“The Most Glorious History of the Great Leader Comrade Kim Jong-il, Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, the Great Sun of Life, Father of the People and the only Superior Person”
[Translated into English from the original Korean]
Praise be to our Dear Leader, Supreme Commander, Great Man Who Descended From Heaven Kim Jong-il. His strength repels the American invaders and his wise hands hold all powers of the world and cosmos, as he is chosen to lead the destined people of Korea and all the peoples of the Earth in glorious revolution and conquest.
The Brilliant Leader Kim Jong-il was born on the sacred Mount Paektu at the Paektusan Secret Camp, headquarters of the fighters for Korean freedom, on 16 February 1942, an auspicious day that is now celebrated across the globe. His father was legendary anti‑Japanese hero General Kim Il Sung and his mother was war heroine Kim Jong Suk. He carries forward the courageous blood of the Mangyongdae family. At the time of his birth an Aurora of every colour filled the heavens over Paektu Mountain and in particular the log cabin where was born Beloved and Respected Leader Kim Jong‑il. When the soldiers at Paektusan Secret Camp saw the sky shifting with incredible light they fell to their knees and tears streamed down their cheeks with joy, for they knew they had been called to witness the future saviour of the Korean people. After 10 days the Magnificent Aurora faded and the revolutionaries saw that there remained two rainbows and a new star in the sky, and a swan flew down to herald a general who will rule the Earth. The news of the birth of Guiding Sun Ray Kim Jong‑il spread rapidly by word of mouth throughout the country like a legendary tale, and on learning the fact the enemy became concerned and tried to supress the public excitement at the news of the heaven‑sent boy.
The Fate of the Nation Kim Jong‑il was the first superhuman and is the first and only Superior Human, born with the incredible natural aptitude inherited from his father, the divinely ordained Supreme Leader Kim Il Sung, as well as the blessing of the true Magnificent Aurora. From the moment of his birth the Sun of the Communist Future Kim Jong‑il wielded all powers imaginable, and all who looked upon him wept in joy and disbelief. From three weeks of age he learned to walk in the rustling forest amid howling snowstorms of the mountain, and though he could fly and change the weather he did not melt the snows nor cause the trees to bloom for to do so would allow himself comfort while his people continued to suffer. From only eight weeks of age he spoke articulately with outstanding intelligence and wisdom, and great scholars of Marx and Socialism travelled great distances to hear the child the Wise Leader Kim Jong‑il speak unprecedented insights into the truth of the movement and their struggles for freedom.
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Since the moment of his birth his love for peace and his vision for humanity have been without precedent. Although many patriots have begged him to use his abilities, which are more powerful many times than nuclear weapons, to scour all invaders from the Korean lands, the Shining Star of Paektu Mountain Kim Jong‑il has refrained from doing so, for as true Father to the Korean people even now he wishes to avoid his children’s bloodshed, even those taken in by the duplicitous foe. But in 1963 in his twenty‑first year very thin waned his patience, and Fate of the Nation Kim Jong‑il turned to the sky and proclaimed that the time had come for all people to rise up and throw off the yoke of imperialist tyranny. With a shout of “Aim High!” he called into existence a golden Aurora which blanketed the world, and all who looked upon it knew in their hearts that it was the work of the Sun of Socialism Kim Jong‑il. Thus did the Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love Kim Jong‑il share his powers with the Earth, and in doing so make his position known as the one true Superior Human.
To count the powers of the Guarantee of the Fatherland's Unification Kim Jong‑il is to count grains of sand amongst the desert. He has all powers ever seen and ever known and even more he keeps hidden from even his most trusted friends, for he knows that when he unleashes them all who witness will cower and flee in fear. These abilities are powers he was born with, not weak imitations stolen by empath thieves, and indeed the presence of the Supreme Commander Kim Jong‑il has prevented any empaths from ever being born amongst the true Koreans of the Democratic People’s Republic. When he learned of the fascist Nazi Klaus Heydrich, Iron-Willed Commander Kim Jong‑il narrowed his eyes and spoke into the mind of hte pale imitation, ordering the tyrant surrender or face justice. After seven days of Heydrich’s pleading the patience of the Ever‑Victorious Kim Jong‑il expired, and so he pointed to the sky and uttered a single devastating word. So great was the strength of Unique Leader Kim Jong‑il that Klaus Heydrich and everything for many miles around him was immediately destroyed, a sign to the world of Bright Sun Kim Jong‑il’s incredible power and the true consequence of defying his will.
The Beloved Great General Kim Jong‑il holds all records for superhuman speed and strength and is a natural champion of all sports. His scientific innovations and transcendent writings fill more than 10,000 books and he is recognised by every institution as the greatest artist, musician and composer to ever live. His films and operas are penned with such talent that they are forbidden to be shown in theatres and cinemas in Europe and America, for they so completely eclipse the works of other jealous authors that they elicit tears and revolutionary fervour in audiences in the feeble‑minded West. He subsists only on a single spoon of flour‑gruel each morning and two dewdrops from a leaf, and has never known fear or illness. He does not breathe, nor does he defecate.
Glory to Dear Leader Kim Jong‑il! Glory to the Workers’ Party of Korea! Glory to the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea! Down with all false prophets of power! Down with the imperialist dogs!