Another moonless night, the black sky only littered with sparkling stars, each one happy to not be outshone. Without the moon, without Tsukuyomi, everywhere was plunged into darkness each night. And it was all my fault. I’d angered the moon deity.

Boots tapping across a stone bridge, echoing between the trees; the dark would not keep me from my goal. I passed over a stream gurgling, giggling at my misfortune; one slip and my boot crashed in, the water erupting into a burst of laughter. My foot sunk deep into mud, pulling me down and down until I wrenched myself away. I scrabbled around, arms out, feeling for anything to help pull me out. My fingertips grazed a rock and held enough, gripping tight, as I found my way out and back to the path.

Ahead, the trees surrounding me thinned out, the path widening and turning into a long staircase. Wet and muddy, I slowly made my way up the ancient steps, feeling the air around me changing. It was subtle at first, like an incoming storm, and my skin prickled. A few more steps and it was becoming impossible to endure.

I am not wanted here.

And yet, I continued.

My legs were heavy now, dragged down by the weight of the air, by my responsibility, by the sheer exhaustion I felt from doing this at every shrine. This was the seventh now, one for each of the phases of the visible moon. If this didn’t work…

“Please,” I begged, feeling close to the torii gate. Once I passed that, I’d be in the realm of the gods. “Let me in.”

I pressed onwards, panting with exertion. I had to make it through, had to talk to Tsukuyomi.

The torii gate loomed above now, the air hummed with magic. I was at the threshold of mortals and gods, ready to serve, as always. At least in this form.

Fire erupted in a crackling whoosh, the stone lanterns lining the steps now lit up brightly. I yelped, falling to my knees, and scrunched my eyes tight, blinded. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust, to see the shrine before me, welcoming and warm.

I didn’t waste time climbing the last of the steps, making my way up the steep hill to the highest part of the town. From the top I could see buildings sprawled out between the tree tops obscuring my view. This was a place of solitude, of reverence, not for us to look down on others.

“Tsukuyomi,” I called to the sky, “hear me, please.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry,” I continued. “I shouldn’t have killed him in your light. But you told me… I had no choice… I was exhausted, it was the perfect chance. I didn’t want to.” I added quietly, “I loved him.”

Silence.

“But I did it for you, so I could keep living. Just like you wanted.” I growled, “what more do you want from me? Show yourself! How many times must I do this?”

Silence.

I’d had enough of this, I wasn’t sure what else I could do. How did you get a god to listen?

Dejected, I sat down on the steps and rested. Every shrine had been the same, empty, the gods just out of reach. Did I keep going, or…

After a while I stood and walked to the first building, the haiden. It was small and adorned sparsely, the whole shrine showed signs of disuse, despite being in a large town. Before I stepped up, I stopped to bow to the two large komainu who guarded it, their lion-dog faces pulled into a snarl and watching me carefully. Holding my breath, I took tentative steps closer, hoping they’d let me past. So far I was safe. I dug into my pockets for a handful of koban, then slipped the money into the donation box. With two hands, I grabbed the thick rope and rang the bell, the clang calling out in the quiet, perhaps enough to stir the gods. Two bows, two claps, and I pressed my hands together in prayer.

Tsukuyomi, I am devoted follower after the gift you gave us. Please give us guidance, mercy, or even just a sign you are listening.

One final bow, and I was done.

I felt hollow, exhausted, and alone. It would be a long walk back.

With my heart still heavy, I started the descent. I could feel magic starting to ebb away from me, leaving me cold. The shrine’s sacred magic breathed a warmth into me that human magic didn’t. Here I didn’t need to hide my true nature, my true self. The gods could see right through me, not that I had anything to hide from them. They’d given me what I wanted, I wasn’t going to waste this chance.

The other gods… would they bless me instead? Perhaps Tsukuyomi’s siblings, Amaterasu or Susanoo. I’d felt their magic lingering at previous shrines, however they didn’t like him, why would they offer me help?

The last red torii gate still stood strong as I passed under, its colour muting in the dying light. The fire behind me flickered lower, until I was left in the dark once again. A magical emptiness in my chest reminded me I was back to normal, that I walked among the humans, ones I wasn’t the safest from right now. It had been three… four? weeks since I had killed, since I’d immersed my body in human magic to keep living like this. Every kill loosened my soul from my body, and being around humans made it harder to keep it attached. I needed isolation, to hide away and rest, but speaking to Tsukuyomi was my priority. Only after that would I allow myself to disappear.

Making my way back to the town was easier than my arrival, the shrine pushed me out, eager to get rid of me. Soon I found myself back at the ryokan I was staying at; I’d picked it for being the only inn without an onsen. The steaming water didn’t reach this part of town, and instead, it offered a room with a deep wooden bath. It didn’t take me long before I was soaking in it, washing away the pain of the shrine. It wasn’t as enjoyable as an onsen, but I hadn’t been able to enjoy it since that night.

The water was deliciously hot, just how I liked it. Sweat rolled down Ryoichi’s naked body, tempting. I followed the drops from his brow, caressing his body just how I wanted to. I shifted, straddling his lap and winding my arms around his neck. He looked up at me then, wide eyes and a growing smirk.

“Hotaka,” he had said, happy.

He thought he knew how the evening would end, how it should have ended.

Sweet confessions of poetic love, tainted with blood.

I miss him. It still hurts.

Maybe he’d taken a part of my soul with him. It would explain why it was looser than normal after a kill. I felt like I was falling apart, breaking into a thousand pieces.

After my bath I slipped into a navy blue yukata, leaving it slightly loose. The summer months were always tough on the skin, and despite not feeling the heat too much, I spent a lot of time sweating. A downside to a human body.

My stomach grumbled with hunger, and I cursed myself for staying out too late. I would need to return to the town for food as mealtime was long over at the ryokan. I quickly shoved my purse of koban into my obi and head for the door, stopping only to switch from slippers to wooden geta in the entranceway.

It was the sixth month of the year—I’d had to wait until nearly midnight for the sky to be dark enough to talk to Tsukuyomi—and the townsfolk still walked the streets full of energy. The streets were brimming with people, excited, ecstatic, the energy from them was palpable. They travelled in groups, families, all heading in the same direction. Part of me wanted to check them all for magic, the habit deeply ingrained after so long. My stores were full enough for now, but I could never be too careful. Without magic I couldn’t live like this, I probably couldn’t live at all. I’d been warned never to use it all and I’d taken it seriously.

For tonight, I didn’t have to find another mark. My mind was too full and his magic was serving me well enough. But not my stomach, which growled every louder.

“Please,” I grumbled under my breath. “I will find something soon.”

I followed the crowds towards the market in search of food stalls. Each person was without a care, happily buried in whatever thoughts they had. It was fascinating and confusing. The moon didn’t hang in the sky anymore. Did they not miss it? Are they not worried? Tsukuyomi did so much for them and their world. And yet here they were, laughing, playing, fanning themselves from the stuffy heat.

The smell of fish led me to a nearby stall where the owner stood behind a grill, cooking raw fish. Taking a selection, and two sticks of dango from the stall opposite, I stood enjoying the food and quelling the anger of my stomach. With the lingering taste of the sweet rice treat on my lips, I started to walk back to the ryokan until a booming thrum forced me to stop.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

I winced. I’d mistimed my visit here.

A second, third, fourth, wadaiko joined in, the drumming clear in the night. Somewhere, a new chorus joined in, flutes, the metal clang of atarigane, and a deeper drumming boom of oodaiko. Finally came the call of voices dokkoisho! Dokkoisho!

Heave ho! Heave ho!

The words only called during a festival.

I started to run, stopped only by the throngs of people heading towards me. I weaved around children jumping around excited, trying to get as far away as I could. Just a little further. It was hard not to feel the energy of the town as the festival began, even from here it lured me in, the beat wrapping around my soul. Such pure energy from humans, I couldn’t resist it. I felt my body protesting, wanting to join the festival. We hadn’t seen one in so long… surely just one night would be fine? Summer always had the best festivals, the almost magical atmosphere had surprised me at first. I’d never felt anything like it in the human world before.

I stopped. Again voices were calling dokkoisho! Dokkoisho!

The wadaiko were struck harder, in time with my heartbeat. I could see the men striking them in time with each other, their movements perfect. All the musicians played their part luring everyone closer. My feet followed effortlessly and I found myself swept along with the crowd. I could hardly move within the crush of people, but it wasn’t suffocating, I enjoyed the closeness. I felt part of something bigger than myself, bigger than Hotaka.

Mesmerised with everything around me, my voice joined with the return call, “dokkoisho! Dokkoisho!”

Now in a wider street, a new light surrounded me as bamboo poles filled with hundreds of lanterns passed us by. To the beat they were suddenly hefted upwards, swaying as the men carrying them rested poles on their shoulders. With another call they were raised higher, new poles adding to the bottom, the lanterns sailing higher into the moonless sky. The words slipped from my mouth. The sight of the golden lanterns struck me deep, each one like a moon of it’s own. Three, four times they were raised again until they filled the starry sky.

I called from my soul: dokkoisho! Dokkoisho!

The feeling was a balm for my heart. I’d been so caught up dealing with Tsukuyomi, I forgot why I wanted to be around humans in the first place. Their lives were short and they put all their energy into everything they did. War, love, sex, I’d experienced so much, and yet so little. With Hotaka we’d have a lifetime to consume it all.

Maybe there was more for us here than chasing after a god who didn’t want to listen. I needed to forget about Tsukuyomi, for a short while at least. Humans would provide as they always had. And if Tsukuyomi still doesn’t want to listen after… I would call out to Amerterasu or Susanoo. I’d done everything Tsukuyomi had said: I’d killed, I’d hunted down his enemies, and now he ignored me.

Perhaps I would even call for Ukemochi instead, they hated Tsukuyomi after he murdered them at a feast. Amerterasu had been furious at her brother for killing the deity of food for how they’d brought forth the food. I’d felt in the sky all those centuries before when the sun and the moon blazed and froze the air in their wrath. The poor humans below built many shrines after, praying each day for them to calm down.

I could offer Ukemochi information for advice, for help, for helping keep this body alive at all costs.

Allegiance counted for nothing when survival meant everything.

And I always survive.

“Do you hear that Tsukuyomi?” I growled. “I always survive.”

I snapped out of my thoughts as a new faster beat boomed deeper still. My soul wanted to be free once again, I could feel it fluttering in my core, loosening from the body. The spell of the night wanted to free my true self to all the people, to undo all that I’d worked for. How would anyone want to be around me if they knew the truth? I wanted their company not their fear. I’d spent too long watching them from afar for this to happen now.

They cannot see me.

I started to panic, I needed to escape, but I was caught in the dizzying trap of people and voices and the continual beat. It lulled me side to side, the vibrations resonating in my chest, warming my soul. There was no escape. My vision blurred. All I could see was swaying lights going back and forth then back and forth. I can’t escape.

Let it take you. I always survive.

*

Warm sun washed over my face as I lay awake contemplating the night before. Summer was always a problem for me, full of festivals and energy, it’d been no wonder I’d lost control. I should have known better. But, part of me was glad for it. I’d enjoyed the freedom, the warmth, and even the fear.

It had been many years since I had almost lost my soul like that, however I had been moving from battlefield to battlefield with Ryoichi for many years. There had been no time for something so grand. My soul had stayed rooted inside of me.

Instead my heart had loosened.

I pushed the thought away and yawned, stretching my limbs out and wiggling my neck, narrowly avoiding kicking someone in the head. I’d woken in a pile of snoring bodies, all revellers from the night before. I had no clue how I had arrived here, nor would I be able to find out, as I planned to sneak away while they ate. I didn’t trust myself fully around them, I was barely holding onto my soul and one slip of the tongue could ruin it all.

Floating in the morning air came the sound of a koto, the melodic strings plucking a lonely song. I found tears in my eyes and the need to find the one playing it. Who could be lamenting at such a time, with the sun shining and the day just beginning?

I lazily climbed out of the futon and rearranged my creased yukata, tucking it tighter into the obi. A clink of coins let me know my koban hadn’t been stolen, thankfully. I sniffed myself, the lingering smell of sweat permeated the fabric; I was close to begging for a wash before going anywhere. How could bodies smell so fast?

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

Nobody stirred as I stepped over them to exit, feet planting between flailed arms and legs. I’d find clean clothes later, perhaps throw myself in the river on the way back. Through empty rooms and hallways I walked following the sound, peering round each corner, hoping to find my mystery koto player.

“Ohayo,” came the sleepy good morning as a short man passed me.

“Ohayogozaimasu,” came the upbeat calls from maids as they ushered me out of the kitchen I’d wandered into.

Sliding open another door, I found my way to the outside. A small courtyard is where I found her, the koto player, practising in sunbeams. Her eyes never moved from the wooden instrument, her deft fingers plucking the strings with experience. I’d tried to play once before, lounging around in Ryoichi’s bedroom, watching him trying to master the strings. He had a terrible ear for melodies and the screeching of bad notes became unbearable at times, but now it brought a smile to my face. It was a memory I treasured, and didn’t deserve to keep.

I made my way towards her, kneeling down to listen as the song progressed, the notes falling sadder and sadder. Tears stained my yukata darker as they dropped into the fabric against my will, blossoming out. Slowly, the notes faded into a stop, leaving me tear-stained and empty.

“That was beautiful,” I breathed, wiping the last tears away with my sleeve.

Humans were incredible.

“I was hoping you would enjoy it,” came a rich voice. “I played it for you.”

I froze. “For me?”

One finger on the koto string, she slid a screeching note. “Obake.”

Despite my fear I raised my eyes to hers hoping I’d misheard, but her eyes bore into mine, bypassing the flesh, reaching into my being. How does she know?

I forced a laugh. “Obake? Why are you calling for shapeshifters? I don’t—”

Smack. Standing, she swooped a hand towards me, palm smacking my forehead, jolting my magical senses. Instantly I could sense the magic around me, and she was surrounded in it. Black tendrils emanated from her small body, though it was unlike the magic of humans. I hadn’t felt this before. Humans had purple magic, only when concentrated was it so black. The hairs on my neck stood on end.

Shifting sideways away from her reach, I shoved her arm away and scrambled to my feet.

“I can sense you, like all yokai,” she called, watching me carefully. “So which are you? Kitsune? Bakeneko? You feel like a cat spirit but I see no tail.”

Me, a cat spirit? I tamped down the anger forming. How dare she compare me to such things. I was much more than that.

A smirk formed as she stood there in the golden light, short black hair held back by a sakura adorned clip, her kimono in a similar pattern. There was nothing dangerous about her looks at all and yet every sense was screaming at me to run.

“You have nothing to fear from me, I am here to help you.”

“Didn’t you know calling for yokai is bad luck.”

Kneeling, her fingers returned to the strings, a tune plucked hastily and my chest surged and pulled me back closer to the koto. I gritted my teeth as my feet stepped closer, betraying me once again.

“Your soul is loose,” she said, looking me up and down. “A bad weakness. I saw you last night too, the lights grew brighter around you, the calls louder. If it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have woken up in safety.” Her fingers moved from the koto and settled in her lap. “See, I won’t use this now. You may leave if you wish, or you can listen to me.”

Free from her spell, I hastily turned my back on her, hurrying out of the courtyard before she could call me back. How dare she use such magic on me, to say such things. I didn’t believe a word, couldn’t believe it. No person could have such power.

Unless she wasn’t human.

She certainly wasn’t a god at least, she didn’t know my true form. I could never hide that from the gods.

Rushing back through the hallways finding the main door, I dodged the newly awoken people, never looking back, instead heading on and on. I need to keep going. Always forwards.

There was never anything for me looking back. I learnt that the hard way.

The streets were mostly empty in the morning sun, remnants of the festival still lingered and the people cleaning were full of life. I half expected more calls of dokkoisho to ring in the air. At first I thought this place was relaxing, the feel of the festival air and the happiness of the people, but it was a false sense of security. It always was. It had clouded my mind and made me weak.

I couldn’t risk going back to the ryokan, wondering how much I’d been watched all this time. I would have to leave my belongings behind for now. Staying around humans was still risky, especially if there were more like her out there. But where could I go?

My mind turned to the shrine, quiet and unused. If I could slip into the forest, I might be able to stay hidden and figure out a better plan. It would have to do for now. I would beg the gods for protection if it came to it.

I was fairly confident finding my way around the this town, I had only been here for a few days, but after you visited many towns, they all began to look and feel the same. Even the shrines looked similar, tucked away in secluded areas. They felt different, however, and I could tell which gods had visited each shrine. I had to open my magical sense to see the marks left behind by their presence, Tsukuyomi’s was obvious to me now, a cold white magic hanging around in wisps. Amaterasu’s was the opposite, a golden aura which surrounded the whole shrine.

The trees around the shrine were as tall and imposing as last time, and I pleaded under my breath for them to let me past this time. I hurried out of sight, rushing along the stone path, careful to avoid the water this time. Unlike last time, my magical sense was open, my forehead still tingling from the attack earlier. I scanned around for any telltale signs of gods, the splash of even the tiniest colour, and yet nothing. No magic of theirs remained, staining the air. My stomach twisted in worry. Even in the abandoned shrines out in the country signs of the gods still lingered, brought to life by prayer. This was the first time it’d been clear.

Running up the steps, I stopped at the torii gate and pressed my hand to it. There was still a kind of magic here, I could feel the change from mortal to gods realm.

“They won’t come here,” a voice said from behind me. I spun to find the koto player watching me. “You might be in their realm, but they don’t want to listen. Not after what you’ve done.”

How did she sneak up on me?

I let go of the torii gate and continued up the steps. I wasn’t going anywhere near her. Instead I’d have to try to contact the gods.

“Wait.” Her steps were hurried as she followed. “I’m sorry, I was too excited. I’ve only ever met small yokai before. I truly don’t mean to hurt you. My name is Ayane.”

I ignored her and kept going, each footstep heavier than the last. She could say whatever she liked. I was not going to trust her. Her words, however, were concerning. They don’t want to listen. To me or everyone? At the top of the steps I stopped. What if she knows more?

“Why?”

“Why?” Ayane paused a few steps from the top and shrugged. “Gods can be fickle. Even the smallest thing can set them off. But for you,” slowly she walked closer to me with an intense stare, “you killed so many, plenty of their favourites. I don’t even need to be told because your soul reeks of it. You’ve visited all the shrines in this area trying to contact them. None of them have listened, but they know you’ve been calling. Why should they help you?”

“How—”

Ayane smiled and ran off to the haiden, stopping at the donation box to pray. I glanced around the area sensing for any magic, or any indication the gods were listening to her, but again, silence.

Before I could move, my blood ran cold. Bright light submerged the shrine leaving me breathless and vulnerable. The power washed over me, overwhelming, powerful, nothing like I’d felt before. I couldn’t resist the feeling tearing at my soul. Looser and looser still, I flailed trying to hold on to even the thread of something to keep me grounded. And then it was over.

“Are you still alive?” asked Ayane, her voice somewhere nearby.

Was I?

I tried opening my eyes but my body wouldn’t listen. A chill ran down me, the only feeling to let me know I was actually alive in some form.

“Ukemochi has heard you calling to Tsukuyomi over and over, and she wants to bless you. But we know you would fight it. You’ve been running and hiding amongst the humans for so long that’s all you know how to do. Ukemochi says Tsukuyomi has betrayed you, deceiving and leaving you to fend for yourself all this time. Sky gods are all the same.”

As I lay there, my body barely registering what was happening, I could begin to feel my soul being wrenched away. The wavering tones washed over me, the tune finally releasing me from Hotaka’s body.

“Ah, so that’s what you are.” Ayane’s voice lingered close. “Not a cat spirit at all. Ukemochi can use you for sure. Be sure to thank them.”

What?

The koto slowed, the deep vibrations plucking away the last of me. Weightless. I soared into the skies and felt like I could breathe, that all the weight I’d been carrying had been lifted. When I opened my eyes finally, the world came alive. Colours, bright and vivid, splashed over everything I saw. The shrine once full of greys and browns now shone red and orange.

I’ve… missed this.

Hands now wings, humans now tiny specks from the sky above. There on the stone lay the body which had been ours. Hotaka. Black hair spilled, skin now paled and no breath was drawn. Soon it would be too late. There was no returning. It’d been painful enough the first time, abandoning the great form of the vermillion bird—the suzaku. I’d ripped myself into feathers and fallen to the world below, taking the dying body beneath me, merging my everything with him. Together we’d become Hotaka. Together we’d roamed the country. Together we’d killed to survive.

“Suzaku.”

I tore my eyes from my dying body—Hotaka’s dying body—to see the voice that commanded me. Their presence hit me first, a nourishing warmth, making me feel sated and at peace, if only for a moment.

“You’re a long way from home here, aren’t you?” The presence formed a figure, a woman in a flowing green kimono floating in the skies beside me. “Did you dislike the south?”

“I… don’t remember,” I answered, trying to recall all those years ago. “I remember seeing them, the humans, I wanted to be with them, see them close up.”

I looked down to the ground, to where Hotaka lay, already missing the feel of being down there.

“Of course, humans are intriguing creatures. Ayane has told me about you, brought you here to me.” They pulled a fan from their emerald obi and pointed it at me. “I have returned you to this form. Isn’t that better? There’s no use hiding down there. If you want our attention, this is how you do it, not in some stolen body.”

I growled, “I did not steal a body, it was given to me.”

Without me, Hotaka would have died.

I faced the figure. “Who are you?”

“I am Ukemochi. I released you from that human prison. I know you wanted to speak to Tsukuyomi, but he will not hear you, he is far from here.” They approached, hand running across my vermillion feathers, caressing them with delicate fingers. I was frozen by their magic surrounding me.

“You did as he said, you’ve been living off the energy of other humans,” they continued, He misled you, however. That is why you have killed.” Ukemochi’s voice chilled. “Did you really think you could kill all our followers and get away with it? You’ve been as bad as him, the cruelness seeps into you as well. I should shatter your spirit here and now.”

No! Hotaka needs me.

How long had he been without breath now? How much longer could he last?

I tried to pull from Ukemochi, reaching for Hotaka. Perhaps my magic could reach him, keep him safe until we combined again.

Hotaka. The only time I felt like I had true freedom, sharing his body, his senses, his experiences with the world. The sky was a lonely place, down here I’d experienced love, hate, and being surrounded by thousands of souls.

“Suzaku,” Ukemochi called. “You will not reach that body. You say you it was given, but did the others ask to be killed? You stole from them, all of them.”

“He said it was how I would survive,” I hissed back, recalling the words Tsukuyomi had said: If you want to live in the human world, you must have magic. Some humans have magic, it grows largest at death, take it.

Ukemochi scoffed, “he lied. If that were the way then all humans would be dead, or would fear us. He spurns anything he hates and fears, he spurns you now as much as me. I created a feast for him, and he murdered me. You feasted, and he ignores you. Such an irony.”

I pulled away from Ukemochi, trying to get a distance from their words. It couldn’t be true. Why would he lie to me if he let me have this?

“Suzaku, you cannot keep carrying on killing. I feel the fire within you, but with each death the other gods notice you more and more. Soon they will order your death.” They smiled, emanating warmth once again. “Ayane has told me about you, we can help, find a new way of life for you.”

“But Hotaka—”

“—must die. Your merging with the human causes too much chaos. You will kill again.”

“You would let another human die then?”

“One life to save yours, I think that is suitable. He would have died eventually anyway, that’s why you picked him, isn’t it?”

I stared at them. How much did they know? How much did any of them know? Could they see into my mind even now? See how I’d seen Hotaka, broken and alone, crying out to anyone who could hear him. Rain fell on his dying body and I’d wrapped him in my wings, giving him a chance at life.

He lay dying now, out of my reach, lips tinged blue. Moments more and death would take him forever. I hadn’t saved him for this, to die at a shrine after having me ripped away. Was he in pain? We’d never been this close to death before. We’d always escaped. He can’t escape this.

“I will not forsake him.”

“Suzaku,” Ukemochi growled, eyes blazing in fury. “He is dead. You will be dead. I will shatter you across the skies so that you’ll never be found.”

They’re scared... scared of me? I cannot tell who is lying.

“Tsukuyomi!” I cried, pouring all my soul into the call. “Hear me.”

The sky shone bright in the morning, when Tsukuyomi was his weakest. How could he hear me?

What if…

I spread my wings wide, spreading each feather as far as it could go, blanketing the sky in a red darkness. Perhaps it would be enough, it had to be.

Ukemochi scanned the skies, iron fan now open and striking at my feathers. And yet I still held, even as I watched my feathers break away, falling down to the shrine below in tattered pieces. I would withstand this until the end if I had to. I placed my trust in Tsukuyomi, if he lied then I hoped Ukemochi would deal with him. Me however…

A screech passed my beak as the blood-splattered blades hit deep, but I still persevered.

“Tsukuyomi,” I cried once more with the last of my faith, wailing throughout the sky.

Ukemochi’s attack continued relentlessly, close to breaking my being.

In the last shred of my darkness, a light formed, dusty white, barely illuminating the darkness. From it stepped a haggard man, frail and cold. He looked weaker than when I’d seen him before, eyes sunk into his greying skin and strands of silver hair barely holding on. A white kimono swamped his thin body.

“You listened,” I said, astonished.

Tsukuyomi stared blankly around him, not registering the world around him. What is going on? What have they done to you?

“You,” he whispered, chilled voice haunting, finger pointing towards Ukemochi. “I killed you. You planned to poison the gods.”

Ceasing the attack on me, Ukemochi turned to Tsukuyomi. “I did no—”

“The feast for Amaterasu, the food brought forth from your mouth—”

“See how he lies, even now,” Ukemochi crooned, returning to my side. “The gods have been punishing him, that’s why he’s so weak.”

I didn’t understand.

“Suzaku,” Tsukuyomi called. “I need your faith, as always.”

“I’m here.”

“No,” Ukemochi growled, hands reaching for my broken wings once more.

Crack.

The darkness faltered. My wing drooped as searing pain flooded, blood now gushing, and feathers fell in clumps below. I cried and screeched and yelled as I saw it in Ukemochi’s hands, ripped from my body. Broken shards lanced crimson stained feathers, I called magic to keep me in the air, the last of my reserves. Ukemochi grappled me again, and I thrashed until another crack rang through my body. I was not strong enough to best a god.

Only a god can defeat a god.

“Hotaka,” I called beneath me, flailing to stay airborne anyway I could, hoping he could hear me. “Hotaka, listen. The other gods must know this. Remember when you wake...”

My magic failed. Chest hollow. Mind numb.

Down and down I fell, spiralling into a fast plummet. The shrine sped into my vision until I landed, spirit shattering on the stone. Hotaka’s body lay beside me, last breath drawn too long ago.

I have to tell them all.

“Tsuku—”

Spirit broken, soul shattered, body cold. I cried with the last of my being, hoping it’d be enough, hoping there was a way out of this. Vision blurring, the light of the sun burning strong, I felt myself fading away.

But, I always survive.