Connor

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Perimeter rounds suck balls. You know what’s worse? Perimeter rounds on human feet. They suck unwashed balls. It’s absolutely terrible. I’m channeling Molly’s misery hard right now. Do we deserve this? Probably. Playing with fire wasn’t our finest moment.

I get the requirement. Mostly. We’re monitoring for any unfavourable traffic. Our primary objective is ensuring Sheyla’s safety. That’s basically the only thing our superiors have shared with us. Sheyla’s important. I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment.

Why? For one thing, Sheyla’s resisting her Fire Solathair transition. I’ve never seen that before. Usually, it’s only a matter of days from the time the transition starts to finalization. They aren’t all happy about it, but I’ve never seen any fight it like she is. She hates the idea of exploding as much as Molly hates Solathairs, which is a fuckton, in the event you somehow missed the big ass memo on that.

What’s even weirder is her Solathair friends are trying to help her stay human. Well, except Tally, though I’m ninety-nine percent sure Tally’s reasons are totally self-serving. She’s on the opposite end of the spectrum as Sheyla when it comes to considering others. Weirder still, by majority they treat us as equals. Generally speaking, the way Tally treats us is normal. It’s what we’re used to. We’ve always been viewed as less than, unwanted Solathair offspring. Our fault we are what we are, despite them being the fuckers who didn’t wrap up, causing our creation.

For another thing, Sheyla’s self-sacrifice as a default setting. Bless her beautiful heart, she’s worried about humans getting hurt. Sad fact, that’s not exactly helping us fulfill our primary objective—keeping her safe. Her biggest problem is her best character trait. She’s selfless. This makes her epically problematic from a protection standpoint.

I’m guessing part of that stems from her specialty. Solathairs have the direct element at their disposal, as well as an elemental specialty. In Sheyla’s case, she’s attuned to the emotions of those around her. Empathetic to the extreme degree. She’s spent her life trying to avoid authentic human connection to protect the people around her. The emergency shut-off switch she’s talked about previously is an additional protection mechanism. When things get too hot to handle, her subconscious shuts out all external stimuli, leaving her in a dissociative stupor.

We also know she’s actively engaging in efforts to utilize her fire fuel excess. Currently, physical exercise is the main means for expulsion. Running is her preferred exertion option. Smart, and it’s working. Sort of. It’s definitely helping at least. Problem is, she can’t outrun her fire. Not when it’s part of her.

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I join her and Brody as often as I can on those runs. It’s hard with little time available outside perimeter rounds. Again, that’s due to human feet. So annoying. There’s something about her that makes you want to be near her. At first, I assumed it was the energy draw. Yeah, she’s full of it, and we definitely aren’t. I was toeing the line of empty prior to us leaving Sheelin. Now? Let’s just say, it’ll get bad here before long. It’s not the hunger pulling me toward her though. It’s something else. She’s magnetic in a different way. It’s not just me. It’s everyone. She draws us in. More than that, she draws us together. Two opposing sides. Sumairs and Solathairs. I don’t even feel tempted to eat her or anything. Sorry, medicate with her. Fuck. Supplement. Whatever. Point is, my craving exists, stronger than ever, but it isn’t directing me to her.

Oddly enough, she’s more than willing to share her excess energy. There’s a general hard no associated with that. Phelan’s order. Fuck, he’s one cranky fucker for being the only one of us not running on empty. He isn’t wearing his guilt well. Honestly, I’m struggling to understand what he has to feel guilty over. He saved her and most likely us by blast proximity. Maybe it isn’t even guilt. Maybe it’s disgust. I’ve never seem him ingest anything except Earth Solathairs. Some Sentry members are uppity fucks when it comes to intake. They’ll only augment. Sure, it hits you harder while lasting longer when it’s a matching element, but it all essentially does the same work. It feeds the crave monster.

That monster? Fuck, it’s the bane of my existence. The berserk bus is looming so close I can hear the engine running in my head. It’s rickety. Constantly misfires. I literally flinch when it happens, like a gun going off at close range. Sometimes people are around when it happens. Sometimes not. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of consistency to it, except the frequency only ever increases. It never decreases.

I’m half-tempted to talk to Phelan since he seems to be battling his own berserk demons, but I’m scared the admission will lead me on a one-way trip right back to Sheelin, and I want to be here to see this mission through. I want to be a part of something epic like this. I’m not an idiot. I know I’m running on borrowed time. Knowing that just makes it all the more critical I see this through. Some sort of happy ending for me after all the bullshit suffering I’ve endured. A chance to walk away from this world with a cleansed conscience. This could be my last chance. I won’t miss it. Not for anything. I won’t fuck it up. I can’t.

I can’t talk to Molly either. Not because she’s a sociopath, borderline psychopath, though that doesn’t help. I mean, she checks all the boxes. Lacks empathy, remorse, and regret. She’s just different with me. I’m exempt. She has all those things for me. Only me. If she knows she’s losing me, she’ll totally lose her shit. I’m the single thread keeping her grounded. I’m her gravity the same as she’s mine. One can’t exist without the other.

How am I getting her on board the Sheyla train with me? Have to formulate a plan. Multiple plans so there’s margin for error. Plan A? Make her think it’s her idea. Easy in theory. Hard to implement. Bind and gag her if I have to, for her own good. Brody would help. Phelan too. Yeah, that’s a good Plan B. Plan C? Maybe I’ll figure that one out on my next lap. Fuck, have I mentioned yet how much I hate perimeter rounds on human feet? Worst. Job. Ever.