Dellromoz watched as his new partner in crime got dressed, pulling on a pair of breeches and stockings, and stuffing its feet into its boots, while muttering to itself about bothersome nobility, being blackmailed by a waist-high criminal, and the difficulties of keeping a hat in good condition while living on the road. Once it was fully clothed, it reached into the burlap bag and pulled out a jewelry box. Opening it, the skeleton removed the glass eyes, popping one into each vacant, slightly glowing socket. Soon, it had added a mask, wig, and spectacles, and Dell would have easily believed it to be a living man if not for the way its lips didn’t move when it spoke. It wrapped a scarf around its neck, obscuring the lower portion of its face. Its disguise was completed when it covered its colorful costume with a watchman’s coat and hat.
It stuffed the rest of its things into the burlap sack, before striding over to the guard station and rifling through the desk. Dell heard a jangling of keys, and the undead walked up to the door of his cell. He stared, still unsure of what was going on, as it tried two keys from the ring before the third unlocked the door. It knelt down in front of Dellromoz, who startled back slightly at its presence. It cocked its head.
“Are you coming, or have you decided to stay here?”
“Who are you?” Dell asked.
The creature reached out with an empty hand, turning it to show Dell both sides. Then it flicked its wrist, and there was a card held between its index and middle finger. Dellromoz, unsure what else to do, accepted the card and read it.
“B. Erasmus Holladay, Adventurer.” Dell read the two lines printed on the center of the card, over a picture of a green feather. “What does the ‘B.’ stand for?”
“Basil. Now, do you want me to unlock that shackle or not?”
“Yes, please.” Dell felt like he’d gone insane as he stuck out his leg and watched the skeleton in disguise try keys in the lock, getting it on the fourth try. “Why don’t you go by Basil?”
“Basil was a lifetime ago, no one who knew me as him would recognize me today. Erasmus is fine.” He replied as he stood back up.
“It is a good disguise,” Dell stated numbly.
“Thank you! So, the plan is simple, as all good ones are. You jump in the sack with our things, I throw it over my shoulder and march up the stairs like I own the place. We’ll go out a window on the second floor, they don’t have bars on them, and we won’t have to go past the guard at the door. We’ll figure out how we’re getting out of town from there.”
“Wait, so are you this ‘Popinjay’ character then? You’re not just stealing his stuff?” Dell had no idea what was happening anymore, and was trying desperately to get his bearings.
“Yes, I am the one people call the Popinjay,” Erasmus replied, “and these are my personal effects. At least most of them are. Well, they all are now, I suppose! I’m calling the extras compensation for my trouble.” The skeletal adventurer reached through the elaborate guard of the basket-hilted sword and gripped the handle, then pulled it from its scabbard and looked over the single-edged blade. “It’ll do,” he said, before sliding it back into the scabbard and affixing it to his belt.
Dell had tuned Erasmus out halfway through the answer to his question and was staring off into the distance.
“While I generally enjoy discussing my exploits, we’ve only got so long before somebody comes down the stairs.” Erasmus knelt next to Dellromoz again and snapped his fingers in front of Dell’s vacant eyes, startling him back to reality. “Now, while I try to be sensitive to the needs of others, I’m going to ask you to keep it together until we get out of here. If you still want to, you can have a mental breakdown afterwards. Remember the plan?”
“Yes,” Dell replied, climbing to his feet, pulling his pack out of the bag and tugging it on. “I get in the burlap sack and shut up, and you do the heavy lifting. I should be able to handle that.”
“Ha!” Erasmus laughed, “What’s your name, little blackmailer?” There was no resentment in his voice, if anything he sounded amused.
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“Dellromoz Kablizzawhack,” Dell answered, “but you can call me Dell.”
“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Dell. What say we get out of here?” Erasmus asked.
They ended up modifying the plan. After a few clumsy attempts to get everything in the burlap sack and allow for the possibility of Erasmus having to do some fighting, and the near certainty of him doing a lot of running, Dell suggested that Erasmus empty out most of his pack and then climbed into it, facing backwards. He cut a slit into the side of the bag, which they then lowered the pack into, pushing the shoulder straps out the new hole in the side. Now, Erasmus could pretend to be carrying the bag by bunching up the top and holding it down over his shoulder, but he could let go without dropping anything and have his hands free. Dell found a hand crossbow with a few bolts among the items Erasmus had seized from the lockup, and held onto it just in case, wrapping a lanyard on the bottom of its grip around his wrist.
Thus prepared, Erasmus shouldered his burden, and Dell did his best not to move or make any noise as the pair began to climb the staircase. Erasmus’s steps were much quieter than Dell had heard from the watch, but if nobody heard them leaving that was fine with him. He held his breath as they reached the landing on the ground floor, but the shouts he was dreading didn’t arrive. Erasmus didn’t pause, and Dellromoz exhaled as he felt them moving upwards again towards the second floor of the watchhouse.
“One at the counter by the door, don’t think she saw us,” Erasmus whispered, his pace steady. Dell felt him reach the next landing and turn. Rays of golden, natural light peeked through his burlap disguise. They must have been passing a window, and the sun was coming up! Excitement warred with anxiety in his chest as he felt Erasmus start up the next flight.
His palms were sweaty, and he slowly rubbed them on his breeches to dry them, careful not to upset the crossbow. In a moment, they reached the top of the stairs. Dell mouthed a continuous, silent prayer consisting of the word “please” over and over again to any god that might be paying attention. He felt Erasmus stride quickly across the floor and pause, followed immediately by the sound of a doorknob rattling. It was locked.
“Hey Claudia, is that you over there? Done with your report already?” Dell inhaled sharply and slapped his hand over his mouth to stifle the panicked scream before it escaped. He recognized the voice; it was the big one named Verne.
“Yeah, I just needed to put a few things away, don’t bother yourself with it!” It had to be Erasmus speaking, the voice was coming from right behind Dell, but it was a perfect imitation of the woman he’d heard in the lockup. Impressed with his co-escapee’s capabilities, Dell allowed himself to think for an instant that they might make it out of here with no one the wiser.
BAM!
Dellromoz heard a door crash open down the hallway, near where he guessed Verne was! “Who in Malgero’s name are you?!” the real Claudia demanded.
She hadn’t even finished her question before Dell was forced to cling to the pack straps as Erasmus spun around.
SMASH!
It sounded like the door's frame had splintered as Erasmus kicked it in with a single blow. Dell felt him stoop as he rushed into the room, and then was jostled by Erasmus throwing something. The sound of a window shattering followed immediately.
“Hang on, my boy!” Erasmus warned, and Dellromoz tried his damnedest to do exactly that, as he felt the adventurer leap out the window, swing around onto the side of the building, and scramble up onto the roof. The two members of the watch thundered into the now unoccupied room, and Dell heard a string of bewildered curses coming from below.
As Erasmus stood up turned about, presumably looking for an escape route, the two inside raised the alarm. Muffled shouts spread throughout the building, though the words “intruder”, “impostor”, and “acrobatic lunatic” could occasionally be distinguished.
“That should do nicely,” Erasmus said, mostly to himself, as Dellromoz was still unable to see anything but the inside of the burlap sack. He felt the disguised skeleton take a few quick steps and slide, landing on his feet on the roof of the first floor, run again, then jump. There was a shout as they landed, but Erasmus’s only response was to keep running.
Their subterfuge having run its course by this point, Dell reached a hand up and pulled the top of the sack down so he could see what was happening. He wasn’t sure what he expected to see, but it was not the sight that greeted him.
Erasmus was holding his stolen hat on with one hand, holding the sword and scabbard against his hip with the other, and practically sprinting along the top of a wooden fence approximately six feet tall, made of vertical planks nailed to three horizontal rails hung on posts driven into the ground. On one side was an empty horse corral, and the other side was the street, complete with a watchman running after them as fast as he could. His billhook was raised as if he was about to throw it, like a barbed spear. The determination on his face morphed into perplexity as he made eye contact with Dellromoz, who recognized the silent watchman from earlier, the one he’d taken to calling “Fighter” in his head.
The watchman seemed to be trying to decide if he should follow through with his throw, so Dell did the first thing he could think of. Raising the hand crossbow, he pointed at the imposing man’s feet and squeezed the trigger. The shot wasn’t close, but his pursuer skipped a step reflexively dodging it anyway. The unnatural movement caused his foot to catch the leading edge of his protective leather coat, which he then stepped on at full speed. He plowed into the ground, the billhook flying away, and skidded to a stop in a heap of leather and limbs. He looked up in time to see Dell make a rude gesture at him before Erasmus leaped onto the thatched roof of a nearby stable, hopped over its peak, and disappeared from view.