The moment I felt the blade pierce my heart, I grabbed the assassin's arm with both hands and tried to snap it. But instead of the crisp crack of breaking bone, the arm bent like a rubber band. It was so goofy that I got distracted for a fraction of a second.
The assassin brought up his other arm, which was as wobbly and bendy as the one I was gripping, and whipped my neck. The blade at the tip of the arm lodged itself in my skin, but not that deeply, thanks to Hard as Fuck. However, the familiar sensation of poison began spreading from the wound site.
“Youuu sshhaalll diieeee!” the assassin hissed, and to my horror, several more appendages emerged from his cloak. I realized that they weren't arms and those weren't blades. They were tentacles tipped with sharp claws.
“Holy fuck!”
Empowered by my pain, I kicked the tentacle assassin in its center mass, sending it flying through the door of the opposite hotel room and pulling out the claw stuck in my heart. I hoped the room in front of mine was vacant.
I ran back into my room to retrieve my axe. As I bent down to pick it up from the floor, I stumbled as an intense wave of dizziness passed by. Was that the poison?
Then I realized that my heart was still ravaged. The wound in my chest was healing, but extremely slowly. The damn poison was messing with my regeneration. The sole Skill that I had been depending on this entire time to keep me alive was failing.
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.”
The wave of dizziness wasn't from the poison, but from the lack of blood reaching my brain. My heart was not pumping blood anymore.
[Minor Poison Resistance has leveled up to Lv.2]
The world slowed around me as my adrenaline-addled brain rushed to think of a way to survive. I was running out of time. I was gonna die from oxygen deprivation in the next few seconds, and if not from that, then from the tentacled assassin shuffling into the room.
Then I found it. Thank fuck for Lance's advice.
I activated my Blood Bag Skill and gave it as much mana as I could. I felt the Skill activate on overdrive, and pain suddenly exploded all over my body. Blood spurted out of my chest wound like a pressurized hose, and I could feel the blood vessels in my eyeballs burst. Then I realized that most of the blood vessels inside my body were probably bursting due to the increased pressure. Fuck.
Well, at least that solved the problem of my blood not reaching my brain, even though said brain's blood vessels had probably ruptured from the sudden blood pressure.
I reckoned I had a few seconds to kill the tentacled asshole before I lost consciousness from my injuries, so I exploded into motion. The strength I was getting due to the immense pain was massive, and I felt like a god as I pushed off the ground and lunged toward the tentacled assassin with my axe raised.
The assassin whipped five clawed tentacles at me. Three of them barely punctured my skin, but the remaining two managed to slash at my arms deeply, creating deep wounds that gushed out blood like a faucet because of my constant use of Blood Bag.
[Minor Poison Resistance has leveled up to Lv.3]
I reached the assassin, and with a mighty double-handed overhead swing, I chopped the motherfucker right down the middle, bisecting its calamari ass into two halves. The axe continued in its path and slammed into the ground with a powerful impact, introducing a crater on the wooden floor. Green, sticky blood splattered everywhere as the assassin hissed and died.
[You have slain an Umbral Alchemist Lv. 35. Experience gained.]
[Congratulations! You are now Level 22.]
Some of the assassin's blood splattered on me, and my skin hissed and fucking melted as it came into contact. I hurriedly wiped it off on the pillows, which proceeded to blacken upon contact with the green ichor.
Fucking nasty thing.
I stood still in the room, waiting for any follow-up. The last time they tried an assassination, they sent more than one. How many were they gonna send this time?
[Minor Poison Resistance has leveled up to Lv.4]
As I waited for the next shit to hit the fan, my body slowly broke down the poison inside me. The unhealed wounds all over my body also acted as a bloodletting procedure, allowing my poisoned blood to gush out and new blood to come in through Blood Bag.
[Blood Bag has leveled up to Lv.3]
Soon, my wounds started regenerating once again and my heart got back to pumping. I finally deactivated Blood Bag. Just in time too, because I was feeling a weird sort of fatigue that I attributed to mana loss. I tried not to think what would have happened if I ran out of mana mid-battle and failed to replace my poisoned blood.
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
Several more minutes passed, and just as I thought there was nobody else coming, I heard footsteps in the hallway. I readied my axe.
A head peeked around the doorway. It was the valet that I gave a tip to on my first day staying here. His face was etched with fear. “M-Mister Bob? Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I'm fine. Can't say the same for my guest over here,” I said as I prodded one of the tentacles on the floor.
The valet gave out a sigh of relief. “I'm glad the letter I left on your bed helped. I knew something was fishy when somebody booked a room and requested it to be right beside yours. That's why I left a letter on your bed to warn you.”
Godfucking dammit.
“Yeah, that helped me quite a lot,” I said as I retrieved my money pouch. “Here. Take this for your troubles.”
I handed the wide-eyed kid my entire money pouch. I had no idea how much it had left, but there had to be a few gold left in there.
The valet's eyes bulged. “Sir! This is too much!”
“Shut up and take it, kid. That's not purely out of the goodness of my heart,” I said. “That's compensation. You shouldn't have tried to warn me at all. Now the assassins might have a grudge against you as well for helping me. I suggest you take that money and go hide far away from here.”
The young man paled as he realized the consequences of his actions. “Oh no.”
I felt somewhat bad for the kid's predicament, so I decided to go a little further. “You know what? I'll get the Governor to give you a job that should keep you safe until all this shit is dealt with.”
The valet nodded numbly as he walked away. I was about to stop him and ask where my food was, but even I wasn't that insensitive. The boy was probably regretting trying to help me. It's best he doesn't learn that I burned his letter. That would be awkward.
With no one to bring me dinner, I guess I'll just eat outside while I bring the assassin's corpse to the City Guard.
•••••
After that nasty tentacle business last night, the first thing I did when I entered the Governor's office was confront Camille about the matter. “What the fuck, man?”
Camille raised an eyebrow at me. “I told you to curb your cursing behavior, did I not? That is five silvers deducted from your pay.”
“I couldn't give a single shit about that at the moment,” I spat, and that's when Camille realized I wasn't kidding around. I really was fucking angry. “Can we have another run over our contract? Didn't we agree that in exchange for my service, which has been fucking exemplary so far in my opinion, you would keep the damn assassins away from me? I may be stupid, but even my pitiful brain could remember that I entered this job because of the threat of assassins. But guess what? Two days in and I've had two assassinations already, and I don't see you doing anything about it. So I ask you again, what the fuck?!”
The office was silent for a brief moment as Camille and I stared at each other. Then the silence was suddenly broken when the two guards outside rushed in, their weapons leveled at me.
“Stop,” Camille said before the guards ran me through. I almost wished they had, because I was honestly raring for a fight right now. “Leave us. My Constable here was just venting some anger.”
The guards left without another word.
“Before you continue your one-sided tirade,” Camille said. “Can you please tell me what happened as to why you barge into my office and disrespect me as such?”
“Another assassin paid me a visit last night is what happened, woman,” I said. “Guy with a bunch of tentacles tipped with claws. He used poison that inhibited my regeneration, and if things went differently, I would have been fuckin' dead.”
“But you are not,” Camille said. “What did you expect when you took this job, Constable? That I would hold your hand the entire way and watch over you as you slept? Our contract stated that I would give you support, and did I not give you support through the training that you are being paid for? In no way have I mentioned absolute protection from our enemies, and before you continue hounding me about it, I am doing something about the assassins. Did you think I would simply let murderers stomp around my city like this is their playground?”
I frowned as I listened to the Governor's words. She had a good point. Our contract didn't specifically say that she'd protect me from would-be assassins. But did she even bother to do anything to help me survive these assassination attempts? With how much she wanted me to become Constable, you'd think she'd try her best to keep me alive. She didn't even bother to offer me a more secure housing that would keep the assassins away. Instead, she just let me stay in that hotel that everyone's mothers could infiltrate easily to kick Bob's ass.
Hold on.
“You fucking manipulative bitch,” I said as it dawned on me. “You're using me as bait, aren't you? To lure out the fucking assassins.”
Camille raised an eyebrow at me. “That is a grave accusation to make, Constable.”
“Save me the bullshit,” I spat. “I've seen better swindlers than you, you damn snake. And if you insist on denying it, then why don't I march on down to where that Mern dude is and ask the man who paid him to offer me such a shitty contract at the Laborer's Guild, huh? So shitty I had to refuse him, and it just so happened that the Guildmaster suddenly offered me compensation for it, which was a job to work for the Governor who Big Mama said was known for being so strict with vetting her staff. Me, a stranger with an unknown background, offered a position that held tremendous power that was beholden only to the Governor.”
Camille's expression was blank and cold. “And? What is your point?”
I unstrapped my axe from my back and held it in one hand. “You had no plan to keep me in this position for long. You're setting me up to be the fall guy. A convenient pawn to earn the ire of the enemy and discard once my purpose is done. Imprisoning your own nephew must've been a dick move, and so you needed someone to shield you from the wrath of your relatives. And who other than the man who beat up the damn nephew to serve that role? So you had Mern give me a shitty contract so I'd refuse and have the Laborer Guildmaster entice me with the Constable position, and when that didn't work out, you had guards waiting just outside the damn guild waiting for me.”
The room was silent for the next few seconds. Only the ticking of a nearby clock could be heard, and as the seconds went by, I reflected on my course of action. Dammit, this is like the Puck situation again. Why did I have to confront Camille? I could've just walked away.
But could I have really just walked away? Ma always told me to face my problems like a real man should: head-on and with conviction. To be honest, her advice didn't always work out so well and landed me in a bad spot many times. But what else am I gonna remember her by other than her teachings? The least I could do for the woman who raised me right was to live by her values.
Camille sighed, which I took as her finally dropping the act. My grip on my axe tightened. I might have to fight my way out of here.
Just then, the silence was broken by slow clapping to the side. When I looked at the source, Warner was there, leaning on the wall. He continued clapping as he watched me. “Always surprises me when you end up being smarter than you look.”