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The next morning Abe awoke to a horrible row.
“Blake, my dear friend, you couldn’t be more stupid!” Lars was shouting.
“More stupid than what?!?”
“I’ve got ears on them. They don’t know where we are. Why would we risk being identified?”
“Ears aren’t the same as eyes!”
“Unseen ears are better than seen eyes!”
“We gotta make contact!”
“WE ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GOTTA MAKE CONTACT!”
Blake roared, “WE ABSOLUTELY DO!”
“You’re stupid, Blake: stupid, stupid, stupid.”
Blake took a deep breath to shout over Lars, but thought again, and said, quietly, “Oh, never mind. It’s no use. You’re worse than my wife.”
The teenagers looked on with wan faces, distressed that their older counterparts were in such a disagreement. Abe noticed that Sano scowled at Blake.
Abe said, “This is just like the first episode of the final arc in Season One of The Morose Alpaca. Abigail wanted to follow the river back to the village, and Nami wanted to take the bridge across the river to the capital city. Abigail started to cry, but Nami was tired of that ploy, so she started yelling at Abigail. Abigail reminded Nami that there were vicious mah-squirrels along the roadway to the capital—”
Lars held up his hand. He was taking a sip of chaga tea. “I blew out my voice,” he said. “Blake, I’m real sorry to have called you stupid.”
“Damn right,” said Blake.
“This josei of yours,” Lars said to Abe. “It has vicious magical squirrels?”
“Well, you have to understand that they didn’t know about the king-wizard yet, mostly because it was revealed in a later OVA, but, yeah, k-w was functioning as a conduit to the underworld via a curse that was put on the old temple during his grandfather’s reign. In an accident involving some innocent acorns, he turned the red squirrels of the region around the capital into eternal demons. They can’t reproduce, but you can’t kill them, either. So, since they don’t need to eat acorns, seeds, and nuts anymore, there wasn’t propagation of certain wild plants and trees, on the one hand, which affected the economy of the capital, bringing social unrest, and, on the other hand, the mah-squirrels were bored, and they made sport of harassing and killing unsuspecting travelers.”
“Take a breath, would you, Abe?” Lars said, chuckling.
“It’s a great anime,” Abe said, defensively.
“Sounds like it is,” Lars said, “but right now I need to get things ironed out with our fearless leader here.”
“Well, we could operate a bit more democratically,” Jason said, interrupting.
“What, like a representational house?” said Blake.
“Yeah,” said Umezawa. “You’d be the Prime Minister.”
“Pff…” said Blake. “A parliamentary style government? I should think Canada has taught us what a disaster that can be.”
“Oh, like American governance comes off without a hitch,” said Jason.
“It’s not supposed to,” said Blake. “It’s supposed to leave us the hell alone.”
“So you wanna be Speaker of the House?” said James Thurgerson.
“As long as I get to set the agenda,” Blake said. “I think I’d like that arrangement.”
“Is everyone agreed to that?” James Thurgerson asked. “I put it to the House, as Sergeant-at-Arms, is the question resolved that Blake Hunter shall be our Speaker?”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“Funny you should mention Canada, though,” Jason said.
“What?” said Blake.
“All in favor?” James Thurgerson said.
In unison the party voted, “Aye!”
“Any opposed?”
“Nay!” said Umezawa. The party groaned. “Aw…” he said. “It sounded funnier in my head.”
“So set the agenda already,” Lars said.
“All right, listen,” said Blake. “We really need to lay eyes on our adversaries. Is it two people? Is it twenty people in two parties? A hundred? Who’s looking for us? Government? This …uh… conglomerate that gave us Jim here?”
“I can’t think of anything stupider,” Lars said.
“Order!” James Thurgerson shouted. “As parliamentarian here I will have the Sergeant-at-Arms throw you out on your cold ass if you don’t debate according to the rules of the House.”
Lars looked at James Thurgerson with a smirk. “Well, all right, smarty-pants. Go ahead and tell us the rules.”
“Right,” said James Thurgerson. “As for Blake, he has presented before the House a motion to send a party to look for our adversaries. As Speaker he cannot actually make the motion that we do so. It has to be one of us.”
“Oh, right,” said Jason. “I remember this from high school. I so move.”
“Great!” said James Thurgerson. “Now, the nex—”
“You idiot,” Lars said to Jason.
“Would you SHUT UP,” James Thurgerson declared. Umezawa started laughing.
“No, this is just the dumbest thing since the Treaty of Versace,” Lars said.
“Versailles,” said Jason.
“That was the joke,” said Lars. “Idiot.”
“Not a very funny one,” Jason said, scowling, adding an epithet: “Hick.” Lars grinned.
“It is not dumb,” said James Thurgerson.
“It’s a way for every voice to be heard,” Jason explained.
“Listen, I don’t want every voice to be heard,” Lars said. “Leave it to the experts.”
“Fine,” said James Thurgerson. “MISTER SPEAKER, will you entertain an alternate motion from the floor to withdraw your motion?”
“I’ll allow it,” said Blake. “With magnanimity.”
“The minutes will reflect your magnanimity,” Jason said. “I’ll be secretary. And I also move to withdraw the original motion for the one from the hick.”
“Right,” said James Thurgerson. “Now, Lars, the Speaker will open the floor to debate.”
“Don’t we need a second?” said Jason.
“No, not really,” said James Thurgerson. “Not in such a small group such as ours. Besides, if we are sharply divided, we’ll just fight it out anyway.”
“See what I told you?” Lars said to Abe. Abe nodded.
“The Speaker recognizes Lars Malraven,” said Blake. “You have the floor for two minutes.”
“Oh, okay,” said Lars. “Look, I think we should not go looking for our adversaries for the sim—”
“That is not the question before the house,” James Thurgerson said. “You’re talking about expertise now.”
“Oh,” said Lars. “Ohhhhh…I get it now. Uh…okay, then. I guess I really am just a dumb hick. Here’s my point. Look, man, you all, me and Blake here know our way around a wilderness pretty good and such. I think him and me should figure it out betweenst ourselves.”
Sano said, “Yes, we could hear.”
“We don’t agree with you, Lars. You two can’t figure it out because you’re both numskulls,” Jason said.
Abe felt himself becoming agitated.
“All right then,” said Lars. “If that’s the way you feel, I’m not going to be the one to thwart the will of the people. I just think it’s dumb to let inexperienced people make decisions like this.”
“Oh, come on, Lars,” said Blake.
“Ah!” James Thurgerson interjected. “The Speaker cannot speak to the question.”
“But it involves me!”
“You gave up that right for the gavel.”
Blake glowered. “Fine,” he said. “As long as Lars agrees to let the vote stand.”
“I hereby agree.”
“So, any other debate?” James Thurgerson asked.
“Yeah,” said Umezawa. “I mean, we have the superpowers. We know how to use them, Jason, Abe, and I. We should definitely have a say in the matter.” He blushed red, looking at the party members. “I mean, right?”
“That’s what the vote is for, Ume,” said James Thurgerson.
“I think I trust Lars,” said Abe. “He’s been rock solid for us so far.”
Blake thought to speak, but swallowed his words.
James Thurgerson, reading Blake’s objection, spoke, “I do believe we might want to remember that we encountered a helicopter the last time Lars led an expedition.”
“Yeah, and I learned from that mistake!” Lars shouted.
“Keep your cool,” James Thurgerson warned.
“The last time I led an expedition, I found two radio signals, I’ll remind the House.”
“Yeah,” said Abe.
There was silence.
“Any others?” asked Blake. “Can we take a vote now?”
“Yes.”
[https://embodimentandexclusion.files.wordpress.com/2023/09/chapter-25.jpg]
“All right, all in favor of…what was the motion? To withdraw my thing for Lars’s thing, say ‘aye’.”
Abe and Lars voted for the motion. The rest were opposed.
“Motion fails. Now back to my thing, right, Jim?”
James Thurgerson nodded.
“Okay, I think we were about to debate that. Lars? You have an objection to the motion to go find our adversaries?”
“They don’t know who we are, besides the fact that we got Jim-Bob, here,” said Lars. “As far as our number, our makeup, our armaments, and our powers: they’re in the dark, and it’s best to lay low to let them keep guessing.”
Sano spoke, “We shot down their helicopter.”
“There is that,” said Jason.
“We also know they’re actively looking for us,” said Umezawa. “I think it would be nice for you experts to ascertain what modes they’re employing.”
The party stared at Umezawa.
“What? Why are you looking at me?”
“Say,” said Lars, “that’s a good point. I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Because you wouldn’t stop calling me names,” said Blake.
“Mr. Speaker, I’m warning you,” said James Thurgerson.
“What?” said Blake. “He did!”
“You deserved it!”
“Shut up, both of you!”
Sano giggled prettily.
“Fine,” said Blake. “Is there any more debate?”
Well, Stoic, these proceedings did not yield to physical violence. Not yet, anyway.
“Then all in favor of the motion to go find our adversaries, say ‘aye.’”
Vox populi, Stoic, even if it’s stupid, is vox dei.
Lars led the vote, saying, “Aye!”
Never mind, Stoic.
Blake frowned. “All that…”
“If you weren’t so hard-headed, I’d have come around to your way of thinking eventually,” Lars said.
With a grunt and a sigh, Blake turned from Lars and began to assemble his gear. “Who should come with me?” he asked.
“Me and Abe should go with you as radio ops.”
“Jim should stay out of sight. That makes him easy; he can keep maintaining the bower.”
“I’m more used to mountain traverse than the rest,” said Sano. Jason glowered.
“That’s right,” Blake said. “By the powers invested in me by the …uh… Jim? What should we call this assembly?”
“The Bowers That Be,” he said.
“No. That’s too stupid,” Blake said bluntly.
Umezawa laughed and said, “The Fellowship of the Nine.” The party laughed. He beamed.
“That’s not too bad, Ume,” said Abe. “Something else along those lines, maybe?”
“Hm…” said Umezawa, thinking. “I know! The Unexpected Companions!”
“All in favor?” said Blake.
By acclamation, they accepted the name for themselves.
Blake continued, “By the powers invested in me by The Unexpected Companions, I charge Jason and Ume to continue making soap.”
“Good grief!” said Jason. “We made a year’s worth last night. How much are we going to need?”
“Fine,” said Blake. “You’re the craft committee for the home well-being of the Companions. How’s that, then?”
Jason agreed with his mouth, but his eyes glowered.
“You okay?” said Blake, pulling on his outer shell. Sano helped get it draped properly down his back.
“Fine,” snapped Jason. “I’m just hungry.”
The search party packed emergency gear, some water, some elk, some bear, and they were off.
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