing an important aspect,” he paused momentarily, “strength. One does not get strong by merely eating more and resting- although both are important to the process. Our Sekt needs to train if we are to reach Almightly’s ideal.”
“Don’t be humble Buntly, take pride in your ideas and speak with confidence,” Neza mirrored the fake Almightly’s own words from just a few days prior, “He has assembled group activities in our courtyard. There is training and other activities for Sekt members to partake in.”
Were the frozen ball of dough to have had any jaw or teeth, they would have been clenched in fury. The exhausted, irritated, frustrated members of the Sekt were now smiling. The bags under their eyes were gone. Their skin glowed, their hair shined, and the fake God could tell she had lost this round…to fucking Bunty.
Excellent job Bunty. You have predicted my next decree. Training. We can go over your regiment to ensure it aligns with my own.
Neza passed on the message and Buntly nearly jumped from the praise.
The Almightly frozen seanut, grumbled deep within their soul, but did not think anything.