After everyone returns—which doesn’t take all that long, as we’re nearly the last to arrive—the group departs back to the hideout. This time we’re much more spread out than before, as this group of kids lugging their haul would be extremely hard to make inconspicuous.

It’s easier for the older kids, who can just pretend they are where they’re supposed to be. Even if they look a bit ratty, that’s hardly exceptional in this era. Cleanliness is the domain of true nobility. Or whatever it is here, I still haven’t found anything like the castle for the city lord I expect.

Mairi did eventually let go of my hand, point apparently made. But has refused to leave my side, which works out well enough, as together we do look quite like a poor family returning from the market. I’m fairly certain the way Mairi proudly holds her cheese—like it’s the best treat she’s had in weeks—sells that impression pretty well too. I still can’t make out if she truly likes cheese that much, or if she’s just making a joke at my expense.

When we return to the hideout, there’s a bunch of people already there. Mairi goes off to drop off her cheese wherever they keep these things, then runs off to enthusiastically talk to one of the boys that were with us. This honestly kind of relieves me, since I was starting to wonder how long she’d keep the pretend mother thing up.

However, the moment Mairi is gone, Rhona appears out of nowhere. If looks could kill, I’d combust on the spot. As it is, I feel decidedly like a mouse staring into the maw of a grizzly. “We have to talk,” she practically hisses at me. Then grabs me by the arm, and drags me out of the entrance and into some side alley, where we are alone.

As soon as we are, Rhona whirls on me “What the hell do you think you are doing?!” I raise my hands in defense, as if they could somehow ward off her killing glare, I fumble my words in the face of her animosity. It’s not hard to deduce what she’s so upset about, “Someone saw us. We had to pretend. Or well, at first.” Thankfully, with those words, her million degree expression softens by a few degrees. There’s a chance of talking this through.

“That is no excuse,” she clenches and unclenches her hands, as if not sure what to do with them. As if she very much wants to hit something, someone, me. “That’s, you can’t do that,” she chokes out, her voice lowers to a hiss “Do you… do you know what that child went through?!” The frustrated helplessness in her voice is clear, but so is the anger. I can’t do anything but shake my head. I have no idea what Mairi went through. “Rhona, she was so happy. What was I supposed to do?”

Rhona’s eyes narrow at my words, then she deflates like a punctured balloon. “Yeah, yeah, she would be.” Her voice drops down to a whisper “Her mother, she…” then she inhales, and glances at me, apparently debating whether she should tell me this.

Eventually, she continues, her eyes fixed on some distant point beyond the crumbling walls. “Mairi…” she starts, then stops, swallowing hard. “Her mother would…” the final words register, but my mind has issues retaining the knowledge of them. Her fingers clench into fists in her lap, knuckles white with rage. “The father just watched, sometimes even helped arrange it.” She pauses for a moment, breathing heavily, “She was six when I found her. Sitting alone, wrapped in a bloody sheet,” her voice is almost inaudible now, as if she’s trying force the words out.

For a moment, my mind goes completely blank. Static fills my ears. I taste blood in my mouth, and see Rhona’s mouth move very, very slowly, whatever she is saying inaudible to my ears. Mairi… I see nothing but the shining eyes of the giddy girl as she proudly holds up her prize cheese. The triumph in her eyes as she shows everyone her hand in mine takes on an entirely new meaning. Why me?

I try to stop myself from imagining anything else, but it’s pointless. I was never good at that. The bad, the weird, and the disturbing ideas come whether I want them to or not. This is no different. I try to focus on anything else, on counting sheep, on reciting all the square roots up to a hundred, on… but the images come, and as they do rage like I’ve never known before comes bubbling out of my core.

To some extend it’s surprising to find how much I want to just… end the people in my imagination. They’re not even real, but… similar people exist, even if the details are wrong.

The juice that was resting throughout my body is agitated, flashing, jumping every which way, as if looking for a way out. The mental body that I thought was perfectly overlayed on my real one is… vague, the boundaries shivering, as if under some great strain. It’s hard to focus. My mind is hazy, but I’m certain that if something isn’t done, those boundaries will fail. Something tells me that that would be a very bad thing for my meatsack, and everything in the vicinity.

Even so, I feel tempted to just let it go. It would finally be over, this nightmare that I’ve landed in. I wouldn’t have to, deal with this, this madness, any more. How long is this world going to fuck with me, with the people around me…? I can’t shake the feeling that all this is happening because of me. If I were just gone, maybe everything would be alright?

The realization of what I’m thinking hits me like a bolt of lightning, and I forcibly quell the bizarre impulse. Or maybe it’s more that the realization jerks me out of that strange trance. What the hell was that? Rhona is still moving as through molasses, but at least I seem to have my mind back. This is nothing like my normal juice mode. The rest of the world might as well be frozen. I try to move my own head, but it’s similarly frozen.

Part of me wonders at the magnitude of the effect. How much has time slowed down? Ten times, a hundred? Hundreds? Then I remember what caused it, and the memory of Mairi somehow makes the world come crashing back at full speed.

“We… when we found her she was unresponsive. Didn’t say a word for months.” Rhona grabs me by the shoulders, which makes me realize she’s nearly my height already. “We had to ask around to find out what happened.” she glances quickly in the direction of the camp, at where I imagine Mairi regaling the boys with her cheese nabbing story. “Of course, now she speaks enough for ten, but…”

She pins me with her gaze “She doesn’t let anyone except the little ones touch her, not even me.” her voice conveys how incredulous she is. “But you…” her gaze rest meaningfully on my hand. She shakes her head jerkily, as if to shake loose a thought trapped within. Her voice is not quite hostile any more, but has an undertone of personal sadness “What… did… you… do?”

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So I tell her. How the merchant took me for her mother, how we played that game. How all those people came up to us, and how I tore them a new asshole. How Mairi wouldn’t let go afterwards. At the end of it all Rhona is leaning against one side of the alley, while I rest against the wall opposite. All her anger is gone, and in it’s place is a kind of wonder.

“I can’t believe it,” she says, “All that time, and…” I shrug helplessly. Not like I chose for this to happen. I didn’t know anything about what I was doing, or Mairi’s history. I can’t say it would have changed anything though.

“We’ll just have to make the best of it.” Rhona says as she lets out a weary sigh. Then she slowly looks at me again, and something in her gaze freezes me in place, abandoning my attempt to rise. Her expression is completely flat, emotionless, her voice is filled with a sorrow beyond words, “But if you hurt her with this, after everything that already happened to her,” she pauses for a breath, “I swear to you, there won’t be a place in this world where I won’t find you. And I will tear your spirit from your body and feed it to the fomor!”

I feel a shiver down my spine, and I have zero doubt that she can make good on that promise. Well, the intent, if not the literal meaning. Something in the way she delivers it tells me she’s speaking from experience. I’m suddenly aware that she never told me what happened to Mairi’s parents, and—looking into those frozen eyes—I’m somehow relieved. I don’t feel like I have to wonder whether justice was served.

This whole thing has been surreal, but feeling happy that some people died a painful death is more so. There’s zero regret either. No matter how fucked your life is, there’s things you just don’t do. As a human being you intrinsically know them to be wrong, so people that do them anyway? Well, fuck them.

The dark murderous Rhona is gone nearly as soon as she appeared, and she seamlessly reverts into her usual persona as the caretaker of these children. I wonder which one is the real one? Maybe they both are? She stands up, and offers me her hand as her face splits in a wry smile. The juxtaposition in the way she seems to switch between these personalities scares me a bit, but… I look at Rhona. I think of her as this mother figure, but they’re all damaged, including her.

As much as is wrong with her though, there is also so much right. I can’t help but admire her when I compare us. What have I ever really done in life? Made a bunch of rich guys even richer? What kind of pointless impact has that had on the world? Meanwhile Rhona… well, she’s kinda like Batman. She saves the children and punishes the evildoers. She’s like a fucking hero, and she’s only 16 years old.

“Honestly, thanks.” she says, at the same time I say “You know you…” I trail off, as I realize what she just said, and I can’t help but feel a slight flush creep up my cheeks. I know she has a good reason for that, and I don’t exactly need her validation, but it still makes me happy. I finish my own words, feeling a need to rapidly reciprocate the gesture. “You know you are amazing right.”

I’m unable to contain a smile when this causes her to look down and shuffle her feet. Maybe she doesn’t get all that many compliments as the leader of a band of little brats? I finally grasp her outstretched hand, and she pulls me me up, after which we walk back to the camp.

When we turn the corner, and see the now completed band all together, listening to Iain relate to them the full extent of the haul. I look around for Mairi, but at the same time, can’t help but expand on my earlier statement “I can’t… I can’t do this.” I motion at the whole thing, everyone together around the fire, the hideout. “But you,” I look her in the eyes, not sure what I’m looking for, "you just did.” It’s been just a single morning, but it feels like a whole month has passed.

She clearly schools her features to contain the reaction this time. Clearly unused to this. Well, not like I’m a master at receiving compliments. Just need to say “thank you” and move on.

Calum is facing the entrance, and suppresses a snicker. I look at him, wondering what that could be about, when Rhona suddenly snatches her hand out of mine. Oh. I smirk, and glance over at Rhona, who is unsuccessfully attempting to hide how her face is turning into a tomato.

God, they really are still kids. Calum looks like he’s never going to let her hear the end of this. A glance around shows me that while most of the younger kids and Iain are still distracted, Eilidh, who is standing guard at the entrance, has an extremely self-satisfied look on her face when she looks at Rhona. I can only guess what’s going on there. Mairi is… I take an involuntary step back as Mairi’s small body collides with mine. She tries to wrap her arms around my waist, while she sticks her tongue out at Rhona “Mine!”

Mairi. I’m momentarily unsure what to do, now burdened with the uncomfortable knowledge of what happened to her. Mairi picks up on the change immediately, there is a slight stiffening of her limbs before I turn my brain off and just sink down on my knees to hug her. I can’t contain the tears, and in my peripheral vision I see the others put two and two together. At least the older ones know what Rhona does. Mairi seems surprised by my sudden vehemence, but not unhappy. “Yours,” I murmur into her neck. I want to say something more, but I can’t think of anything that would convey enough of my feelings.

Mairi doesn’t care, and just leans into me, wrapping her arms around my neck. I’m not sure how long we’re like that. I find myself unwilling to let go, but eventually my legs start to cramp, and I lift her up. She’s… well, certainly not light, but not as heavy as I’d expected.

Eventually we both start paying attention to what Iain is actually saying. Or well, maybe Mairi already was, but me? Anyhow, from the little I can pick up before Iain finishes listing everything taken, it seems to have been a shocking success.

Right as his oration ends, I notice Rhona looking at us. I feel like there is a profound regret, and not a little bit of envy in her gaze, but also a large dose of relief. I wonder if I’m just making things up. How could I possibly pick that up just from the way someone is looking at me?

With the stress over food released, we’re all in the mood to enjoy ourselves, so we do, and the rest of the day is some kind of party. Mairi grew fidgety long before I became tired of holding her, apparently having had her fill of lounging around in my arms. I’m starting to believe there was more than a hint of truth to her appreciation of cheese, as she keeps lugging the thing around to show to everyone, though after repeatedly taking and sharing slices only half of it is left by the end of the day.

Exhausted, but eminently satisfied, we all settle down to sleep. A moment after I lie down in my usual spot, a small weight settles against my side, and I glance down to find Mairi has pressed herself against me, her wild hair tickling my arm. She’s warm, almost feverishly so, and I can feel the slight tremor in her body that speaks of exhaustion finally catching up to her boundless energy.

My throat tightens unexpectedly, and I have to blink back a sudden wetness in my eyes. I fear wells up from deep within me. I’m going to fuck this up aren’t I? How can I possibly live up to the expectations? A small voice in the back of my mind tells me that I can’t possibly do any worse than the last wretch that called herself her mother, but comparing myself with that creature feels like I’m diminishing myself somehow.

Fuck, I’m so not ready for children. Sure, I was taking care of them, but I guess somewhere I still felt like they were Rhona’s responsibility. How sad is that? I said I was going to help them, and it should be my responsibility to make it happen.

I look down at Mairi’s tangled mess of hair, and absently stroke it, the girl having fallen asleep while all that went through my mind. Not a minute later, I join her in a deep slumber.