I have been questioning my life for a long time, I don't know what to do with my life, I have spent it locked in my room, I go out for obligation, the constant criticism of other people consumes me, and more when I am the one who criticizes myself the most, most people say that they are processes of life, that everything happens and changes, everything improves... fucking toxic positivism, being a man complicates things even more, you can't feel for fear of how to say or act before others.
As funny as it sounds I really don't know if reincarnations exist, I have spent much of my life reading many comics, manga, or manga full of stories about guys who reincarnate into their dream worlds, sometimes I stare at the ceiling wondering what it will be like to live in a world of magic, fantasy, something medieval, to start over and know how to make your life not be complete crap, I connected so much to the characters but I didn't identify with any of them, because their lives weren't real, their pasts weren't real, because who are we going to fool, it's just my imagination and that doesn't happen to real people, they didn't have a real life before their reincarnation.
When I was a child I liked to believe that there were different worlds connected, I always thought that when you died in this world, if you were lucky enough you would be reborn in one of the other worlds, worlds where there are dragons, heroes, magic, gods, or even demons, my mother told me that it was a great and nice idea of what awaits us after death. Still, it was not real, that in this world the only thing that does not expect was heaven or hell (she was quite religious the truth), what would she think of seeing her son full of constant demons in his head?
Because that was the only real thing, the only thing that mattered, to survive this shitty world of constant war, pollution, violence, criticism. My fear grew to the point where I was no longer looking for anyone to share with.
I wonder what my life would be like if none of this had happened, it's been 30 years of my life and I'm still someone who can't get a job, someone who only wants to play video games, someone without a partner or friends, nor... family.
I would have liked to live better or at least be happy in these last years, the funniest thing about this is that I never believed in the idea that you see your life pass when you are about to die, I thought that you did not have time to see everything, or that was what I thought, until now, when I see how a truck is approaching me at high speed and I can't move, maybe it's my punishment for the miserable life I had, perhaps the best or worst death they can give me, at least I hope the girl who was in the middle of the road managed to get out of the range of the truck, I don't know if my weak arms could push her far enough before the impact.
If there is a God that pleases at least that my last moments alive were not a loss, that at least I could die as a hero, like those heroes I always dreamed of growing up with or being... a hero for that girl...
I don't see the truck anymore, only its blinding headlights that tell me it's time to rest, the time for my death...
Where am I, am I still alive, did I survive, I feel a little cold and my body feels wet, a loud noise deafens me, and there are screams, alarms, and... roars. I must get out of here, if I scream maybe someone can help me... what? I have something in my throat, it's a respirator, I can't talk, I'm underwater... no, this is different, it's something a little more dense, like a gel, it's hard to open my eyes, but I can still perceive an intense blinking red light, my movements are limited, I don't know how I got here, the only thing I remember is the blinding light of the truck and... the silhouette of a man in front of me in that last second...
OF COURSE!!!! Maybe that man... he brought me here, to this place, my memories are a little blurry, the only thing I remember is that his face was impossible to observe due to the radiant glow he gave off around him, or maybe it was just my imagination, whoever he is, I need someone to give me an explanation if only I could talk to someone, to anyone to explain to me what happened after the accident, SHIT, someone must have the answers.
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I must not get upset, there must be a way to get out of here, first and foremost, what is this place, it doesn't look like a hospital, there are machines everywhere, and it looks like I'm in a capsule in a science fiction laboratory, only there are no people here, there is only noise. My eyes are already a little used to the liquid, so I have more vision of my surroundings, all the screams and noises come from behind the door in front of me, I need to get out, I need answers, I need to find someone to help me, although the small spaces do not bother me since I used to live locked in my room, this is very different, I can barely move.
I've never felt claustrophobic before, my heart increased its speed, I've never felt my heartbeat at such intensity, I have to get out, the noise intensifies, the voices won't shut up, my head is going to explode, I have to do it now or it will lose consciousness, the little I have will disappear, I need to concentrate, fast, open your eyes come on, shit! react shitty body.
Somehow I feel that my life depended on this, I can move my arms now, my fingers touch the cold glass that separates me from the outside, and my body recovers its strength little by little, the glass began to crack where I touched, I don't know how I did it, but the glass shot out and the gel began to come out of the capsule in which I was, I fell in such a way that my knees and the palms of my hands touched that wet floor full of glass.
I thought I was going to have my knees and hands cut, but I feel no burning, no pain, and no bleeding, how lucky I must be, I must try to stand up, I feel tired, almost as if my muscles are heavier than normal, my body has no wounds from the accident, how long have I been here, why am I here?
Finally, I can feel my arms and legs, and what is more important, I can move more and more, although I can't walk very well yet, I can stand up, I have to find a way out soon, something is not right here, I have a bad feeling about all this, something is happening in this place.
It is incredible the amount of computers and cables of all sizes that there are, apparently all connected to the capsule where I was trapped, it seems like these typical science fiction movies where they experiment with aliens or raise an embryo from scratch, it looks like a movie place.
Although the noise was still very intense even closer heard a kind of heartbeat, and agitated breathing, for a moment I thought it could be me, but something fell from the table that was in the corner of the room, a table where in its lower part a silhouette of something was appreciated, I inspected the room with my eyes and when my sight gets more accustomed I only see a person with a surprised face and paralyzed looking at me, he was hiding under the table suddenly because of all the commotion behind the door, although it takes me a while to understand it now that I think about it those heartbeats are his, how is it possible that I can hear his heartbeat at high speed and a constant whisper that was “it's not possible, it's not possible, it's not possible”.
“Hey buddy, could you tell me what is this place?”
I approach carefully for fear of an unexpected reaction due to his hysteria.
Suddenly, his gaze changes to an expression of disgust and repulsion towards me and he expresses himself with a shout.
- “YOU MONSTER YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!”- shouted the scientist
His response is not at all what I expected, that's not what a doctor would say to his newly recovered patient.
“Hey calm down, I don't know what's going on or where I am, if you help me with that I'll get out of here as fast as I can without causing you any trouble.”
The pain in my ears doesn't stop and his screams don't help, but I am aware that this man looks like he would rather die than help me, and I'm not wrong, it doesn't take him even 5 seconds to pick up a piece of broken glass from the floor and point it directly at me holding it with both hands.
His body showed a clear reaction of fear at any approach I made.
“I won't do anything to you, I promise, I just want guidance from where I am, what is this place, why am I here, what happened to the girl I moved out of the way of the truck, or just tell me where the exit is so I can go home.”
I said it as if someone was looking forward to me going home, how pathetic it all sounds.
His Heart was going so fast that I felt that at any moment he was going to fail and come to a screeching halt, but ironically it was fear that prevented him from doing so.
With slow, terse steps that showed a clear lack of intention to hurt him, I grabbed his hand and with it the broken piece of glass that he was holding so desperately and forcefully that his blood was running down his forearm.
“Relax, I won't do anything, okay? Just tell me where I am.”
The settling of his head and the slowing of his heartbeat at last gave way to real conversation.
“y-you shouldn't be here b-boy, it's going to blow up the whole complex, run away before the whole system collapses.”- said the scientist.
“I understand, how can we get out of here?”
The man finally stands up and walks with fear he approaches the door trembling, his fear makes it look like he is having a hard time walking.
“boy the only way out is behind this door, but the way out is not the problem, the problem is.....”-said the scientist.
A deafening noise of an explosion along with a strong tremor, shakes the whole place, I fall back to the ground because I don't have that much balance yet.
“Sir, are you alright?”
Silence floods the room after such a tremor, looking up I was stunned by the sight.