I saw a figure sobbing on the ground.
My surroundings were foggy, like deep, troubled water.
Only the figure in front of me was clear.
A familiar woman. With long blonde hair flowing, touching the gray, discolored ground.
« I'm so sorry Sias, I should never have let you go, I should have been there. »
« Mom... » I heard myself say, with a deep, younger voice.
But she wasn't looking at me.
« I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. »
« Mom, I won. »
A young Hailey looked at me.
« What ? »
« This fight, it's my win. »
She looked at the sword pointed at her neck. Her own weapon was nowhere to be seen.
She stared at me with disbelief, then anger, and finally fear.
« Sias! You ! How could you... »
« I'm sorry. But I need your help... »
The scene changed, an old man was looking at me, rare terror inhabiting his eyes. But hatred and anger quickly took it's place.
« You ! How could you do this to us, to me. All that I have given, sacrificed, and that's how you repay me ?! How could you ! »
My grandfather accused.
« Sias, you're a monster. »
My fifteen-year old self answered.
My tone was chilling, like silver and iron incarnate.
« Non grand-père, le monstre c'est toi. »
As I watched his chest being impaled by my mother's sword.
I gasped awake. My nights were rough since my return from the Jourdin estate a week ago. I was back to my family home in Switzerland. My father was thrilled to see me.
He barely commented on my physical changes. I knew he wasn't the kind of man who cared about those things, but still, I found his almost complete lack of reaction strange.
He reacted way differently when I told him I wanted to go back to Japan.
That had been around the dinner table the night before.
« Sias, you're having a forced sex change, assassins tried to murder you and a crazy Mafia boss who's supposedly a black magic practitioner almost scared you and your mother to death. You need to take a break, see a professional, talk about it. Not go back there and live on your own !»
I moved my hair out of the way, it was tickling my face.
« Dad. I don't want to be passive. I want to go back, live my life like I used to, and handle those new, aspects, of myself on my own. Talking about things never helped me. I'd rather train with mother for two days. »
« Are you interested ? » Asked my mother.
« No thanks, I would rather not. » I answered immediately.
She pouted.
My father looked at her like she was doing the cutest thing in the world.
He was the only one I ever saw looking at my mother like that.
She looked back at him lovingly.
Aaaaand they were flirting with each other.
I always forget why I needed to leave this house, but not even seven days with them and their persistent lovey doviness was already unsufferable.
« So no, I refuse, I won't let you go. » Insisted my father, pulling his gaze away from my mother.
« Dad, I'm an adult, you can't refuse me anything. »
« I don't remember you having enough funds to buy yourself a ticket back to Kyoto on your own. »
Damn.
I've been had there. Switching plans to convincing then.
« What if I don't go alone ? »
That seemed to pique his interest.
« That's actually a great idea ! I think your mother wanted to introduce you to one of her students. »
Shit, matchmaking dad just activated.
« I was more like thinking about Fanny and Henry, they always wanted to go to Japan but never had the money. I'm sure you could persuade them to accompany me for a month. »
« What about their work ? »
« Well Henry is a graphic painter, so it doesn't matter. Fanny still can't find anything sooo maybe she'll have more luck in Japan ? »
She was a really good teacher. But known transsexuals around kids, that was a big no no for most parent's associations.
« We could agree on that, but I really would like you to meet Frei. I saw her train, she would make a pretty good bodyguard. »
My mother chuckled at that.
« He... erm... Sias needs a bodyguard ! What if that Kakeshit guy changes his mind. » Insisted my father.
« Sias shouldn't need a bodyguard, she..., urgh I'm gonna have to get used to that... »
Me too.
« ...She wouldn't need a bodyguard if she actually got serious for once, and resumed his, her, training. But Sias, your father is right, Frei is a great girl, and as long as you're refusing to defend yourself, she'll be perfect. »
Wow, actual praises from mom ? Shit I didn't have any choice on the matter then. I tried anyway.
« I managed to handle myself pretty well against two professional assassins, I don't think it's right to say I'm not defending myself ! »
« The last one you didn't handle, you almost got shot. Anyhow, were you ready to kill them ? » My mother asked.
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« Of course not ! »
« You know what I mean then. You'de rather get shot than actually try to save yourself. You can't be trusted with your own protection.»
I looked at my father, but he looked resolutely on my mother's side. As usual.
« What about her ? Why would she accept ? » I tried to reason.
« She's actually looking for a job too, she'll be overjoyed to work as a bodyguard .»
« I'm pretty unbearable, you sure about that ? »
« You're just too smart, and can't shut up about it. She'll make you shut up. » My mother stated.
« I don't think that's the purpose of a bodyguard. »
« Let's say she'll be my employee, and that she will do what I ask her to do. »
« No actually, she'll be my employee, I'll be the one paying her after all. » Intervened my father.
That made him recieve a furious look from his wife.
He shrugged his shoulders, barely looking apologetic.
« Anyway. » He continued « First of all she needs to accept, and you need to talk to Fanny to organize her new unnanounced holidays. »
That idea was pretty scary. I still hadn't told any of my friends about my physical transformation.
« You need to have a talk with Fanny. And if you don't I will. She's the most experienced to help you with your transition. And if you don't talk about it to anyone, you can forget about going back to Japan. If you do, we'll take care of your reinscription in school and the changes in paperwork you're gonna need with your new appearance. Do we agree on this ?»
« Fine. » I felt like sixteen all over again.
I don't know if was because of that feeling of being a teenager again, but those dreams, those old memories resurfaced that night.
It had been years since I last dreamt about my past.
I got out of bed and roamed to my small bathroom.
My father had placed a full body mirror inside it yesterday morning.
« You can't flee from yourself forever. » He told me.
We had went to the doctor the day before.
I didn't feel any different for a few days now.
It was because my transformation had stopped. Well, more like finished.
The doctor didn't understand why I had come, as I was a perfectly healthy looking young woman.
Yeah, as I had horrifyingly realized three days prior to this, everything about my manhood had dissapeared.
We let the doctor believe what he wanted, but asked if we could have a DNA test.
Would there be one or two X chromosomes, that was the new waiting game.
How deep down the rabbit hole did this drug bring me ?
I know DNA change shouldn't have been possible, but my gut-feeling told me otherwise.
My father looked pretty ok about it all, even when I confessed about those fears.
« So ? Is it important ?» He asked.
It was a so obvious yes answer, that his question actually took me aback, and I didn't know what to say.
He had watched my silence, almost dissaprovingly.
And the next day, this full-body mirror had appeared.
I was facing it for the first time this morning.
My old Jaws T-shirt didn't hide much in terms of figure, and my boxers were too tight on the hips.
I looked really hot. My swedish genes apparently expressed a lot of feminity through my new female self.
My face hadn't changed much, but all the angles were now round, and my original boyish looks made me actually look cute now.
I had the sudden desire to flee, like all the other times I had watched myself in a mirror since the change, but something this time stopped me.
I realised it was a mix of curiosity and arousal.
Well shit.
I got excited looking at myself.
Well, you know, I am, well was a boy, so the things I did next were pretty self explanatory.
...
...
Ten minutes later Fanny entered my bathroom without a care in the world.
The mirror hadn't sufficed, my father apparently didn't consider a 24h leeway to call my friends acceptable.
« Sias, you there ? Your father told me you went and got genderben...Oh. »
That must've been the most awkward exchange of stares we ever had.
And that is considering she had shown me her new boobs after a much too alcoholised party, where we fell asleep with them on my face. The next morning wasn't even half as embarrassing as this.
« Erm, wow. » She was too shocked to leave, but apparently not enough to not eye me out. « Sias is that you ? »
« Obviously. Would you be so kind to fuck off? »
That seemed to make her react.
« Yes, of course, erm, sorry about that. » And she left.
I put my pyjamas back on, washed my hands, and entered my room.
My friend was fiddling around with a pen on my desk. She was also bright red.
As she saw me coming out of the bathroom she jumped out of her chair.
« Sorry again Sias, I rushed in without a thought when I heard about it all from your dad. »
And immediately after apologizing she got angry. Great.
« What the hell Sias ! You didn't say anything ! And what's with your message: I've got problems nanana going to Osaka, don't worry if I'm not answering my phone... bla bla. Really ? And then you come back home in a hurry, in a hot smoking body that could rivalise with Miss Skröskind ! What the hell ! » She repeated again. « I'm so jealous ! »
The young woman in front of me looked perfectly normal. No one would guess about her being once male. She had begun her transition really early, when she was thirteen, so you couldn't really tell. We had been friends since we were 12, so I had seen her changes. I knew that from her point of view it was a bit unfair. I also knew she wasn't really jealous, as she looked more worried about me than anything else.
That made me smile.
« I don't think you're supposed to say that last part. »
She bit her lower lip.
« I'm damn well gonna say it. Do you know how much transitioning costs ? How fucking horrible the hormones make you feel ? And you go and do that in a week with no side-effects, and from what I could see, you look like to be a perfectly functional young... »
« Except I didn't ask for it. » That didn't help her calm down.
« Well who wouldn't ask for that... » I didn't like what she was pointing at.
Let us change the subject before she gets out of control !
« Where's Henry ? »Talking about her boyfriend usually worked.
Aaand now she was shouting about her boyfriend being an ass and how he wasn't so worried about me, and how he just said he would come and visit next week, as he had an opportunity in an art exposition this weekend.
Well this failed.
Plan C.
Direct approach.
« Can you stop being such a stereotypical hysterical girl please, I'm not the one who barged inside the bathroom of my best friend masturbating. I should be the one pissed off. »
She was stunned for a bit. Then she laughed, and visibly relaxed.
« You never change. Even with that new piece of ass. You're right though, sorry. » She was looking at my butt a bit too much to my tastes.
« Are you checking me out ? »
She had tastes for both woman and man, but she had never looked at me like that before when I was a man.
« I've always had a crush on your mom, and well, you definitly have her genes. »
« Hey, eyes up here. » I joked. It was nice to know that some things did in fact, never change.
My best friend Fanny. A bit of a bitch, but always there for her friends. Also quite the pervert. It was a miracle how she went a got herself the sweetest boyfriend ever.
She fixed her bright blue dress as a way to stop gazing at me.
« Sorry. So I'm here for the day, your dad let me in, and we're supposed to go shopping. »
« Oh no he didn't. »
« Yes, yes, he even gave me money, like a lot of it. Does working at CERN pay that much normally ? We need to fill your wardrobe with more appropriate things for you to wear... »
She paused, looking at me again, at something on my chest. I could almost see her drool.
As I realized what she was staring at, I actually acted the girliest I ever had. I hid the hardened parts of my anatomy while blushing furiously, and I'd like to believe I imagined the high-pitched yelp that got out of my mouth.
She continued, averting her gaze with percievable effort, and only managing approximatively. Here eyes were coming back to me pretty frequently. She was also refraining a laugh.
Bit of a bitch I told you.
« ...because, male clothings may be really good on you, but it may make you a bit too sexy. I would like it if you didn't seduce Henry,... or me. » She added.
« Fan ! » I shouted, actually getting angry for real this time.
« I think I'll wait for you to get more appropriate clothing on. Then we'll go do some shopping and you'll tell me about that Japan trip your father will supposedly be paying us. »
« Yeah. Now fuck off my room you degenerate macho fakegirl. »
She ignored my insults completely, but started to walk away.
« So does everything work, erm, normally ? »
« Yes. »
« Lucky ! Erm well, in a way, you understand ? » She was looking at me sheepishly now.
My anger fell flat.
« Yeah, yeah, it could be much worse, I know. »
« See you downstairs, I've brought waffles for breakfast. »
And she finally left.
Well I still had a shower to take.
And I had to try to find the most nun-like clothes possible. I wouldn't survive the day with her harrassing me constantly.
But at least there were waffles. The day couldn't get bad after waffles right ?
Right ?