Opportunity and risk

Being left alone in the room, my room now I guess, does not seem logic to me. Why did he leave? Can't he give me hints on what to search for? What do I need to do to sense mana?! You stupid shit!! I take a deep breath, hold it for a few heartbeats, and then exhale. I calm myself and try to organize my thoughts.

The first thought that comes to me is how fucked up all of this is. I am in a world with magic, if all that was not some kind of prank, and I supposedly have some kind of parasitic organism which is sentient. And on top of that, I seem to have been enrolled in a sect after having been thrown as an appetizer to a Lovecraftian horror.

You know what? The best way to cope with all this shit is to act as if everything is okay. I will do just that, because no matter how much I stress myself about this shit I won't be able to make it change.

I take deep breathes and focus on not giving any attention to what could possibly become a traumatism if I am not careful about how I react. But taking care of my mental state right now, despite all the time I should have according to Omegon, is not my principal concern. 'Why?' would anyone ask, because there is MANA! An energy usable to launch spells!

I can't help but imagine myself launching fireballs, lightnings, or whatever magic at anyone who angers me. I know there is little to no chance at all that things works as I imagine them, but the thought still thrills me to no end. I want to be able to do things unimaginable before, I want to elevate myself to heights unreached... But I am exciting myself for nothing.

I need to stay anchored in reality, if I become zealous, I will become someone I would hate. I must not become conceited, I need to stay grounded. I know That I know nothing. I should act with this in mind, being careful about verifying everything. I should listen to what I am taught, all the while staying aware that it may or may not be true.

I once again calm myself, I am way too excited about all that is happening. I need to focus, Omegon wants me to sense mana on my own. from what I understood, the earlier I can sense mana, the better it will be, and the more value I would have in the guild's eye. A good pawn is a pawn you want to keep, in other words, the more valuable I am to them, the more benefits I will have.

Following both the logical thing to do, and my ardent excitement, I focus and try to feel something entering my body. I try to feel anything, I enter a state of deep focus with all of my attention on what I feel. time passes, I scratch myself when I feel itchy, the movement a reflex I am barely aware of. But despite all of my efforts I fail to sense anything special. Yeah, it would have too good for me to be some kind of prodigy.

Minutes becomes hours, at a moment someone knock on the door and enters after I speak. He just enters and places a plate of food on the desk before leaving the room as quickly as he entered it. I manage to get on the stool and eat, I never thought that eating could be so difficult.

I resume my efforts after that, eating when food is brought and relieving myself when the need arises. Just like that a day passes, and the other does so just as quickly. The chamber pot is changed every evening, and Omegon comes everyday some minutes after I awaken. There must be something in here that spies on if I am asleep or not.

On a positive note, everyday I recover a bit more, regaining my strength and independence of movement. I was also brought clothes as mines were destroyed and not hygienic, I am now wearing the same robe as all the guild members. But the best news is that after those 4 days of nearly exclusively searching for mana, I think I can feel something.

It is a weird sensation I can only associate with mana. I found the thing by accident, I tried feeling a part of my leg, and encountered an obstacle. I could not feel a part of my leg, but when I focused a bit more I felt it lake of sensation give way. Once I found this out, I searched for such things everywhere on or in my body. And sure enough I find more areas like that, some move, others does not. It is interesting to feel this lack of sensation respond to the focus I have on it.

When Omegon visits me on the fifth day and I inform him of my progress he seems pleasantly surprised. [You are recovering at a good rate, and if you can sense mana, then you could be able to begin to feel it before your bond awakens!] "What do you mean? I already feel mana, no?" I am unsure and make it known.

[No, what you feel, is the effect of the great quantity of mana invading your body. You sense the mana using the lack of feeling in your body. If you keep probing and searching like that, you will develop a new sense. One that permits you to feel the mana.] Omegon is obviously happy about my results, and he seems enthusiastic about magic.

"You are telling that after 4 entire days of doing nothing but searching for mana, I still need to do more to feel mana?" I am both perplexed and disappointed.

[What? Did you think you could feel mana just like that? Even after I told you some people can never feel it?] He laugh at that. I know he is not mocking me, and yet I still feel a bit of anger.

"Can you give me some hints or tips for this? Or do I need to discover things from the ground up for this too." I say rhetorically.

[If I told you, that could do more harm than good. We keep records, and you can trust me when I say that in the long run it is better to feel things for yourself instead of relying on others' help.]

"Well, that promises to be demanding." [It is, yes.] "And the worst about that is I'm getting bored." Omegon looks at me quizzically.

[It looks to me that you have much to do. Why would you be bored?] It is my turn to look at him quizzically. I was laying on the bed, but now I sit up to emphasize my point. " While I still feel weak, I can walk. And after what you said... I must admit that I lost quite a bit of my motivation."

Omegon stays quiet for half a minute before answering. [If you want to stretch your legs, you can move around, but you will have a guard following you, it could be dangerous.] I am not pleased with this, but I do not show that, I don't change my facial expression at all.

[And if it is another kind of bored, I can always send you a girl.] Now that dumbfounds me, and rise an eyebrow.

I must say, I feel kind of offended. "What, you use slaves? Or are you talking about prostitutes?" I make it obvious that I don't like the idea with my tone. Being abducted and sent to your death is already bad, but they do slave dealing too? That implies many things could happen, and I don't like it at all.

[Neither.] He answers with a bit of harshness. "Then did I assume wrongly or?" I let the question hang, the meaning obvious.

[Yes and no. Slavery is badly looked upon, and prostitution is not something done by any respectable group.]

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

[As I said before, many never actually sense mana. And we have multiple ways to increase their odds, but the more efficient ways are also the most expensive.] Omegon explains to clear the misunderstanding.

"So you offer them to give them a chance to sense magic, but they must first work for you?" I ask to know if my deduction is right.

[Yes, some do not need that much help, and they only have to work for a month or two, but others are totaly oblivious to mana, and need the most potent of concoctions. The work they do and for how long depends on their own talent.]

Omegon makes sense, they work for their future, and if it is the only way for them to access what they want, they are free to choose to do so. But... It seems harsh. "So, if you do send a girl here, you would ask if one is willing to?"

The look on his face becomes a bit uncomfortable. [In the first place, yeah. But if none accept, their is always one or two who made a pact to do anything. So it would not be a problem, it is what they accepted-] I finish his sentence for him: "-And refusing now would nullify their pact, ruining all of their contribution so far."

[... Yes.] I think for a few seconds before coming up with an idea. "May I make a demand?"

[You can make a demand, but depending on what you do demand. I may not have the power to grant it.] He responds. It seems that discussing with him made him more wary of me.

"Using that earpiece to communicate is quite the hurdle. I would like to learn the language you speak." Omegon open his eyes a bit more, seemingly surprised.

[You should concentrate on feeling mana first, learning our language can wait. Do not waste your current opportunity.] he says with authority to his tone.

I look at him as if he is stupid, as if his answer does not make sense. And that prompts him to ask me: [What? Why are you looking at me like that?] I make my expression neutral again.

"Nothing, it is just that it is inefficient." [How so? using what you already have first before asking for something else looks efficient to me.] He says quite defensively, it is evident he has no knowledge about attention span and how memorizing and practicing can be optimized by mixing a schedule. Now I need to make a point if I want to begin learning the language. Let's use half lies, I may seems less capable, but my results will compensate this.

"I already did nothing else than trying to sense mana for the past 4 days. It is becoming both boring and irritating to do it and nothing else. Having something else to work on would help me. And I am quite good with learning new languages, I can speak 7 already. Adding one would not be too difficult for me."

[You can learn it after having sensed mana, focus on this first. Then I will send you someone to teach you. One thing at a time.] He sound a bit angry, frustrated perhaps. But he ignored my points.

"Yeah, that would be good if things actually worked that way." [What?]

"Yeah, I don't work that way. Doing only one thing for extended period of time boring. And I can't even tell if I am make any progress at all. It would really help to have something to change unload stress with. And learning a new language would fit a double purpose here. I can learn it and feel myself progressing with it, while also getting my mind off mana for a bit to better focus on it later. I wont go days without searching for mana, I just want to be able to be as effective I know I can be."

Omegon frowns more and more as I talk, he is evidently not happy with me insisting. "I don't know how you, or anyone here does to learn things. But from where I come from, I am a student, a scholar if you will. I am 23 years old, and began to learn things from when I was 3. For more than 20 years my time was filled with learning new things. I developed ways to better memorize things and how to work on things I do not understand. I know better how I work. Don't project your ideals on me." By the end, my anger is plainly laid in my voice. How dare he think he knows better how I work?! Conceit should have a limit.

[You are daring, are you not?!] He says, my little speech having offended him.

[And what projecting are you talking about? You do not even realize what your standing is, were those few days enough for you to forget what happened?!] I take it back, I think I enraged him. Let's compel some understanding then.

"Oh, I don't understand my standing? Are you so sure about that?" I say with more cockiness than I ever thought I was capable of. "By the way all of you are addressing me since I got our of the pit, it seems my standing is way higher than anyone outside the door." I say while standing up in front of Omegon. I am 1.93 meters tall (6"4'), while he should be around 1.80 m(5"11'). But I do not think that mere height would intimidate him too much.

"I am no fool you know." I tell him, fully confident in myself. "From what you told me, how everyone treats me, and all the benefits I am promised, it is more and more evident you are trying to make me own favors." I was going to continue speaking, but Omegon interrupts.

[So what? Now that you know you have power you don't want to work hard anymore? You want to become one more scoundrel in this world?!]

I look at him with disgust plain to see on my face. "What kind of trash do you take me for?" It takes much of my self control to not just insult him back, but I think can achieve something here. "I just told you I have been studying fervently since I am young enough to learn. How is it that when I ask to learn more you take it as if I asked for a vacation?" I make my voice sound both insulted and baffled. All to make it known that it was not what I wanted from this demand.

[You did say you wanted me to send you a girl, what need do you have to say it for learning our language when I plainly said what her purpose would be?!] I am confused at those words. It make little sense to me why he would act like that if I propose a better... No benefice to end that thought.

"Wait, I want to understand this. You are angered because I want someone to teach me the language instead of just fucking?" Now it is Omegon's turn to look confused.

[What are you saying? Are you trying to shift the fault on me?!] Oh for fuck's sake! Can he think out of the box for a second?!

"You know what? You make no sense, so I will make some: I want you to send someone with materials to teach me your language both in written and spoken form. If you want to send someone I can bang, I won't stop you. That will not slow me down on my search for mana anyway!" I take a big breath of air after having let my frustration in my speech. This conversation is too long and inefficient, and Omegon does not help to fix the misunderstanding.

[And I refuse. You will keep your focus in one place instead of wasting it on frivolous affairs.] "Damn are you annoying!" I say while pinching the bridge of my nose.

"I will say it bluntly, as using metaphors and such things are too much for you. I am growing bored of doing the same thing everyday! My motivation is waning and I need something to work on at the same time. That way I can keep my focus on my work instead of thinking on how to avenge myself for the abduction I fell victim to!"

Omegon does not say anything to that, he just looks at me, his expression severe. "What?" I ask him. "You did not think I would take prejudice against those who cut me from my life and made it impossible to ever see my loved ones again? I have dreams tormenting me for it already, so either I can keep it in by burying myself in work, or you let me run mad!"

[You are a lunatic, are you not?] He says more than asks. "I may or may not be, and that has nothing to do with you anyway. My isolation in this room is torture enough, so you either agree to my demand, or we can find out what I come up with in the future."

[Is that a threat?] "A threat is meant to intimidate, and that is not my purpose. I say this because I know myself, I know how I work and what can ensue. I made my choice, you make yours." I may have been more angered than I thought.

Omegon is obviously perplexed and thinking, he stays that way for 10 long seconds before he does anything again.

[You need to learn to control yourself better, I will send someone to teach you. But know that you are not permitted to do everything you want, and the more you ask, the more you are due to give back.]

I look at him placing back the earpiece and leaving my room. The more I take the more I need to give back, huh? Sure thing, the more one gives me, the more I will give back. You help me, I help you. You hurt me? I will fucking destroy you and everything you cherish, fucking shit..... For the next few minutes I calm myself my insulting the whole guild in my mind.