"All I'm saying is you were awful a month ago," says Jae, drink in hand. Ko-lee and I are with him at The Drop, and I noncommittally wave his comment away. "Who's good when they first start, really?" I ask, taking a sip of my drink. "Ko-lee was pretty good," says Jae, causing Ko-lee to snort. "Well, okay, but at least I learned!" I say, doing my best to recover what little ego I have left. "Oh, I know," says Jae, the rare hint of a smile on his face. "I was the one walking you through every damn step." I chuckle into my drink, the color on my cheeks just as much from the friendly ribbing as it is from the alcohol. "Yea, well, I'm not nearly as bad as Jakom," I say, causing Ko-lee to perk up from her relaxed position. "Ohh? I don't think I've heard this one? Who's Jakom?" she asks, her face as flushed as mine.
"Just one of the strays Jae recruited," I say, before Jae raises his eyebrow at me. "Says the stray." I do my best to ignore his comment though, bulldozing on. "Anyways... so, this was a bit before he got anything down on paper. Jae was still in the 'feel it out' stage with the kid, trying to figure out if it was profitable to sign him on, whether he could be taught, that sort of thing. This kid, a day after Jae tells him that he's working too slow, and he'd struggle to break even, well he comes into work, and guess what he has on them?" There's no guess from my audience of one, since Jae already knows the story, but I let it hang in the air for a moment before continuing. "Something like FIFTY block of explosives! He was strapped, let me tell you. Apparently, this kid spent every penny he had on mining charges, thinking that he could just start blowing holes in the tunnel instead of cutting! I've never seen Jae make an expression like that before!"
The mixture of the alcohol, and the mental image of the novice miner strapped down with a weeks worth of mining charges has me laughing too hard to fully explain it. I only manage to get a couple words out before I begin laughing again, and the laughter is infectious; Ko-lee has tears streaming down her cheeks, her drink sloshing as she watches me fail to finish the story. Jae, on the other hand, quietly exhales air out his nose, which is effectively the same thing. "Anyways," I say, managing to pull myself together for a moment, "the Vox found out, and his badge got stripped. So, yea, I haven't seen him around since." Ko-lee just gives me a knowing grin, bumping into me with her shoulder, before ultimately resting there. "Oh, I bet Aley loved that one," she says, finishing off her drink. The corners of her mouth turn down slightly as she examines the bottom of the now empty cup, but it quickly rebounds back into a grin.
"Yeah, I can only imagine her expression seeing that form come across her desk. Apparently, he prepaid his room for a week, as well, so Heya didn't seem too torn up about him leaving." My voice turns scratchy, and I give what I know is a poor impression of the jovial old proprietor. "Ohhhhh, it's just too much hard work for some people. He should have a better time dirt side." Jae gives another nose exhalation, and I nudge Ko-lee. "But seriously, that means that there's another room open. Are you sure you don't want to crash somewhere else? I won't hold it against you. The room is small," I say, looking down at my girlfriend. She just leans her head against my shoulder, before turning to both dismiss my question and nuzzle into me with a single motion. "No," she mutters into the cloth on my shoulder. "I don't mind cuddling."
I kiss the top of her head, giving a small chuckle. "Oh, just cuddling huh? Nothing else?" I ask, lowering the register of my voice so that my chest rumbles under her head. "Oookay, I think it's time for me to head off," says Jae, as he starts to stand up from the table. "As the boss, I don't want to have an issue with HR." I quirk my eyebrow at him. "We don't have an HR." "Yeah, and now my employees are shacking up together," he says in a dry monotone. "Maybe I should look into some." I give him a grin and a raise of my mug. "I'll see you tomorrow. And Jae?" I say, catching him right before he turns to leave. His eyes lock with mine, and I do my best to school my expression, trying to impress upon him how genuine I feel. "Seriously, I can't thank you enough for signing us on." He pauses for a moment, a brief hesitation in his movements, his mouth slightly open as though preparing to say something, but eventually he just closes his mouth and gives me one solid, slow nod. I return the motion, and watch him make his way out of the bar, leaving me with Ko-lee.
As he leaves the bar, I down the last mouthful of alcohol in my mug, before bringing it down on the table and glancing at Ko-lee. She's just staring at me, a vulpine look in her eyes. "Spot something interesting?" I say, a smirk on my face. She just grins right back. "Just admiring my handiwork," she says, her eyes running up and down my exposed arms. Over the last month, some actual muscle definition has started forming on my arms, something which I was inordinately pleased about. I had never had what could be considered muscle by any means; my entire family struggled with weight, and even as a kid I was a bit round shaped. Now, most people would give an odd look if someone tried to describe me as "soft". To be fair, I still had more body fat than the average Cetisian citizen, but the high protein diet mixed with daily heavy labor was really conducive in shedding pounds.
"Though the lack of variety is getting stale. Meat, meat, and more meat, with a handful of seaweed if I'm lucky. I'd kill for a Jamba Juice," I think. "Oh, I'm sorry, your handiwork?" I respond to Ko-lee, giving her a look of faux surprise. "That's crazy, actually. I thought I was the one who was putting in the hours. At best, you're the overseer." Our close proximity day in and day out has caused Ko-lee to start to learn some of my idiosyncrasies, such as my humor, and so she's quick to follow up on the bit. "Oh, management material?" she says, pretending to look thoughtful. "Oh, definitely. Don't worry, I won't let Jae know you're gunning for his position," I say, a conspiratorial edge to my words. "Wellll... if you take it slow and steady, and I'm impressed with you, I might just give you a promotion," she says, putting on imperious airs. "Take it off," I mutter, the words slipping out of my mouth in English, as I'm reminded of the song by FISHER.
She gives me something half way between a frustrated huff and a resolved sigh. "You know I don't know what you're saying," she says, rolling her eyes at me. I open my mouth, the familiar retort on the tip of my tongue, but the words die before leaving my throat. "Tell her," is the only thing that flashes through my mind. "You know," I say, lifting her up off my chest, "you're right. You don't know. And that's on me for not telling you." My impromptu speech has caught her attention, and even through the haze of alcohol, I can see her familiar intense focus, her gaze locked on mine. "How about tonight, I tell you everything." Her breath catches, her eyes widen, but she says nothing at my declaration, instead just nodding her head. I stand up, a soft smile on my face, and hold out my hand, pulling her to her feet. She pops up easily, but I don't let go of her hand, and we make our way out of the bar, heading back towards our room.
In both an hour and mere moments, Ko-lee and I are back in our room at Goldstone, both sat on the bed facing one another, her excitement bubbling to the surface. "Though, it's been bubbling this whole time. Which, my B. I've been playing my cards close to my chest. God I hope this goes well," I think, taking a deep breath. I raise both my hands in a placating gesture, my smile long having been erased from my face from the walk over. "I understand you're excited Ko-lee, but please, I want... I'm going to tell you, but please try to take it seriously. I... don't think you're gonna like this story," I say, trying my best to tamper her expectations. It works, sort of, as her excitement dims, but it's quickly replaced by confusion. "Wait, I won't like it? Why?" I can see dark thoughts cross her mind, and I'm quick to try to cut them off at the source.
"Not you, specifically Ko-lee. Just... anyone I'd tell this story to. I think it'd upset anyone," I say, before taking one more deep breath to steel my nerves. "So.. uhm. Context, I guess. You... know what a video game is, correct?" She's momentarily taken aback by how I choose to start, and she gives me a so-so hand wiggle, a confused look in her eyes. "I've never played one, but I know what they are." I nod my head before continuing. "So, I don't know what games are like here, but you get the general idea. Things meant for entertainment. Digital. That sort of thing. Back home I used to play this one game a lot. It was made by... uhm... I guess that's not really relevant, in any case. But yeah, they made this multiplayer game, one that anyone could connect to from around the world. And it had been around for a long time. It was... or, I guess, it is a live service game. That just means that they would keep changing the game. They'd add new stuff, tweak old things, so on."
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I can tell my explanation is leaving Ko-lee confused, but to her credit, she is completely silent while the words tumble out of my mouth. "So, yeah, a lot of stuff has happened in that game over the... I think 13 years? That the game has been around. It started out as this slower paced science fiction game set in space. You'd fight these factions of enemies, and it was pretty simple, but, over time, the main characters got more elaborate, and the abilities got flashier. They started moving faster, killing faster... the term is called scope creep." The words are flowing faster now, as though I need to say everything simultaneously, all at once. I need her to know all of it, all at the same time, and all I can do is transmit it through this limited, audible medium. Still, I press on, doing my best to get the words out as coherently as possible.
"So, anyways, the characters of this game started to become a bit like superheroes, the way they could jump around killing whole swaths of enemies in minutes. I got really into the power fantasy, and then they started coming out with all these updates that had this really cool story. It explained how you weren't these people in suits, but instead you were mentally controlling them because you were a traumatized kid from an accident like ten thousand years ago and you were conscripted into the military and then you got magic powers from a deal you made and you're going all over the solar system from Venus to Mars and Earth and you pull the moon out of the Void and you fight in a New War, like it was literally called New War and..." I can feel my throat tightening up, the silence in the room deafening.
Ko-lee has the patience of a saint though, and she just waits for the final, vital part of the puzzle she's aware she's missing. It's nearly a full minute before I'm able to speak the words. "That game that I played, in my hometown on Earth is called... Warframe." I see a multitude of expressions flash across Ko-lee's face, too quick for me to parse, but they settle on what is clearly denial. "So... you played a game about the Tenno, somewhere else on Earth? That's not much of a story," she says, her tone flat. "Right, so, let me tell you a bit about Earth. My Earth," I say, once again catching her attention. "I lived in a city called Beaverton, just off a river. For reference, a beaver is a small animal that dams up rivers, I don't think you have them. I lived a few miles from a city called Portland. That's port and land in Origin, very creative, I know. Portland is a city of bridges and skyscrapers, cubic structures of stone and glass, for living and working. Nothing all that impressive, mind you, only 500 feet tall or so, but they're packed tightly together."
"If you were to drive the miles of roads - paved smooth so that we can drive a days journey of walking in 20 minutes - to get from there to where I lived, it becomes what is called 'suburban'. That means less people, somewhere around only 80 thousand. A drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of the 8 billion people on the planet." I watch her expression oscillate between confusion and disbelief, with a tinge of fear running through it all. "I worked as a security guard," I continue. "Basically, I checked people's identification as they came in to a place of research. It was a very relaxed job. One day, after finishing that job, I drove home, and had a few drinks, planning on opening up my favorite game, Warframe. You see, there was an event going on at the time, called Dog Days, where Kela de Thaym got really high from a gas leak, and all the Tenno played water gun battles with her executioners. Each time you ran that mission, you'd get a handful of pearls you could turn into Nakak, over in Cetus." Every familiar term is like a spike, and I see her tense as I mention them.
"Instead, I didn't get the chance, as the drink that I had..." I feel something catch in my throat, and I stop speaking for a moment, desperately wishing I had some water. I do my best to clear my throat, and continue, "I think it killed me. I'm not entirely sure. There's... fiction about that sort of thing... but... anyways. When I woke up, instead of being in my room, at my desk, I was in the middle of a forest I didn't recognize. All I had on me was my security jacket from work, and my cellphone. And... well. You know what happened from there." There is silence. An uncomfortable, unfriendly silence, as my story is finished, and I wait for Ko-lee to respond. It screams at me to fill it, and repeatedly I crush the urge to speak, to ask questions, to push her into a response. Instead, I just bite my tongue and sit in it.
"So..." she says, the sound like aloe on burned skin, "you're telling me that you think this world is a... a video game? That you came from a different Earth? Where this, all of this is... fake?" "No!" I blurt out, and Ko-lee's eyes narrow as I quickly backtrack to explain. "I mean, yes, I came from a different Earth, where this was all fiction. But I don't think this world is a game. I'm very, very aware of how real this all is. But... yeah, Warframe is just entertainment. The Unum is just set dressing for the most part, Konzu an NPC with a handful of repeated lines, the Tenno the main characters who we fling around the maps spraying down thousands of identical enemies." She shakes her head, her eyes full of disbelief, of denial. "No... no, you had amnesia, or something. You-you... maybe you were Corpus, and you mixed up real life and a game you were playing or-" I stop her, grabbing her hands, but she flinches away as we make contact.
"Ko-lee, please, listen to me. The world I came from is not this one. This is not a joke, it was not amnesia. I swear I'm telling you the truth!" My voice feels strained, raw, like it's straining to fully impress upon her the truth of my words. "You have to be wrong!" she says, a note of panic in her voice. "I'm not wrong!" I say, I yell, I plead. "Listen to me, please! I know shit! Shit I couldn't have possibly known otherwise! I speak an entirely different language from everyone else! My brain is stuffed full of knowledge, of brainrot memes, of music, of pain, of JOY, OF LAUGHTER, OF SADNESS AND HATRED AND EMOTION OF A WORLD I NO LONGER HAVE ACCESS TO. A world where my wife is, where my boyfriend is. NOT. THIS ONE." I'm out of breath, I can't breathe, the room is small and cramped and she's not listening to what I'm saying even though I'm telling her the truth!
She stands, to move, to pace but there's nowhere to go, and she just ends up basically rotating on the spot. "I just..." she starts, then stops. She's at a loss for words. "Please," I beg, tears threatening to fall. "Please, Ko-lee. Love, please talk to me." I plead, over and over, but she just keeps shaking her head no, as though she can dislodge the ideas taking root in her mind. Her mouth opens, and closes, once, then again, then finally, she speaks. "I... I think I need some time. To process this." Her expression is cold, focused, the one I've seen a million times before, with only hints of panic in her breathing, in her glances. I feel my stomach turn, but I try to keep the grimace off my face. "Haha, makes sense," I say, my voice full of a mirth I do not feel. The tears are on the playbill, but they've yet to take stage, and I just focus on my breathing, in, and out, in, and out.
"I am... uhm. I'm gonna go see if that room is still open," she says. "I just, I need..." She doesn't tell me what she needs. Instead, she makes her way to the door, before opening it, and stepping out into the hall beyond. The door swings shut on its own, and the resounding thud hits me like a punch to the gut. I flop backwards onto the bed, the headliners finally making an appearance, as I scream my favorite obscenity into the pillow. "This fucking sucks," I think, my tears staining the sheet as I try to breathe. "I thought... I don't know what I thought. I mean, I guess I did. This is what I thought. That if she got it, if she understood, she'd freak. That's why I was putting it off. And now..." my thoughts trail off, and I try to put my finger on what my exact worries are.
"I'm worried because of our relationship. We're in the honeymoon phase, so this is a huge hit to the foundations. Nothing says, 'You mean a lot to me' like smashing someone's concept of reality. I don't... I don't want to lose her. As a partner, or a friend. I can't..." A sob escapes me unbidden, and I bite my lip in an attempt to prevent any others from making their presence known. "I don't want to be here. But I especially don't want to be here alone. I don't know what would happen to me. Of me." I sit there in bed for a moment more, feeling the buzz from the alcohol adrenaline mix wear off, and eventually, I get up to turn the light off, before trying, and failing, to get some rest.