The land below looked so small from here in the heavens; mountains, rivers, trees, all smaller than the length of my fingers. All the seas and oceans I could fit into my sake cup. And the people, I could fit hundreds of them in my palm. My sister, the sun goddess, had promised me that all I saw was a glimpse from up here, and to see the true beauty I needed to go down and look. I wanted to, I really did, but up here was safe.

Up here other gods could intervene if something went wrong. When.

Then Amaterasu promised me nothing would go wrong, but a turbulent feeling sat in my stomach gaining intensity each day. The third promise my sister made to me was that our brother, the moon god Tsukuyomi, was a coward and should he be seen again, she’d banish him away. And, of course, that made me more curious what happened between them.

I knew little of my brother who only slipped out of hiding when Amaterasu rested. Sometimes I felt his pull as I moved the great waters below, and together we created a rhythm on the beaches. The water pulled up high, and then returned out to the depths, and then back again. Like a deep sigh over the world.

A real one escaped my lips. As much as I loved my sister, and all my siblings, Amaterasu could be difficult and was easy to anger. Her fight with our brother happened long before I arrived and she wouldn’t speak of him further than his existence. In frustration, I’d gone to our mother to ask questions and she whispered: Susanoo, my son, go down to lands below and search for him and ask. I won’t risk Amaterasu’s anger, she’ll hide away again.

At first I thought it another attempt to encourage me to go see the lands; she’d done that before pointing out paddies of rice now full of water and telling me to see how my water helped keep them alive. I’d even started the journey, and stopped halfway through the descent. My chest tightened, a wave of anger and fury washed over me, drowning me until I lost control. I watched helplessly as rain fell, the light drizzle turning to heavy drops. Somehow I’d woken up in my soft futon, unsure how I’d even made it back. And since then, I’d never left the heavens, even for a moment.

One day, I keep telling myself, over and over. I would be ready, one day. And then on that day, the humans would not be able to fit into the palm of my hand, and I would know all the mysteries that I wondered as I watched them. Why did they spend so much time laying down at night? What food did they consume? I wanted to learn, truly. I was just afraid of hurting them again. And I couldn’t show them that. What god is afraid, really.

One with many secrets to hide. How much longer can you keep me a secret, Susanoo? I am mighty and strong and you, you are weak. You cannot calm me or keep me locked away in your chest. A soul should be free, and one day I will be free of you.

I reached to my head and cradled my forehead in a hand. I am weak, it was right. When no-one was around I now heard whispers, a voice calling tinged with the anger I’d felt before. I knew I should tell Amaterasu or even my mother and father, but I didn’t—couldn’t—admit that the pacifying rites had possibly failed. Who fails the rites? I’d never heard of another god doing so.

When I had been created, my wild soul—the Ara-Mitama—had been in control. All gods started with theirs fierce and violent, until calmed. Without it, a god couldn’t function fully, only destroy. With Amaterasu’s help we’d worked through rite after rite to calm mine; days passed of dousing my body in flame and water, ending in deep meditation, until I truly awoke. My eyes had opened and all that remained of my soul was the tranquil side—the Nigi-Mitama. To finish, we’d continued pacifying and worshipping the Nigi-Mitama, until Amaterasu said it was complete, that full control was mine and I was ready to see the world. But deep in my heart something felt wrong, a stirring barely noticeable. And now…

Now you can’t pretend I am not here. Because here I am, Susanoo.

Guilt tugged at my insides, chewing and churning. I would deal with my Ara-Mitama myself. Somehow. For now, I opted with ignoring the voice, pushing it away with meditation. I would beat it into submission if that didn’t work, fighting it with my every being until only quietness reigned in my mind.

There is only the Nigi-Mitama.

Of course there is.

Night began to fall down on the human world; my sister’s glow waned and instead my brother would take her place. Tonight the moon would curl into a thin crescent, like a blade pinned to the blanket of the sky.

Tsukuyomi. What if he knew other rites? Perhaps he could quell the Ara-Mitama, or at least go through them again. I could ask him at least, surely? I didn’t want to risk asking Amaterasu. She’d glowed with pride and love when we had finished the rites. Would she be angry with me if she knew it hadn’t worked? Would she banish me too? Her temper bursting free… I could imagine it now, her standing beautiful, long black hair coiled up and fastened with golden hairpins, and a face of fury. Or would she lock me away, fearful of what my Ara-Mitama could do. Amaterasu would do anything to protect the humans before me. They were defenceless, whereas I… I should be whole.

You should let me free. I could show you your true power. I will one day, you can’t push me away forever.

Amaterasu would have entered the heavens now, the inky black sky was devoid of her light. She always retreated to the onsen on her return, if I was going to talk to Tsukuyomi, now would be my best chance.

I stood from my viewing window and paced the room. The tatami mats beneath my feet stole any sound until I brushed against the edge of the golden byobu screen, knocking it over with a loud crash. My nerves really were getting the better of me. I slowly stood the screen up and looked at the pattern; upon the gold backing lay a river painted in the deepest blue. Above it crossed a sakura in full bloom, the delicate pink petals barely clinging on to the branches. My mother, Izanagi, had gifted it to me in attempt to persuade me to go down to Yamato and look at real sakura. One day, I planned to take a real branch and gift it to her.

The sooner I sort this mess, the sooner I can do it.

I would search out Tsukuyomi.

There was no harm in asking some questions, at least. I wouldn’t tell him of my predicament, I would never admit to anyone my failings, however perhaps I could make him let slip advice that would save me.

First though, I needed to be presentable for a first meeting. I’d been sat watching the world in a simple blue kimono, one that reminded me of the seas. I summoned fresh clothing, a kimono the colour of the deep seas covered in silver embroidery; curved lines echoed the crashing waves and thick sea foam. Finally, I slipped a haori over my kimono; the thinner jacket coloured the bright blue of a calm ocean.

Admittedly, I was a little nervous. What would my brother be like? My mother spoke briefly of his beauty and cruelty; she missed his presence dearly. Would he listen to my words or cast me away? I would also need to find somewhere to meet him, knowing he’d come nowhere near the heavens. Did he live all the way out there on the moon? I wasn’t sure.

I looked down at Yamato. If I was truly doing this, I had to go down there. A brief appearance just to call Tsukuyomi, nothing more. And if the Ara-Mitama tried to take over again, I’d come back. The humans were curled up asleep in their tiny houses so the risk of hurting them was small. The rain would only help the crops and become a blessing.

Steeling myself, I left my room and walked down the hallway to the door. Just like the castles below, the heavens were made up of castles and gardens filled with wide sparkling ponds. I thought it was enough to stay up here, but the perfect beauty of our creations was nothing compared to the imperfect humans. My mother had started smashing bowls and fixing them after seeing the humans doing the same.

I continued out of the door and out onto a well worn road. All I had to do was follow it to the edge and I was free. It was easy, gods did it all the time. It was only me struggling.

The path ended too soon and my sandals brushed the edge of the heavens. I was in control, this was my choice, and I wouldn’t be long at all. I had to keep reminding myself to stop the fear of last time paralysing me.

One more step and I was free, I’d done it, I’d finally left the heavens. Now to descend to Yamato and seek out Tsukuyomi.

Grey clouds covered the sky, I could feel the water building up ready to rain. One little push and I could send it forth right now, as easy as breathing. I pushed down through the clouds, catching my breath as the ocean unveiled. In the thread of moonlight, the calm waters glittered, only the waves broke the illusion near the coast. As I approached I could hear them, crashing and sighing, crashing and sighing. The lulling sound pulled at my Nigi-Mitama, and all I could feel was calmness. The pull increased as I landed on the beach; my feet crunched on the damp sand and I sunk into the softness, filling my sandals.

I was in control, my Nigi-Mitama was appeased. Everything was fine.

How had I never come down to see this?

I wanted to run my hands through it, touching the beauty that I reigned over. Now that I was down here getting closer, I felt like I’d never seen something so wondrous before. I knew the waters ran deeper and deeper into inky blackness filled with many creatures, from great whales and gigantic squid to tough round turtles.

The air was silent, no wind or birds called out into the sky, only the water continuing its sighing song.

Slipping off my sandals, I walked out ankle deep into the cold water, letting it soak into the hems of my kimono. The fabric clung to my skin, embracing me with a chilled wetness.

When Amaterasu had explained to me our parents wishes, for me to take care of the seas, I thought the far view was all I needed. To push and pull the water with my fingers all at once. Never would I have imagined that down here I could touch the water, feeling the movements, the soft embrace.

You can feel the power deeper here. You shouldn’t have waited this long to visit. You could have known sooner. These small waves are nothing compared to what I can do. What we can do. Waves can grow larger, crash harder, wash away all the evil trying to take root in the country. I’ve seen them through your eyes. Humans that do as they wish, ignoring the advice bestowed by the gods. Do you think they all listen to you? The weak god who hides up in the heavens? They haven’t seen your true might, the reason why not to anger the god of the sea.

I stepped out further into the water, half of my own volition, until it sat around my hips like a cosy blanket.

Or passionate lover. It feels good, doesn’t it?

It did feel good, I had to admit to myself. I wouldn’t voice it to my Ara-Mitama but I felt like she already knew.

Oh, Susanoo, of course I know. You can’t hide anything from me. I know you better than yourself, I was there when we were born. I am the true form.

Come, let’s be strong again. You want to be strong, don’t you?

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Around me the water swelled and pulsed, dragging away from the shore with a hiss.

Susanoo?

I knew I shouldn’t stay, that I should return the to the heavens, but the allure of the water pulled me in deep, drowning my senses until all I felt was the cold water surrounding me. We were one.

Waves slapped the earth harder now, rolling up onto the beaches and spraying up grass topped cliffs. Stone crumbled down, powerless to resist the water, to resist me.

We are the most powerful.

Something loosened deep inside, a long aching power bubbling up to the surface.

I have the power to do this, to break the land to my will. The soft rivers of water may flood and fill the lands with life but out here I could take it away with ease.

Water can roll down the beaches, deeper in land, washing away anything that tries to stop you. Homes can be toppled, shrines broken, and all will know the ferocity of Susanoo. Nobody will call you weak then.

I am not weak.

Inside my chest the crumbling walls fell with mirthful laughter. The Ara-Mitama had control. It was time to destroy.

I am Susanoo, god of the seas, god of the raging storms that will snuff the life of every fisherman daring to steal from me. And all will know my name.

The grey clouds thickened, muting the skies; wind followed after, stirring the ocean further, agitating the energy inside it.

“You will never forget my name,” I called out over the waves. “Susanoo.”

From the darkest depths came a deep rumble, waking even the oldest swathes of sea.

“See how the earth even listens to me!”

The crashing waves pulled back now, further and further and further still. I stood on bare sand, soaking, laughing. It wouldn’t be long now, the swollen sea birthing a new name for their lips.

Susanoo. Susanoo. Susanoo.

It was time. One simple thought and onwards the water began marching towards the coast, increasing its pace the closer it got. It submerged me with its cold power; I revelled in the energy surrounding me, fuelling my strength and desire.

Pushing upwards, I raised myself out of the deep waters so I could see the devastation. High waves rushed the shore, breaking anything standing in its way. Never stopping. I would topple the forests, drown the rivers and lakes in seawater, and reduce mountains to gravel. There was only one victor in this battle.

But this wasn’t enough, no, this was only the beginning. Around me the grey clouds loosened their hold on the cold rain, dropping it hard and fast. Winds picked up, whipping and snapping the air back and forth.

Somewhere I could hear screams, muffled only a second later.

Listen to them, crying out. Fearing you, fearing us. Soon they won’t leave their houses out of fear, pleading to us for help. And we shall help, we will send them lashings of wind and rain until they drown. Their lands will become mud and sticks and even Izanami and Izanagi won’t be able to help them. Such a strong son they birthed. You just needed my help to find it.

I followed the sounds, curious to see what our power had achieved. I travelled back through the air, heading inland. Muddied water ran across the remains of fields; ripped trees lay bare, their roots fanned in the wind. Destruction wrought the lands, nothing could stop the sea, nothing could stop me.

A call. A scream for help.

I turned to its source, a woman clinging onto a broken fence jammed between two trees which held to the land with all their might.

“Help me,” she cried, scrambling to stay afloat.

I stared at her, fingers digging, clawing onto anything for safety. The cold water sapped her energy. She would not last long at all.

She should know our name. Beg us for life.

“Please, whoever you are, save me.”

I paused. She saw me even from here? I moved closer, watching carefully. Black long hair stuck fast to bared skin, her kimono long gone and ripped from her body. Fear pooled in her wild eyes, begging for rescue.

I did this.

We did this.

Silence. Her exhausted body unable to hold on any longer. She slipped under the fierce currents in the blink of an eye.

Another feeling clawed inside of me, chewing me up and sending shudders up my spine. I couldn’t watch any longer. Diving into the turbulent water, I sensed for the last drop of life being pushed and pulled around. Nothing. She was out of my reach, out of my control.

No! I am god of the seas! Water, send her body to me.

The currents changed, swirled back and forth, receding until I stood ankle deep in mud, and a body floated on the remainder of water. I waded through the thick mud until I stood before her, hoping it wasn’t too late, but her breath was still and her lips were blue like a blooming chrysanthemum.

I did this.

We did this.

I scooped her lifeless body into my arms and pushed away from the land until we flew through the sky. Further and further, I scanned for land where the water did not touch. Drowned fields filled the landscape, broken houses, submerged shrines. I’d done everything we’d hoped to achieve but… it did not feel right.

Nearby, a small mountain climbed out of the water, defying my power, but providing the safety I needed. Darkness shrouded us from view as we travelled and lowered into the sparse landscape below. I stopped us on a grassy ridge overlooking the lands, placing her down gently. But she didn’t awaken. I removed my blue haori and wrapped it around her naked body.

“You can awaken now, you are safe.”

Silence.

Your naivety knows no bounds, stupid Susanoo. She won’t awaken, never again.

She’s dead? But…

What did you expect? You are just like a kappa! You drowned them all! How many villages just lost their lives because of you?

Me? But…

It wasn’t my power that stole their breath.

Pain lanced my chest. My Ara-Mitama clawed at anything she could, eager for a final escape, to silence my Nigi-Mitama and control me completely. She had tricked me!

“No more death.” I growled. “No more water. Recede back to the oceans, be still and calm once more.”

I needed to fix everything. What would my brother say if he saw? Had he already seen the destruction? Would he even help me if I asked for his help?

Taking the hand of the dead lady, I sent forth my energy, trying all I could to revive her. I wasn’t sure if my abilities would work like this, but, I had to try. Anything to bring her back to life. I couldn’t save them all but maybe I could save her. After a few moments warmth flooded her body once more, and her tired muscles continued to work. A sigh, a cough, and she rolled over, spitting up dirty sea water.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” I asked, ready to try and heal again.

Her eyes widened, registering her state of undress and my presence, and she pulled the haori tighter around her body.

“Where am I?”

“Away from all the water, you are safe now.”

Laying back down on the grass, she curled up; I could sense exhaustion from her small body.

You should make her beg for saving her!

“Thank you,” she said feebly. “But what of my family? Did you rescue any others?”

“No,” I said quietly. “Just you.”

“Only me?” She let out an anguished cry and buried her face in her hands. “What did I do to deserve this?”

You’ve learnt the power of Susanoo now. You should be thankful.

I frowned.

They won’t defy us now. A laugh erupted from my Ara-Mitama and I tried to ignore it.

“Nothing,” I said, hollow. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Guilt pulled at the fibres of my heart. What had I done?

I stood up. “I should go and look for others.”

“And leave me alone?” The woman scrambled over, hands grabbing at my legs. “Don’t leave me alone in this dark place.”

I couldn’t stay here, I had to go do something to help. To make up for all I’d done.

I looked to the skies, to where the moon hung brightly. “Tsukuyomi,” I called. “Hear me. Please.”

“You call for the gods? They sent this, why would they help?” The woman held on tighter, the haori slipping back open. “I prayed for help and even more water came.”

Soft moonlight spilt over the grass in front of me and grew brighter, wider. I turned to see a pair of red sandals setting down gently. He was clothed in a black kimono and silver obi, simple but beautiful. The woman’s eyes widened and she bowed immediately.

“Susanoo.”

His voice held a presence I’d not heard since my father’s voice. I flinched, unable to look at him any longer. He had to know what I’d done.

“You should have called me earlier, before all this,” he said sternly.

“I know,” I admitted. “There are many things I wish to speak to you about. But this woman doesn’t want to be alone. I rescued her, brought her back to life, and I cannot stay here while others need my help.”

Tsukuyomi knelt down in the grass and lightly touched her head. A red kimono bloomed upon her skin, covering her bare skin in finery.

She gasped, marvelling the fine material. “What? I cannot accept this—”

“A blessing,” Tsukuyomi said. “A beautiful woman such as yourself should only wear the best in my moonlight.”

“Thank you, thank you,” she cried, bowing once again.

I bowed my head to my brother. “Thank you... brother.”

Black eyes stared into me, past my own, deep into where my Ara-Mitama lay, angry and howling for an escape.

“You are incomplete, brother,” he said, voice betrayed a sliver of anger. “Leave this place and pacify your Ara-Mitama. No more should suffer because of you.”

I stared at the ground, admonished. I nodded. “But what of—”

“I will do what I can. Amaterasu will dry the lands with her light.”

“She will be angry…”

“As she should,” Tsukuyomi hissed. “Now go.”

The guilt pulled deep within me. How many had died this night because of me? I didn’t want to face my sister either, when she awoke to light up the world.

Leaving them both behind, I hurried away, running down the mountainside. Maybe the gods couldn’t see me if I stayed on the ground. Branches clawed at my kimono and pulled at my hair until both hung loose, flapping in the wind. I kept running further through muddy fields and waterlogged roads until my feet sunk deep into sand. The seawater was returning to the ocean now, receding further and further as I had told it. I stared into the dark waters. There was one place I could go, where my brother and sister couldn’t see, where the humans wouldn’t notice my absence, and I could take my Ara-Mitama away from them all. The Dragon Palace. Down in the murky depths lay the radiant palace made of rainbow shells, graced by the beautiful Oto-hime. I would ask her for permission to stay, and not return to the surface until I was whole again.

I wasn’t quite sure where the palace lay in the seas, as I’d never been before, but I could feel its presence. I would keep looking until I found it. I owed it to everyone. And then when I returned I would bless all those who needed it; I’d bring fish for feasts and rain for crops, the villages would be rebuilt by my own hands. My heart would stop breaking for the pain I caused.

You think you can get rid of me, Susanoo? Destruction is in your nature, I just make you stronger. You can try every rite the gods know, and I will stay right here.

Ignoring her, I stepped deeper into the cold waters and let it pull me down and down until even Tsukuyomi’s moonlight couldn’t touch me any more.