The inside of the chapel felt alien to Jack, almost as alien as the concept of religion. Or rather, the one that had taken root within the Fall of Regret. It wasn’t unheard of within the Khanate that a ship or a fleet would turn to one form of worship or another, but even among the various pirate fleets, this was usually limited to a patron saint – or entity for the few alien captains. But not within the Void Spawned. No, they had a proper religion, with sermons and rituals, even before Carnage took control of the ship and transplanted her own by force. Despite that, Jack was part of a minority which didn’t bother to engage with this particular manifestation of mass madness. He simply didn’t see the point of it.
Still, he knew that proper respect had to be shown. No matter what his thoughts might be, he was the Captain of the Void Spawned, and his presence was demanded, especially when an example had to be made. As he continued between the rows of pews, he could see the frustration and worry of his subordinates. It wasn’t normal for almost the entire crew to be gathered in this place and wait for hours without an explanation of what was happening, but that was out of his control. Calming Carnage had taken longer than expected, and Jack didn’t want to risk letting her roam free before he was sure she wouldn’t go on a killing spree. All that was left was for him to officially announce that their beloved leader was awake and signal for her to enter. If only they knew their lives were hanging by a thread, the braindead worshipers would be running for the escape pods while renouncing their faith. However, Jack was the only one aware of the truth. According to Carnage’s religion, they were all heretics and worse, and the only reason the Void Spawned were kept alive was so that they could be sacrificed for her generated goals. Any reasonable person would have the monster chained and spaced in the direction of the nearest star, but alas, due to that very same poisonous religion, Jack’s hands were tied. It wasn’t that he was disloyal; on the contrary, he was one of Carnage’s most loyal people. But at the same time, he was sane enough to recognise she was leading them on a dark and dangerous path.
Either way, his opinion didn’t matter. The fanatics would tear him to pieces if he tried anything against their monstrous leader. For all intents and purposes, he was stripped of his command of the Fall of Regret the moment Carnage awoke from the stasis machine. Of course, that also meant that she would be the one to deal with Taylor Spear. Without thinking, Jack looked at the beaten man, kneeling between Gina and Vi at the base of the altar, with more sympathy than he deserved. Whatever punishment Jack could come up with for the serfs’ leader, it would pale compared to what that monster had in store. Since there was no telling if the experience would manifest another psychosis episode, he ordered his Xith bodyguards and the other six remaining warrior cast to be on standby, hidden in the shadows of the upper gallery, just in case. If it came to it, he hoped that they would be able to restrain an unarmed Carnage. And if not, he wouldn’t hesitate to use the arch charge strapped to his chest, carefully hidden underneath his absurd ceremonial shirt. His predecessor had been quite clear on how important it was to keep the insane woman alive under control.
Walking past the twins, Jack gave them a slight nod, thankful that he couldn’t see their sadistic smiles hidden behind the reflective faces of their helmets. Those two were certified sociopaths, and it showed in the decoration of their gear. Preserved fingers, antennae and other similarly gruesome fetishes were glued to the chests of their white and purple modular armour. A collection of bones adorned the glide units on their backs, giving the impression that each one of them had a pair of folded skeletal wings. And, of course, there was the bloody hand imprint on the hardened crystal surface of their helmets, which had given the name to their little gang within the Void Spawned. Of course, part of the blame for their unique fashion choice had to be placed on Carnage. Both Gina and Vi were utterly obsessed with her, to the point that they would sneak into the chamber containing the stasis machine and link to it just to observe the monster’s dreams. Technically, those dreams were raw emote-tainted data, which the machine gathered for an unknown purpose, but that’s what everyone on board the Fall of Regret referred to it. The only problem was that Jack’s predecessor had done extensive experiments – in an effort to use it as a form of training – and the results were quite clear on its effects on the human and alien psyche. In the latter, continued exposure resulted in psychotic depression and death, while in the former, it led to severe psychosis, neurosis or schizophrenia, ending in suicide. There was just one small issue with those results, and that was the fact that Ginna and Vi were still alive. Still, there was no telling if they were going to be an exception to the rule or just slightly more resilient than the other test subjects.
However, Jack also had to admit that the twins were the ones he could trust the most. Sure, they would bitch, moan and complain nine out of ten times, but they always completed any task he gave them. No, the problem in their relationship was because he knew what the girls used to be – bright, cheerful and honourable killers.
“Where’s Jun-Ba?” Jack asked softly so that only the twins would hear him.
Instead of answering him, Ginna tilted her head toward the Sanctuary behind the small podium at the end of the chapel. He should have guessed that the ship’s designated priest was waiting to make a dramatic entrance. That egocentric idiot Jun-Ba was another reason why Jack didn’t care much about religion. The man was a rare breed of abusive, self-righteous, holier-than-thou spastic junkie asshole who loved to hear himself speak while being blinded by the limited influence of his position. And, as expected, the moment Jack stepped on the podium, the door carefully concealed by the frescos depicting the life of Saint Suleiman opened, spewing incense smoke mixed with a few light psychedelics. The emancipated tall figure of Jun-Ba stepped out of the grey cloud, dressed in a regal red robe embroidered with gold and platinum.
“Captain, you may kneel to receive the Saint’s blessing,” the priest proclaimed loudly, pulling back the hood covering his head in a single well-practised motion.
Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was all he could do not to punch the priest. Keeping his voice calm, he stepped closer.
“Don’t test me, priest.”
“I would never,” Jun-Ba answered with a smug smile plastered on his face. A second later, it turned into a frustrated frown as he moved closer to press the symbol of St Suleiman against Jack’s forehead. “You are embarrassing yourself, Jack. Enough. Kneel and accept the blessing so that I can start the sermon.”
“For the love of… Are you fucking high? I…” Jack grabbed the priest’s robe before stopping himself from pushing him back. “Forget it. Just bring the relic and keep your mouth shut, or I swear, I will rip your tongue out of your mouth.”
“The relic?” Jun-Ba asked, visibly confused by the sudden threat.
It was rare for Jack to lose his temper, but like everyone else, he had his limits. But ever since Scraaha disturbed his nap, the crew of the Fall of Regret were doing their best to test his patience.
“The portable data-store locked in the reliquary. You have sixty seconds to retrieve it, or you will be joining Spear.” With that, he forcefully straightened the man’s robe and let him go.
“You dare to speak to me like I’m a lowly grunt! This is a raid blessing sermon, and you will behave accordingly!”
“Your voice. Your face. I do not recognise them.” Carnage’s sweet voice cut through the murmurs and stunned the chapel into silence. “Jack, who is that parody of a Saint Suleiman’s Monk?”
The captain of the Fall of Regret swallowed hard. She was supposed to wait outside with the serfs attending her. This wasn’t a ritual done for fun or for the sake of appeasing the more religious elements among the Void Spawned. It was set in place to familiarise those who hadn’t met her with her behaviour and how they should act to avoid accidental death. The very purpose of the damned relic was so that everyone could connect to it and be marked as friendlies. Well, there was also a slight mnemonic loyalty virus embedded in it for the human crew and those who had human-made cerebral implants, but the crew didn’t need to know that. However, that didn’t matter any more since Carnage had broken protocol, and Jack knew exactly who to blame for this. But before throwing the serfs into a scornel cage, he had to make sure he didn’t end up with them in it. Turning around, Jack could feel his blood grow cold and, with significant effort, suppressed the shudder plaguing his muscles. Carnage’s appearance was unsettling, a sentiment both humans and aliens shared. Sure, the woman looked human enough at a glance from a distance in a poorly lit room. But up close, there was no mistake that whatever she was most certainly wasn’t a human, and Jack didn’t give a damn what the genetic signatures said.
At exactly two hundred centimetres tall, with pale, almost white skin and red eyes, a person could be excused for thinking that she had undergone significant cosmetic genetic modification. However, people didn’t grow horns from their foreheads, which curved neatly along the line of their heads, nor did their irises glow. Then there was the strangeness of her body, which appeared slender despite sporting a significant muscle mass. And yet, somehow, Jack couldn’t help but think that she was beautiful. Eerily so, to the point that it was disturbing on a conscious level. Nothing had any right to be so perfectly beautiful. It simply wasn’t natural. But worst of all was the weight of her gaze. Instead of the madness he expected to see in those blood-red orbs, they were filled with indifference and detachment, and right now, they were fixed on him.
“Ma’am, you should have followed protocol…” he managed to say quietly, aware that Carnage would hear him. However, that was as much of his frustration as he was willing to voice out while the monster was coherent. “This is—”
“I can speak for myself!” To Jack’s dismay, the priest stepped pompously forward with a wide smile on his gaunt face. “Newform Missionary Jun-Ba Cohen from the monastery shipyard Borealis, at your service, mistress Carnage! May the shining beacons of Yazil guide you to a safe harbour.” Exaggeratedly, Jun-Ba spread his twitching arms and lowered his head. “Please, mistress, step forward and allow me to bestow upon you the blessing of Saint Suleiman. Let us show this infidel how a true ship commander is supposed to act.”
Jack could taste the tension in the air. A quick glance at Gina and Vi told him that the twins were ready to skin the priest alive, and the only thing stopping them was Carnage. Neither was willing to steal her kill. But more interesting than that was the reaction of the crew. At least a third of them had smug smiles on their faces. It took him a second to realise that what was transpiring wasn’t an accident caused by a self-absorbed junky hight out of his mind. No, this was deliberate. Jun-Ba was planning to embarrass Jack with his foolish stunt, and considering the support he had gathered, the idiot most likely planned to usurp his place as Carnage’s right-hand man. However, his biggest problem was that he had missed any of the signs that a potential coup was being planned on his ship. First Spear, and now this. It was more than enough evidence that Jack had become far too lenient with the Void Spawned. He had become far too reliant on groups like the Blood Hands and the Ul Izka to maintain order while he prepared countermeasures for potential betrayals by his lieutenants.
“A newform missionary? Jack, explain to me what that thing is talking about. Is it a monk, or is it not?” Carnage’s smile turned vicious, making her look like a predator who had captured its prey. It was a slight, subtle difference from her usual expression, but the captain of the Void Spawned couldn’t mistake it.
“A newform—”
“Mistress, I’d be more than happy to explain the teachings of my order once the ceremony is concluded.” Once again, Jun-Ba interjected himself into the conversation before he could say a single sentence.
Before Jack could try to defuse the situation, Carnage moved, crossing the distance between the entrance and the small podium at a pace which any sane person would consider a sprint but which, for her, was a brisk walk. The difference in physical abilities was another reason why Jack didn’t consider her a human. Only the heavily cybernetically augmented commandoes of the Third Empire came close. But then again, they were closer to being classified as cyborgs than people, and apart from the cybernetic right arm and a few implants, Carnage was completely organic. In about three seconds, she had caught Jun-Ba by his neck and had him dangling in the air from her artificial arm.
“You are not Jack. You are not a Red Monk. Not even the forgiving Red Monks would offer a blessing to a sinner.” The sweetness was gone from her voice, replaced by a deep, guttural snarl. But the smile remained, and along with her crimson hair carefully tied at the back of her head, Carnage appeared as an avatar of violence. The idiot shook in her grip like a shorted-out training drone as she pulled him closer. “A civilian impersonating a sanctioned religious figure violates the Decree of Civil Decency and is punished by tongue removal and five years in a zero-g cell. But this is not a civilian vessel, and you are not one of the faithful. Your life means nothing to me, so I urge you to mind your words. Now, Jack, I asked you a question.”
He knew that he should try to stop Carnage, but a part of him really enjoyed seeing Jun-Ba squirming. This was a good way to remind the newer crew members about the pecking order aboard the Fall of Regret. However, what surprised him the most was how reasonably the monster behaved. Then again, Jack knew that such moments of lucidity could be misleading, so he had to take control of the situation quickly. Especially now, when he was aware that a potential coup was brewing.
“Ma’am, the newform missionaries were created recently by the Khanate after discovering a mostly intact Red Mons data cache. In the last five years, their sect has quickly unified a majority of the more dominant sects and is predicted to become an official religion of the Khanate within the next twenty years.” Jack made sure to strip any emotion from his voice as he placed his hand on Carnage’s cybernetic forearm. “Zorbo invited priest Jun-Ba as his replacement shortly before his death.”
“Zorbo was a reliable priest, even though he was never properly ordained,” Carnage nodded without relaxing her grip. “He knew his place and embraced the core values of the Red Monks, unlike this annoying thing. But I’m more worried that you might be going soft, Jack. Is it because Florance went to search for Neverok?”
“According to the Kazra’s logs, the Whip left on her mission more than five centuries ago,” Jack whispered so that the rest of the Void Spawned wouldn’t hear him before slightly tilting his head in the direction of the twins. “Currently, Gina and Vi are serving a similar role.”
“Daina’s daughters?”
To Jack’s surprise, Carnage released Jun-Ba and turned to look at the two women standing at attention just a few steps from them. Using the moment, Jack motioned for the Xith guards to stand down. Thankfully, the aliens were loyal to him and didn’t act without permission, preferring instead to wait for his signal to intervene – something that sadly couldn’t be said about the jittery priest. A sane person would have kept their mouth shut, but apparently, Jun-Ba’s ego was too much of a barrier for rational thoughts to form in his drug-addled mind.
“Carnage!” He blared before the twins could answer the monster’s question. “Your behaviour is unbeco—”
Carnage spun around faster than Jack’s eyes could track, her cybernetic arm connecting with Jun-Ba’s jaw. The sickening sound of bone shattering into pieces like a stick of week’s old dehydrated meal paste filled the Chapel. A heartbeat later, the priest’s body slammed against the wall, spewing a shower of broken teeth and blood before dropping to the floor. The sporadic spasm and gurgles indicated that he was alive for now but in desperate need of medical attention. For a moment, Jack was tempted to watch the idiot die; however, he had to think of the crew’s morale, and like it or not, Jun-Ba had to remain among the living to avoid a potential coup from turning into a pending one. Later, he could slowly remove and isolate the priest’s supporters. As he spoke, Jack was already marking names for future first-wave assaults.
“Poznak, go prepare your cutters. Ulvaka, have some of your pawns bring this idiot to the Medical unit. We are skipping the ceremony and moving on to the briefing for the upcoming raid. So you lazy lot better open your ears and listen.”
“Good. That’s the Jack I know.”
“Boss.” Gina’s voice reminded him that there was one more thing to deal with before he could continue with the briefing.
“Right. Carnage, this is Taylor Spear. He was in charge of the resources for the stasis machine. In his infinite stupidity, he has wasted the chemicals needed to operate the device, making it impossible for you to continue your treatment.” Jack blurted without stopping to take a breath.
Of course, the last part was a total lie, but that’s what the Void Sapwned believed was the function of the stasis machine. Only he, Taylor and Haar knew that Carnage was kept in stasis to keep her psychosis in check. Jack was the only person who knew that she used it to skip time while searching for something. A search that had taken over five hundred years. He didn’t know or understand what it was she hoped to find, but based on the clues from her insane rumblings, it had something to do with the others of her kind. There was a good chance that Last Hope would be her final stop, but his predecessors thought the same, only to be faced with disappointment and the trouble of dealing with enraged Carnage. However, that was a worry for later. Right now, his biggest problem was the fact that Taylor had really screwed him by wasting the chems needed to put the monster back to sleep. It could be over a year before the Fall of Regret could reach a safe dock to restock, and having the insane woman around for that long was horrifying and a sure path to an early grave.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
“I remember you,” Carnage leaned over the badly bruised Taylor, her cybernetic fingers gently lifting his chin. “You are Cecil and Hilary’s spawn. They spoke fondly of you. Had high hopes for you following their path. It looks like they failed.”
She removed her hand and forced his head to the floor with her foot. “Why did you do it?”
“I’m sorry, Carnage… I made… a mistake…” The man snivelled. “You weren’t supposed… to be awakened for another… another four years. I thought… I’d have plenty of time… to replace what I took.”
“I understand.” She removed her foot and took a step back. “You were tempted to break the rules because it would all be fine as long as you hid your sin before it was found out.”
“Yes!”
“Vi patosa fika ŝtelisto fibesto!” With a kick, she broke the joint of his left elbow as Taylor made to stand up. “The stasis machine is sacred! The resources you stole are used to fuel it! That sacred device is the only thing preventing me from killing your entire heretical kind for your ancestors’ rebellion!”
Each statement was followed by a kick, slowly but surely cracking each of Taylor’s joints. Unlike Jun-Ba, there was nothing Jack could do to save his life, even if he wanted to. This was an execution – a slow and painful one. All he could do was watch and hope that the torture wouldn’t last long. Thankfully, Carnage was brutal but not unreasonably cruel and as soon as the master of the serfs lay broken on the floor, she stopped the beating. Without moving her spot, she looked at the gathered crew members. For a moment, Jack was worried that she might pounce on them like a cornered predator. Instead, calmness returned to her face, and she spoke in her usual sickeningly sweet voice.
“It would seem you, vermin, have forgotten who the master of this ship is. You have forgotten what you are. You are the Void Spawned! You do not break. You do not run from a fight. You are what the Nomad Fleet… the Khanate was meant to be. You traverse the darkness of space on a vessel that hasn’t known defeat for two thousand years.”
Jack was amazed to hear the cheers and roars following Carnage’s short speech. He had to admit that there was something captivating about hearing her words, even if they were as generic as reprocessed protein paste.
“And you too shall not know defeat. Because, unlike those pitiful planet dwellers, you know the hardships of the void. You know that the slightest mistake can lead to death.” At that, Carnage pointed at the crippled body of Taylor Spear. Cries demanding the man’s death could be heard but were quickly silenced by the monster’s glare. “That makes you strong. But your faith, the one I gave to you, is what makes you invincible. Those who die in the name of faith are never truly dead!”
That sudden twist caught Jack off-guard. From what he knew and his personal experience, Carnage wasn't all that fond of religion. However, by the look of it, she had quickly assessed the situation and adapted to use it for her benefit. It was a harsh reminder that although insane, the woman was extremely intelligent.
“The martyred shall never be forgotten,” a cruel smile blossomed on her face, “but those who saw discord and sin shall know only despair. The Void Spawned are strong and shall not tolerate such petty weakness in their ranks. What is your verdict?”
“Guilty!” The gathered crew members roared as one, their eyes burning with fanatical fervour. Jack couldn't shake the feeling that Carnage’s psychosis was spreading unchecked. But the reality was that it was her unnatural charisma that was contagious. For a brief second, he wondered if there was a correlation between how charismatic tyrants were and how bland and cliché their speeches could get.
“Cut off his limbs, strap him in a medical support harness and vent him. Let the void decide how long he is to suffer.” Carnage proclaimed Taylor’s punishment in a low, sombre voice. To the others, it might appear that this wasn’t something she was happy to do, but to Jack, it was obvious that she simply didn’t care. All that mattered was making an example.
“You dislike this, Jack.” She whispered to him as the twins dragged the condemned master of the serfs out of the Chapel. “Do not pretend to hide it. I can see it in your eyes. Jack’s emotions and expressions are familiar to me, and you wear his face.”
“Does it matter?” He tried to shrug off her comment, but her words bothered him.
“Yes. I’m not a leader, Jack. You know this. I can feel myself slipping… I can feel her take over. That’s why I need Jack… I need you to be in charge.” Carnage placed her hands on his shoulder and leaned closer, her eyes boring into his soul. “I leave it to you to prepare this rabble for the upcoming raid.
Do not fail me, toy.”
----------------------------------------
“Unhand me!” Dr Werner’s voice rang with disgust as she tried to pull her hand away from Zoë’s grip.
“Say please,” the former security guard couldn’t help herself but tease the enraged scientist.
“What?!”
“Say please, and I will let you go,” Zoë offered her most charming smile, which further deepened the frown on Virginia’s face. “What? Can’t do it?”
“I hate you.” The venom in Dr Werner’s voice was hard to miss.
“Yeh… The feeling’s mutual, Dr Werner. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t pretend to get along.” Despite what she had just said, Zoë could feel her left hand forming a fist in anticipation of a fight.
She was itching to vent her frustration, and Virginia was the perfect target. The problem was that the egghead was a civilian and Zoë couldn't go against her principles and assault the woman, no matter how insufferable she was being. Now, if the scientist were to throw the first punch, that would be a different story, and goading her seemed to be an easy task. Still, doing so didn’t feel right and left a bad taste in the Second Officer’s mouth. The very fact that she was even considering such an option was disturbing, clearly indicating that there was an issue with her body’s hormonal release while her implants were offline. It could be something as simple as a slight imbalance while her system readjusted, or it could be a sign of a more serious problem that has remained hidden.
“Get along? Have you hit your head?” Virginia hissed like an agitated pet in response to her peace offer.
Without thinking, Zoë spun around and pushed her against the corridor’s wall. By the time she realised what she was doing, it was too late to salvage the situation. Hopefully, this way, her words might get across. If not, well, there was only one option left.
“You’re really pissing me off when I’m doing my best to be reasonable! Just because your sleeping with Felix doesn’t make you the queen bitch. So don’t get ahead of yourself.”
Seeing the sudden fear in Virginia’s eyes was worth it. However, this was only the start now that nothing held Zoë’s thoughts back. Days of frustration, pent-up anger and desperation demanded release. She was done being everyone’s doormat.
“Provoke me again, and I will beat you into a coma, and I will get away with it. So far, I’ve been more than tolerant of your crap, but that ends now.” To emphasise her point, she gently slammed the scientist against the wall. Not strong enough to cause any pain but hard enough to scare her. “If you understand, nod ’cause I don’t want to hear your voice right now.”
“Good,” Zoë continued as soon as Virginia’s head began to bob up and down. “I don’t care if you hate me, and I’m not asking you to like me. All I ask is to be shown some common fucking courtesy and respect. We and I really mean all of us, are neck deep in shit, and it keeps on piling on. The only chance we have is if we set back our petty little problems and start to fucking work together.”
She let go of the rattled Dr Werner and took a step back. Although this was probably a poor way to settle the matter, it actually made Zoë feel better. The question was what Felix would do to her once he learned how she treated Virginia. The hulking tech had a lot on his plate right now to bother with such trivial things, or at least she hoped that was the case. Sadly, Felix had a rather unorthodox sense of justice, which could make his reactions somewhat unpredictable. But on the positive, Zoë had gathered a lot of goodwill with the big guy, so the chances of getting away with only a lecture and an apology were fairly high. Either way, that was a problem for later. With that sorted, Zoë turned her back to the archaeologist and resumed the walk towards the training area. It wasn’t a long distance away from the brig, but the uncomfortable silence made it feel like an eternity, and with it also came a sense of guilt about what she had just done.
“Do you want to tell me what you were doing outside your allocated area?” She finally asked, trying to use her usual cheery tone, although even a deaf person could tell that she was forcing herself to sound nonchalant.
“No,” Virginia answered coldly with eyes forward and jaws tight. It didn’t take an expert to see that the woman was furious but knew there was nothing she could do about it. “For the record, we were technically still in Sector 01.”
“Yeh, no. That kind of excuse doesn’t work for the Innari. Hell, it’ll be a stretch even with Security.” Zoë offered in an attempt to break the tension. After a couple of seconds, it was clear that Dr Werner wouldn’t bite. “Look, I don’t really care, but because of this, I’m permanently stuck with you for the foreseeable future. Keeping you out of trouble and all that until Major Khalid cools off.”
Suddenly, Virginia stopped her expression, a twisted grimace of revulsion and simmering hatred. Apparently, Zoë’s words had struck a nerve this time, and the Second Officer prepared for a repeat of their fight. However, apart from staying rooted on the spot and fuming while quietly mumbling obscenities to herself, the egghead didn’t do anything else. After close to a minute of this, Zoë was beginning to get worried that Dr Werner might have had a stroke or her implants might have fried her brain.
“Uhm, doc, you alright?”
“Bullshit!”
“Come again?”
“This is bullshit! You planned for this! You and Helix!” Virginia screamed at her. “You want us to do whatever you want, whenever you want while giving us the illusion of freedom!”
“Wo! Hold up there, Virginia.”
“It’s Doctor fucking Werner to you!” The apoplectic woman took a step forward, and it was clear that she was itching to slug Zoë. Although there was nothing for the Second Officer to fear, there was a good chance she might end up seriously injuring the archaeologist if they fought in her current state. “Thanks to Zeti, I’ve seen that monster’s true nature. We all have seen it, but you, Kurtz… You follow him like an obedient pet. Do you think I haven’t seen how you look at him? So stop playing dumb. You want some common fucking courtesy and respect? Well, why don’t you cut the act and do the same!”
The sheer amount of vitriol in Virginia’s voice caught Zoë by surprise. She knew that the scientist held a grudge but didn’t realise to what extent. However, what bothered her the most were the accusations. It was very likely that everyone on Last Hope thought of her in the same way – a traitor, Helix’s pet. Zoë could feel the need to explain herself, but everything she could come up with felt like a cheap excuse. Still, this was a good chance to give voice to some of her more immediate worries and she would be a fool to waste it. After all, the Second Officer really needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen. But again, the problem was the words she was going to use. In the current situation, she had to pick them very carefully or risk further alienating Virginia and, along with her, most likely, the only other friend she had on this forsaken station – Felix.
“I’m not his pet… Like you, I’m trying to survive, so I picked a side.” Zoë spoke sheepishly, which seemed to only further anger the archaeologist.
“Oh, please! You’re following him around like a Velox in heat. And you have the audacity to deny it!” Although the comparison to the protein-rich giant slug was unflattering, Virginia did have a point.
“It’s not like that…” She managed to mumble in response, her eyes shifting to the ground in shame. Something about Dr Werner’s tone made her feel like a fresh cadet in front of a displeased Academy instructor, and without thinking, Zoë shifted into defensive mode, trying to explain her actions in the worst, most convoluted way possible. “He’s using me… Manipulating me and all that. I’m aware of it… But only after a while, when he’s not around. Sometimes, it’s actually very clear what he’s doing, but sometimes it takes a moment. The thing about Helix is, you know, he can be pretty convincing. And I, that is, I don’t have feelings for him. Not feelings like feelings, but whenever he’s around, I do, and I don’t want to, and it clouds my judgment.”
Zoë could see Virginia’s expression change from anger to disbelief to bewilderment and back to anger as she spoke. Sure, she knew she didn’t make sense, but the woman standing in front of her was supposed to be one of the smartest people on the station. One way or another, Virginia had to understand the core of the issue. Because, right now, Zoë felt as if she was drowning, and it was too late to stop the anxiety, frustration and days worth of self-doubt and guilt from pouring out. However, the frigid response she got stomped on her hopes.
“You don’t know? That’s the best you can come up with? Don’t insult me, girl. I’m not some twenty-year-old with raging hormones to cloud my mind.”
“I’m not! I really don’t know!”
Instead of continuing the conversation, Virginia shook her head and made to walk away. Desperate, Zoë grabbed her hand and stopped her. She couldn’t let her leave, not like that. What remained of her sanity depended on it.
“Let go.” Dr Werner hissed, locking her eyes with a withering glare.
“No… I…” Zoë could feel losing control of her emotions, which showed in her shaky voice. “I really don’t know. I’m not an idiot! I’ve seen what he is capable of doing and more. But the moment I’m near him… It’s like a switch is flipped in my head. And… and I can’t control it!”
Virginia’s eyes narrowed behind her glasses as she examined her closely, scrutinising every minute facial expression, dissecting each word. Then, after a nerve-racking minute, the woman opened her mouth, and despite there being a hint of mistrust in her voice, the words were exactly what Zoë hoped to hear.
“You are serious about this, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” With that single word, all strength left the Second Officer’s body, and she let go of Virginia’s hand before slumping against the cold metallic wall for support. “I hate this… I hate this place and him for messing with my head. And I hate myself, and I want it to end, for this to be all a bad dream and for things to be back the way they used to be.”
She tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, but no matter how hard she scrubbed, they wouldn’t stop. Too late, Zoë realised that she was way past the point of a mental breakdown. What made it worse was the fact that she was experiencing this right in front of someone she genuinely disliked. All of a sudden, pain blossomed on her left cheek as Dr Werner slapped her across the face. Before Zoë could lunge at her, the woman grabbed her shoulders and hugged her, whispering calmly in her year.
“Get a hold of yourself.” They were simple words, but her gentle, almost motherly voice dismantled what little remained of the young guard’s mental fortifications faster than a Commodore’s interrogation.
“I hate him! I hate him, but he’s the only one who cares about me!” She cried out.
“This should help.”
As soon as the words left Virginia’s mouth, Zoë received a request for a feed link from the archaeologist. A single file was shared through the opened channel. At first, it looked like a bunch of poorly compiled scrap code far too similar to an implant virus, and she was reluctant to open it. But her own curiosity and an encouraging nod from Dr Werner were all it took to throw caution to the wind. A moment later, Zoë realised that this was a choppy memory recording. Most of the data was either corrupt or being stripped of potentially harmful elements, and lingering emote bleeds had rendered the recording barely usable. However, it was a working file. The security girl saw Helix through someone else’s eyes and saw how inhuman he truly was when observed by a normal person. And then, she saw him again through Virginia’s eyes. There were too many similarities in perception to ignore, the only difference being that Helix appeared less detached in the latter. Usually, this type of sharing of personal memories between memory implants is unreliable and potentially hazardous for the recipient. But there was denying the truth. Helix didn’t care about her. He only saw a pawn to take advantage of, and Zoë allowed him to do it because she felt isolated and alone. It took her time to realise this, but now that she had the need – the desire – for even the simplest human contact was overwhelming. It took the Second Officer a good few minutes to stop her uncontrolled, muffled sobs and another one to gather the courage to push Virginia away. However, she couldn’t look the woman in the eyes as she finally spoke.
“What was that?”
“Something Zeti shared with us,” Dr Werner sighed. “I made a filtered recording of the memory in the hope that one day I’ll have enough courage to examine it in full detail. Believe me, the full experience is far more unsettling than what I shared with you.”
“That woman. Who is… rather, was she?” Zoë inquired quietly, suddenly worried that someone might have seen her abysmal conduct. Plus, she was intrigued by that little glimpse of Helix’s past. “I understand she was afraid of Helix, but other than that, she was unfazed. How?”
Virginia’s lips formed a tired smile as she provided an answer to her questions.
“According to Zeti, that’s a memory from a scientist who worked here – one Blanka Xi. It’s too complicated to explain right now. The important part was that she knew who Helix was. What he was. Despite that, she wasn’t afraid like us because she had faith.”
“So, she was a religious loon, and you want me to become one too?” Zoë interrupted, amazed that a highly educated woman like Dr Werner would even entertain such an idea.
“You’re the one who asked for an explanation, and I tried to give you one,” Virginia turned around and began to stomp away angrily. “Make of it what you will. However, I plan to take advantage of this knowledge. Now, if you’re done being childish, the others are waiting for us.”
“Fine, fine. I’m sorry!” Zoë hurried after her, but it was clear that the scientist was done with this conversation. Unsure how to avoid another stretch of uncomfortable silence, she decided to change the subject. “So… You and Felix are screwing?”
“It’s none of your business.” Virginia shut her down with a more frigid voice than the coldness of the void surrounding the mining complex.
“Okay, be that way. I was just curious how that happened. Hey, Dr Werner, about what happened now.”
“Don’t worry. It will stay between us. I’m not so petty to use it against you or spread rumours.” Although she said that, the smile on the archaeologist’s face wasn’t as convincing as her tone.
“Ri-i-i-ight. Does it mean we’re friends now?”
“Don’t bloody push it, Kurtz.”
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