“Excuse me, most refined gentle fellow, would thineself perhaps know where I might acquire a lavender-scented couch speckled with green plaid, bearing the exact dimensions of six by seven by eight?”

“Listen man, I don’t know what friggin’ machine made you, but if you’re looking for the new shipment, a lady already asked for that. It should be in the back, but there’s only one.”

“I see.” The chestnut-haired man turned around, straightened his over-the-top suit, held a finger to his ear, and murmured, “The situation has thusly been compromised.”

He then ran off in a frenzy while trying to act nonchalant.

In the back of the store, he saw her, the lady with the Victorian-era dress, the umbrella-sized hat, and heart-shaped sunglasses. Several employees were around her as she spoke.

“Hello, dearies, could you pleeeease do me the honor of lifting this ever so heavy couch?”

“Four? I should have known my greatest foe would be here!”

“Five, why are you…” the lady started, but seeing the crowd, she stopped herself, flushed, and slapped the man across the cheek. “Why, some boyfriend you are! You’re late!”

The man stood dumbfound, then recollected himself. “Movers, give us some privacy, will you?”

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“Movers, move the couch into my car, now!”

“Movers!”

“Movers!”

Confused, the crowd of movers departed to give the two some space. They stood and said nothing for a good five minutes.

“Fine weather we’re having,” said the lady.

“Fine enough for one to go indoors and begin a conquest for a lavender-scented couch?”

“Oh, yes! I was struck by the inspirational breath of fall!”

“Thou were now?”

“Yes.”

“And thou art speaking true?”

“Yup. T o t a l l y.”

“Why, I do apologize for assuming the worst of you, agent Four. Since you said I am your boyfriend now, I am immensely flattered. I do hope we might still thrive beyond this in our new relationship, and I want you to be made aware that I will seek to…”

“PHSYYYYYCH! I got you, agent!” The lady laughed diabolically.

The man took a shaking step back. “You heartless, conniving witch! How could you…”

“Are you crying?”

“No, my eyes just excrete my inborn awesomeness!!” He sounded like a baby.

“Your what’s excreting your what now? Ew! Get up. You’re bluffing.”

Curled on the floor, he was wailing so loudly now that the whole store could hear him.

“The poor guy. She broke up with him here, of all places,” said one of the workers.

“It’s okay,” said the lady. “It was not my intention to hurt your feelings.”

“Say sorry!”

“What?”

“You heard me. I demanded that thou inform me as to your sorriness level.”

“Um, sorry, I guess?”

The man tried to give a diabolical laugh, but he just sounded like a robot. “You are the one that I have been… gotting. So yeah… take THAT!”

“Oh my!” the lady said in a snooty tone. “In that case, I take it back. I am not sorry.”

“Well, then thou art made aware we are made enemies in the couch conquest?”

“Indeed.”

“And why?” The man’s eyes looked tired.

“What ever do you mean?” The woman’s eyes were drifting to the time that was.

“Why were we made foes all those years ago? Why did you not let me know? Why did you betray me, agent Four?”